Birthday fic!
It's still the 13th and that means it's still destina's birthday! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! OMG YAY! ::hugs you and twirls you and throws sparkly stuff west::
I have totally sucked at finishing birthday fic this year but somehow... Unbetated because I literally just typed the last word and because storms have taken out my highspeed and it may take me the rest of the evening to upload at 12.9 kps.
J2 (guest starring: Danneel, Genevieve, Sandy, Jensen's mom, Christain Kane, assorted OC's including Jensen's daughter, and, of course, Chad)(special guest stars: Samurai Jesus and the voice of Bobby Singer)
non AU futurefic, 2nd chance at love
teen
7,317 words
Moving Forward in Reverse
"Daddy!" Ella pushed open the door to Jensen's study and bounded into the room. "It's Jared!"
Jensen sighed and straightened, cracking his back. His episode of Texas Rangers 2510 started shooting on Monday and he still didn't have the blocking worked out. Damned cybernetic horses anyway. "Weren't you making cookies with Karen?"
Ella rolled her eyes. Everyone said this expression was pure Jensen but Jensen only saw Danneel. "But it's Jared, Daddy!"
Jensen sighed again and looked past his daughter to the man filling the doorway. "I can see that."
Jared grinned. "You weren't answering your phone."
"I turned it off." He waved a hand over the papers spread out on the coffee table in front of him. "Working."
"It's Saturday."
"That," Ella declared, "is what I said!" She ran around the table and climbed up onto his lap. "And Jared has something to tell you, Daddy. He said so." This look was pure Jared. All quivering lower lip and puppy eyes; the bastard had sat her down one afternoon when she was three and taught it to her. She'd spent the next two years perfecting it. "And we haven't seen him in forever!"
Jensen counted back. It had actually been nine days. Close enough to forever for a five year old. Close enough to forever for Jared who walked in and out of Jensen's Studio City house like he still lived down the street. They hadn't even talked on the phone -- unusual enough that Jensen realized it in spite of the seventy-five thousand other phone calls he'd dealt with.
Ella tucked in the curve of his arm, he turned to Jared, who'd dropped into the overstuffed armchair at the end of the couch completely certain that Jensen would make time for him. Because Jensen had always made time for him. Jensen didn't know why he'd bothered to make even a token protest -- all three people in the room knew how this was going to go down. "I have it on good authority…" Ella giggled as he rubbed the top of her head with his chin. "…you have something to tell me."
Dimples flashed. "I do."
"So tell me."
"I'm gay."
Up until this point, Jensen thought the phrase "his jaw dropped" was just that, a phrase. It never actually happened. Except his jaw had just dropped. Dropped and landed on the soft cap of his daughter's hair. He snapped his mouth closed then opened it again to say, "You're what?"
"I'm gay."
"Gay like Uncle Chris and Uncle Steve are gay?" Ella asked, before Jensen could speak.
Jared threw back his head and laughed. Ella bounced and laughed with him. "Oh Boo, no one is gay like your Uncle Chris and Uncle Steve are gay. I'm gay like your daddy is gay."
"Uncle Chris says daddy isn't really gay. Uncle Chris says in order to be gay you've got to actually…"
Jensen slapped his hand over Ella's mouth and made a mental note to have a word with Chris. Again. He glared over Ella's head at Jared. "I don't fucking believe you, man."
"Daddy!" Squirming free, Ella jumped down and ran to the desk. Grabbing up a jam jar half full of folded bills, she shoved it toward Jensen. "College fund!"
Jared's brows rose, disappearing behind the messy fall of hair he'd grown for his most recent part. Jensen missed the brush cut Jared's last two movies had required. It was easier to say no to the son-of-a-bitch -- he sent a silent apology to Jared's mama -- when he didn't look like Sam Winchester.
"Hasn't Chris paid for college by now?" Jared wondered.
"We're working on grad school."
"I'm going to be a doctor," Ella told him as Jensen pulled a dollar out of his wallet and shoved it in the jar. He stared at the bills for a moment, pulled out a twenty, and stuffed it in as well. Ella frowned. "You never said nothing, Daddy."
"Not yet." Jensen managed a tight smile as he wrapped his hands around Ella's skinny shoulders and turned her toward the door. "If you don't help make the cookies, Karen's not going to let you help eat them." This was a blatant lie. Karen, the household's part-time nanny, part-time cook, full-time lifesaver given his and Danni's competing schedules, would never deny Ella anything as harmless as a few cookies. Mostly, because Karen knew how to pick her battles. Fortunately, in spite of having been behind the camera for the last six years, Jensen still knew how to sell a line.
"No cookies?"
"No cookies."
Swear jar clutched in both hands, Ella ran from the room. Ran back. Went up on her toes and planted a sloppy kiss on Jared's cheek -- Jared having leaned down to close the considerable distance still between them. "Bye, Jared!"
"Bye, Boo."
Jensen took a deep breath as Ella disappeared and stayed gone, looked down at his blocking sketches, looked up to find Jared's gaze locked on his face. Or what was his face now but had been the top of his head a moment ago. Didn't matter. And why the hell was Jared smiling? He took another deep breath -- only partly because breathing was something he could count on -- and said, "So, what does your wife think about this?"
"This?" The smile disappeared and Jared looked honestly puzzled.
"You…" Jensen couldn't seem to get his teeth to unclench. "…being gay."
"Oh, that!" He frowned thoughtfully. "I think she's mostly surprised."
"You think?" Would banging his head against the table help, Jensen wondered. Would banging Jared's? "Six months ago, when you married her, you were madly in love!"
"I know."
"She was the one, you said."
Gaze still locked on Jensen's face, his expression a strange combination of guilt and something Jensen couldn't actually identify but he hoped was more guilt, Jared shrugged. "I guess I was wrong."
"Again!" Trouble was, Jared was always madly in love when he got married. The depth of emotion was right there on his face for anyone with eyes to see. He'd been in madly love with Sarah. With Jennifer. With Genevieve. With Sandy even if she'd refused to marry him. Jensen had stood beside him every time -- well, except for Sandy, that had been complicated -- and, although the weddings had gotten progressively smaller, Jared's expression as he looked down into his bride's face had never changed.
"It's wonder, as much as anything," Danni had said studying the photos of Jared and Genevieve. And Jennifer. And Sarah. "Like he can't believe it's happening to him."
Jared was looking sulky now. Sam Winchester bitchface number three. When Supernatural ended Jensen had taken one of the Impalas and Jared had taken all the really annoying bits of his character. As well as three dozen flannel shirts he'd worn to rags.
"I don't see what the problem is," Jared muttered, chin against his chest. "You and Danni got divorced when you came out.'
"Telling me is not coming out. Telling me is…" Like poking with a pointy stick, suggested a small voice that sounded remarkably like Bobby Singer. Shut-up, Jensen told it, and settled for, "…safe."
"Jesus, Jen, I'm an action hero." Jared flexed. The chair protested. "You wanted to direct."
"Not the point. How long?" he asked before Jared could ask just what the point was.
"How long?"
"Have you been gay?" This time, added the Bobby Singer voice. Seriously, Jensen told it, shut-up.
"About a week."
"Oh, for Christ's sake, you've had hangovers that lasted longer!"
"No, I…"
"Your most recent bachelor party."
"Yeah, okay…"
"The bachelor party that happened before the wedding to the woman you're still married to."
"At least I don't have a kid to mess up."
"Oh, you did not just go there." Jensen was on his feet with no memory of standing. "Get out."
Eyes wide, Jared stood. "Jen, I didn't mean…"
"I know." And he did. He knew exactly what Jared didn't mean but to be accused even obliquely of not putting Ella first when he and Danni had done everything they could to protect their baby girl made him feel like punching something, and Jared was the closest something to his fists. Over-reacting much? the Bobby Singer voice demanded. He ignored it. "Go anyway."
Jared stared at him for a long moment, like he was trying to figure out what had gone wrong, then he shook his head and headed for the door.
Jensen followed, knowing full well that, left to his own devices, Jared would wander into the kitchen, secure in the knowledge that Ella, who adored him, would never ask him to leave.
Yeah, well, surprise. This wasn't up to Ella.
At the door, Jared straightened his shoulders -- making Jensen realize how slumped they'd been -- turned and said, "I just wanted…"
"What?"
"I guess, to tell you… about being gay."
"Trust me, Chris' opinion aside, I know about being gay."
"I meant…"
"I know." Jensen saw a flicker of hurt in Jared's eyes and softened his tone. "I know," he said again, "not my gay, yours. So…" The gesture turned out a lot more limp wrested than he'd intended but fuck it. "…go forth, be gay. Let me know when I need to take my tux into the drycleaners."
Jared frowned. "For?"
"The inevitable wedding." When Jared actually flinched, Jensen almost wished he could take it back but hey, precedent suggested Jared would be back in front of the altar in three to five months.
"Yeah. Call me, okay?" Jared turned outside on the porch, one hand still on the door. "Ella's going to owe you some change?"
"Wha…"
"From the twenty. You didn't do much swearing," he added, and closed the door.
Jensen sagged back against it. "Yeah, well, I'm swearing on the inside."
