This I promise you (21/?)
“Sleep well Stephanie.” He offered gently as he carefully wrapped an arm around me. I knew lying there though that it would be hours before I actually fell asleep, my mind was still swimming with so many things. How would Isabella react to having Nick around? Was he really sure that he wouldn’t mind having a toddler running around? It was all so new to me, I hadn’t seen anyone since Tyler so I didn’t ever have to deal with this situation.
I forced myself to move away from his shoulder trying to get comfortable. Curling up against a pillow I let a sigh escape my lips. “Steph? What’s on your mind?”
Damn it, he was still awake, I had been hoping that maybe he’d drifted off to sleep. “Nothing, just trying to get comfortable.” I didn’t know how it was possible that Tyler could almost be in jail and yet he was still ruining my life.
“Let me try this again, Stephanie what’s on your mind?”
“Just trying to get used to everything that’s all. I’ve always been someone who’s very in control of my life and now everything is spinning wildly out of control.” I sighed closing my eyes knowing how that was going to sound.
“In a bad way?” I couldn’t bare to look at him for fear of how he might have reacted.
“No, well not all of it that is. It’s this whole thing with Tyler again, I was just finally starting to deal with being raped the first time and now this. H-how am I supposed to deal with this? I never told anyone the first time, I always thought maybe telling someone would have made it better but now I see it doesn’t.” Perhaps it wasn’t the only thing that was on my mind but it was a good start at least.
Rolling up on his side, Nick looked at me. “Is that what this is about? What that ass hole did to you? I understand what this is like but not sleeping wont help this situation out any. You said you were just getting over the first time, look at it this way, you have a beautiful little girl because of it.”
“It’s not that easy. I know I should be happy about Isabella and it’s not that I’m not happy about her, I love that little girl,” I stopped, attempting to fight the tears that were building and threatening to fall again. “but I cant stand the events that led up to it. When I close my eyes at night, all I can think about is what he did to me. He controls me now and he knows it.” I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore and instead let them fall.
“No one controls you Stephanie.” Nick offered pulling me against himself allowing me to cry into his shoulder. “Not unless you let them. I will be more than willing to help you through this but I’m not a qualified psychiatrist by far. Maybe that’s what you need.”
“I wont go see a shrink, they failed me as a kid, I wont try and do it twice.” I sighed shaking my head before I looked back at him. “Besides there’s a lot of it that I refuse to talk about with someone I don’t even know.”
“Alright, I understand but if you change your mind then let me know.” He offered gently before pulling back to look at me. “I meant what I said, I want you happy.”
“Like you wanted Kristy happy?” I felt the muscles in his arms tighten as his face turned horror struck as he looked at me.
“G-Greg told you?” I was having trouble figuring out if he was upset or if he was shocked.
“He mentioned her, he said that things didn’t work out with her but that’s all he said. I’m not upset.” I watched him trying to figure out how to make him feel any better about the situation.
“She was killed.” His voice was hoarse as he looked at me. “by her pimp.” He shook his head before running a hand over his head. It had to be a nervous twitch, that he was used to running a hand through his hair but there was no hair left right now. “I really liked her, perhaps almost loved her.”
“I’m sorry. Greg made it sound like you broke up with her.” I pursed my lips trying to figure out how to make this right again.
“It’s alright, you couldn’t have known.” He shook his head as he rolled onto his back eyes drifting to the ceiling as he did. “Greg’s never very specific and he tends to share more than he should. I-I was blamed for her murder.”
“I’m sorry.” My hands were beginning to shake as I pushed myself up off the bed moving to my suitcase, unzipping a pocket on the outside and pulling a pen from within.
“Looking for something?” He asked before pushing himself up onto his arm again.
“Mhm. Insulin pen. I forgot to use it after dinner.” Taking the cap off and jabbing myself, I finally put it away again. “Normally it doesn’t act up unless I’m stressed out but these last few days it’s been all over the place.”
“You’re a diabetic?” He looked confused now as he looked at me as he did. “I mean, I guess it’s not like I’ve been with you all the time but I’m trying to figure out how I missed that.”
“It’s boarderline, I have days when I need it and days when I don’t.” I offered with a small shrug before sitting on the bed and crossing my legs again. “It’s normally worse when I’m under great amounts of stress, like now. I can still have sugar, as long as I watch what it is and how much I have. Which is probably a good thing because if I couldn’t have chocolate then I’m pretty sure I would die.”