i'm going to go check into the hospital now.

i'm pretty fucking scared.

trying to be all strong. and act like i can do this. like i've done this a thousand times before. because i feel like i have. just in other ways.

wish me luck.

tell me i'm gonna be alright.

i just might believe you.

i'm in st. louis.

the minute the plane landed my heart sighed a sigh of relief.

like seriously. i feel so much better. totally needed this.

tomorrow is spur of the moment trip to chicago and i'm kind of excited. best birthday present ever.

it just keeps getting worse and worse.

and every new test, reveals something else i didn't want to know.

and i can't write anything else in here until things get better. or there's some kind of fucking tiny ray of hope. because right now there is nothing.

and i just can't deal.

just a few things that have nothing to do with sickness. because i'm tired of feeling it. and talking about ( Read more... )

i had to go to the hospital again.

more pills. more tests. blood tests.

testing for everything i've ever been afraid of in my whole life.

it all had to happen sooner or later. i was just hoping maybe it was all in my head and this would never have to happen.

i'm not even going to look back on 2007. for every horrible shitty thing i can think of an awesome thing. so why even try ( Read more... )

ok so once again i'm trying to be all gung ho christmas. it didnt really pan out last year. and christmas was blah. but i think i've got people on board to walk up to the christmas tree again. lets see if i can like not pass out this year and the tree can NOT MYSTERIOUSLY GO OUT AT 12:22AM, causing me to run down the hill screaming ( Read more... )

so. why did i go to the hellogoodbye/say anything show last night? because tress and deb couldnt go and gave me their tickets. and they had like front row balcony seats. i wasnt going to go but i went late and caught like the last two say anything songs. which is sad because i wanted to see them more. or maybe i should say i wanted to see MAX more ( Read more... )

manchester orchestra: http://www.redmusic.com/streams/ManchesterOrchestra/manchester_conan.movRead more... )

i dont know whats been going on lately. i just know it involves a bunch of emo. and things falling apart ( Read more... )