(no subject)
Alright I'm in the worse mood right now, I really hate living with my grandparents. My life is just so fucked up even before I was actually born. Ok I feel like I just need to get all this out. Lets start from the beginning I dont know who my dad is I never knew him. My mom didn't really raise me, my aunt did. My mom was fairly young when she had me so she'll like 34 and I'm about 15 ^^ anyway moving on. My mom has her own place about an hour away it's down the stree from my aunts house, and it's all because my mom is like suffering from past depression and shit and now she's metally unstable and theres no chance in hell that she can raise me. So I'm stuck here with my grandparents who are really mean, my grandma constantly bitches about me likeing SlipKnot and Kane... and everyday I have to explain to her why I love them and everyday she bitches more. I go to school each day to only have people lable me a goth for the things I like... it fucking sucks. Okay jumping stories again I finally decided to go to homecomming after serching 3 malls for a dress that fit right and knowing i wont have a date I found two dresses. One that was black and looked kind of evil and the other that reminded me of Lita's second wedding dress but black and longer and not as well...slut-ish. I told my grandma to go get one the dresses for me and she says I'm a whore for wanting that, that i cant get them, i'm such a slut. Ok one dress shows part of my back THATS IT! its so stupid. Now I cant go to homecomming anymore... Not to mention my grandparents are catholic i think thats great for them but they are forcing me to go through a bunch of shit to become catholic too... maybe I DONT want to be catholic yet... maybe I want to see my other choices but no i get forced into everything. I hate this house so much I really want to run away I just wish there was somewhere I could go that no one would find me. And then to add to all my fucking problems I feel like cutting again I know cuttings bad and you shouldnt do it but i just feel like I HAVE to... it sucks I just wish I could go to sleep... and never have to wake up again... and dream of Kane the whole time cause that would make my life complete. I know I probably sound like a suicidal maniac I just cant deal with this all... I'm finally having ANOTHER breakdown... and I just need to get away from life for a few days. It's horrible and I cant stop listening to Lita's theme song cause it like gets me pumped and I can just yell "So FUCK your rules man" and it feels so good to scream. Does anybody have some rational ideas for what I should do? I didnt know if anyone really wanted to hear about all my problems, or my past so I put it under cut