This topic somewhat perplexes me, probably because it seems to encompass a social minefield scattered with little bits of gold and precious gems
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It seems that the intent and delivery is the difference. The first instance, it's said in fun and the intent is good. It is said in jest, and produces laughter, which is a bonding mechanism. When said with a different tone, inflection, and with bad intent, it is hurtful and mean.
To me (and I'm suffering through a food coma), the difference is all in the intent.
Like divinerose said, intent matters. But also content and context matter too. A guy who says "Wow! That's pretty good for a long-haired tree-hugger" in a patronizing tone is going to get a mental kick in the shins. A guy who says "I don't know anything about that; you need to ask the long-haired tree-hugger over there" in a respectful tone is both recognizing your superior knowledge and warning the audience that you are a broader/deeper person than your average two-dimensional geek-in-a-box, and require respect and care and feeding like a real human being
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To me (and I'm suffering through a food coma), the difference is all in the intent.
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