It was seventeen minutes after three, Saturday afternoon in Los Angelus. He had no idea what time it was in Johannesburg. Taking the stairs two at a time, Jensen ran to check the Winnie-the-Pooh clock in Ella's room. Danni had hung it before she left, set to Johannesburg time, so Ella would always know when mommy was. Jensen wasn't entirely certain Ella understood but it was easier than finding the time zone conversion app on his phone so he used it whenever he was home.
Twelve fifteen am Sunday morning. Danni'd have Sunday off so it wasn't too late to call.
At first he thought she wasn't going to answer then he heard her connect, heard the sleepy snort when she realized who it was, quickly followed by a sudden intake of breath. "Ella?"
"She's fine."
Long exhale. "Jensen, sweetheart…" That was quite possibly the most sarcastic endearment he'd ever heard. "I'd just got to sleep."
"Sorry."
"Good." He could hear her fingernails tapping against the phone. "What's wrong?"
"Jared's gay."
"Sarah…"
"Was surprised."
"No shit."
"He came over to tell me."
"Of course he did. I'm surprised he didn't tell you before he told Sarah."
Actually, now he thought about it, so was Jensen.
"Okay," Danni continued, "this is what you need to do…"
Jensen felt the muscles in his back begin to unknot.
"…fuck him senseless so you can finally move on!"
And they knotted back up again. "That's not… Danni?"
He had a feeling they hadn't lost the signal.
Idjit.
Turning the phone over and over in his hand, he went back to his study and stared down at his sketches and his notes and the annotations on the shooting script and realized if he wanted to figure out what his reaction should be, or if he should have a reaction at all, he needed more information. And if he wanted more information about Jared, there was only one person he could talk to.
Two rings and…
"Some twink blew him in the pool house, Sarah walked in, the J-man had a brain hemorrhage and instead of claiming booze or weed and diminished responsibility and that a mouth's a mouth for Chrissake, declared he was gay, and left the party."
Jensen blinked and attempted to bring his brain back on line. "Jesus, Chad. What happened to hello?"
Chad snorted. "Dude, you only ever call me about Jared and this is the story of the hour. Sarah's already lawyered up -- thank fucking God for comprehensive pre-nups where TMZ equals TMZero cash-wise and that the J-man's not big enough for a media payout to make up the difference."
"He just told me. Why did he…"
"Wait a whole week? Fucked if I know. Maybe he went off to be tested so there'd be nothing standing in the way of your ultimate big gay consummation -- which couldn't have been too fucking ultimate if he just told you and you're talking to me on the phone. Oh wait… unless you fucked him brain dead this time too."
"There was no consummation." He tried to sound matter-of-fact, giving Chad nothing to use against him later -- essential when talking to Chad.
"Please. You trying to tell me you haven't been waiting nine years for his brain to start working again? Although, in all fairness, your brain only started working again three years ago so looking at the bigger picture…"
Jensen slid his thumb over the disconnect and listened to the silence for a while.
"Daddy?"
He turned to see Ella standing in the doorway carefully holding a plate of cookies.
"Where did Jared go?"
It had always been Uncle Chris and Uncle Steve and Uncle Riley and Uncle Jason and -- God help him and keep child services away -- Uncle Chad, but it had never been Uncle Jared. Just Jared. Right from the first time she'd pushed a chubby fist into his mouth and shrieked his name as he mock-chewed her fingers.
Where did Jared go? If felt like a question he'd been asking himself most of his life… even though it had only been eight years. Not nine. Eight.
"I guess he went off to be gay, baby girl."
She snorted, sounding rather terrifying like her great grandmother. "He could do that here. I made cookies!"
***
It was Monday and he hadn't called Jared. At first, because he hadn't known what to say and then because he'd been busy. A nine day turn-around, while two days longer than he'd ever had while acting, was still an insane workload for the director. Especially when the horses were only acting cybernetic and couldn't actually be programmed to do what was needed.
"Fucking four-legged divas," he muttered, shoving the binder with his notes into his backpack as he ran for his car across the barely lit parking lot. Apparently the network had decided to save money by turning every other pole light off.
He saw the figure step out from between two cars just in time to check his speed but not soon enough to avoid impact. They clutched at each other, staggered, and somehow both managed to stay standing.
"Jensen?"
"Sarah?"
Awkward. He let go of her arms, stepped back and had no idea of what to say.
She smiled. "It's okay. You weren't the twink with his face buried in Jared's crotch and, in spite of what half this town thinks, I'm well aware you're not responsible for Jared's actions."
Good thing. Sarah had produced a number of made-for-TV movies and Jensen couldn't afford to piss off anyone who might be hiring. "Still, I'm sorry. Sympathy sorry, not apology sorry," he hastened to add.
Her smile twisted. "Thanks. It's my own fault in a way. I barely knew the man when I married him, caught up and carried away on hurricane Jared."
Jensen had a horrible feeling their smiles matched.
"The worst of it is," she continued, "is that I might have let a few random blowjobs go, they're like party favors around this town, but the asshole had started calling out his ex-wife's name during sex."
"Jared?"
"That would be the asshole, yes."
"Called out his ex-wife's name during sex?
"At least once per the last month or so." She rolled her eyes. "And practice makes perfect, that pre-nup is airtight. I couldn't take him to the cleaners even if I wanted to which I don't because, well, it's Jared. You know."
"Yeah." He knew. No one knew the Jared Padalecki charm better -- half gosh shucks dimpled innocence, half six foot four of hulking sex god, half a need to be liked by everyone he met and don't think for a moment he didn't work his ass off for it. Three halves making up that whole because there was just too much Jared for basic math.
"Hole crap, is that the time?" Sarah's question pulled Jensen's attention back to her. "I've got a late meeting with the money and I can't miss it." She took two steps toward the building and paused. "It was good to see you. Let's not be strangers, okay?"
"Okay." He lifted a hand as she walked away and acknowledged that, in spite of everything, Jared had great taste in women. Every single one of them was strong, independent, intelligent, and talented. And beautiful; but this was Hollywood, that went without saying. After Genevieve, Jared had started moving away from small and dark. Jennifer was all of five six and usually a red head, although her eyes were still dark. Sarah was just under six feet in the power heels she preferred, her hair somewhere between brown and blonde with light eyes. Given the curve, his next wife was likely to be some kind of Nordic Amazon.
Idjit.
Fine, not Amazon. They were female. And Jared was gay. Or he had been on Saturday; precedent suggested two and a half days was plenty of time for that to have changed.
One way to find out. Jensen pulled out his phone, glanced at the time, and tossed it back in his bag as he sprinted for his car. If he didn't hurry, he wouldn't be in time to read to Ella before tucking her in.
***
Tuesday, the stunt coordinator stopped him as he was leaving the set.
Jensen held up a hand before he started talking. "Ray, you're right, sending Marnie off a cliff would look amazing, but network made it very clear we don't have another location in the budget."
"Actually…" Ray paused to push chestnut hair back out of his eyes. "…I was wondering if you wanted to maybe get something to eat."
"You and me?"
Ray glanced around at the complete lack of other people. Dimples flashed as he grinned. "Looks like."
They'd been dancing around each other for months, since Jensen had directed his first episode of Texas Rangers 2510. The timing just never seemed to be right. Still wasn't.
"When I finish the episode," Jensen began.
Ray cut him off. "Why wait?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Think you won't be able to keep your hands off me while we're working the same show? I'm willing to take that chance. If you don't have time for dinner tonight, how about coffee? Then you could bring Ella by on the weekend and we'll grill some burgers while she plays with the dogs. Or Sunday, the beach maybe and…"
"Whoa!" Laughing, Jensen held up both hands. "Episode wraps next Wednesday. What's your hurry?"
"Well…" Ray shifted his weight from foot to foot and looked as sheepish as possible for a man of his size. "…rumor has it that Padelecki's switched teams and I wanted to make sure you knew I was still interested."
"How…?"
"My cousin's his stunt double. Overheard him talking on the phone."
Phone. Jensen really needed to call Jared and tell him how fast rumors were spreading. Except that wasn't really something Jared needed to be told was it? Jesus, Jen, you know how fast rumors spread in this business. The small voice in his head was Jared's this time, pulled up out of memory. Jensen shoved it back where it belonged. The last thing he needed was to hear a replay of that particular conversation.
He refocused to find Ray watching him and shaking his head. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jensen. Maybe we can throw Marnie off the barn roof instead."
"Yeah, that's…" Had he missed something. "Episode wraps next Wednesday," he repeated as Ray turned and walked away.
Ray waved without turning and muttered something Jensen didn't quite catch.
It sounded like…too late.
***
Wednesday morning, after dropping Ella off at kindergarten, Jensen ran into a Whole Foods and picked up a bag of carrots. He'd bribe the damned horses if he had to. Waiting in line at the checkout behind an elderly woman counting out exact change in nickels and pennies for a pack of Slim Jims, three peaches, and a can of sliced beets -- stupid store with their stupid personal touch and their stupid lack of automatic check out lanes -- Jensen felt the person behind him step a little closer.
"Jensen?"
He knew that voice. Hoping this wasn't going to be weird, he turned and smiled. "Jennifer. It's been…" He glanced down at the prominent curve of her stomach and his smile warmed. "…a while."
She laughed. "It has."
