wot
Its been a week, the sort of bizarre-sauce stressful doom week that makes me literally want to curl up into a ball of depressed, frustrated "I give up" and, well, give up.
Word from the Advisor-fellow is that there is a larrrge chance no matter when I get him my basically-final (i.e., no more revisions until orals board) draft he won't get it back to me in time to turn it in until Thesis Thursday, three days after my desired deadline (Monday) and I could totally be done by Monday. I could I am SO determined.
The main reason are these eight pages he wanted Monday, but didn't tell me until Monday at noon that he wanted by Monday at 5 which left me not enough time to write them so now because of what might seriously be eight pages I might not get my laurels until Thursday, assuming the draft is good enough ,which given Derek's standards it won't be.
I am oddly resigned to it. That beaten dead horse feeling having sunk not so much into my bones as into the tense ridiculous spots in my shoulders that used to be functional. I have worked so hard, for so long, I ran 24 dogs in basically a week and a few days with Superstar McGee, and you know what, that's that, right. I'll finish before Friday, so, eh. Also two experiments that I can be proud of, that have null results but a lot a lot of labor and thought. Like my second paradigm is sweet shit.
Then, because even if I can't be Done, I can be done, I stayed up until 4:30 doing revisions on it (and then 5 being unable to admit I should stop) with work at 8:30, which I showed up for. And am in fact at. The shocking thing is despite this, I still like my thesis, I'm so pleased with how it is turning out. Amusingly, this is the first time ever I've seen my phone read 5:00 in an am sense. I shoulda stayed up for sunrise, but that would have been idiotic.
Other things?
Geoff of all people has been immensely useful and (in his own Geoff way) really supportive. He is a novel friend in that he displays affection about 1 miiilllonth of the time which makes it hard to be like "yeah, we're friends" since I get more hugs and really effort from acquaintances, but he has such a "suck it up" attitude and his stoicism is a nice contrast to the sympathy. I love the sympathy, being able to do things like curl up against Wes and just be quietly emotionally crushed is really comforting, don't get me wrong, but I also like being told to "suck it up" and other semitrite wisdoms. His approach is basically "you're right, that sucks, so what?" and my answer is pretty much to get annoyed at his lack of sympathy and then realize he's right. Because clearly if I absolutely can't control when my thesis gets in, I absolutely can't control when my thesis gets in. And since I am going to turn it in regardless, then 'eh'. Unfortunately, I think as far as academics goes, my do it anyone attitude works better than his. So, while it remains the most original friendship I've ever been half of, it pleases me a lot and I think ultimately we are fairly good friends, which makes me quite happy. I still wanna sleep with him, but it doesn't really matter ^_^ especially considering the number of my guy friends to whom I am at least vaguely sexually attracted. I swear it's a subconscious manfriend criteria.
Things are also working out rather wonderously with Miss Monikins, who has so far been a faboo housemate, though all of us spend more time in the living room at night when we should be in bed. I have high hopes for this not being another epic room-mate explosion. Also she fills the house with food and cooks and makes me go home. Which is going to be rare for the next bit, so yay. And in general, as I've said before, we just kinda click and it works and our childish insanities and emotional maturities match up basically spot-on.
Also going really well (see how positive I am on my 3.25 hours of sleep!) is Miss RaRa, who has been kindly inobtrusive with her laurel-having (though I am soso glad for her and it is really awesome to be like ohh yeah my officemate is done, bitchezzz and I can't wait 'til she starts wearing them like for reals!). It's so funny to be thrown together with someone you only sort of know and figure out how to make it work with your weird quirks and their weird quirks and a tiny all the time shared space. We've basically gone through about an entire college of friendship creation (including various freshman year room mate battles) in a much smaller time. Anyway, she's lovely and brings me presents and says nice things and lets me take control even though she doesn't know any of my music. I kinda wish she had thesis to work on, so I wouldn't have to be all alooone in the office at night so often, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone so it's a very vague, Ra!Ra! should hang out here more often concept, though we'd probably have Spice GIrl Dance Party topless wonder time more than get work done time (but, really, what's wrong with that?).
As long as this post has turned into "why my friends rock" I would like to spotlight Miss Alyssa after whom having lost touch with for aaages, I have become awesome good friends with, complete with snuggles and makeouts and joy. Her role in my continued sanity is large and wonderous and fill me with happy (and snuggles!).
