Bartender's Log, Bardate 2.04.06:
I've never witnessed anyone dying before.
I didn't go see René right before she died.
The last time I saw my great grandmother was about three months before she passed away.
Thursday night, after school, I went with Jamie to her grandmother's house.
A week ago, J's great grandmother was given 3-6 months to live. Her lung cancer had spread down to her liver. She was 76.
Thursday morning, the doc said 2 days. So I went with Jamie to say goodbye to her great grandmother.
They say that when people are ready to go, they die peacefully.
I think her family was more at peace than she was.
We got there at about 8...and she passed away at about 8:15.
Her eyes were moving and she was trying to nod to what her daughter said... and then she just stopped. Her eyes were fixed on Jamie's mom--her granddaughter.
Four generations, gathered into one room. Everybody crying and talking about how great she was before she even finished dying.
I swear, the moment she actually /died/ I could feel the room get colder.
Her eyes stayed open, fixed on J's mom...her mouth was open (probably because she was on oxygen). It looked like she was terrified of leaving us and wanted to stay fixed in our minds, somehow.
Yeah, I cried too...couldn't help it. I felt somewhat connected with Mark, who was also crying...his dad died recently.
Is that what my grandmother looked like when she died? Weak, fragile, afraid? Was that the lady who kept her toes in a jar?
J's grandmother kept saying that her great grandma claimed she "had somewhere to go" and tried to get out of bed right before we left.
Right after she died, I couldn't take it anymore...and Jamie and I got up and went down into the basement.
Halfway down the basement stairs, I nearly fell face-first the rest of the way. Apparently, I twisted my knee. I could barely bend it all night, all day yesterday, and I'm still iffy on it today.
I don't know how it happened. I just know that I've also had a perpetual headache that painkiller doesn't touch since then.
Hm.
In other news...I had to/have to write a resumé for my class assignment...anyone want to proofread it for me? I've never written a resumé before.