tbbt fic: But Now I'm Found [2/2] + fic art
Title: But Now I'm Found
Pairings: Leonard/Penny, Leonard/OC
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers up until the end of season 3.
Word Count: 15,479
Summary: Ten years ago, Penny moved away from Pasadena to a job in New York as a screenwriter. Now, after multiple rejections, she starts to question where she’s going in life, and starts to feel lost. Until one night, she finds a box in the back of her closet, reminding her of Leonard. She sets off on a journey to find him and reunite with the person that she hasn’t seen in ten years. Meanwhile, a certain girl in Leonard’s office attempts to ask him out. Will Penny make it to Leonard in time, or will she lose him to this girl?
A/N: Written for bigbangbigbang . Author is tbbtllh . Special thanks to tobimonkee for the art! :D
Leonard was on his stomach, one arm shoved under his pillow and the other arm next to his face. He calmly breathed in and out, his breathing occasionally taking a pause from his sleep apnea. The alarm rang out loudly, and Leonard slammed his hand on the off button. He rolled over, rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses.
It was 6:30 AM. Time to get up and go to work. As he got ready, he remembered last night. About calling his secretary ‘attractive.’ He dreaded having the awkward conversation with her at work that day. But he had to be honest with her.
He grabbed a quick cup of coffee on his way to work after having a small piece of toast for breakfast. By the time he got to his office, Molly was already there.
It seemed like she had no recollection of the night before, as she was smiling brightly and cheerily greeted Leonard when he walked in. He wondered why she was being so normal around him. He considered dropping the whole situation because she didn’t seem to be affected by any of it, but he knew that was just the easy way out.
But he figured he could just stall a little before talking to her. There was no harm in that, anyway, he thought. I’ll talk to her tonight. It’s no big deal.
“Good morning, Dr. Hofstadter.”
“Morning, Molly. How’s your morning going?”
“Oh, it’s just great.”
“That’s good.” Molly beamed, staring at Leonard with a look of lust. Leonard looked back at her, noticing the way she was looking at him. “Everything okay, Molly?”
“Oh! Yes, everything’s fine. I’m sorry, I just have a lot of things on my mind.”
“All right…” He walked into his office, and despite the glaring signs of attraction radiating from Molly, he didn’t suspect a thing.
~~~~~
Penny groaned quietly, opening her eyes to the sunlight shining in through the window. It felt like she had been sleeping for years, but when she glanced at the clock on the wall, it was only eleven in the morning.
She looked to her right and saw her pink laptop on the bed, with the flash drive she found in the box sitting on top. She licked her lips, staring at the drive and wondering when she should look through everything. Sighing, Penny grabbed the drive and turned on her laptop, sticking it into the port.
When the window launched, her heart jumped a little, facing all those files of her and Leonard’s relationship.
She decided she would ease herself into it, so instead of opening everything, she just read the names of the files. And even that was enough to send her into a crying wreck.
2/14/10, 20th webcam chat.avi
2/02/10, Disneyland trip.avi
1/12/10, 16th instant messaging conversation.txt
10/29/09, 119th text message.txt
4/30/10, Stuart’s cousin’s wedding.jpg
The list went on and on. Penny couldn’t believe that he had names and dates for everything.
She scrolled down to the very bottom and came across a video file named, “For Penny, 4-29-10” April 29th, 2010. The day she left Pasadena. The day she left Leonard.
At this point, a million things were going through her mind. But now, the only thing she could think about was, “What did he record?”
She opened the video file, and she saw Leonard, sitting at his laptop, talking into the webcam. He was in his room, and sitting on his bed, apparently. He looked tired, and looked like he had been crying for quite some time. He wasn’t wearing his normal clothes, either. He was dressed sloppily in a sweatshirt with sleeves that were too long for him. His appearance ripped Penny’s heart to shreds. She had no idea what he was going through when she announced that she was leaving Pasadena. She obviously had no idea just how badly she hurt him by leaving.
“Hi Penny. So today you’re leaving. For your new career. I’m really proud of you, you worked really hard for this. I just wanted to give you one last message. Um, I’m sure you’ll see it when you get home. I just wanted to say that I’m going to miss you so much. You’ve taught me a lot about the real world, and about being, well, normal.” He chuckled and shifted rather uncomfortably on his bed. His voice got softer as he continued. “You’re my best friend. And I’ll be completely honest with you, I don’t want you to leave. I never wanted you to leave. But I don’t want this to influence your decision. You should take the job because it’s what is best for you. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, and even I wouldn’t turn it down. So I’ll wrap this up. I wish we can keep in touch. I don’t want to lose contact with you. I hope our friendship continues strong, and maybe we can meet up sometime, even though we’ll be so far away. So good luck.” Leonard ducked his head down, and it looked like he was struggling to speak again. “Listen, I want to meet you near your new place. I’ll be at Central Park on Monday the 3rd of May. I just want to spend some time with you. I-I want to see if we can make this work again. If you don’t show up or if you don’t call me, then I’ll assume that you don’t want to try again. But I sincerely hope you’ll think about it and meet me there. Bye Penny.” He gave her one last smile, albeit a shaky one, before the video ended.
Penny’s heart dropped. “Oh God. Oh, no.” She tugged at her hair, sobbing openly now.
Suddenly she remembered about the box. The day she was supposed to leave, when Leonard had come over to talk to her, he dropped off a box. He had asked her to open it as soon as she got settled into her apartment. She had no idea what was in it, but promised him that she would open it as soon as possible. But she never did. She was too busy with her work to go through every box, and that included the box that Leonard gave her.
She was mentally kicking herself for not opening the box when she got to the apartment. Why did I have to be so damn lazy? She didn’t even want to imagine how badly she hurt Leonard by not showing up. It broke her heart. She couldn’t bear to picture the look on Leonard’s face when he realized that she wasn’t going to show up.
“What have I done?”
Without thinking, she picked up her phone and looked through her phonebook. She got to Leonard’s phone number before realizing that it had been ten years. Ten years. There was no way he was still living with Sheldon in Pasadena. Not even his cell phone number had to be the same. But she didn’t care. It was worth trying. For Leonard, it was worth it.
The phone on the other end rang three times before a female voice came over the line. By then, her hopes had been shattered.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hi. Is Leonard there?”
A short pause came from the other line, confirming Penny’s assumption. “Um, I’m sorry. I think you got the wrong number. There’s no Leonard here.”
“Oh okay. I’m sorry. Thanks.”
“Sure.”
Penny hung up her phone and tossed it back on her nightstand. She was racking her brain, trying to figure out how she could get in touch with Leonard.
She turned to her laptop and opened her browser, typing in “Dr. Leonard Hofstadter” into the Google search bar. She had no idea what he was doing now, so maybe this would help her get some kind of lead on where he must be working now.
The first search result she came across was the website of some research company located in Chicago. She clicked on the link and searched for Leonard’s name. It turns out he was heading a big research project. Penny smiled, feeling proud of where Leonard ended up in his career. She frantically wrote down the address she found at the bottom of the screen. Unfortunately, in her rush, she hadn’t noticed that there was more than one address.
~~~~~
Leonard sat down at his desk, typing up one of his reports on his laptop. He had been working on this particular report for several weeks and it had enveloped his life at the moment.
Molly finished up a letter at her desk and now she had free time. Now was her chance to ask Leonard what she had been planning all day. All she could think about was the right way to ask him out. She had never really asked out a guy before, it was always the other way around. But she thought it was time for a change of pace in hopes that her relationships would go a little better. She couldn’t quite figure out the right words to choose when asking him out until the end of the day.
Just as Molly got up to go into his office, Leonard had been thinking about finally having that conversation with her. As he saved his report, he started thinking about how to talk to her. However, before he could find the right words, he heard a knock at his door.
“Come in.”
Molly entered, smiling and holding the letter she just wrote in her hands. “Here, Dr. Hofstadter, I finished the letter you asked me to write.”
Leonard took the letter from her and set it down on his desk. “Oh, thank you, Molly. I appreciate it. I would have done it myself, but I’m very busy with this report right now.”
“It’s no problem, Dr. Hofstadter. I’m always happy to help.”
“Thanks. And please, call me Leonard. I’m not all that used to hearing Dr. Hofstadter all the time.”
Molly laughed quietly. “Okay. Leonard.”
He turned back to his report before realizing that Molly was still standing at his desk. He looked up. “Was there something else you needed?”
“Um, well…” She shifted nervously. “I do have something to ask you.”
“Okay. Shoot.” Leonard turned all of his attention to her.
“Uh, I was thinking…do you want to go to dinner with me tonight?”
~~~~~
Penny immediately threw a bunch of her clothes into a suitcase and packed her essentials. She didn’t know how long she would be gone, so she stuffed as much as she possibly could into her one suitcase.