They spent a few moments catching up -- about eighteen months ago she'd married a screenwriter Jensen knew by reputation and their daughter was due in five weeks.
"Picked out a name yet," Jensen asked as his carrots were finally scanned.
"Denise or Diana, we're still deciding." Jennifer set her basket on the belt and shifted her bulk forward. "How's Ella?"
"She's terrific."
"I always loved that story of how you and Danneel decided what to name her. How the first time you held her, Danneel saw you'd been enchanted."
Jensen grinned. "Ella enchanted. Still am."
"Jared adored her."
She sounded a little sad but not bitter so Jensen answered honestly. "Still does."
"How is he?"
That was trickier, still it'd be making the tabloids soon enough and Jennifer deserved a bit of warning. "On his way to divorce number three."
"Oh no." Definitely sadder sounding.
As Jensen pocketed his change, he decided to cheer her up. He knew from experience pregnant women had the kind of mood swings that made manic depressives jealous. "He must've just realized what he'd given up. Sarah says he'd been calling out your name at in opportune moments."
"My name?" Her brows rose.
"Well, his ex-wife's name, since you were…" Okay. Awkward. "…you know, the more recent…" Awkwarder.
Jennifer stared at him for a long moment as the clerk rang through her groceries. Finally she smiled, carefully leaned toward him, and kissed him on the cheek. "You're an idiot."
Later, he thought about calling Jared and telling him about running into Jennifer but then he'd have to tell him about her happy second marriage and that seemed… vaguely cruel.
***
Thursday afternoon, racing into the commissary for a coffee on his way to straighten out a problem in editing -- 2nd Unit had the fucking horses and could keep them as far as he was concerned -- Jensen saw Scott Larson, an actor he'd dated briefly over by the steam table and only his desperate need for caffeine kept him moving. The break-up, just after Jared's most recent wedding, hadn't been pretty.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Jensen. Just once I'd like you to look at me and actually see me and not my character! What the hell is it about an emo nerd with daddy issues that gets you so fucking hot anyway?"
Jensen thought he made it in and out without being spotted but when he stopped by the exit to put a lid on his coffee he realized Scott had seen him. Not really surprising since he stood head and shoulders over most of the other people in the room. Don't come over. Don't come over.
It seemed Scott heard his silent plea and stayed where he was. Jensen breathed a silent prayer of thanks as he headed toward editing, wondering what the hell the enthusiastic two thumbs up had been for.
***
Friday, Genevieve left an message on Jensen's voice mail while he attempted to convince his leads that sisters should maybe not spend quite so much time looking at each other's tits.
"Quit being such a coward, Ackles. Call him."
Jared and Genevieve had managed to stay friends. Danneel and Genevieve had declared detente when it became obvious their marriages had crapped out at about the same time. Different reasons though. Jensen and Genevieve had actually worked together on half a dozen shows and were probably closer now than they'd ever been.
Not that he had any intention of just doing as she commanded. Not a precedent he wanted to set.
***
Saturday, and Jensen still hadn't called Jared. But this Saturday -- halfway through a show with all prep done and post still three days away -- was his day with Ella and she came first. Always.
They went for pancakes.
Where she studied her mini stack and said, "Jared makes a smiley face with the syrup. It tastes better."
They went to the playground.
Where she stood with one foot on the bottom step of the slide and said, "Jared lifts me to the very top so I don't have to climb."
They went for ice cream.
Where she took a tentative lick of her mint chocolate chip and said, "Jared says you can't trust green ice cream."
They went to the beach.
Where she dug bare toes into the sand and said, "Do you think Harley misses me? He's so old now maybe he forgets when he doesn't see me."
They did a little shopping.
Where she said, "Jared says that little girls can wear pink only if they're doing it to mock gender specific colors." Then she added, "I don't know what that means. Oh! Daddy! Panda bear jammies!"
When they got home, she curled up on the sofa in her new panda bear jammies and said, "Daddy, are you going to call Jared on your phone?"
Jensen closed his eyes so as not to see the Jared-shaped emptiness in the room and said, "No."
***
On Sunday, Jensen called home.
When Ella finally moved away from the tablet, having filled her grandparents in on everything she'd done over the week, and Jensen settled in her place, his mother frowned.
"You look tired, sweetie. Missing Danni?"
His parents had accepted he was gay while simultaneously not accepting the end of his marriage. And, in all fairness, the fact that he and Danni had continued sharing a house, a life, and everything but a bed probably contributed to their delusions.
"No, it's just…" He waved a non specific response into the air.
"I see." She didn't. She couldn't. But it was easier to pretend to understand than risk Jensen talking about any men he might be seeing. "Have you spoken to Jared lately?"
Not that he was seeing Jared. Or had seen him. Not for a while. And that hadn't started with Jared telling him he was gay. No, Jared had stopped coming around -- except for that once, Jensen amended silently before the Bobby Singer voice could start up -- had stopped calling the moment that twink had gone down on his knees.
"Jensen?"
"I haven't seen him since last Saturday. Why?"
"Sherri called."
As his mother frowned, clearly searching for the right words, Jensen wondered if Jared had actually gone so far as to tell his family he was gay.
"Heartburn, dear?"
"What?"
She gestured and he realized he was pressing his right fist against his chest, feeling his heart pound behind his ribs.
"What did Sherri say, mom?"
"You probably already know…" She brushed her hair back off her face and sighed. "He's getting another divorce."
"Did Sherri say why?" Still a chance.
"He didn't tell her."
And there it went.
"You should call him, Jensen."
"Yeah." He rubbed his palms against his thighs and his heartbeat slowed to normal. Same old, same old. "I should."
***
Monday morning the phone rang and until he saw it was the Texas Rangers 2510 executive producer, Jensen had been certain it was Jared.
You ain't calling him, why the hell should he call you? the Bobby Singer voice sounded amused.
The lot they'd been scheduled to shoot on had been overbooked…
"And if you think I'm not having a few words with fucking Nundin over at Samurai Jesus, think again!"
…and their 11 am crew call had become a 4 pm crew call. Jensen called Karen, wishing he could talk to Ella directly -- her school had put its collective foot down about that during Ella's third week of kindergarten -- and, since he was already in Burbank, went to have an early lunch.
As he waited just inside the doors for his vision to adjust, he spotted a familiar profile bent over a tablet. Waving off the waiter, he moved silently across the room until he was close enough to bend and murmur, "Paging Dr. McCoy."
Sandy shrieked, surged out of her chair, and threw herself into his arms.
If Jensen regretted anything, it was the loss of Sandy as a significant part of his life. Bullshit, snorted the Bobby Singer voice. Is there anything you don't regret?
Jensen allowed Sandy's happy greeting to drown the voice out. He'd been willing to let her go for Jared's sake but Danni had folded her arms, narrowed her eyes, and refused to completely cut the friendship loose. They all got together two or three times a year, although always when Jared was shooting out of town -- even Danni admitted some pots were best left unstirred.
When Jensen sat down, they traded pictures of kids, caught up on jobs -- Sandy had a thriving psychology practice, specializing in grief and separation -- and partners -- her husband was an English professor at USC.
"So," she asked as the waiter set down their food. "Are you seeing anyone?"
Jensen stared at his Rueben and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Oh, Jensen…"
His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Stupid air conditioning. He took a large swallow of water.
"Jared told me what happened eight years ago."
Later, after the waiter had brought her a new napkin to replace the one she'd used to wipe the water off her face, and Jensen had apologized for about five minutes straight -- all those years in Canada had apparently stuck -- Sandy smiled and wrapped slender fingers around his hand.
And hung on.
So he couldn't run for it.
"He didn't tell me right away, of course; we were in Paris getting engaged. Maybe he thought it would ruin the mood."
Jensen winced.
"Okay, you're not ready to laugh about it yet." She used her free hand to pick a cherry tomato out of her salad. "He told me about that night with you after I found out about the girls. And it's funny, I think I could have accepted a bit of meaningless sex, a panicked response to an impending marriage, but you…"
"It was only once."
"I know."
"And he acted like it never happened." He was gone in the morning. His side of the bed already cold. When Jensen called him that afternoon, he and Sandy were just about to go through customs on their way to France.
Wish me luck! he'd said.
Jensen had known exactly where he stood. "And it's old news," he added. "Why are you even bringing it up after all this time?"
Sandy squeezed his hand. "Jared called me a couple of nights ago. Said he wanted to apologize for not listening to me."
"Really?"
"Really."
Jensen picked up his water glass but put it down when Sandy's eyes widened. "So, uh, what did you tell him."
"That he should follow his heart." She flushed slightly. "And that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of passive aggressive sleeping around shit and if he didn't want to marry me, he needed to grow a set and say so."
"Whoa."
"If you'll recall…" She held up three fingers. "…not just one cocktail waitress. But I think that the other night, he was referring to my telling him to follow his heart."
"Which lead him right to Genevieve. And Jennifer. And Sarah."
Sandy shrugged. "In my professional opinion, applying twenty-twenty hindsight, he'd put a lot of effort into turning a skinny geek into Jared Padalecki and he was terrified when he realized he wasn't who he thought he was. And, to be fair, until three years ago, you were lying to the world too."
He'd have told the truth for Jared. But this wasn't about him. "Jared hasn't been terrified for eight years."
