blog entry on com19

[teamnoir]

I've finally finished my blog about being forced out of class last week.

For the record, I don't expect to blog much here any more.  At least for the short term, I'm more likely to be found on tumblr, (or fetlife).

Comments

[amazonvera]

Hey, stranger!

Does it make sense to comment here, or do you want to keep discussion centered in one particular place? Just let me know. For now I'll respond here.

I agree with you that it didn't take much projection for C to come to her understanding of your comment. I think it's a pretty fair and, to co-opt one of your words, authentic response to have to the statement as worded. The fact that you make it sound as though she didn't just make it about her and your previous touch experimentation with her but rather about general concerns with your stated mission reinforces that for me. I'll also admit to still not feeling like I fully understand your mission as intended, so I want to clarify. Is it your desire to reach a point where you've made a woman uncomfortable, and is the nature of that desire to identify what is "too far" in order to avoid it? I have other potential thoughts and questions, but I think I need to understand that better before going forward.

[teamnoir]

Heya. :) Good to "see" you again. I think about you periodically

[amazonvera]

I think I'm confused. What level of relationship do you have with the women with whom you're trying to develop more social touching? If this is with people you know only very casually, I can pretty much guarantee that they're conscious of you touching them, particularly if they recoil, and I can also pretty much guarantee that there will be some, particularly women, who may feel very uncomfortable with it without making a response. I don't understand where you're getting this idea in particular: My expectation is that this would happen almost entirely in the other person's subconscious since it's a nonverbal response. Many nonverbal responses are very conscious themselves and/or appear in conjunction with conscious awareness

[teamnoir]

Yes, there will likely be some that don't appreciate the touch, or even the gesture to initiate touch. And yes, recoil is a sign of that.

What it may well be for the woman in question, though, is an indication that that uncomfortable and/or fearful place has already been reached.

I agree that's possible. I also think it uncommon. Sufficiently so that I'm willing to take that risk at this point.

The gamble here isn't so much whether any particular woman would find a particular touch distressing as it is whether my perception is up to recognizing when we're headed in that direction. If I recognize it early enough, it won't become distressing. That might mean that I never initiate touch. It might mean that I lift my hand... then rub my nose instead of reaching forward.

Is there a way in which that system isn't working for you?

Yes. Several. I use the "reciprocate" strategy in a lot of places, including whether to greet people in the hallways at work. And there are several ways that it fails

[froganon]

I just came from reading your post on the T-group. I think you did well and also did well in describing it.
And I have to say that we are not "the problem" due to atypical neurology.
The Problem is that some large percentage of people are xenophobic which renders our communication and very ways of being as suspect.

I haven't done Tumblr except to read various posts of people and perhaps I ought to.
Undecided as of yet.

Take care you and I'm keeping you on my friends list here at el jay.
Sail Strong.

spike