It all seemed like rushed decisions in her mind, but she knew that it was the right decisions. She had to set this straight.
After calling for a cab, she grabbed her keys and arrived at the airport within half an hour. While in the cab, she had called the airport trying to book the quickest flight to Chicago. The next flight was leaving at one in the afternoon, which gave her about half an hour to check in and get on the plane.
She ran through the airport, looking for the right places to go. She nearly missed the plane, but made it on, out of breath from running across the airport.
By the time she was on the plane, she realized just how fast she was doing everything. She had found out about Leonard just that morning, and she was already on the plane flying to Chicago to look for him. She hadn’t realized that her feelings were so intense. She never would have done this for any other guy. Which made her realize just how important Leonard was to her. He really did ruin her for other guys. Because he was perfect, despite his flaws.
The plane took off. And Penny was on her way to find the love of her life. She had started her journey.
~~~~~
Leonard blinked, trying to think of something to say, but his brain was blown from her question. It was the last thing he expected her to ask him. He looked at her, and she was turning red. He had to say something. Anything.
“Uh, dinner? Tonight? I-I don’t know, Molly.” Her heart sank, and her smile disappeared. He started stammering even more than he already was. “N-Not that I wouldn’t l-love to go to dinner with you, but…I-I’m pretty busy with this report right now.”
Molly brightened up a bit, but Leonard couldn’t tell if she was genuinely relieved by his response. “Oh, of course! I understand. I’m sorry, I should have known that you would be busy with your report.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“So, is there any other day you’re free?”
“Um. I don’t know. I’m going to have to get back to you on that. There are a few meetings that I haven’t decided whether or not I should attend. How about I call you…tomorrow?”
“Okay, sure.” She smiled and left the office.
As soon as she closed the door, Leonard let out a sigh, whispering under his breath, “Oh crap. What the hell did I just say?”
The truth was he didn’t want to go out with her. Ever since Penny left, he was reluctant to go out with women for a while. Sure, he had a few flings, but they were anything but serious. He never planned on getting serious with anyone for a while. He just wanted to focus on his work.
As much as he wanted to call Molly and tell her that he didn’t want to go out with her, he felt bad about rejecting her. She was one of the kindest people he ever met. She was funny, pretty, responsible, smart, everything he’d always thought he’d end up with. But there was just a certain quality that was missing. She wasn’t Penny.
~~~~~
Penny had been thinking about things on the plane ride over. She started rethinking her entire life. Exactly where she was going. Which was nowhere, at this point. Leonard was her one chance to have a new change in her life. But even if she wasn’t seeking a change in her life, she was going to Chicago to set things straight. To apologize to Leonard about not showing up. To apologize to him about…everything.
She felt so depressed and frazzled, she wanted to drink as much alcohol as she could in the ninety minute plane ride. But she kept reminding herself who she was going to see. And she didn’t want to show up in front of him drunk. Even so, she was nervous. More nervous than she had ever been in her life. Of course she had to be nervous. She was going to see a person she hadn’t seen in ten years. She was going to see her best friend, her ex-boyfriend, that she hadn’t seen in ten years. They haven’t talked for so long that Penny was scared about what might happen.
Oh God, what if he doesn’t remember me? What if he’s married now? What if he doesn’t want me back and I’m just wasting my time going to see him?
Penny started to think she made a mistake. She started getting doubts. Enough doubts to make her get off this plane and fly right back to New York.
But then she remembered his video. No, she couldn’t leave. Even if she was never getting back together with him, he deserved to hear some kind of apology from her. Penny knew that if she didn’t apologize to him, she would feel guilty for the rest of her life.
She looked at the address in her hand again. She didn’t know how long it would take for her to get there from the airport, but she didn’t care if this place was on the other side of Illinois. She was determined to find him.
~~~~~
Leonard was still at his desk, now banging his head against the surface. He knew he needed to tell her the truth, but he just didn’t want to. He was terrified of breaking her heart. Suddenly he realized something that had flown over his head for so long. Molly was attracted to him.
After this realization, he panicked even more. He didn’t want to believe it at first because it seemed so impossible. But then he remembered all those times when he caught Molly staring at him only to hear the same excuse from her, “I have a lot of things on my mind right now.”
How on earth did I not see this before?
Perfect, he thought. Now it was going to be even harder to tell Molly that not only was he not attracted to her, but he didn’t want to go out with her.
He kicked the ground with his feet, muttering “Damn it” over and over again.
After sitting in silence fidgeting with his hands for half an hour, he mustered up the courage to tell her the truth. He walked outside and saw Molly at her desk. She instantly looked up at him and smiled. But her smile slowly disappeared after watching Leonard’s expression. She could tell he was going to say something heartbreaking to her. And she knew exactly what he wanted to say.
“Dr. Hofstadter…”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Please. I really don’t want to say this but…”
“Oh no,” she groaned.
He sighed. “Yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry. I just…it’s not a good time for me right now to go out with anyone. Lately I’ve been really confused about a few things. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but this is far from the best time for me to go out with anyone. It’s not you, though. It’s definitely me. I’m just trying to concentrate on my work right now.” He paused. “Wow, that didn’t sound cliché at all.”
She smiled slightly. “It’s okay, Dr. Hofstadter. Leonard. I don’t mind.”
“Really?” he asked with hope in his voice.
“Yeah. I understand.”
“Oh good. Thank you.”
“Mmhm.” She nodded, smiling. But she didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why he didn’t like her. Why he didn’t want to go out with her. What was wrong? No, she didn’t understand at all.
Leonard retreated back to his office, feeling an enormous amount of weight lifted off his shoulders.
~~~~~
She practically flew off the plane once it landed. She rushed to find a cab and got in, stuffing her suitcase onto the seat next to her.
She handed the driver the address written on the piece of paper and asked him to get her there as soon as possible.
“Do you know how long it’ll take to get there?”
“Mmm…I’d say a good two hours.”
“Okay, take me there.”
Penny sat back in her seat, trying to find something to occupy herself with so she wouldn’t think too much. Otherwise, she would have ended up crying in front of the cab driver. It was a good thing the cab driver struck up a conversation with her because she couldn’t think of anything to do besides look at her phone.
“You okay?” The driver looked at her through the rear view mirror. “You seem a little jumpy.”
“Oh,” she chuckled. “I’m just nervous.”
“About what?”
“Well, there’s this guy. He’s my best friend. But we haven’t seen each other in ten years. He works at that address I gave you. I’m going to see him.”
“Well, that sounds exciting. What’s he like?”
“Oh, he’s the greatest,” she said without any hesitation. “I mean, he was a little quirky when I first met him, but it turned out to be one of his most adorable qualities. He’s really smart too. He’s an experimental physicist. And he’s really sweet and kind, and he’ll do anything for his friends.” Before she knew it, she was saying things that she didn’t mean to. “And he has this smile that warms your heart. He’s hardly ever mad for a long time. He’s the best listener and the greatest to talk to when you’re having problems. His hugs are the best too. That’s what makes him so great…”
The driver nodded. “He sounds wonderful. There’s nothing to be nervous about. If anything, you should be excited. He’s your best friend, after all, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he is.” She smiled.
There was a short silence before the driver looked at her again. “He’s not just a best friend, is he?”
Penny’s heart jumped a little. “What?”
“You aren’t acting like he’s your best friend. If he was, you wouldn’t be so nervous. There’s something more, isn’t there?”
“Why do you say that?”
“The way you talk about him. You don’t talk about him like he’s one of your buddies. It sounds like he means a lot more than that to you.”
Penny looked at her hands, suddenly finding it hard to say anything else. She managed to quietly choke out, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Listen, would you mind if I talked to you about it? You don’t have to listen, I just want to get this stuff off my chest.”
“I’m all ears.”
And so began Penny’s entire story. “So me and this guy…his name is Leonard. Fourteen years ago, I moved to Pasadena after me and my boyfriend broke up. He was a jerk. Anyway, I moved into this apartment, into apartment 4B. These two guys, these physicists, lived in 4A, across the hall. Their names were Leonard and Sheldon. They were really smart, and sweet, and even though they were totally geeky, I immediately fell in love with them.” She beamed at the memory, suddenly feeling a little more at ease.
“And then I met their other two friends. Their names were Howard and Raj. Raj was adorable, and Howard…well, you don’t want to know. These four guys became the greatest guys in the world. They meant everything to me. I hung out with them all the time. And even though I didn’t get what they were talking about or doing half the time, I still loved them so much. Because you know, they were just so innocent. They had no idea how to act socially, for the most part. I mean, Leonard was a little more knowledgeable about that stuff than the other three guys, but he was still really, really shy. He was always nervous around me, and I thought it was so cute. I knew that he had a little crush on me, and to be honest, the more time I spent with him, the closer to grew to him. He helped me out through everything. Through bad breakups, through my financial problems, through my career. He supported me through everything even though I wasn’t a very successful person. Leonard was just a total sweetheart.” Penny found herself unintentionally getting choked up over her words, and her emotional state caused the driver to stare at her, somewhat suspiciously.