"He's a better actor than people give him credit for."
"Sandy…" Jensen took a deep breath and pulled his hand free. "I stood for him at every wedding. He loved those women. He loved you. No one's that good an actor."
"Yes, fine. He loves everyone." Unlike most people who sounded fond and exasperated when they mentioned Jared's ability to fall in love, Sandy sounded impatient. "He loves you more. I was there at the beginning, Jensen. I saw his face when he told me what you'd done."
"What we'd done." Jensen tried for a cocky grin but suspected it landed somewhere closer to pathetic-and-trying-to-hide-it. "You make it sound so sordid."
"When you came out, we all thought…"
"I know." So had he. Although not for long.
"To each his own right? I just want you to be happy, man." Jared went in for a hug, paused, and grinned. "This isn't going to be weird now is it? 'Cause you're still my BFF. And I want you be my best man when I marry Jennifer."
He felt like he should point out that he hadn't been waiting around for Jared to get his head out of his ass but this was Sandy and she wouldn't be polite about not believing him. He looked down at his congealing sandwich and suddenly wasn't hungry. "Did Jared tell you he's decided he's gay?"
"No. But that explains the phone call." She studied him thoughtfully. "What are you going to do?"
"Do? I'm not going to do anything." Jensen jumped as the bread stick in his hand cracked into half a hundred pieces. He didn't even remember picking it up. "Precedent suggests that me knowing he's into guys doesn't mean much. "
"Jensen…"
"Danni says I should just fuck him senseless and move on."
"Danni's smart. Do you want to move on?"
"I'm not stuck!" He felt his face heat up as people turned to stare. "And if I was," he muttered, hoping no one recognized him, "it wouldn't matter because nothing's going to happen until he's willing to tell more people than me, the woman he's currently involved with, and Chad."
Sandy's brows disappeared up under her hair and a piece of lettuce fell off her fork. "He told Chad?"
"He tells Chad everything."
"Oh for…"
Jensen had to admit, Sandy's opinion of Chad -- she was still expanding on the details when the waiter showed up with the bill -- made him feel a lot better about himself. Which was, he supposed, pretty much the reason for Chad's existence.
***
Jensen spent Tuesday evening on the couch with Ella, helping her work her way through one of Nickelodeon's Choose Your Own Adventure shows. When the door to his study opened, he turned, not so much expecting it to be Jared as sure that was who it was going to be.
And when the hell did you become a thirteen year old girl? sneered the Bobby Singer voice.
"If you're waiting for Prince Charming, I ain't him," Chris snorted.
Jensen blinked. "You sound just like…"
"Uncle Chris!" Ella kicked him in the stomach as she threw herself off the couch and into Chris' arms.
He swung her around, set her back on the floor, looked over her head, and said, "I've been trying to get hold of your ass for almost two hours!"
Ella tugged at his sleeve. "Ass is…"
"It's a body part, darlin'. Two hours, Jensen."
"My phone's dead." He'd been running out of excuses not to call. "Ella and I have been enjoying the quiet."
Chris stared at him for a long moment. "So you don't know what your boy's been up to?" Tucking Ella up under one arm, he advanced on the couch, and pulled his phone from the holster on his belt. "It's a good thing I saved it, because you can't fucking time shift west in California."
"Saved what?" Jensen demanded as Ella squirmed free and pulled a dollar from the wallet Chris tossed her.
"Ellen."
"Is she still on? What?" he asked as both Chris and his daughter turned on him. "I don't watch daytime TV. Why would I…"
Chris shoved the phone at him as a familiar voice said, "…but you married three women and were engaged to a fourth."
Jared smiled a little sheepishly at Ellen. "Like I said, an extended identity crisis." Dimples flashed as the studio audience laughed then he rubbed his hands on his thighs, suddenly serious. "Actors, aren't the most secure people in the world and external validation is part of the job. It was a lot less terrifying to just be who everyone thought I was. I knew how they'd react to him."
"But you're not terrified now?"
"Yeah, well, I had an epiphany."
Ellen grinned. "Is that what the kids are calling it now." When Jared didn't join the laughter, Ellen cut it short. "So, you're gay. Anyone special in your life?" Her brows rose and fell.
It sounded like the entire audience was holding their breath.
"I hope so." Jared turned and looked directly at the camera. "I'm still waiting for him to call me."
"How long are you going to wait?"
"As long as it takes. I owe him about eight years."
Jensen stared at his reflection in the suddenly dark screen.
"It goes to commercial there," Chris explained. "I didn't bother keeping the rest."
Jensen stared a moment longer. "My phone is dead."
"So use mine, or Karen's, or Ella's because I know for a fact Jared is one of her five numbers. Or," Chris grinned as Jensen turned to face him. "You could go talk to him. He's back at the Sunlight Towers, his home between divorces, and the only place that'll let him stay with that ugly mutt."
"Harley's not ugly!" Ella protested. "He's old!"
"My mistake." He kissed the top of her head. "Shit or get off the pot, Jenny."
"Shit is…"
"It's a bodily function, darlin'. I'll stay with Ella, you go get your man."
***
The clerk at the front desk had seen the show.
"I shouldn't tell you this," she said, leaning forward and pulling her uniform shirt aside so Jensen could see a copy of the old Supernatural protection tattoo on the upper curve of her left breast, "but I've always been rooting for you guys. Room 1243. He's in."
The elevator took so long to get to the twelfth floor, Jensen had time to revise his opening statement about a dozen times. When he realized he was working out the blocking, and trying to figure out the best place for the cameras, he decided his time would be better spent just banging his head lightly against the walls.
He wasn't directing this. He had no control over what would happen when Jared answered the door.
Of course, Jared wouldn't answer the door if he couldn't bring himself to knock on it.
Idjit, said the Bobby Singer voice.
Jensen decided not to argue. He raised his hand and knocked.
Jared opened the door so quickly he had to have been standing there, peering through the security peephole, watching Jensen listen to the voices in his head.
"My phone was dead."
Jared blinked at him. Then smiled, slowly. "Okay."
"That's why I didn't call."
"Okay."
"The girl at the desk…"
"Yeah. She showed me too." Eyes locked on Jensen's face, Jared stepped back out of the doorway. "Are you going to come in?"
"Sure." But it took him a moment to actually walk into the room. He turned as Jared closed and locked the door. Stood his ground as Jared moved a little closer.
"When I told you, that night when I came to your house, I thought…"
"I'd just fall into your arms?" Jensen folded his arms. Unfolded them again. "After eight years? After a night that you wanted to believe never happened?"
"I was scared."
"Yeah, that's what Sandy said."
"Sandy's pretty smart." Jared glanced down at the carpet and, when he looked up, his expression literally took Jensen's breath away. The other emotion that night in Jensen's study hadn't been more guilt. It had been hope. Just like it was hope now. "I'm so sorry, Jen."
Jen.
Jared was the only person in the world who called him that.
"It wasn't one of your ex-wives' names you were calling out, was it?"
Jared blushed scarlet. "You talked to Sarah too?"
"I was…" Frowning, Jensen thought back over the last week. "…time traveling."
Jared opened his mouth and closed it again. "Okay," he said at last. "I guess it only matters that you ended up here."
"If you're going to be gone in the morning…"
"I won't be. Not this time." Close enough now to touch, Jared studied Jensen's face like he'd never seen it before. Like he couldn't believe this was happening to him. "Do we have to talk about this? I mean, right now. We can talk later but ever since I realized what I really wanted, I haven't been able to stop thinking of that night and if I don't get to touch you soon, I'll…"
Jensen rested his hands on Jared's waist, thumbs stroking the warm skin in the perpetual gap between t-shirt and jeans. Talk was over-rated. "So touch me."
"Harley! Down!"
Behind him, Jensen heard the old dog grumble as he got off the bed and then Jared's mouth was over his, hot and perfect, and he couldn't hear anything but the blood roaring in his ears.
They were still half dressed when Jared gasped, "Wait. Ella?"
"Oh for fucksake, Jay…" Jensen shoved Jared flat and bit the curve of his shoulder. "… Ella loves you. I love you."
Jared froze.
Jensen sighed and sat back. He'd said the same words eight years ago and Jared had run. He couldn't decide if it was better or worse that that this time he'd said it before instead of after. "If that's not why I'm here…"
Before he could move any further, Jared grabbed his arm. "That's exactly why you're here."
The next thing Jensen knew, he was flat on his back, Jared spread out over him, frantically touching everything he could reach.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. Where the hell did you find button fly jeans?!"
Later, lying with his head on Jared's shoulder, sweat and other fluids sticking their bodies together, Jensen poked a muscular side and said, "It's been over two hours, why haven't you proposed yet?"
"Just waiting for the divorce to come through," Jared murmured sleepily. "I'm thinking Vegas."
"No, we do this right. In front of your parents and mine. Ella's going to want to be a flower girl."
"You're serious?"
Jensen shifted so he could meet Jared's gaze. "This is either forever or it's over, Jay. I can't go through that again."
"It's forever."
"Good."
Jared's eyes gleamed. "But there's this chapel…"
"No Elvis impersonators."
Dimples flashed. "Fine."
Jensen got himself comfortable again. "Hey Jay? You ever hear Bobby Singer's voice telling you that you’re an idjit?"
