Chapter 23 Recovering
~Ike~
We all sat there, almost to numb to move, Zac was still embracing Tay, Mom and Dad were crying, I was so numb my body almost felt dead, I looked up when the door opened and the girls were standing there with Brianna, Kiley looked over at Zac and Tay, looking at them sadly.
"Come in girls it is ok, let me see my granddaughter." Mom told Kiley, she walked over and handed her to her.
"She is looking more and more like Zachary everyday." Mom said to her.
I really think that Zac and Tay were never going to let go of each other, as I reached over and put my hand on Tay's shoulder, and he took my hand in his and pulled me to him.
"God Ike please never ever say you failed me and Zac, you were always there and it was a busy day and you were so tired." He said to me gripping me tight.
"Tay, do you think we should fill the girls in on what is going on..so they know what is up?" Zac asked shaking so bad his knee's were knocking even sitting.
"When I leave the room so they can't see me you can fill them in, I just can't face anyone right now, Mom and Dad, can you please take me to the room?" Tay asked them not once looking up from the floor.
"Sure sweetie, lets go maybe we can get something to eat." Mom said as she got up to take Tay in her arms, loving him with all she had.
"I am sorry girls for this, I will get better but til then I just can't look at anyone." He told them.
They grabbed their stuff and Zac walked them to the door, he reached over and hugged Tay to his chest. "I love you Taylor, Never forget that." Zac told Tay.
"I won't, and I will get better I promise, I love you too Zac." He told Zac.
They walked out the door, I just sat there not knowing where to start as I looked up at Zac, who ran into the bathroom really fast...I knew he was getting sick and in 2 seconds I could hear him throwing everything up from his stomach, I felt the same way.
"Can someone please tell us what is going on...for Zac to be sick it has to be bad..." Jade said looking into my eyes, taking my hand into hers. "Please baby talk to me." She asked.
"Oh god Jade something terrible happend to Tay when we were kids, he has carried that around with him for 9 yrs, no wonder he broke..I would too, Me and Zac just need time to soak this in!" I told her.
Soon Zac came back out of the bathroom, pale, crying as Kiley walked over and pulled him into her arms. "I love you baby, talk to me sweetie." She told him.
" I love you too, I am going to say one thing..if anyone comes near Brianna that I don't feel comfortable with, I will kill them." He said looking down at her in the crib as she slept.
"OMG Zac, tell me what happend please." Kiley started to cry.
He took her hand and they joined us on the couch, we knew it was time to tell them what happend to Tay.
"When we were in California 9 yrs ago, recording Middle of Nowhere, one of the road crew came into our apt, as Tay was sitting alone...in his boxers...God he was only 13!! I started to cry harder as Jade pulled me into her arms, I looked over at Zac and asked him to finish.
"The road crew guy molested Taylor, he raped him! and after raping Tay he told him if he ever told anyone, he would come back and do the same thing to me, so he kept this all bottled up for 9 yrs to protect me from being hurt." Zac said grabbing Kiley and falling into her arms.
"OMG, Poor Taylor!" Jade said crying.
"That is why he turned to the drugs, he was hurting, he was affraid it would happen to Ezra, he was just scared and alone!" Zac explained.
We all just sat there crying, not believing this happend to Taylor, he always seemed to have it all together and now I realize most of the time he was faking for us! for the fans! I just wish I could take all his pain away. He was so innocent when he was 13 never even really looked at girls, getting the album and the video out was making him so happy...and then this asshole took it away from Tay, I just had a feeling my dad was going to find out who this person was, and was going to take of this once and for all!
~Tay~
I can't believe I finally told someone what happend, I just pray that my family stays safe, feeling down inside that I had to call Nat and make sure Ezra was ok and that she was ok too! I am so worried about my son!
"Tay, are you ok sweetie?" Mom asked me coming over to sit with me.
"I really want to call Nat, I worry that something is going to happen to Ezra mom, I worry about him so much, I never want him to feel this pain, I will kill someone if they ever touch him!" I told her. "I love my son with all my heart, and I will protect him." I told her.
"I Know hunny and this has not helped matters. I am glad that you told us about this so we can help you!" She told me, pulling me into her arms where I knew I was safe, wishing silently that those arms would have been there when all this happend to me.
"Mom can I ask you something?" I asked her.
"You can ask me anything Jordan, you know you never have to be affraid to talk to me." She told me kissing my cheek.
"Was it something I did to make that man do that to me? I really wish he knew how much he messed my life up! here I am in a hotel room without my wife and son and why? cause I didn't know how to handle all this." I said starting to cry again.
"Oh sweetie, you did nothing, you were innocent, he was sick and I am sure that he will pay for what he did! and I really think Nat and Ezra being away is a good thing right now baby so that you can get yourself better." She said to me.