“And then one day, when he announced that he was going to leave to the North Pole or something for three months, I freaked out. And I didn’t know why. I didn’t understand why I wanted so badly for Leonard to stay. And then I realized that I was in love with him. I really wanted him to stay, because I could not even imagine what it would be like for me to spend three months without seeing Leonard. Or the rest of them, for that matter. I knew it would just kill me those three months. So when he came over the morning that he was supposed to leave, there was my perfect chance to tell him that I didn’t want him to leave. But I hesitated. Because I was so, so scared. I didn’t know how he was going to react, I didn’t know if what I felt was something worth telling him…I didn’t even know if what I felt was real. And I didn’t want to risk that with him because I just couldn’t do that to Leonard. He’s so fragile inside, and the last thing I wanted to do was to tell him that I wanted him to stay and then break his heart.”
She found herself crying, and was well aware that she probably looked like a wreck, but didn’t stop talking. “It would have killed me to do something like that to him. So I decided that I would rather have a broken heart for a few months than to break his heart forever. At least I would have been able to live with myself. And that’s exactly what I did. I hid my feelings from him. And then when he came back…I couldn’t help myself. I jumped on him. And that started our relationship. We dated for about nine months, and it was great. It was more than great, it was wonderful. He was so much better than the jerks that I used to date. I was sick of pretty boys breaking my heart or dating me just for sex. Leonard cared about me. He was the first person to actually care about my feelings, and that was…indescribable. I didn’t think guys like him ever existed. Of course we had a few fights and disagreements, but nothing that made us hate each other. We may have been total opposites, but we had so much in common. We just fit together. As awkward as he was, I still loved him. And then…we broke up.
Her words were almost unintelligible at this point, and the driver was glancing at her through his rear view mirror every two seconds. “Because of me. It was all my fault. He told me that he loved me, and I freaked out. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved him too, but I just couldn’t say it. I was so scared about what was going to happen. I had said those three words to other boyfriends before, and our relationship just ended so quickly after that. I couldn’t stand to do that to Leonard. If me saying “I love you” too early meant that our relationship was going to end, there was no way that I was going to take that risk. I could not risk hurting Leonard. That was always the last thing I wanted to do. And then we broke up…and it was awkward for a while, but we decided we could just be friends. Until the day I found out that I was offered an amazing opportunity as a screenwriter in New York. I knew I had to take it because it was so much better than my other job. You see, I was a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory. I was kind of at a dead end in that place. So I accepted, and that meant that I had to move out of my apartment and to the other side of the country. It broke my heart that I had to move away from my four guys, but I knew I had to do it. I told Leonard that we could still keep in touch and stuff, but it never happened. For the next ten months I lived in my new apartment, I wondered why Leonard never contacted me. I called him a few times, but he never called me back. And now, ten years later, I know why. I found a box of his that he gave me on the day that I moved out of Pasadena. And inside, I found a flash drive. Leonard had stored every single piece of memory between us on that flash drive. And he made a video. On the day that I left. He said that he wanted to meet me at Central Park four days after I moved into my new apartment. He must have thought that if I took him up on his offer, that we could get back together. And that we could be boyfriend and girlfriend again. But I never saw that video until this morning. I just felt so bad. I knew I must have crushed his heart by not showing up. And that just killed me. So much. The one wish I had when we were going out was that I wished I could never break his heart. I ended up promising myself that I would never do anything to break his heart. And now I’ve realized I’ve broken that promise more than once. I just can’t believe I could do that to him. I never wanted to do that to him intentionally. So I looked him up because I wanted to find him and found out that he lives and works in Chicago now, at some big research company. I wanted to find him and apologize. Apologize for everything, since the whole thing was pretty much my fault. I wanted to apologize, most of all, for breaking his heart. More than once. That’s it. That’s my whole story.”
Penny sighed and wiped her tears away, feeling a huge waving of relief rushing over her. “Thanks for listening.”
“There’s something else, isn’t there?” the driver asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“You want to apologize to him…and?”
“T-There’s no ‘and.’ That’s it.”
“Are you sure? You couldn’t have come all the way from New York to Chicago just to apologize to him.” She fell silent, thinking about it. The driver was right. It wasn’t all she wanted to do. “You want to get back together with him, don’t you?”
Penny looked at the driver through the rear view mirror and smiled. “Yeah. You’re right. I want him back. I really want him back.”
“So that’s why you’re nervous.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re afraid that after ten years and not showing up when he wanted you to, he won’t take you back.”
“Yeah. And for all I know, he could be married now. He could be in a committed relationship, and I don’t have a chance in hell of getting back together with him. It could be a waste of time for all I know. But you know what? That’s never stopped me before. There is always a chance that I can get him back. And I’m going to try. Even if it means that I’m just wasting a day of my life trying to get something that I mistakenly left ten years ago. I’ll understand if he doesn’t take me back, or if he’s with someone else. Because it was my fault that I left him. And it was my fault that we lost contact. Even if I can’t get him back, I just have to make this right. I just have to.”
The driver pulled over to the side of the street, in front of a big, black building, with windows lining each floor. It looked like a corporate business building.
“Here we are.”
Penny looked out the window, her heart pounding faster and faster. “Thank you.”
“Good luck.” He handed her the address back and bid her farewell.
She paid him and tipped him and got out, standing on the street as the cab drove away. The building looked so intimidating. It looked like it was going to eat her alive as soon as she walked inside. She was so scared about what was going to happen. This was her chance. She wondered if he looked the same. She wondered if he was the same at all. Penny smiled, realizing that it was Leonard. He must have been the same. He had to be the same.
As she walked in, she dragged her rolling suitcase behind her. She must have looked like a mess, especially after waking up, crying, getting on an airplane, and spending two hours in a cab, crying again. But she didn’t care about what she looked like. She had no time to step into the bathroom and fix herself up. She wanted to see Leonard, and she wanted to see him now.
She approached the front desk, where a woman was sitting in front of a computer. The name on her shirt said Nancy.
“Hi, excuse me.”
Nancy looked up at Penny and smiled. “Hello. How can I help you?”
“Um, I’m looking for Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, do you know where I can find him?”
Nancy had a confused look on her face, and she turned to her computer, typing in his name. “I’m sorry, but there’s no one here by the name of Leonard Hofstadter.”
“Wha-are you sure? I looked him up, and it said that he worked here.”
“Oh, you might have the wrong building.” Nancy turned back to her computer and retyped his name into a different search engine. “Yes, he doesn’t work in this particular building, the address he’s at is on the other side of Chicago.”
“Oh, you’re kidding me. Damn. Can I get that address, please?”
“Sure.” She wrote down the address on a slip of paper and handed it to Penny.
“Do you know how long it would take for me to get there by cab?”
“Um, probably about an hour.”
“Okay, thanks so much.”
“No problem.”
Penny walked out of the building, thoroughly frustrated that she had gotten the wrong address. “Just my freaking luck. By the time I get there, he’ll probably be at home already.”
She glanced at her watch. It was already nine o’clock at night. She was just about ready to give up for the day and find him tomorrow, but she realized that she probably didn’t have enough money to stay at a hotel. The first and most reasonable option that popped into her head at this point was to go to his office and wait outside until he came to work the next day. That is, if he even had to work the next day.
Penny stood on the edge of sidewalk, looking out into the dark street, trying to find a cab. She broke down crying after seeing the empty streets. At this point, it seemed impossible for her to even travel to Leonard’s building, let alone find him. She had never been to Chicago before, so she knew none of the streets. She considered hitchhiking, but figured that would probably end in disaster. Besides, Leonard had always told her that hitchhiking was dangerous.
So she roamed the streets for an entire hour, looking for a cab. Or any sign of life for that matter. It seemed like there was no life in this part of Chicago. She had no idea where she wandered off to, but she was getting tired at this point. Her arm was cramped up from rolling her suitcase around, and she really wanted to sleep. She started crying again, asking the air in front of her to bring a cab to her so that she can find Leonard. So that she can cry in his arms.
The black night sky was sprinkled with street lights and the barely visible stars. The skyscrapers on the horizon pierced the clouds and disappeared into the atmosphere. She stood on the street, conflicted, disappointed, determined. The few cars passing by appeared dark in the absence of sun. Bright colors became murky. The lights from the street lamps blinded her as she peered into the street, searching for something.
