Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 4

[delta_mike]

( Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

• Not to install next to some of the more interesting equipment in the campus tunnel system, signs that read, "It is perfectly safe to walk past this device."
• ... Similarly, painting lurid crosshairs on the concrete wall or ground next to such equipment is contraindicated.
• Attach hazard labels to computer equipment with an explosive-hazard glyph, and the text, "DANGER: This unit is fitted with an anti-theft device. If siren sounds, stand well clear." Whilst we appreciate the cost-effectiveness of such a security solution, the stickers are worrying the security, cleaning and -- most importantly -- the secretarial staff, and is making it somewhat difficult for us to carry our laptops internationally..
• Disable the spam filter on a user's account to convince them of its efficacy.
• Hollow out any space underneath the central lawn area, nor house aircraft of any kind anwyhere on site.
• ... this includes that remote-control quadrocopter with the lasers attached.
• Responses to requests of the form, "I'd like to speak to your supervisor" should not include phrases such as, "Do not mistake me for some conjurer of cheap tricks". Even if they are a bolshy student from outside the department trying to score some free OS licenses.
• Not to violate any clause of the Geneva Conventions at any time.
• Not to construct, or bring on-site, portable or fixed-emplacement electromagnetic pulse devices for 'secure data wiping operations' or for any other purpose without permission.
• Acceptable strategies for replacing out-of-date OS installations do not include a bulk mail-shot that reads: "Anyone found with an operating system installation from prior to 2009 will be donated to the bioinformaticians for genetic sampling. A floor-by-floor audit begins in 15 minutes. Get cracking."
• ... Similarly, threatening to configure such old installations to play Barbie Girl, Go Go Power Rangers and similar dreck at maximum volume, on loop, until they're reinstalled is a no-no.
• ... Configuring all of the Undergraduate lab workstations to play the first few bars of the Imperial March when you enter the room was very cool, and we're very impresed how you wired up PulseAudio, a multicast RTP broadcaster, and a control interface on your Android phone to make it happen. But no.
• WE TAKE IT BACK! Don't make ANY noise when you move. ESPECIALLY NOT TICKING!

( Continued!) Edited to add: Sticker designs, because I was asked ever so nicely:

(SVG)


(SVG)

Please don't do something silly like slap this on a laptop and take it through an airport. You might get me in trouble!