He felt Jared's lips against the top of his head. "All the damned time."
I have totally sucked at finishing birthday fic this year but somehow... Unbetated because I literally just typed the last word and because storms have taken out my highspeed and it may take me the rest of the evening to upload at 12.9 kps.
J2 (guest starring: Danneel, Genevieve, Sandy, Jensen's mom, Christain Kane, assorted OC's including Jensen's daughter, and, of course, Chad)(special guest stars: Samurai Jesus and the voice of Bobby Singer)
non AU futurefic, 2nd chance at love
teen
7,317 words
Moving Forward in Reverse
"Daddy!" Ella pushed open the door to Jensen's study and bounded into the room. "It's Jared!"
Jensen sighed and straightened, cracking his back. His episode of Texas Rangers 2510 started shooting on Monday and he still didn't have the blocking worked out. Damned cybernetic horses anyway. "Weren't you making cookies with Karen?"
Ella rolled her eyes. Everyone said this expression was pure Jensen but Jensen only saw Danneel. "But it's Jared, Daddy!"
Jensen sighed again and looked past his daughter to the man filling the doorway. "I can see that."
Jared grinned. "You weren't answering your phone."
"I turned it off." He waved a hand over the papers spread out on the coffee table in front of him. "Working."
"It's Saturday."
"That," Ella declared, "is what I said!" She ran around the table and climbed up onto his lap. "And Jared has something to tell you, Daddy. He said so." This look was pure Jared. All quivering lower lip and puppy eyes; the bastard had sat her down one afternoon when she was three and taught it to her. She'd spent the next two years perfecting it. "And we haven't seen him in forever!"
Jensen counted back. It had actually been nine days. Close enough to forever for a five year old. Close enough to forever for Jared who walked in and out of Jensen's Studio City house like he still lived down the street. They hadn't even talked on the phone -- unusual enough that Jensen realized it in spite of the seventy-five thousand other phone calls he'd dealt with.
Ella tucked in the curve of his arm, he turned to Jared, who'd dropped into the overstuffed armchair at the end of the couch completely certain that Jensen would make time for him. Because Jensen had always made time for him. Jensen didn't know why he'd bothered to make even a token protest -- all three people in the room knew how this was going to go down. "I have it on good authority…" Ella giggled as he rubbed the top of her head with his chin. "…you have something to tell me."
Dimples flashed. "I do."
"So tell me."
"I'm gay."
Up until this point, Jensen thought the phrase "his jaw dropped" was just that, a phrase. It never actually happened. Except his jaw had just dropped. Dropped and landed on the soft cap of his daughter's hair. He snapped his mouth closed then opened it again to say, "You're what?"
"I'm gay."
"Gay like Uncle Chris and Uncle Steve are gay?" Ella asked, before Jensen could speak.
Jared threw back his head and laughed. Ella bounced and laughed with him. "Oh Boo, no one is gay like your Uncle Chris and Uncle Steve are gay. I'm gay like your daddy is gay."
"Uncle Chris says daddy isn't really gay. Uncle Chris says in order to be gay you've got to actually…"
Jensen slapped his hand over Ella's mouth and made a mental note to have a word with Chris. Again. He glared over Ella's head at Jared. "I don't fucking believe you, man."
"Daddy!" Squirming free, Ella jumped down and ran to the desk. Grabbing up a jam jar half full of folded bills, she shoved it toward Jensen. "College fund!"
Jared's brows rose, disappearing behind the messy fall of hair he'd grown for his most recent part. Jensen missed the brush cut Jared's last two movies had required. It was easier to say no to the son-of-a-bitch -- he sent a silent apology to Jared's mama -- when he didn't look like Sam Winchester.
"Hasn't Chris paid for college by now?" Jared wondered.
"We're working on grad school."
"I'm going to be a doctor," Ella told him as Jensen pulled a dollar out of his wallet and shoved it in the jar. He stared at the bills for a moment, pulled out a twenty, and stuffed it in as well. Ella frowned. "You never said nothing, Daddy."
"Not yet." Jensen managed a tight smile as he wrapped his hands around Ella's skinny shoulders and turned her toward the door. "If you don't help make the cookies, Karen's not going to let you help eat them." This was a blatant lie. Karen, the household's part-time nanny, part-time cook, full-time lifesaver given his and Danni's competing schedules, would never deny Ella anything as harmless as a few cookies. Mostly, because Karen knew how to pick her battles. Fortunately, in spite of having been behind the camera for the last six years, Jensen still knew how to sell a line.
"No cookies?"
"No cookies."
Swear jar clutched in both hands, Ella ran from the room. Ran back. Went up on her toes and planted a sloppy kiss on Jared's cheek -- Jared having leaned down to close the considerable distance still between them. "Bye, Jared!"
"Bye, Boo."
Jensen took a deep breath as Ella disappeared and stayed gone, looked down at his blocking sketches, looked up to find Jared's gaze locked on his face. Or what was his face now but had been the top of his head a moment ago. Didn't matter. And why the hell was Jared smiling? He took another deep breath -- only partly because breathing was something he could count on -- and said, "So, what does your wife think about this?"
"This?" The smile disappeared and Jared looked honestly puzzled.
"You…" Jensen couldn't seem to get his teeth to unclench. "…being gay."
"Oh, that!" He frowned thoughtfully. "I think she's mostly surprised."
"You think?" Would banging his head against the table help, Jensen wondered. Would banging Jared's? "Six months ago, when you married her, you were madly in love!"
"I know."
"She was the one, you said."
Gaze still locked on Jensen's face, his expression a strange combination of guilt and something Jensen couldn't actually identify but he hoped was more guilt, Jared shrugged. "I guess I was wrong."
"Again!" Trouble was, Jared was always madly in love when he got married. The depth of emotion was right there on his face for anyone with eyes to see. He'd been in madly love with Sarah. With Jennifer. With Genevieve. With Sandy even if she'd refused to marry him. Jensen had stood beside him every time -- well, except for Sandy, that had been complicated -- and, although the weddings had gotten progressively smaller, Jared's expression as he looked down into his bride's face had never changed.
"It's wonder, as much as anything," Danni had said studying the photos of Jared and Genevieve. And Jennifer. And Sarah. "Like he can't believe it's happening to him."
Jared was looking sulky now. Sam Winchester bitchface number three. When Supernatural ended Jensen had taken one of the Impalas and Jared had taken all the really annoying bits of his character. As well as three dozen flannel shirts he'd worn to rags.
"I don't see what the problem is," Jared muttered, chin against his chest. "You and Danni got divorced when you came out.'
"Telling me is not coming out. Telling me is…" Like poking with a pointy stick, suggested a small voice that sounded remarkably like Bobby Singer. Shut-up, Jensen told it, and settled for, "…safe."
"Jesus, Jen, I'm an action hero." Jared flexed. The chair protested. "You wanted to direct."
"Not the point. How long?" he asked before Jared could ask just what the point was.
"How long?"
"Have you been gay?" This time, added the Bobby Singer voice. Seriously, Jensen told it, shut-up.
"About a week."
"Oh, for Christ's sake, you've had hangovers that lasted longer!"
"No, I…"
"Your most recent bachelor party."
"Yeah, okay…"
"The bachelor party that happened before the wedding to the woman you're still married to."
"At least I don't have a kid to mess up."
"Oh, you did not just go there." Jensen was on his feet with no memory of standing. "Get out."
Eyes wide, Jared stood. "Jen, I didn't mean…"
"I know." And he did. He knew exactly what Jared didn't mean but to be accused even obliquely of not putting Ella first when he and Danni had done everything they could to protect their baby girl made him feel like punching something, and Jared was the closest something to his fists. Over-reacting much? the Bobby Singer voice demanded. He ignored it. "Go anyway."
Jared stared at him for a long moment, like he was trying to figure out what had gone wrong, then he shook his head and headed for the door.
Jensen followed, knowing full well that, left to his own devices, Jared would wander into the kitchen, secure in the knowledge that Ella, who adored him, would never ask him to leave.
Yeah, well, surprise. This wasn't up to Ella.
At the door, Jared straightened his shoulders -- making Jensen realize how slumped they'd been -- turned and said, "I just wanted…"
"What?"
"I guess, to tell you… about being gay."
"Trust me, Chris' opinion aside, I know about being gay."
"I meant…"
"I know." Jensen saw a flicker of hurt in Jared's eyes and softened his tone. "I know," he said again, "not my gay, yours. So…" The gesture turned out a lot more limp wrested than he'd intended but fuck it. "…go forth, be gay. Let me know when I need to take my tux into the drycleaners."
Jared frowned. "For?"
"The inevitable wedding." When Jared actually flinched, Jensen almost wished he could take it back but hey, precedent suggested Jared would be back in front of the altar in three to five months.
"Yeah. Call me, okay?" Jared turned outside on the porch, one hand still on the door. "Ella's going to owe you some change?"
"Wha…"
"From the twenty. You didn't do much swearing," he added, and closed the door.
Jensen sagged back against it. "Yeah, well, I'm swearing on the inside."