She was searching for an empty car. An empty taxi. She needed one. She needed to find him. That was her journey. And she wasn’t about to give up.
She stepped into the wet street, raindrops beginning to fall from the sky, lightly dampening her coat. She absent-mindedly raised her hand, calling out to no one in particular. She seems to think she’s calling out for a cab that will not show up, but it is worth a try. Maybe she’ll find some generous driver to drive her to Leonard’s office. She doesn’t care what shows up at this point, she just wants someone to take her to Leonard. She needs to see Leonard. I need to see Leonard. Penny repeated those five words over and over in her head, and now she was definitely determined to see him, no matter how long it took. If it took days, she didn’t care. She would sleep on the sidewalk outside of his office waiting for him to show up. To bring her up from the ground and take her in his arms. To bring her to comfort and give her a hug. His hug, that she’s wanted for so long. She imagined having Leonard’s arms wrapped around her and suddenly she felt warmer, like he was right there with her. She whispered his name, hoping that he was actually in front of her.
Before she realized it, with some strange stroke of luck, one of those yellow cars had pulled up directly in front of her, welcoming her to step into the continuation of her journey. She gasped, bewildered. It was fate, she decided. Fate has made a cab show up.
She handed the driver the address and they went off. Penny smiled, because now was her chance to find him. She hoped to God that she could make it in time to find him at his office before he left. She just had to see him that day. She wanted to see him today. She needed to see him today.
Penny was silent the entire drive over to Leonard’s office. The driver didn’t strike up any kind of conversation with her. It was probably a good thing too, because Penny didn’t really want to speak to anybody. She was so nervous, she knew every single word out of her mouth would be shaky.
She felt herself get more and more tired, but she forced herself to stay awake, telling herself that she was going to see Leonard. She was going to see her best friend in the entire world. She was going to see…the love of her life.
The ride seemed to take an eternity, but Penny was almost grateful that it was a long ride. Because she had no idea what she was going to say to him. What the hell was she going to say if Leonard didn’t remember her? Or what was she going to say if she walked into his office and saw his wife in there with his kids? She couldn’t just tell him straight out that she loved him.
But there was always that glimmer of hope that Leonard would still be single, and she would be able to get him back. As each minute passed, she went back and forth with what she hoped was going to happen, with what she thought was going to happen. One minute, she would be confident that he would still be single. He is still young, after all. Another minute, she would be completely depressed, sure that he was either married or dating someone so much better than her. Someone smart and pretty and perfect for Leonard.
The cab pulled over to the side of the street, and Penny forced herself to stop thinking about what was going to happen so that she wouldn’t be nervous. She handed the driver the right amount of money and stepped out of the cab. She rolled her suitcase next to her and stared up at the building the same way she stared at the other one. Only this particular building seemed a hundred times more intimidating. She walked to the entrance, and up to the front desk, where there was another woman typing on a desktop computer. Her name was Joyce. Penny looked up at the clock behind her before approaching the woman. It was already 11:45. She lost almost all her hope that Leonard was still in his office at this time. But now that she was here, she might as well try.
“Excuse me.”
“Hi. How can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, does he work in this building?” Penny’s voice started to shake more and more with each word as she got more and more nervous.
“Oh yes, Dr. Hofstadter. His office is on the third floor. His secretary sits right outside his office. Her name is Molly. You can’t miss her.”
“Thank you so much,” Penny sighed with relief.
She stepped into the elevator and pressed the number three on the panel. As the elevator rose, she got so nervous she started getting dizzy. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. It was really happening right now. She was really about to see Leonard.
When the elevator stopped on the third floor, she stepped out and right across from the elevator was a desk. On the side of that desk was a name plate that said, “Molly Jones, Secretary.”
Penny walked over and she could tell that Molly was just about to leave, as she was packing up her belongings. She looked a little on edge and a little flustered. Maybe that was typical for secretaries, she thought.
“Hi. Molly?”
She looked up and saw Penny. “Yes. Hi. Can I help you?”
“Uh, I’m here to see Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. Is he still here?”
“Um, what’s your name?”
“Penny. My name’s Penny Parker.”
Molly looked through a little notebook before looking back up at Penny. “Do you have an appointment with him?”
“Oh no, I don’t. I just wanted to see him. I have something really important to tell him.”
“Okay. One moment.”
Molly picked up the phone on her desk and called Leonard. “Hi, Dr. Hofstadter, someone is here to see you. Are you available?”
She hung up and gave Penny a smile. “You’re in luck. He’s not busy right now, so you can go right in.” She motioned to the door.
“Thank you,” Penny said.
“No problem.”
Penny faced the door of his office. She saw his name on the door, “Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.” Her hand was shaking as she reached for the doorknob. She closed her eyes and turned it, opening the door.
Penny looked in, feeling like her heart was about to explode out of her chest. And then she saw him. He was sitting at his desk, and he looked exactly the same, except for the suit he was wearing. He was typing on his laptop, and there was a look of intense concentration in his eyes. Penny let out a sharp breath, finally seeing the guy of her dreams after ten whole years. She left the door open as she walked toward his desk.
Leonard hadn’t looked up yet, not realizing who just walked into his office. He finished typing the last of his report before he looked up. And then he saw her.
Everything below him seemed to collapse when he saw her face. His heart jumped up into his throat and he could feel himself about to pass out. Penny walked closer to him as he stood up.
She smiled at him, but for some reason, in his state of shock, Leonard couldn’t get himself to smile back.
Penny’s smile faded away as she assumed the worst.
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
Leonard didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything. He just walked around his desk to where she was standing and stared into her eyes for a few seconds before pressing his lips against hers.
Penny was shocked by his actions for a moment, but instantly fell into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. At this very moment, she wasn’t nervous anymore. She couldn’t feel more comfortable.
He pulled back, breathing heavily onto her lips before whispering to her, “Of course I remember you.” This very moment, Leonard finally realized what was bothering him. He was missing her. He was missing Penny.
Then Penny let everything go. The stress, the tension, the anticipation. Tears flowed down her face as she smiled and kissed him again.
Molly held her purse over her shoulder, staring at Leonard and Penny. It was all too obvious that she was witnessing a reunion. And she immediately saw the connection between them. She smiled, and whispered, “I understand.” And this time she did. Molly walked out, and drove home, leaving the two of them alone in Leonard’s office.
Leonard had pushed her against his desk, still kissing her passionately. Penny wrapped one of her legs around his waist, running her hands through his hair and returning the passionate kiss. She felt an enormous release. She had finally found what was missing in her life. She was missing him. She was missing Leonard. Now that she had him, she never, ever wanted to let him go, ever again. She couldn’t stand to go through what she had been going through for the past few years, searching for something that she didn’t even know was missing from her life.
Their lips finally released after a few minutes of ardent kissing, and Penny was mumbling something to him incoherently. Leonard stepped back a little and stood up straight, still looking into her eyes.
Leonard felt himself start to cry. He couldn’t help it; it was like some kind of instinctive reflex. The love of his life, the girl that he was pursuing the moment he set his eyes on her, was here in his arms again, after ten years. He never thought he would ever see her again, so to see her here, right in front of him, it was too overwhelming to take in all at once.
By now, Penny was sobbing, trying to speak through her tears. “Leonard, I missed you. I missed you so, so much.”
“Me too. Penny, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Once Penny calmed down, they sat on Leonard’s couch, talking.
“Leonard…I need to apologize.”
Leonard knew exactly what she wanted to apologize for, but asked anyway. “For what?”
“For not showing up at Central Park. I can explain the whole thing. I hadn’t seen your video. I never opened the box that you gave me because I was so busy. I just didn’t have time to go through everything. But yesterday, I found the box and I looked through it and I found everything. I was so touched that you kept everything. And when I watched the video this morning, I was crushed when I realized that I left you hanging that day. So I had to find you and talk to you and just apologize for everything. Leonard, can you ever forgive me for that?”
He sighed, looking down at his hands before looking into her eyes. “Penny, you broke my heart that day. I flew to New York and spent the entire day in Central Park waiting for you. But you never showed up, so I thought you never wanted to see or speak to me ever again. I was devastated for months, and that’s why I couldn’t even date another woman for so long. Because I knew deep down, that they weren’t you. Even though I tried to move on from you, it was impossible. I wanted you, Penny. But when you didn’t show up, I thought that was it between us. And as much as I hated you that day for not showing up, I knew I couldn’t stay mad at you forever. I could never be mad at you. So Penny, I forgave you a long time ago. I was just waiting for you to show up. And now you have.”
Penny smiled, tears still rolling down her face. Leonard wiped his hand across her cheek, drying away her tears.
“Leonard?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I was lost, but now I’m found.
