The comedown
Amsterdam was good. I mean, it was really good. By the time I was leaving, I felt I'd just hit a rhythm, but had to head home. 5 days wasn't enough. I'm not going back to work tomorrow, but I will be doing work on the house (namely my room), with my dad.
And this may be related to why I woke up irrationally angry this morning. I needed to stay in bed for another hour just getting to a point where the outside world was a good idea.
Once I got into the outside world, I started getting down on myself. My alopecia is asserting itself more at the moment. So, I might have to abandon thoughts of even getting what I have styled, and may have to shave it all. And the reason I need to do that is there's a sliver of a chance that I might be on a customer site in the new year. Then when I look at what I patches I have on the "good" side, of my scalp, and on the "bad" side of my scalp, I realise it's just identical, and start wondering if it's not even alopecia but just straight up male-pattern.
And then there's the house-work coming this week. I know it's going to be harsh, but I'm afraid he's also going to use the opportunity to make demands. To throw out anything that doesn't match his idea of what I should be. And yeah, how the everloving fuck am I still in this position?
So yeah, that's the comedown, without even addressing the holiday.
And this may be related to why I woke up irrationally angry this morning. I needed to stay in bed for another hour just getting to a point where the outside world was a good idea.
Once I got into the outside world, I started getting down on myself. My alopecia is asserting itself more at the moment. So, I might have to abandon thoughts of even getting what I have styled, and may have to shave it all. And the reason I need to do that is there's a sliver of a chance that I might be on a customer site in the new year. Then when I look at what I patches I have on the "good" side, of my scalp, and on the "bad" side of my scalp, I realise it's just identical, and start wondering if it's not even alopecia but just straight up male-pattern.
And then there's the house-work coming this week. I know it's going to be harsh, but I'm afraid he's also going to use the opportunity to make demands. To throw out anything that doesn't match his idea of what I should be. And yeah, how the everloving fuck am I still in this position?
So yeah, that's the comedown, without even addressing the holiday.