"I know but mom, there are times I am not happy with her either, but then there is my son. I would walk off the face of the earth him, so I grin and bear the marriage thingand all it is doing is making me hurt inside and I know it has to hurt her too." I told her.
"Jordan, if you are not happy then you need to change things, Ezra is always going to be your son, no matter what you do, you will always be a roll model for him." She said, making me feel pretty good about things.
I Knew I had alot of thinking to do and I had to do it with a clear mind, so I know that the drugs are no longer sometihng I need, what I need is to put my life back in presepective.
"I am going to call Ike and ask him and Zac to come over for a sec." I told her, knowing what would help get me grounded.
"Ok sweetie I am going to turn in and get some rest, I love you sweetie." She said huggin me.
"I love you too mom. Good night." I told her and then she went into the room to bed.
I picked up my cell phone and called them. "Hey Ike? Can you and Zac come over for a sec, I need to talk to you both for a min."
"Sure we will be right over bro, Tay? are you ok?" Ike asked me.
"Yeah I am feeling a little better." I told him.
"Ok talk to you in a second." Then we hung up the phone.
5 mins later there was a knock on my door, "You guys can come in." I told them, They walked into the room and I could tell they had both been crying for awhile their eyes were all blood shot and puffy.
"Hey guys, sorry to bother you, but I need to talk to you about somethings." I told them.
"Go for it Tay, and you never bother us." Zac said smiling at me.
"Ok, well I think we need to get back on the road, I have alot to go through and sitting around is not going to help me any. I have made some decissions about things in my life, starting with my marriage and Ezra. I am not happy in my marriage, I only was holding it together for Ezra, but like mom said I am always going to be part of his life, and I can't keep doing this, it isn't good for me or Nat or most of all for Ezra, so I am going to tell her that I want to a seperation." I told them.
"Wow Tay, why didn't you ever talk to us about this? If your not happy you don't stay it will only make matters worse for all involved." Ike told me.
"I know, but when you both found your ladies, it made me realize that maybe I could make mine work, but it isn't working and I am miserable!" I told them.
"Then do what you have to do, we will be here for you and support you in whatever you do Tay." Zac told me comeing over to hug me, Just then I realized what a wonderful family I have and how much I am loved.
"I will get some tours together with dad in the morning and yeah I think it is best for all of us if we don't just sit around." Ike said to me.
"I Love you guys so much! I wouldnt know what to do if you weren't with me." I said to them smiling. "And Ike, Thank you for following me and finding out what I was doing, I needed that support." I told him huggin him.
"Any thing for you Tay!" He smiled.
"Ok well I have to turn in cause I have a 6 am alarm clock that don't like to be kept waiting." Zac said making me smile...he is such a wonderful dad, I really wanted to be there for Ezra, I think I am going to ask Nat to let him come back out here.
"Ok bro, you sleep tight and give Kiley a hug for me and Brianna a kiss from her uncle." I told him.
"You betcha dude, and Tay? I love you too man." Zac told me smiling.
"Yeah I should scoot so I can get these tour dates together for dad to call and set up tomorrow, and I love you too bro very much." Ike said hugging me one more time.
"Night Ike, and tell Jade hi and that I love her."
"I will do that, gnight Tay."
Soon they were both gone and I decided to call Nat and see about getting Ezra, I found myself dialing her number, kinda nervous what to say to her.
"Hello" She answered.
"Hi Nat, its Tay."
"Hi Tay what do you need?" She asked.
"I was wondering if there was a way that Ezra could come back out here with me for a bit,I want to spend some father son time with him." I asked her as she got really quiet.
"Taylor? This is over for us isn't it? I can tell by the ton of your voice you dont' want me in your life anymore." She said as she started to cry.
"I am sorry Nat, I haven't been happy for awhile now, but wanted to hold this together for Ezra but it isn't doing either of any good by doing that, I know you could tell that I have not been happy, I have not been very good to you." I told her.
"I know Tay, I have felt this for awhile now too, I could feel us pulling apart and I just couldn't get it back." She said sniffling.
"You will always be special to me Nat, we have a wonderful son together, that is something that will bond us together forever." I told her.
"I know Tay, and I will put him on the next flight out tomorrow, I can call the airlines and book a flight for him." she said to me.
"I am going to see if Jess will meeet you at your mom's and bring him here since mom and dad are here and the other kids are with grandma." I told her.
"Ok Tay just call me with all the information." She said to me.
"I will..and Nat, Thank you for letting me have him."
"He is your son Taylor,I wouldn't keep you from him."
"Thanks, I will call around and get a flight and Jessica and I will call you tomorrow morning." I told her.
"Ok Tay, good night."
"Good night Nat."
WE hung up and I felt this wave of releif flow over me, I laid my head down on the pillow on the couch and fell asleep.