Awesome fic art made by tobimonkee :)
Pairings: Leonard/Penny, Leonard/OC
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers up until the end of season 3.
Word Count: 15,479
Summary: Ten years ago, Penny moved away from Pasadena to a job in New York as a screenwriter. Now, after multiple rejections, she starts to question where she’s going in life, and starts to feel lost. Until one night, she finds a box in the back of her closet, reminding her of Leonard. She sets off on a journey to find him and reunite with the person that she hasn’t seen in ten years. Meanwhile, a certain girl in Leonard’s office attempts to ask him out. Will Penny make it to Leonard in time, or will she lose him to this girl?
A/N: Written for bigbangbigbang . Author is tbbtllh . Special thanks to tobimonkee for the art! :D
Leonard was on his stomach, one arm shoved under his pillow and the other arm next to his face. He calmly breathed in and out, his breathing occasionally taking a pause from his sleep apnea. The alarm rang out loudly, and Leonard slammed his hand on the off button. He rolled over, rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses.
It was 6:30 AM. Time to get up and go to work. As he got ready, he remembered last night. About calling his secretary ‘attractive.’ He dreaded having the awkward conversation with her at work that day. But he had to be honest with her.
He grabbed a quick cup of coffee on his way to work after having a small piece of toast for breakfast. By the time he got to his office, Molly was already there.
It seemed like she had no recollection of the night before, as she was smiling brightly and cheerily greeted Leonard when he walked in. He wondered why she was being so normal around him. He considered dropping the whole situation because she didn’t seem to be affected by any of it, but he knew that was just the easy way out.
But he figured he could just stall a little before talking to her. There was no harm in that, anyway, he thought. I’ll talk to her tonight. It’s no big deal.
“Good morning, Dr. Hofstadter.”
“Morning, Molly. How’s your morning going?”
“Oh, it’s just great.”
“That’s good.” Molly beamed, staring at Leonard with a look of lust. Leonard looked back at her, noticing the way she was looking at him. “Everything okay, Molly?”
“Oh! Yes, everything’s fine. I’m sorry, I just have a lot of things on my mind.”
“All right…” He walked into his office, and despite the glaring signs of attraction radiating from Molly, he didn’t suspect a thing.
~~~~~
Penny groaned quietly, opening her eyes to the sunlight shining in through the window. It felt like she had been sleeping for years, but when she glanced at the clock on the wall, it was only eleven in the morning.
She looked to her right and saw her pink laptop on the bed, with the flash drive she found in the box sitting on top. She licked her lips, staring at the drive and wondering when she should look through everything. Sighing, Penny grabbed the drive and turned on her laptop, sticking it into the port.
When the window launched, her heart jumped a little, facing all those files of her and Leonard’s relationship.
She decided she would ease herself into it, so instead of opening everything, she just read the names of the files. And even that was enough to send her into a crying wreck.
2/14/10, 20th webcam chat.avi
2/02/10, Disneyland trip.avi
1/12/10, 16th instant messaging conversation.txt
10/29/09, 119th text message.txt
4/30/10, Stuart’s cousin’s wedding.jpg
The list went on and on. Penny couldn’t believe that he had names and dates for everything.
She scrolled down to the very bottom and came across a video file named, “For Penny, 4-29-10” April 29th, 2010. The day she left Pasadena. The day she left Leonard.
At this point, a million things were going through her mind. But now, the only thing she could think about was, “What did he record?”
She opened the video file, and she saw Leonard, sitting at his laptop, talking into the webcam. He was in his room, and sitting on his bed, apparently. He looked tired, and looked like he had been crying for quite some time. He wasn’t wearing his normal clothes, either. He was dressed sloppily in a sweatshirt with sleeves that were too long for him. His appearance ripped Penny’s heart to shreds. She had no idea what he was going through when she announced that she was leaving Pasadena. She obviously had no idea just how badly she hurt him by leaving.
“Hi Penny. So today you’re leaving. For your new career. I’m really proud of you, you worked really hard for this. I just wanted to give you one last message. Um, I’m sure you’ll see it when you get home. I just wanted to say that I’m going to miss you so much. You’ve taught me a lot about the real world, and about being, well, normal.” He chuckled and shifted rather uncomfortably on his bed. His voice got softer as he continued. “You’re my best friend. And I’ll be completely honest with you, I don’t want you to leave. I never wanted you to leave. But I don’t want this to influence your decision. You should take the job because it’s what is best for you. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, and even I wouldn’t turn it down. So I’ll wrap this up. I wish we can keep in touch. I don’t want to lose contact with you. I hope our friendship continues strong, and maybe we can meet up sometime, even though we’ll be so far away. So good luck.” Leonard ducked his head down, and it looked like he was struggling to speak again. “Listen, I want to meet you near your new place. I’ll be at Central Park on Monday the 3rd of May. I just want to spend some time with you. I-I want to see if we can make this work again. If you don’t show up or if you don’t call me, then I’ll assume that you don’t want to try again. But I sincerely hope you’ll think about it and meet me there. Bye Penny.” He gave her one last smile, albeit a shaky one, before the video ended.
Penny’s heart dropped. “Oh God. Oh, no.” She tugged at her hair, sobbing openly now.
Suddenly she remembered about the box. The day she was supposed to leave, when Leonard had come over to talk to her, he dropped off a box. He had asked her to open it as soon as she got settled into her apartment. She had no idea what was in it, but promised him that she would open it as soon as possible. But she never did. She was too busy with her work to go through every box, and that included the box that Leonard gave her.
She was mentally kicking herself for not opening the box when she got to the apartment. Why did I have to be so damn lazy? She didn’t even want to imagine how badly she hurt Leonard by not showing up. It broke her heart. She couldn’t bear to picture the look on Leonard’s face when he realized that she wasn’t going to show up.
“What have I done?”
Without thinking, she picked up her phone and looked through her phonebook. She got to Leonard’s phone number before realizing that it had been ten years. Ten years. There was no way he was still living with Sheldon in Pasadena. Not even his cell phone number had to be the same. But she didn’t care. It was worth trying. For Leonard, it was worth it.
The phone on the other end rang three times before a female voice came over the line. By then, her hopes had been shattered.
“Hello?”
“Uh, hi. Is Leonard there?”
A short pause came from the other line, confirming Penny’s assumption. “Um, I’m sorry. I think you got the wrong number. There’s no Leonard here.”
“Oh okay. I’m sorry. Thanks.”
“Sure.”
Penny hung up her phone and tossed it back on her nightstand. She was racking her brain, trying to figure out how she could get in touch with Leonard.
She turned to her laptop and opened her browser, typing in “Dr. Leonard Hofstadter” into the Google search bar. She had no idea what he was doing now, so maybe this would help her get some kind of lead on where he must be working now.
The first search result she came across was the website of some research company located in Chicago. She clicked on the link and searched for Leonard’s name. It turns out he was heading a big research project. Penny smiled, feeling proud of where Leonard ended up in his career. She frantically wrote down the address she found at the bottom of the screen. Unfortunately, in her rush, she hadn’t noticed that there was more than one address.
~~~~~
Leonard sat down at his desk, typing up one of his reports on his laptop. He had been working on this particular report for several weeks and it had enveloped his life at the moment.
Molly finished up a letter at her desk and now she had free time. Now was her chance to ask Leonard what she had been planning all day. All she could think about was the right way to ask him out. She had never really asked out a guy before, it was always the other way around. But she thought it was time for a change of pace in hopes that her relationships would go a little better. She couldn’t quite figure out the right words to choose when asking him out until the end of the day.
Just as Molly got up to go into his office, Leonard had been thinking about finally having that conversation with her. As he saved his report, he started thinking about how to talk to her. However, before he could find the right words, he heard a knock at his door.
“Come in.”
Molly entered, smiling and holding the letter she just wrote in her hands. “Here, Dr. Hofstadter, I finished the letter you asked me to write.”
Leonard took the letter from her and set it down on his desk. “Oh, thank you, Molly. I appreciate it. I would have done it myself, but I’m very busy with this report right now.”
“It’s no problem, Dr. Hofstadter. I’m always happy to help.”
“Thanks. And please, call me Leonard. I’m not all that used to hearing Dr. Hofstadter all the time.”
Molly laughed quietly. “Okay. Leonard.”
He turned back to his report before realizing that Molly was still standing at his desk. He looked up. “Was there something else you needed?”
“Um, well…” She shifted nervously. “I do have something to ask you.”
“Okay. Shoot.” Leonard turned all of his attention to her.
“Uh, I was thinking…do you want to go to dinner with me tonight?”
~~~~~
Penny immediately threw a bunch of her clothes into a suitcase and packed her essentials. She didn’t know how long she would be gone, so she stuffed as much as she possibly could into her one suitcase.