It was seventeen minutes after three, Saturday afternoon in Los Angelus. He had no idea what time it was in Johannesburg. Taking the stairs two at a time, Jensen ran to check the Winnie-the-Pooh clock in Ella's room. Danni had hung it before she left, set to Johannesburg time, so Ella would always know when mommy was. Jensen wasn't entirely certain Ella understood but it was easier than finding the time zone conversion app on his phone so he used it whenever he was home.
Twelve fifteen am Sunday morning. Danni'd have Sunday off so it wasn't too late to call.
At first he thought she wasn't going to answer then he heard her connect, heard the sleepy snort when she realized who it was, quickly followed by a sudden intake of breath. "Ella?"
"She's fine."
Long exhale. "Jensen, sweetheart…" That was quite possibly the most sarcastic endearment he'd ever heard. "I'd just got to sleep."
"Sorry."
"Good." He could hear her fingernails tapping against the phone. "What's wrong?"
"Jared's gay."
"Sarah…"
"Was surprised."
"No shit."
"He came over to tell me."
"Of course he did. I'm surprised he didn't tell you before he told Sarah."
Actually, now he thought about it, so was Jensen.
"Okay," Danni continued, "this is what you need to do…"
Jensen felt the muscles in his back begin to unknot.
"…fuck him senseless so you can finally move on!"
And they knotted back up again. "That's not… Danni?"
He had a feeling they hadn't lost the signal.
Idjit.
Turning the phone over and over in his hand, he went back to his study and stared down at his sketches and his notes and the annotations on the shooting script and realized if he wanted to figure out what his reaction should be, or if he should have a reaction at all, he needed more information. And if he wanted more information about Jared, there was only one person he could talk to.
Two rings and…
"Some twink blew him in the pool house, Sarah walked in, the J-man had a brain hemorrhage and instead of claiming booze or weed and diminished responsibility and that a mouth's a mouth for Chrissake, declared he was gay, and left the party."
Jensen blinked and attempted to bring his brain back on line. "Jesus, Chad. What happened to hello?"
Chad snorted. "Dude, you only ever call me about Jared and this is the story of the hour. Sarah's already lawyered up -- thank fucking God for comprehensive pre-nups where TMZ equals TMZero cash-wise and that the J-man's not big enough for a media payout to make up the difference."
"He just told me. Why did he…"
"Wait a whole week? Fucked if I know. Maybe he went off to be tested so there'd be nothing standing in the way of your ultimate big gay consummation -- which couldn't have been too fucking ultimate if he just told you and you're talking to me on the phone. Oh wait… unless you fucked him brain dead this time too."
"There was no consummation." He tried to sound matter-of-fact, giving Chad nothing to use against him later -- essential when talking to Chad.
"Please. You trying to tell me you haven't been waiting nine years for his brain to start working again? Although, in all fairness, your brain only started working again three years ago so looking at the bigger picture…"
Jensen slid his thumb over the disconnect and listened to the silence for a while.
"Daddy?"
He turned to see Ella standing in the doorway carefully holding a plate of cookies.
"Where did Jared go?"
It had always been Uncle Chris and Uncle Steve and Uncle Riley and Uncle Jason and -- God help him and keep child services away -- Uncle Chad, but it had never been Uncle Jared. Just Jared. Right from the first time she'd pushed a chubby fist into his mouth and shrieked his name as he mock-chewed her fingers.
Where did Jared go? If felt like a question he'd been asking himself most of his life… even though it had only been eight years. Not nine. Eight.
"I guess he went off to be gay, baby girl."
She snorted, sounding rather terrifying like her great grandmother. "He could do that here. I made cookies!"
***
It was Monday and he hadn't called Jared. At first, because he hadn't known what to say and then because he'd been busy. A nine day turn-around, while two days longer than he'd ever had while acting, was still an insane workload for the director. Especially when the horses were only acting cybernetic and couldn't actually be programmed to do what was needed.
"Fucking four-legged divas," he muttered, shoving the binder with his notes into his backpack as he ran for his car across the barely lit parking lot. Apparently the network had decided to save money by turning every other pole light off.
He saw the figure step out from between two cars just in time to check his speed but not soon enough to avoid impact. They clutched at each other, staggered, and somehow both managed to stay standing.
"Jensen?"
"Sarah?"
Awkward. He let go of her arms, stepped back and had no idea of what to say.
She smiled. "It's okay. You weren't the twink with his face buried in Jared's crotch and, in spite of what half this town thinks, I'm well aware you're not responsible for Jared's actions."
Good thing. Sarah had produced a number of made-for-TV movies and Jensen couldn't afford to piss off anyone who might be hiring. "Still, I'm sorry. Sympathy sorry, not apology sorry," he hastened to add.
Her smile twisted. "Thanks. It's my own fault in a way. I barely knew the man when I married him, caught up and carried away on hurricane Jared."
Jensen had a horrible feeling their smiles matched.
"The worst of it is," she continued, "is that I might have let a few random blowjobs go, they're like party favors around this town, but the asshole had started calling out his ex-wife's name during sex."
"Jared?"
"That would be the asshole, yes."
"Called out his ex-wife's name during sex?
"At least once per the last month or so." She rolled her eyes. "And practice makes perfect, that pre-nup is airtight. I couldn't take him to the cleaners even if I wanted to which I don't because, well, it's Jared. You know."
"Yeah." He knew. No one knew the Jared Padalecki charm better -- half gosh shucks dimpled innocence, half six foot four of hulking sex god, half a need to be liked by everyone he met and don't think for a moment he didn't work his ass off for it. Three halves making up that whole because there was just too much Jared for basic math.
"Hole crap, is that the time?" Sarah's question pulled Jensen's attention back to her. "I've got a late meeting with the money and I can't miss it." She took two steps toward the building and paused. "It was good to see you. Let's not be strangers, okay?"
"Okay." He lifted a hand as she walked away and acknowledged that, in spite of everything, Jared had great taste in women. Every single one of them was strong, independent, intelligent, and talented. And beautiful; but this was Hollywood, that went without saying. After Genevieve, Jared had started moving away from small and dark. Jennifer was all of five six and usually a red head, although her eyes were still dark. Sarah was just under six feet in the power heels she preferred, her hair somewhere between brown and blonde with light eyes. Given the curve, his next wife was likely to be some kind of Nordic Amazon.
Idjit.
Fine, not Amazon. They were female. And Jared was gay. Or he had been on Saturday; precedent suggested two and a half days was plenty of time for that to have changed.
One way to find out. Jensen pulled out his phone, glanced at the time, and tossed it back in his bag as he sprinted for his car. If he didn't hurry, he wouldn't be in time to read to Ella before tucking her in.
***
Tuesday, the stunt coordinator stopped him as he was leaving the set.
Jensen held up a hand before he started talking. "Ray, you're right, sending Marnie off a cliff would look amazing, but network made it very clear we don't have another location in the budget."
"Actually…" Ray paused to push chestnut hair back out of his eyes. "…I was wondering if you wanted to maybe get something to eat."
"You and me?"
Ray glanced around at the complete lack of other people. Dimples flashed as he grinned. "Looks like."
They'd been dancing around each other for months, since Jensen had directed his first episode of Texas Rangers 2510. The timing just never seemed to be right. Still wasn't.
"When I finish the episode," Jensen began.
Ray cut him off. "Why wait?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Think you won't be able to keep your hands off me while we're working the same show? I'm willing to take that chance. If you don't have time for dinner tonight, how about coffee? Then you could bring Ella by on the weekend and we'll grill some burgers while she plays with the dogs. Or Sunday, the beach maybe and…"
"Whoa!" Laughing, Jensen held up both hands. "Episode wraps next Wednesday. What's your hurry?"
"Well…" Ray shifted his weight from foot to foot and looked as sheepish as possible for a man of his size. "…rumor has it that Padelecki's switched teams and I wanted to make sure you knew I was still interested."
"How…?"
"My cousin's his stunt double. Overheard him talking on the phone."
Phone. Jensen really needed to call Jared and tell him how fast rumors were spreading. Except that wasn't really something Jared needed to be told was it? Jesus, Jen, you know how fast rumors spread in this business. The small voice in his head was Jared's this time, pulled up out of memory. Jensen shoved it back where it belonged. The last thing he needed was to hear a replay of that particular conversation.
He refocused to find Ray watching him and shaking his head. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jensen. Maybe we can throw Marnie off the barn roof instead."
"Yeah, that's…" Had he missed something. "Episode wraps next Wednesday," he repeated as Ray turned and walked away.
Ray waved without turning and muttered something Jensen didn't quite catch.
It sounded like…too late.
***
Wednesday morning, after dropping Ella off at kindergarten, Jensen ran into a Whole Foods and picked up a bag of carrots. He'd bribe the damned horses if he had to. Waiting in line at the checkout behind an elderly woman counting out exact change in nickels and pennies for a pack of Slim Jims, three peaches, and a can of sliced beets -- stupid store with their stupid personal touch and their stupid lack of automatic check out lanes -- Jensen felt the person behind him step a little closer.
"Jensen?"
He knew that voice. Hoping this wasn't going to be weird, he turned and smiled. "Jennifer. It's been…" He glanced down at the prominent curve of her stomach and his smile warmed. "…a while."
She laughed. "It has."
They spent a few moments catching up -- about eighteen months ago she'd married a screenwriter Jensen knew by reputation and their daughter was due in five weeks.
