On recognizing manipulation...
I'm probably better than most at recognizing manipulation these days. I think a lot of that has to do with learning to see more - having different frames from which to view an interaction.
There's a form of mysticism, of personal development, which involves finding people's buttons and pushing them, hard, or at least consistently. Bugging them and annoying them until they figure out where the attachment is and disconnect them. I think it's fascinating and participate sometimes. The problem is that it's difficult to do so in a context which also involves a supportive meta conversation channel. People online often just do it with random strangers who don't appreciate the "gift" but rather simply find it an annoyance because they don't see the process as being one of growth, or because they aren't interested in detaching from their attachments.
Buddhism is funky. The source of all grief, (and pain), is attachments. But a life without attachments, a life without passion, isn't really a life at all.
I don't think a lack of attachments is necessarily a good thing. But I do think that one is stronger and more powerful when one is consistently aware of where one has invested one's attachments. It's easy to become attached to inappropriate things or in ways that we don't consciously value. And at those times a wake up call can be useful.
That said, I'm probably aware of more types of manipulation that most folks. I may also be more aware of the areas where I have attachments and thus can be manipulated. Rather than detach, I often simply avoid the situations which would call those attachments into question.
For example, abuse survivors sometimes write very emotional, gut wrenching, scary, bleak, sometimes depressing stuff. From an artistic perspective, it would be phenomenal, except that it tends to be born of a human being's strife and pain. I can read that stuff and easily empathize, falling into the same sort of emotional pit the writer was in. It affects me. And it affects me in deep ways I don't always know how to get myself out of. So instead, I tend to avoid those writings or avoid reading them for long or avoid reading them alone. I haven't detached so much as I've guarded my attachment.
There's a form of mysticism, of personal development, which involves finding people's buttons and pushing them, hard, or at least consistently. Bugging them and annoying them until they figure out where the attachment is and disconnect them. I think it's fascinating and participate sometimes. The problem is that it's difficult to do so in a context which also involves a supportive meta conversation channel. People online often just do it with random strangers who don't appreciate the "gift" but rather simply find it an annoyance because they don't see the process as being one of growth, or because they aren't interested in detaching from their attachments.
Buddhism is funky. The source of all grief, (and pain), is attachments. But a life without attachments, a life without passion, isn't really a life at all.
I don't think a lack of attachments is necessarily a good thing. But I do think that one is stronger and more powerful when one is consistently aware of where one has invested one's attachments. It's easy to become attached to inappropriate things or in ways that we don't consciously value. And at those times a wake up call can be useful.
That said, I'm probably aware of more types of manipulation that most folks. I may also be more aware of the areas where I have attachments and thus can be manipulated. Rather than detach, I often simply avoid the situations which would call those attachments into question.
For example, abuse survivors sometimes write very emotional, gut wrenching, scary, bleak, sometimes depressing stuff. From an artistic perspective, it would be phenomenal, except that it tends to be born of a human being's strife and pain. I can read that stuff and easily empathize, falling into the same sort of emotional pit the writer was in. It affects me. And it affects me in deep ways I don't always know how to get myself out of. So instead, I tend to avoid those writings or avoid reading them for long or avoid reading them alone. I haven't detached so much as I've guarded my attachment.