It all seemed like rushed decisions in her mind, but she knew that it was the right decisions. She had to set this straight.
After calling for a cab, she grabbed her keys and arrived at the airport within half an hour. While in the cab, she had called the airport trying to book the quickest flight to Chicago. The next flight was leaving at one in the afternoon, which gave her about half an hour to check in and get on the plane.
She ran through the airport, looking for the right places to go. She nearly missed the plane, but made it on, out of breath from running across the airport.
By the time she was on the plane, she realized just how fast she was doing everything. She had found out about Leonard just that morning, and she was already on the plane flying to Chicago to look for him. She hadn’t realized that her feelings were so intense. She never would have done this for any other guy. Which made her realize just how important Leonard was to her. He really did ruin her for other guys. Because he was perfect, despite his flaws.
The plane took off. And Penny was on her way to find the love of her life. She had started her journey.
~~~~~
Leonard blinked, trying to think of something to say, but his brain was blown from her question. It was the last thing he expected her to ask him. He looked at her, and she was turning red. He had to say something. Anything.
“Uh, dinner? Tonight? I-I don’t know, Molly.” Her heart sank, and her smile disappeared. He started stammering even more than he already was. “N-Not that I wouldn’t l-love to go to dinner with you, but…I-I’m pretty busy with this report right now.”
Molly brightened up a bit, but Leonard couldn’t tell if she was genuinely relieved by his response. “Oh, of course! I understand. I’m sorry, I should have known that you would be busy with your report.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“So, is there any other day you’re free?”
“Um. I don’t know. I’m going to have to get back to you on that. There are a few meetings that I haven’t decided whether or not I should attend. How about I call you…tomorrow?”
“Okay, sure.” She smiled and left the office.
As soon as she closed the door, Leonard let out a sigh, whispering under his breath, “Oh crap. What the hell did I just say?”
The truth was he didn’t want to go out with her. Ever since Penny left, he was reluctant to go out with women for a while. Sure, he had a few flings, but they were anything but serious. He never planned on getting serious with anyone for a while. He just wanted to focus on his work.
As much as he wanted to call Molly and tell her that he didn’t want to go out with her, he felt bad about rejecting her. She was one of the kindest people he ever met. She was funny, pretty, responsible, smart, everything he’d always thought he’d end up with. But there was just a certain quality that was missing. She wasn’t Penny.
~~~~~
Penny had been thinking about things on the plane ride over. She started rethinking her entire life. Exactly where she was going. Which was nowhere, at this point. Leonard was her one chance to have a new change in her life. But even if she wasn’t seeking a change in her life, she was going to Chicago to set things straight. To apologize to Leonard about not showing up. To apologize to him about…everything.
She felt so depressed and frazzled, she wanted to drink as much alcohol as she could in the ninety minute plane ride. But she kept reminding herself who she was going to see. And she didn’t want to show up in front of him drunk. Even so, she was nervous. More nervous than she had ever been in her life. Of course she had to be nervous. She was going to see a person she hadn’t seen in ten years. She was going to see her best friend, her ex-boyfriend, that she hadn’t seen in ten years. They haven’t talked for so long that Penny was scared about what might happen.
Oh God, what if he doesn’t remember me? What if he’s married now? What if he doesn’t want me back and I’m just wasting my time going to see him?
Penny started to think she made a mistake. She started getting doubts. Enough doubts to make her get off this plane and fly right back to New York.
But then she remembered his video. No, she couldn’t leave. Even if she was never getting back together with him, he deserved to hear some kind of apology from her. Penny knew that if she didn’t apologize to him, she would feel guilty for the rest of her life.
She looked at the address in her hand again. She didn’t know how long it would take for her to get there from the airport, but she didn’t care if this place was on the other side of Illinois. She was determined to find him.
~~~~~
Leonard was still at his desk, now banging his head against the surface. He knew he needed to tell her the truth, but he just didn’t want to. He was terrified of breaking her heart. Suddenly he realized something that had flown over his head for so long. Molly was attracted to him.
After this realization, he panicked even more. He didn’t want to believe it at first because it seemed so impossible. But then he remembered all those times when he caught Molly staring at him only to hear the same excuse from her, “I have a lot of things on my mind right now.”
How on earth did I not see this before?
Perfect, he thought. Now it was going to be even harder to tell Molly that not only was he not attracted to her, but he didn’t want to go out with her.
He kicked the ground with his feet, muttering “Damn it” over and over again.
After sitting in silence fidgeting with his hands for half an hour, he mustered up the courage to tell her the truth. He walked outside and saw Molly at her desk. She instantly looked up at him and smiled. But her smile slowly disappeared after watching Leonard’s expression. She could tell he was going to say something heartbreaking to her. And she knew exactly what he wanted to say.
“Dr. Hofstadter…”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Please. I really don’t want to say this but…”
“Oh no,” she groaned.
He sighed. “Yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry. I just…it’s not a good time for me right now to go out with anyone. Lately I’ve been really confused about a few things. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but this is far from the best time for me to go out with anyone. It’s not you, though. It’s definitely me. I’m just trying to concentrate on my work right now.” He paused. “Wow, that didn’t sound cliché at all.”
She smiled slightly. “It’s okay, Dr. Hofstadter. Leonard. I don’t mind.”
“Really?” he asked with hope in his voice.
“Yeah. I understand.”
“Oh good. Thank you.”
“Mmhm.” She nodded, smiling. But she didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why he didn’t like her. Why he didn’t want to go out with her. What was wrong? No, she didn’t understand at all.
Leonard retreated back to his office, feeling an enormous amount of weight lifted off his shoulders.
~~~~~
She practically flew off the plane once it landed. She rushed to find a cab and got in, stuffing her suitcase onto the seat next to her.
She handed the driver the address written on the piece of paper and asked him to get her there as soon as possible.
“Do you know how long it’ll take to get there?”
“Mmm…I’d say a good two hours.”
“Okay, take me there.”
Penny sat back in her seat, trying to find something to occupy herself with so she wouldn’t think too much. Otherwise, she would have ended up crying in front of the cab driver. It was a good thing the cab driver struck up a conversation with her because she couldn’t think of anything to do besides look at her phone.
“You okay?” The driver looked at her through the rear view mirror. “You seem a little jumpy.”
“Oh,” she chuckled. “I’m just nervous.”
“About what?”
“Well, there’s this guy. He’s my best friend. But we haven’t seen each other in ten years. He works at that address I gave you. I’m going to see him.”
“Well, that sounds exciting. What’s he like?”
“Oh, he’s the greatest,” she said without any hesitation. “I mean, he was a little quirky when I first met him, but it turned out to be one of his most adorable qualities. He’s really smart too. He’s an experimental physicist. And he’s really sweet and kind, and he’ll do anything for his friends.” Before she knew it, she was saying things that she didn’t mean to. “And he has this smile that warms your heart. He’s hardly ever mad for a long time. He’s the best listener and the greatest to talk to when you’re having problems. His hugs are the best too. That’s what makes him so great…”
The driver nodded. “He sounds wonderful. There’s nothing to be nervous about. If anything, you should be excited. He’s your best friend, after all, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he is.” She smiled.
There was a short silence before the driver looked at her again. “He’s not just a best friend, is he?”
Penny’s heart jumped a little. “What?”
“You aren’t acting like he’s your best friend. If he was, you wouldn’t be so nervous. There’s something more, isn’t there?”
“Why do you say that?”
“The way you talk about him. You don’t talk about him like he’s one of your buddies. It sounds like he means a lot more than that to you.”
Penny looked at her hands, suddenly finding it hard to say anything else. She managed to quietly choke out, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Listen, would you mind if I talked to you about it? You don’t have to listen, I just want to get this stuff off my chest.”
“I’m all ears.”
And so began Penny’s entire story. “So me and this guy…his name is Leonard. Fourteen years ago, I moved to Pasadena after me and my boyfriend broke up. He was a jerk. Anyway, I moved into this apartment, into apartment 4B. These two guys, these physicists, lived in 4A, across the hall. Their names were Leonard and Sheldon. They were really smart, and sweet, and even though they were totally geeky, I immediately fell in love with them.” She beamed at the memory, suddenly feeling a little more at ease.
“And then I met their other two friends. Their names were Howard and Raj. Raj was adorable, and Howard…well, you don’t want to know. These four guys became the greatest guys in the world. They meant everything to me. I hung out with them all the time. And even though I didn’t get what they were talking about or doing half the time, I still loved them so much. Because you know, they were just so innocent. They had no idea how to act socially, for the most part. I mean, Leonard was a little more knowledgeable about that stuff than the other three guys, but he was still really, really shy. He was always nervous around me, and I thought it was so cute. I knew that he had a little crush on me, and to be honest, the more time I spent with him, the closer to grew to him. He helped me out through everything. Through bad breakups, through my financial problems, through my career. He supported me through everything even though I wasn’t a very successful person. Leonard was just a total sweetheart.” Penny found herself unintentionally getting choked up over her words, and her emotional state caused the driver to stare at her, somewhat suspiciously.
