Cranky, sensitive bugger.
To bethbethbeth:
---------- Book 6 spoilers ----------
[Heavily pregnant pause]
[The pause reminds itself that it isn't here representing mpreg, and buggers off]
"Well?"
-- I thought you might have some ideas, once you, you know, showed up.--
"You have really become very slothful, haven't you? I'm surprised you even bothered trying the meta route again; it's not as if it's your forte."
-- Gimme a break. It's Beth's birthday, and I don't have a manip ready. I thought you might do a passable fill-in. What else have you got on your agenda, anyway? A bit of Voldemort-pandering, and a bit of Draco-cossetting, as far as I can tell. You're all set, mate. Voldy's gotta believe you now, you just offed Dumbledore!--
"Yes, *thank you*, I'm quite aware of what I've just done. You've no idea, have you?"
[sniffs, swallows hard and frowns]
--Hang about, don't get on your high horse. I'm on your side, mate. No, I am, really, don't sneer like that. That had to hurt...---
"Hurt??!?" *splutter, disbelieving look*
--Okay, it must have been the hardest bloody thing you've ever had to face, and that's saying something. Look, I'm not here to harass you, I'm trying to say I support you. ---
"I don't need your support. You don't need mine, either. Tell this Beth bet person…"
--- bethbethbeth ---
"House, house, house? She's a Hugh Laurie fan, then? I'm in the Stephen Fry camp, myself, no pun intended. He's a Slytherin, you know. Has a fine sense of balance between guilt, semi-confession and empathy, that man; it's an art, not all of us get it right."
--- Have you? Anything you'd like to confess, Professor?" ---
"Nice try."
--- Oh, come on. ---
"Read the book."
--- That'll be years away! ---
"Your point?"
--- *sigh* My point, Professor Snape, is that you have an audience right here and now, waiting to hear from you directly. We're all here with baited breath to find out why you appear to have betrayed The Light, and what you intend to do next! ---
"*whistles*"
--- Bitch. ---
"*raises eyebrow*"
--- Just a hint. ---
[pause, infertile]
--- Just a teensy, weensy…---
"All right! A hint. Then you go away, right?"
--- Most assuredly. ---
"I've heard you say that before. Then you had me shagging all of Hogwarts and half of the entire Wizarding World! I had to take a year's sabbatical just to recover, and I've never managed to bounce through the hallways with my robes billowing with quite the same panache ever again."
--- I'm sorry about that, truly. It all got a little out of hand. You're very popular, you know. Charismatic. Enigmatic. It's an irresistible combination. ---
"No more Fests! None. I'm finished with them, do you hear me? It was undignified, irresponsible, and quite exhausting."
[bites lip and becomes very OOC]
--- *softly* We're sorry. Really we are. I know you're under a lot of pressure as it is. There's canon - and that's a doozy - plus all the other Fests, and the challenges, and the speculation about Book 7. It has to wear on a bloke. ---
[sniff] "It does…"
--- And I know you're facing the most challenging moment of your life still, in Book 7. It's not as if you don't have enough on your plate. But you can get us off your back, and get on with it, if you'd just clear up a few points… ---
"Like…?"
--- Like… who's your preferred partner? Is it Harry? Lupin? Dumbledore, Hagrid, Draco, Lucius, Voldemort, Minerva, Shacklebolt…"
*Whimper. Sob*
--- I won't even mention Black… ---
*Howl!*
[pats] --- There, there. ---
*muffled cries*
--- Just a little hint… ---
"Go away! Leave me alone! Hush, Draco, it's all right, go back to sleep, that's right. There, my boy, sleep now, I'm here, you're safe… YOU! Leave here this minute, and take that House person with you! There's four houses, not three, in case you haven't noticed, and the Sorting Hat has been quite explicit about them working together, in case you've been *squeeing* too much to take notice. The damned houses *aren't important*, if it hasn't yet penetrated your thick skull! There's only the Light, and the Dark, and those of us who live in the twilight, never seeing the sun, and avoiding the horrors in the night, as best we can, if we ever can, oh Merlin… "
--- Say goodnight and Happy Birthday, Gracie. ---
"Fuck off."
[sob]
--- Sorry Beth, he's a bit overwrought these days. Reading between the lines, Snape sends you his best wishes for a *very* Happy Birthday, and many more, and sincerely hopes you'll understand all about why-he-appeared-to-defect-even-though-it-broke-his-heart-and-how-much-he-loves-Harry/Draco/Albus, OMG. So Happy Birthday. Um. Yeah.*g* ---
---------- Book 6 spoilers ----------
[Heavily pregnant pause]
[The pause reminds itself that it isn't here representing mpreg, and buggers off]
"Well?"