"Picked out a name yet," Jensen asked as his carrots were finally scanned.
"Denise or Diana, we're still deciding." Jennifer set her basket on the belt and shifted her bulk forward. "How's Ella?"
"She's terrific."
"I always loved that story of how you and Danneel decided what to name her. How the first time you held her, Danneel saw you'd been enchanted."
Jensen grinned. "Ella enchanted. Still am."
"Jared adored her."
She sounded a little sad but not bitter so Jensen answered honestly. "Still does."
"How is he?"
That was trickier, still it'd be making the tabloids soon enough and Jennifer deserved a bit of warning. "On his way to divorce number three."
"Oh no." Definitely sadder sounding.
As Jensen pocketed his change, he decided to cheer her up. He knew from experience pregnant women had the kind of mood swings that made manic depressives jealous. "He must've just realized what he'd given up. Sarah says he'd been calling out your name at in opportune moments."
"My name?" Her brows rose.
"Well, his ex-wife's name, since you were…" Okay. Awkward. "…you know, the more recent…" Awkwarder.
Jennifer stared at him for a long moment as the clerk rang through her groceries. Finally she smiled, carefully leaned toward him, and kissed him on the cheek. "You're an idiot."
Later, he thought about calling Jared and telling him about running into Jennifer but then he'd have to tell him about her happy second marriage and that seemed… vaguely cruel.
***
Thursday afternoon, racing into the commissary for a coffee on his way to straighten out a problem in editing -- 2nd Unit had the fucking horses and could keep them as far as he was concerned -- Jensen saw Scott Larson, an actor he'd dated briefly over by the steam table and only his desperate need for caffeine kept him moving. The break-up, just after Jared's most recent wedding, hadn't been pretty.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Jensen. Just once I'd like you to look at me and actually see me and not my character! What the hell is it about an emo nerd with daddy issues that gets you so fucking hot anyway?"
Jensen thought he made it in and out without being spotted but when he stopped by the exit to put a lid on his coffee he realized Scott had seen him. Not really surprising since he stood head and shoulders over most of the other people in the room. Don't come over. Don't come over.
It seemed Scott heard his silent plea and stayed where he was. Jensen breathed a silent prayer of thanks as he headed toward editing, wondering what the hell the enthusiastic two thumbs up had been for.
***
Friday, Genevieve left an message on Jensen's voice mail while he attempted to convince his leads that sisters should maybe not spend quite so much time looking at each other's tits.
"Quit being such a coward, Ackles. Call him."
Jared and Genevieve had managed to stay friends. Danneel and Genevieve had declared detente when it became obvious their marriages had crapped out at about the same time. Different reasons though. Jensen and Genevieve had actually worked together on half a dozen shows and were probably closer now than they'd ever been.
Not that he had any intention of just doing as she commanded. Not a precedent he wanted to set.
***
Saturday, and Jensen still hadn't called Jared. But this Saturday -- halfway through a show with all prep done and post still three days away -- was his day with Ella and she came first. Always.
They went for pancakes.
Where she studied her mini stack and said, "Jared makes a smiley face with the syrup. It tastes better."
They went to the playground.
Where she stood with one foot on the bottom step of the slide and said, "Jared lifts me to the very top so I don't have to climb."
They went for ice cream.
Where she took a tentative lick of her mint chocolate chip and said, "Jared says you can't trust green ice cream."
They went to the beach.
Where she dug bare toes into the sand and said, "Do you think Harley misses me? He's so old now maybe he forgets when he doesn't see me."
They did a little shopping.
Where she said, "Jared says that little girls can wear pink only if they're doing it to mock gender specific colors." Then she added, "I don't know what that means. Oh! Daddy! Panda bear jammies!"
When they got home, she curled up on the sofa in her new panda bear jammies and said, "Daddy, are you going to call Jared on your phone?"
Jensen closed his eyes so as not to see the Jared-shaped emptiness in the room and said, "No."
***
On Sunday, Jensen called home.
When Ella finally moved away from the tablet, having filled her grandparents in on everything she'd done over the week, and Jensen settled in her place, his mother frowned.
"You look tired, sweetie. Missing Danni?"
His parents had accepted he was gay while simultaneously not accepting the end of his marriage. And, in all fairness, the fact that he and Danni had continued sharing a house, a life, and everything but a bed probably contributed to their delusions.
"No, it's just…" He waved a non specific response into the air.
"I see." She didn't. She couldn't. But it was easier to pretend to understand than risk Jensen talking about any men he might be seeing. "Have you spoken to Jared lately?"
Not that he was seeing Jared. Or had seen him. Not for a while. And that hadn't started with Jared telling him he was gay. No, Jared had stopped coming around -- except for that once, Jensen amended silently before the Bobby Singer voice could start up -- had stopped calling the moment that twink had gone down on his knees.
"Jensen?"
"I haven't seen him since last Saturday. Why?"
"Sherri called."
As his mother frowned, clearly searching for the right words, Jensen wondered if Jared had actually gone so far as to tell his family he was gay.
"Heartburn, dear?"
"What?"
She gestured and he realized he was pressing his right fist against his chest, feeling his heart pound behind his ribs.
"What did Sherri say, mom?"
"You probably already know…" She brushed her hair back off her face and sighed. "He's getting another divorce."
"Did Sherri say why?" Still a chance.
"He didn't tell her."
And there it went.
"You should call him, Jensen."
"Yeah." He rubbed his palms against his thighs and his heartbeat slowed to normal. Same old, same old. "I should."
***
Monday morning the phone rang and until he saw it was the Texas Rangers 2510 executive producer, Jensen had been certain it was Jared.
You ain't calling him, why the hell should he call you? the Bobby Singer voice sounded amused.
The lot they'd been scheduled to shoot on had been overbooked…
"And if you think I'm not having a few words with fucking Nundin over at Samurai Jesus, think again!"
…and their 11 am crew call had become a 4 pm crew call. Jensen called Karen, wishing he could talk to Ella directly -- her school had put its collective foot down about that during Ella's third week of kindergarten -- and, since he was already in Burbank, went to have an early lunch.
As he waited just inside the doors for his vision to adjust, he spotted a familiar profile bent over a tablet. Waving off the waiter, he moved silently across the room until he was close enough to bend and murmur, "Paging Dr. McCoy."
Sandy shrieked, surged out of her chair, and threw herself into his arms.
If Jensen regretted anything, it was the loss of Sandy as a significant part of his life. Bullshit, snorted the Bobby Singer voice. Is there anything you don't regret?
Jensen allowed Sandy's happy greeting to drown the voice out. He'd been willing to let her go for Jared's sake but Danni had folded her arms, narrowed her eyes, and refused to completely cut the friendship loose. They all got together two or three times a year, although always when Jared was shooting out of town -- even Danni admitted some pots were best left unstirred.
When Jensen sat down, they traded pictures of kids, caught up on jobs -- Sandy had a thriving psychology practice, specializing in grief and separation -- and partners -- her husband was an English professor at USC.
"So," she asked as the waiter set down their food. "Are you seeing anyone?"
Jensen stared at his Rueben and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Oh, Jensen…"
His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Stupid air conditioning. He took a large swallow of water.
"Jared told me what happened eight years ago."
Later, after the waiter had brought her a new napkin to replace the one she'd used to wipe the water off her face, and Jensen had apologized for about five minutes straight -- all those years in Canada had apparently stuck -- Sandy smiled and wrapped slender fingers around his hand.
And hung on.
So he couldn't run for it.
"He didn't tell me right away, of course; we were in Paris getting engaged. Maybe he thought it would ruin the mood."
Jensen winced.
"Okay, you're not ready to laugh about it yet." She used her free hand to pick a cherry tomato out of her salad. "He told me about that night with you after I found out about the girls. And it's funny, I think I could have accepted a bit of meaningless sex, a panicked response to an impending marriage, but you…"
"It was only once."
"I know."
"And he acted like it never happened." He was gone in the morning. His side of the bed already cold. When Jensen called him that afternoon, he and Sandy were just about to go through customs on their way to France.
Wish me luck! he'd said.
Jensen had known exactly where he stood. "And it's old news," he added. "Why are you even bringing it up after all this time?"
Sandy squeezed his hand. "Jared called me a couple of nights ago. Said he wanted to apologize for not listening to me."
"Really?"
"Really."
Jensen picked up his water glass but put it down when Sandy's eyes widened. "So, uh, what did you tell him."
"That he should follow his heart." She flushed slightly. "And that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of passive aggressive sleeping around shit and if he didn't want to marry me, he needed to grow a set and say so."
"Whoa."
"If you'll recall…" She held up three fingers. "…not just one cocktail waitress. But I think that the other night, he was referring to my telling him to follow his heart."
"Which lead him right to Genevieve. And Jennifer. And Sarah."
Sandy shrugged. "In my professional opinion, applying twenty-twenty hindsight, he'd put a lot of effort into turning a skinny geek into Jared Padalecki and he was terrified when he realized he wasn't who he thought he was. And, to be fair, until three years ago, you were lying to the world too."
He'd have told the truth for Jared. But this wasn't about him. "Jared hasn't been terrified for eight years."
"He's a better actor than people give him credit for."