“And then one day, when he announced that he was going to leave to the North Pole or something for three months, I freaked out. And I didn’t know why. I didn’t understand why I wanted so badly for Leonard to stay. And then I realized that I was in love with him. I really wanted him to stay, because I could not even imagine what it would be like for me to spend three months without seeing Leonard. Or the rest of them, for that matter. I knew it would just kill me those three months. So when he came over the morning that he was supposed to leave, there was my perfect chance to tell him that I didn’t want him to leave. But I hesitated. Because I was so, so scared. I didn’t know how he was going to react, I didn’t know if what I felt was something worth telling him…I didn’t even know if what I felt was real. And I didn’t want to risk that with him because I just couldn’t do that to Leonard. He’s so fragile inside, and the last thing I wanted to do was to tell him that I wanted him to stay and then break his heart.”
She found herself crying, and was well aware that she probably looked like a wreck, but didn’t stop talking. “It would have killed me to do something like that to him. So I decided that I would rather have a broken heart for a few months than to break his heart forever. At least I would have been able to live with myself. And that’s exactly what I did. I hid my feelings from him. And then when he came back…I couldn’t help myself. I jumped on him. And that started our relationship. We dated for about nine months, and it was great. It was more than great, it was wonderful. He was so much better than the jerks that I used to date. I was sick of pretty boys breaking my heart or dating me just for sex. Leonard cared about me. He was the first person to actually care about my feelings, and that was…indescribable. I didn’t think guys like him ever existed. Of course we had a few fights and disagreements, but nothing that made us hate each other. We may have been total opposites, but we had so much in common. We just fit together. As awkward as he was, I still loved him. And then…we broke up.
Her words were almost unintelligible at this point, and the driver was glancing at her through his rear view mirror every two seconds. “Because of me. It was all my fault. He told me that he loved me, and I freaked out. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved him too, but I just couldn’t say it. I was so scared about what was going to happen. I had said those three words to other boyfriends before, and our relationship just ended so quickly after that. I couldn’t stand to do that to Leonard. If me saying “I love you” too early meant that our relationship was going to end, there was no way that I was going to take that risk. I could not risk hurting Leonard. That was always the last thing I wanted to do. And then we broke up…and it was awkward for a while, but we decided we could just be friends. Until the day I found out that I was offered an amazing opportunity as a screenwriter in New York. I knew I had to take it because it was so much better than my other job. You see, I was a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory. I was kind of at a dead end in that place. So I accepted, and that meant that I had to move out of my apartment and to the other side of the country. It broke my heart that I had to move away from my four guys, but I knew I had to do it. I told Leonard that we could still keep in touch and stuff, but it never happened. For the next ten months I lived in my new apartment, I wondered why Leonard never contacted me. I called him a few times, but he never called me back. And now, ten years later, I know why. I found a box of his that he gave me on the day that I moved out of Pasadena. And inside, I found a flash drive. Leonard had stored every single piece of memory between us on that flash drive. And he made a video. On the day that I left. He said that he wanted to meet me at Central Park four days after I moved into my new apartment. He must have thought that if I took him up on his offer, that we could get back together. And that we could be boyfriend and girlfriend again. But I never saw that video until this morning. I just felt so bad. I knew I must have crushed his heart by not showing up. And that just killed me. So much. The one wish I had when we were going out was that I wished I could never break his heart. I ended up promising myself that I would never do anything to break his heart. And now I’ve realized I’ve broken that promise more than once. I just can’t believe I could do that to him. I never wanted to do that to him intentionally. So I looked him up because I wanted to find him and found out that he lives and works in Chicago now, at some big research company. I wanted to find him and apologize. Apologize for everything, since the whole thing was pretty much my fault. I wanted to apologize, most of all, for breaking his heart. More than once. That’s it. That’s my whole story.”
Penny sighed and wiped her tears away, feeling a huge waving of relief rushing over her. “Thanks for listening.”
“There’s something else, isn’t there?” the driver asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“You want to apologize to him…and?”
“T-There’s no ‘and.’ That’s it.”
“Are you sure? You couldn’t have come all the way from New York to Chicago just to apologize to him.” She fell silent, thinking about it. The driver was right. It wasn’t all she wanted to do. “You want to get back together with him, don’t you?”
Penny looked at the driver through the rear view mirror and smiled. “Yeah. You’re right. I want him back. I really want him back.”
“So that’s why you’re nervous.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re afraid that after ten years and not showing up when he wanted you to, he won’t take you back.”
“Yeah. And for all I know, he could be married now. He could be in a committed relationship, and I don’t have a chance in hell of getting back together with him. It could be a waste of time for all I know. But you know what? That’s never stopped me before. There is always a chance that I can get him back. And I’m going to try. Even if it means that I’m just wasting a day of my life trying to get something that I mistakenly left ten years ago. I’ll understand if he doesn’t take me back, or if he’s with someone else. Because it was my fault that I left him. And it was my fault that we lost contact. Even if I can’t get him back, I just have to make this right. I just have to.”
The driver pulled over to the side of the street, in front of a big, black building, with windows lining each floor. It looked like a corporate business building.
“Here we are.”
Penny looked out the window, her heart pounding faster and faster. “Thank you.”
“Good luck.” He handed her the address back and bid her farewell.
She paid him and tipped him and got out, standing on the street as the cab drove away. The building looked so intimidating. It looked like it was going to eat her alive as soon as she walked inside. She was so scared about what was going to happen. This was her chance. She wondered if he looked the same. She wondered if he was the same at all. Penny smiled, realizing that it was Leonard. He must have been the same. He had to be the same.
As she walked in, she dragged her rolling suitcase behind her. She must have looked like a mess, especially after waking up, crying, getting on an airplane, and spending two hours in a cab, crying again. But she didn’t care about what she looked like. She had no time to step into the bathroom and fix herself up. She wanted to see Leonard, and she wanted to see him now.
She approached the front desk, where a woman was sitting in front of a computer. The name on her shirt said Nancy.
“Hi, excuse me.”
Nancy looked up at Penny and smiled. “Hello. How can I help you?”
“Um, I’m looking for Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, do you know where I can find him?”
Nancy had a confused look on her face, and she turned to her computer, typing in his name. “I’m sorry, but there’s no one here by the name of Leonard Hofstadter.”
“Wha-are you sure? I looked him up, and it said that he worked here.”
“Oh, you might have the wrong building.” Nancy turned back to her computer and retyped his name into a different search engine. “Yes, he doesn’t work in this particular building, the address he’s at is on the other side of Chicago.”
“Oh, you’re kidding me. Damn. Can I get that address, please?”
“Sure.” She wrote down the address on a slip of paper and handed it to Penny.
“Do you know how long it would take for me to get there by cab?”
“Um, probably about an hour.”
“Okay, thanks so much.”
“No problem.”
Penny walked out of the building, thoroughly frustrated that she had gotten the wrong address. “Just my freaking luck. By the time I get there, he’ll probably be at home already.”
She glanced at her watch. It was already nine o’clock at night. She was just about ready to give up for the day and find him tomorrow, but she realized that she probably didn’t have enough money to stay at a hotel. The first and most reasonable option that popped into her head at this point was to go to his office and wait outside until he came to work the next day. That is, if he even had to work the next day.
Penny stood on the edge of sidewalk, looking out into the dark street, trying to find a cab. She broke down crying after seeing the empty streets. At this point, it seemed impossible for her to even travel to Leonard’s building, let alone find him. She had never been to Chicago before, so she knew none of the streets. She considered hitchhiking, but figured that would probably end in disaster. Besides, Leonard had always told her that hitchhiking was dangerous.
So she roamed the streets for an entire hour, looking for a cab. Or any sign of life for that matter. It seemed like there was no life in this part of Chicago. She had no idea where she wandered off to, but she was getting tired at this point. Her arm was cramped up from rolling her suitcase around, and she really wanted to sleep. She started crying again, asking the air in front of her to bring a cab to her so that she can find Leonard. So that she can cry in his arms.
The black night sky was sprinkled with street lights and the barely visible stars. The skyscrapers on the horizon pierced the clouds and disappeared into the atmosphere. She stood on the street, conflicted, disappointed, determined. The few cars passing by appeared dark in the absence of sun. Bright colors became murky. The lights from the street lamps blinded her as she peered into the street, searching for something.