Okay, this is absurd, but better than just bitchangsting about thesis. Wheeeee!
Word from the Advisor-fellow is that there is a larrrge chance no matter when I get him my basically-final (i.e., no more revisions until orals board) draft he won't get it back to me in time to turn it in until Thesis Thursday, three days after my desired deadline (Monday) and I could totally be done by Monday. I could I am SO determined.
The main reason are these eight pages he wanted Monday, but didn't tell me until Monday at noon that he wanted by Monday at 5 which left me not enough time to write them so now because of what might seriously be eight pages I might not get my laurels until Thursday, assuming the draft is good enough ,which given Derek's standards it won't be.
I am oddly resigned to it. That beaten dead horse feeling having sunk not so much into my bones as into the tense ridiculous spots in my shoulders that used to be functional. I have worked so hard, for so long, I ran 24 dogs in basically a week and a few days with Superstar McGee, and you know what, that's that, right. I'll finish before Friday, so, eh. Also two experiments that I can be proud of, that have null results but a lot a lot of labor and thought. Like my second paradigm is sweet shit.
Then, because even if I can't be Done, I can be done, I stayed up until 4:30 doing revisions on it (and then 5 being unable to admit I should stop) with work at 8:30, which I showed up for. And am in fact at. The shocking thing is despite this, I still like my thesis, I'm so pleased with how it is turning out. Amusingly, this is the first time ever I've seen my phone read 5:00 in an am sense. I shoulda stayed up for sunrise, but that would have been idiotic.
Other things?
Geoff of all people has been immensely useful and (in his own Geoff way) really supportive. He is a novel friend in that he displays affection about 1 miiilllonth of the time which makes it hard to be like "yeah, we're friends" since I get more hugs and really effort from acquaintances, but he has such a "suck it up" attitude and his stoicism is a nice contrast to the sympathy. I love the sympathy, being able to do things like curl up against Wes and just be quietly emotionally crushed is really comforting, don't get me wrong, but I also like being told to "suck it up" and other semitrite wisdoms. His approach is basically "you're right, that sucks, so what?" and my answer is pretty much to get annoyed at his lack of sympathy and then realize he's right. Because clearly if I absolutely can't control when my thesis gets in, I absolutely can't control when my thesis gets in. And since I am going to turn it in regardless, then 'eh'. Unfortunately, I think as far as academics goes, my do it anyone attitude works better than his. So, while it remains the most original friendship I've ever been half of, it pleases me a lot and I think ultimately we are fairly good friends, which makes me quite happy. I still wanna sleep with him, but it doesn't really matter ^_^ especially considering the number of my guy friends to whom I am at least vaguely sexually attracted. I swear it's a subconscious manfriend criteria.
Things are also working out rather wonderously with Miss Monikins, who has so far been a faboo housemate, though all of us spend more time in the living room at night when we should be in bed. I have high hopes for this not being another epic room-mate explosion. Also she fills the house with food and cooks and makes me go home. Which is going to be rare for the next bit, so yay. And in general, as I've said before, we just kinda click and it works and our childish insanities and emotional maturities match up basically spot-on.
Also going really well (see how positive I am on my 3.25 hours of sleep!) is Miss RaRa, who has been kindly inobtrusive with her laurel-having (though I am soso glad for her and it is really awesome to be like ohh yeah my officemate is done, bitchezzz and I can't wait 'til she starts wearing them like for reals!). It's so funny to be thrown together with someone you only sort of know and figure out how to make it work with your weird quirks and their weird quirks and a tiny all the time shared space. We've basically gone through about an entire college of friendship creation (including various freshman year room mate battles) in a much smaller time. Anyway, she's lovely and brings me presents and says nice things and lets me take control even though she doesn't know any of my music. I kinda wish she had thesis to work on, so I wouldn't have to be all alooone in the office at night so often, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone so it's a very vague, Ra!Ra! should hang out here more often concept, though we'd probably have Spice GIrl Dance Party topless wonder time more than get work done time (but, really, what's wrong with that?).
As long as this post has turned into "why my friends rock" I would like to spotlight Miss Alyssa after whom having lost touch with for aaages, I have become awesome good friends with, complete with snuggles and makeouts and joy. Her role in my continued sanity is large and wonderous and fill me with happy (and snuggles!).
Okay, this is absurd, but better than just bitchangsting about thesis. Wheeeee!