-- I thought you might have some ideas, once you, you know, showed up.--
"You have really become very slothful, haven't you? I'm surprised you even bothered trying the meta route again; it's not as if it's your forte."
-- Gimme a break. It's Beth's birthday, and I don't have a manip ready. I thought you might do a passable fill-in. What else have you got on your agenda, anyway? A bit of Voldemort-pandering, and a bit of Draco-cossetting, as far as I can tell. You're all set, mate. Voldy's gotta believe you now, you just offed Dumbledore!--
"Yes, *thank you*, I'm quite aware of what I've just done. You've no idea, have you?"
[sniffs, swallows hard and frowns]
--Hang about, don't get on your high horse. I'm on your side, mate. No, I am, really, don't sneer like that. That had to hurt...---
"Hurt??!?" *splutter, disbelieving look*
--Okay, it must have been the hardest bloody thing you've ever had to face, and that's saying something. Look, I'm not here to harass you, I'm trying to say I support you. ---
"I don't need your support. You don't need mine, either. Tell this Beth bet person…"
--- bethbethbeth ---
"House, house, house? She's a Hugh Laurie fan, then? I'm in the Stephen Fry camp, myself, no pun intended. He's a Slytherin, you know. Has a fine sense of balance between guilt, semi-confession and empathy, that man; it's an art, not all of us get it right."
--- Have you? Anything you'd like to confess, Professor?" ---
"Nice try."
--- Oh, come on. ---
"Read the book."
--- That'll be years away! ---
"Your point?"
--- *sigh* My point, Professor Snape, is that you have an audience right here and now, waiting to hear from you directly. We're all here with baited breath to find out why you appear to have betrayed The Light, and what you intend to do next! ---
"*whistles*"
--- Bitch. ---
"*raises eyebrow*"
--- Just a hint. ---
[pause, infertile]
--- Just a teensy, weensy…---
"All right! A hint. Then you go away, right?"
--- Most assuredly. ---
"I've heard you say that before. Then you had me shagging all of Hogwarts and half of the entire Wizarding World! I had to take a year's sabbatical just to recover, and I've never managed to bounce through the hallways with my robes billowing with quite the same panache ever again."
--- I'm sorry about that, truly. It all got a little out of hand. You're very popular, you know. Charismatic. Enigmatic. It's an irresistible combination. ---
"No more Fests! None. I'm finished with them, do you hear me? It was undignified, irresponsible, and quite exhausting."
[bites lip and becomes very OOC]
--- *softly* We're sorry. Really we are. I know you're under a lot of pressure as it is. There's canon - and that's a doozy - plus all the other Fests, and the challenges, and the speculation about Book 7. It has to wear on a bloke. ---
[sniff] "It does…"
--- And I know you're facing the most challenging moment of your life still, in Book 7. It's not as if you don't have enough on your plate. But you can get us off your back, and get on with it, if you'd just clear up a few points… ---
"Like…?"
--- Like… who's your preferred partner? Is it Harry? Lupin? Dumbledore, Hagrid, Draco, Lucius, Voldemort, Minerva, Shacklebolt…"
*Whimper. Sob*
--- I won't even mention Black… ---
*Howl!*
[pats] --- There, there. ---
*muffled cries*
--- Just a little hint… ---
"Go away! Leave me alone! Hush, Draco, it's all right, go back to sleep, that's right. There, my boy, sleep now, I'm here, you're safe… YOU! Leave here this minute, and take that House person with you! There's four houses, not three, in case you haven't noticed, and the Sorting Hat has been quite explicit about them working together, in case you've been *squeeing* too much to take notice. The damned houses *aren't important*, if it hasn't yet penetrated your thick skull! There's only the Light, and the Dark, and those of us who live in the twilight, never seeing the sun, and avoiding the horrors in the night, as best we can, if we ever can, oh Merlin… "
--- Say goodnight and Happy Birthday, Gracie. ---
"Fuck off."
[sob]
--- Sorry Beth, he's a bit overwrought these days. Reading between the lines, Snape sends you his best wishes for a *very* Happy Birthday, and many more, and sincerely hopes you'll understand all about why-he-appeared-to-defect-even-though-it-broke-his-heart-and-how-much-he-loves-Harry/Draco/Albus, OMG. So Happy Birthday. Um. Yeah.*g* ---