She was searching for an empty car. An empty taxi. She needed one. She needed to find him. That was her journey. And she wasn’t about to give up.
She stepped into the wet street, raindrops beginning to fall from the sky, lightly dampening her coat. She absent-mindedly raised her hand, calling out to no one in particular. She seems to think she’s calling out for a cab that will not show up, but it is worth a try. Maybe she’ll find some generous driver to drive her to Leonard’s office. She doesn’t care what shows up at this point, she just wants someone to take her to Leonard. She needs to see Leonard. I need to see Leonard. Penny repeated those five words over and over in her head, and now she was definitely determined to see him, no matter how long it took. If it took days, she didn’t care. She would sleep on the sidewalk outside of his office waiting for him to show up. To bring her up from the ground and take her in his arms. To bring her to comfort and give her a hug. His hug, that she’s wanted for so long. She imagined having Leonard’s arms wrapped around her and suddenly she felt warmer, like he was right there with her. She whispered his name, hoping that he was actually in front of her.
Before she realized it, with some strange stroke of luck, one of those yellow cars had pulled up directly in front of her, welcoming her to step into the continuation of her journey. She gasped, bewildered. It was fate, she decided. Fate has made a cab show up.
She handed the driver the address and they went off. Penny smiled, because now was her chance to find him. She hoped to God that she could make it in time to find him at his office before he left. She just had to see him that day. She wanted to see him today. She needed to see him today.
Penny was silent the entire drive over to Leonard’s office. The driver didn’t strike up any kind of conversation with her. It was probably a good thing too, because Penny didn’t really want to speak to anybody. She was so nervous, she knew every single word out of her mouth would be shaky.
She felt herself get more and more tired, but she forced herself to stay awake, telling herself that she was going to see Leonard. She was going to see her best friend in the entire world. She was going to see…the love of her life.
The ride seemed to take an eternity, but Penny was almost grateful that it was a long ride. Because she had no idea what she was going to say to him. What the hell was she going to say if Leonard didn’t remember her? Or what was she going to say if she walked into his office and saw his wife in there with his kids? She couldn’t just tell him straight out that she loved him.
But there was always that glimmer of hope that Leonard would still be single, and she would be able to get him back. As each minute passed, she went back and forth with what she hoped was going to happen, with what she thought was going to happen. One minute, she would be confident that he would still be single. He is still young, after all. Another minute, she would be completely depressed, sure that he was either married or dating someone so much better than her. Someone smart and pretty and perfect for Leonard.
The cab pulled over to the side of the street, and Penny forced herself to stop thinking about what was going to happen so that she wouldn’t be nervous. She handed the driver the right amount of money and stepped out of the cab. She rolled her suitcase next to her and stared up at the building the same way she stared at the other one. Only this particular building seemed a hundred times more intimidating. She walked to the entrance, and up to the front desk, where there was another woman typing on a desktop computer. Her name was Joyce. Penny looked up at the clock behind her before approaching the woman. It was already 11:45. She lost almost all her hope that Leonard was still in his office at this time. But now that she was here, she might as well try.
“Excuse me.”
“Hi. How can I help you?”
“I’m looking for Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, does he work in this building?” Penny’s voice started to shake more and more with each word as she got more and more nervous.
“Oh yes, Dr. Hofstadter. His office is on the third floor. His secretary sits right outside his office. Her name is Molly. You can’t miss her.”
“Thank you so much,” Penny sighed with relief.
She stepped into the elevator and pressed the number three on the panel. As the elevator rose, she got so nervous she started getting dizzy. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. It was really happening right now. She was really about to see Leonard.
When the elevator stopped on the third floor, she stepped out and right across from the elevator was a desk. On the side of that desk was a name plate that said, “Molly Jones, Secretary.”
Penny walked over and she could tell that Molly was just about to leave, as she was packing up her belongings. She looked a little on edge and a little flustered. Maybe that was typical for secretaries, she thought.
“Hi. Molly?”
She looked up and saw Penny. “Yes. Hi. Can I help you?”
“Uh, I’m here to see Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. Is he still here?”
“Um, what’s your name?”
“Penny. My name’s Penny Parker.”
Molly looked through a little notebook before looking back up at Penny. “Do you have an appointment with him?”
“Oh no, I don’t. I just wanted to see him. I have something really important to tell him.”
“Okay. One moment.”
Molly picked up the phone on her desk and called Leonard. “Hi, Dr. Hofstadter, someone is here to see you. Are you available?”
She hung up and gave Penny a smile. “You’re in luck. He’s not busy right now, so you can go right in.” She motioned to the door.
“Thank you,” Penny said.
“No problem.”
Penny faced the door of his office. She saw his name on the door, “Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.” Her hand was shaking as she reached for the doorknob. She closed her eyes and turned it, opening the door.
Penny looked in, feeling like her heart was about to explode out of her chest. And then she saw him. He was sitting at his desk, and he looked exactly the same, except for the suit he was wearing. He was typing on his laptop, and there was a look of intense concentration in his eyes. Penny let out a sharp breath, finally seeing the guy of her dreams after ten whole years. She left the door open as she walked toward his desk.
Leonard hadn’t looked up yet, not realizing who just walked into his office. He finished typing the last of his report before he looked up. And then he saw her.
Everything below him seemed to collapse when he saw her face. His heart jumped up into his throat and he could feel himself about to pass out. Penny walked closer to him as he stood up.
She smiled at him, but for some reason, in his state of shock, Leonard couldn’t get himself to smile back.
Penny’s smile faded away as she assumed the worst.
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
Leonard didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything. He just walked around his desk to where she was standing and stared into her eyes for a few seconds before pressing his lips against hers.
Penny was shocked by his actions for a moment, but instantly fell into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. At this very moment, she wasn’t nervous anymore. She couldn’t feel more comfortable.
He pulled back, breathing heavily onto her lips before whispering to her, “Of course I remember you.” This very moment, Leonard finally realized what was bothering him. He was missing her. He was missing Penny.
Then Penny let everything go. The stress, the tension, the anticipation. Tears flowed down her face as she smiled and kissed him again.
Molly held her purse over her shoulder, staring at Leonard and Penny. It was all too obvious that she was witnessing a reunion. And she immediately saw the connection between them. She smiled, and whispered, “I understand.” And this time she did. Molly walked out, and drove home, leaving the two of them alone in Leonard’s office.
Leonard had pushed her against his desk, still kissing her passionately. Penny wrapped one of her legs around his waist, running her hands through his hair and returning the passionate kiss. She felt an enormous release. She had finally found what was missing in her life. She was missing him. She was missing Leonard. Now that she had him, she never, ever wanted to let him go, ever again. She couldn’t stand to go through what she had been going through for the past few years, searching for something that she didn’t even know was missing from her life.
Their lips finally released after a few minutes of ardent kissing, and Penny was mumbling something to him incoherently. Leonard stepped back a little and stood up straight, still looking into her eyes.
Leonard felt himself start to cry. He couldn’t help it; it was like some kind of instinctive reflex. The love of his life, the girl that he was pursuing the moment he set his eyes on her, was here in his arms again, after ten years. He never thought he would ever see her again, so to see her here, right in front of him, it was too overwhelming to take in all at once.
By now, Penny was sobbing, trying to speak through her tears. “Leonard, I missed you. I missed you so, so much.”
“Me too. Penny, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Once Penny calmed down, they sat on Leonard’s couch, talking.
“Leonard…I need to apologize.”
Leonard knew exactly what she wanted to apologize for, but asked anyway. “For what?”
“For not showing up at Central Park. I can explain the whole thing. I hadn’t seen your video. I never opened the box that you gave me because I was so busy. I just didn’t have time to go through everything. But yesterday, I found the box and I looked through it and I found everything. I was so touched that you kept everything. And when I watched the video this morning, I was crushed when I realized that I left you hanging that day. So I had to find you and talk to you and just apologize for everything. Leonard, can you ever forgive me for that?”
He sighed, looking down at his hands before looking into her eyes. “Penny, you broke my heart that day. I flew to New York and spent the entire day in Central Park waiting for you. But you never showed up, so I thought you never wanted to see or speak to me ever again. I was devastated for months, and that’s why I couldn’t even date another woman for so long. Because I knew deep down, that they weren’t you. Even though I tried to move on from you, it was impossible. I wanted you, Penny. But when you didn’t show up, I thought that was it between us. And as much as I hated you that day for not showing up, I knew I couldn’t stay mad at you forever. I could never be mad at you. So Penny, I forgave you a long time ago. I was just waiting for you to show up. And now you have.”
Penny smiled, tears still rolling down her face. Leonard wiped his hand across her cheek, drying away her tears.
“Leonard?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I was lost, but now I’m found.
Awesome fic art made by tobimonkee :)