"Sandy…" Jensen took a deep breath and pulled his hand free. "I stood for him at every wedding. He loved those women. He loved you. No one's that good an actor."
"Yes, fine. He loves everyone." Unlike most people who sounded fond and exasperated when they mentioned Jared's ability to fall in love, Sandy sounded impatient. "He loves you more. I was there at the beginning, Jensen. I saw his face when he told me what you'd done."
"What we'd done." Jensen tried for a cocky grin but suspected it landed somewhere closer to pathetic-and-trying-to-hide-it. "You make it sound so sordid."
"When you came out, we all thought…"
"I know." So had he. Although not for long.
"To each his own right? I just want you to be happy, man." Jared went in for a hug, paused, and grinned. "This isn't going to be weird now is it? 'Cause you're still my BFF. And I want you be my best man when I marry Jennifer."
He felt like he should point out that he hadn't been waiting around for Jared to get his head out of his ass but this was Sandy and she wouldn't be polite about not believing him. He looked down at his congealing sandwich and suddenly wasn't hungry. "Did Jared tell you he's decided he's gay?"
"No. But that explains the phone call." She studied him thoughtfully. "What are you going to do?"
"Do? I'm not going to do anything." Jensen jumped as the bread stick in his hand cracked into half a hundred pieces. He didn't even remember picking it up. "Precedent suggests that me knowing he's into guys doesn't mean much. "
"Jensen…"
"Danni says I should just fuck him senseless and move on."
"Danni's smart. Do you want to move on?"
"I'm not stuck!" He felt his face heat up as people turned to stare. "And if I was," he muttered, hoping no one recognized him, "it wouldn't matter because nothing's going to happen until he's willing to tell more people than me, the woman he's currently involved with, and Chad."
Sandy's brows disappeared up under her hair and a piece of lettuce fell off her fork. "He told Chad?"
"He tells Chad everything."
"Oh for…"
Jensen had to admit, Sandy's opinion of Chad -- she was still expanding on the details when the waiter showed up with the bill -- made him feel a lot better about himself. Which was, he supposed, pretty much the reason for Chad's existence.
***
Jensen spent Tuesday evening on the couch with Ella, helping her work her way through one of Nickelodeon's Choose Your Own Adventure shows. When the door to his study opened, he turned, not so much expecting it to be Jared as sure that was who it was going to be.
And when the hell did you become a thirteen year old girl? sneered the Bobby Singer voice.
"If you're waiting for Prince Charming, I ain't him," Chris snorted.
Jensen blinked. "You sound just like…"
"Uncle Chris!" Ella kicked him in the stomach as she threw herself off the couch and into Chris' arms.
He swung her around, set her back on the floor, looked over her head, and said, "I've been trying to get hold of your ass for almost two hours!"
Ella tugged at his sleeve. "Ass is…"
"It's a body part, darlin'. Two hours, Jensen."
"My phone's dead." He'd been running out of excuses not to call. "Ella and I have been enjoying the quiet."
Chris stared at him for a long moment. "So you don't know what your boy's been up to?" Tucking Ella up under one arm, he advanced on the couch, and pulled his phone from the holster on his belt. "It's a good thing I saved it, because you can't fucking time shift west in California."
"Saved what?" Jensen demanded as Ella squirmed free and pulled a dollar from the wallet Chris tossed her.
"Ellen."
"Is she still on? What?" he asked as both Chris and his daughter turned on him. "I don't watch daytime TV. Why would I…"
Chris shoved the phone at him as a familiar voice said, "…but you married three women and were engaged to a fourth."
Jared smiled a little sheepishly at Ellen. "Like I said, an extended identity crisis." Dimples flashed as the studio audience laughed then he rubbed his hands on his thighs, suddenly serious. "Actors, aren't the most secure people in the world and external validation is part of the job. It was a lot less terrifying to just be who everyone thought I was. I knew how they'd react to him."
"But you're not terrified now?"
"Yeah, well, I had an epiphany."
Ellen grinned. "Is that what the kids are calling it now." When Jared didn't join the laughter, Ellen cut it short. "So, you're gay. Anyone special in your life?" Her brows rose and fell.
It sounded like the entire audience was holding their breath.
"I hope so." Jared turned and looked directly at the camera. "I'm still waiting for him to call me."
"How long are you going to wait?"
"As long as it takes. I owe him about eight years."
Jensen stared at his reflection in the suddenly dark screen.
"It goes to commercial there," Chris explained. "I didn't bother keeping the rest."
Jensen stared a moment longer. "My phone is dead."
"So use mine, or Karen's, or Ella's because I know for a fact Jared is one of her five numbers. Or," Chris grinned as Jensen turned to face him. "You could go talk to him. He's back at the Sunlight Towers, his home between divorces, and the only place that'll let him stay with that ugly mutt."
"Harley's not ugly!" Ella protested. "He's old!"
"My mistake." He kissed the top of her head. "Shit or get off the pot, Jenny."
"Shit is…"
"It's a bodily function, darlin'. I'll stay with Ella, you go get your man."
***
The clerk at the front desk had seen the show.
"I shouldn't tell you this," she said, leaning forward and pulling her uniform shirt aside so Jensen could see a copy of the old Supernatural protection tattoo on the upper curve of her left breast, "but I've always been rooting for you guys. Room 1243. He's in."
The elevator took so long to get to the twelfth floor, Jensen had time to revise his opening statement about a dozen times. When he realized he was working out the blocking, and trying to figure out the best place for the cameras, he decided his time would be better spent just banging his head lightly against the walls.
He wasn't directing this. He had no control over what would happen when Jared answered the door.
Of course, Jared wouldn't answer the door if he couldn't bring himself to knock on it.
Idjit, said the Bobby Singer voice.
Jensen decided not to argue. He raised his hand and knocked.
Jared opened the door so quickly he had to have been standing there, peering through the security peephole, watching Jensen listen to the voices in his head.
"My phone was dead."
Jared blinked at him. Then smiled, slowly. "Okay."
"That's why I didn't call."
"Okay."
"The girl at the desk…"
"Yeah. She showed me too." Eyes locked on Jensen's face, Jared stepped back out of the doorway. "Are you going to come in?"
"Sure." But it took him a moment to actually walk into the room. He turned as Jared closed and locked the door. Stood his ground as Jared moved a little closer.
"When I told you, that night when I came to your house, I thought…"
"I'd just fall into your arms?" Jensen folded his arms. Unfolded them again. "After eight years? After a night that you wanted to believe never happened?"
"I was scared."
"Yeah, that's what Sandy said."
"Sandy's pretty smart." Jared glanced down at the carpet and, when he looked up, his expression literally took Jensen's breath away. The other emotion that night in Jensen's study hadn't been more guilt. It had been hope. Just like it was hope now. "I'm so sorry, Jen."
Jen.
Jared was the only person in the world who called him that.
"It wasn't one of your ex-wives' names you were calling out, was it?"
Jared blushed scarlet. "You talked to Sarah too?"
"I was…" Frowning, Jensen thought back over the last week. "…time traveling."
Jared opened his mouth and closed it again. "Okay," he said at last. "I guess it only matters that you ended up here."
"If you're going to be gone in the morning…"
"I won't be. Not this time." Close enough now to touch, Jared studied Jensen's face like he'd never seen it before. Like he couldn't believe this was happening to him. "Do we have to talk about this? I mean, right now. We can talk later but ever since I realized what I really wanted, I haven't been able to stop thinking of that night and if I don't get to touch you soon, I'll…"
Jensen rested his hands on Jared's waist, thumbs stroking the warm skin in the perpetual gap between t-shirt and jeans. Talk was over-rated. "So touch me."
"Harley! Down!"
Behind him, Jensen heard the old dog grumble as he got off the bed and then Jared's mouth was over his, hot and perfect, and he couldn't hear anything but the blood roaring in his ears.
They were still half dressed when Jared gasped, "Wait. Ella?"
"Oh for fucksake, Jay…" Jensen shoved Jared flat and bit the curve of his shoulder. "… Ella loves you. I love you."
Jared froze.
Jensen sighed and sat back. He'd said the same words eight years ago and Jared had run. He couldn't decide if it was better or worse that that this time he'd said it before instead of after. "If that's not why I'm here…"
Before he could move any further, Jared grabbed his arm. "That's exactly why you're here."
The next thing Jensen knew, he was flat on his back, Jared spread out over him, frantically touching everything he could reach.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. Where the hell did you find button fly jeans?!"
Later, lying with his head on Jared's shoulder, sweat and other fluids sticking their bodies together, Jensen poked a muscular side and said, "It's been over two hours, why haven't you proposed yet?"
"Just waiting for the divorce to come through," Jared murmured sleepily. "I'm thinking Vegas."
"No, we do this right. In front of your parents and mine. Ella's going to want to be a flower girl."
"You're serious?"
Jensen shifted so he could meet Jared's gaze. "This is either forever or it's over, Jay. I can't go through that again."
"It's forever."
"Good."
Jared's eyes gleamed. "But there's this chapel…"
"No Elvis impersonators."
Dimples flashed. "Fine."
Jensen got himself comfortable again. "Hey Jay? You ever hear Bobby Singer's voice telling you that you’re an idjit?"
He felt Jared's lips against the top of his head. "All the damned time."