A Near Misses Fanmix Part II, the madness
I DON'T KNOW, a few people mentioned interest in seeing the madness that happens in my brain, and I am more than happy to share! For reference, the fanmix in question!
Know before you read on that I could have gone on a lot longer than this... (Also know that I tried to balance just making a good mix with my inherent love for the story. Results? I don't know what to say! Enjoy?) Should be obvious, but SPOILERS AHOY for the whole story.
Near Misses:
01 that home - The Cinematic Orchestra
So I’m a sucker for all of the things this song has (piano, strings, soft lovely melodies). It’s really the introduction, the prelude, because I love preludes, and I love how this song feels. This sets the tone
Where the windows are breathing in the light
Where the rooms are a collection of our lives
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place that I call my home
Chapter 1: Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson don’t become friends. They don’t become boyfriends. They don’t support each other through bullying, through proms, through fears and disappointments, through different schools, through reaching for their dreams, through the first fumbling steps of love and all that comes after.
They don’t become Kurt-and-Blaine.
This is what happens instead.
02 this is the beginning - Boy
This is Chapter One, and this is Blaine’s song. It’s upbeat, but in a soft, happy way, so it flows from the previous song. “This is the beginning” is such a good refrain for this chapter. (I also feel like this song would have worked for Kurt when he first arrived in NYC.)
Get on the buses, learn numbers and names
Your eyes are the camera, your heart is the frame
Hum a new song as you walk down the streets,
Soon they'll be full with friends and memories.
Chapter 1: Blaine wasn't going to get hurt, and neither was anyone else. It was so simple, the way it should be. He was free.
College was going to be great.
03 animal love I - Charlene Kaye
THE DANCE. This is the dance song. This is the song where they’re all spark and Oh god, “when I look at you baby it's like looking straight into the sun”. Okay, so I have feelings about this song. It’s a lot of Kurt and a little Blaine, and all their connection. I could just shove all the lyrics in, because they make me flaily, but these ones stand out. Also, Charlene Kaye is the only artist with two songs on this fanmix, because Animal Love I and Animal Love II are perfect counterbalances, and I loved putting them both on here.
Tell me, is this for the moment
Or do you really think we could last?
Boy, I really need to know, I don't have time to be played like that
But suddenly you're reaching for my hand
And every sturdy brick crumbles to sand
Chapter 2: It was so hard not to let go entirely, because Kurt wanted it so badly. He wanted the flirting and the smiles and the gentle touches. He wanted to feel connected, to let everything else fall from his shoulders. It was so close, but -
04 closer - Tegan and Sara
I originally had a different song for Chapter Three, but then this single came out, and I had a tiny fit when I heard it because TEGAN AND SARA, and so this was immediately the song for this chapter. I mean, “I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical” and “here come the dreams of you and me” it just goes so well aahh. It also carries over nicely from the last dancey-indie-pop number.
It's not just all physical
I'm the type who won't get oh so critical
So let's make things physical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical
Chapter 3: So Kurt let go a little more and gave himself to the kiss, to the way Blaine's skin felt under his hands, to the way Blaine made little sounds in the back of his throat when Kurt pressed his mouth to Blaine's jaw, his shoulder, his chest. He gave himself to the way they both gasped when their hips lined up, hardness against hardness, to the way Blaine's hands clutched at his ass to rock them together a few times before inching back, to the way Blaine's mouth was even more eager on his after that.
05 thick skin - Hannah Georgas
So this song carries over two chapters, because I didn’t feel like I needed two songs for 4 and 5, as their relationship stays somewhat the same over the two chapters. Also, if This Is The Beginning is Blaine’s starting song, then this is Kurt’s. “It doesn't matter how hard you try / You still get called every other name in the book”. But in particular, this is very much Kurt after the morning after.
Just come prepared with some thick skin
We can all get along for the first five minutes
Then from there, just hold your breath
Try not to let your head spin, yeah
Chapter 4: And it had been such a fucking stupid decision to go to that dance and to give himself over to a boy like that, no matter how lovely and sincere Blaine had seemed, no matter how much of a connection it had felt they'd had while having sex, no matter how special it had seemed and how wonderful it had been to be trusted to go further than he had before, to be wanted that way, to be asked to share so much, because the impersonal, rushed way he'd left the next morning had made it so painfully clear how much Blaine was like everybody else, in it for himself and nothing further. It still made him sick to think of how different he'd been in the light of day.
06 these sore eyes - Gold Motel
Oh man, I love this song. It’s honestly half Kurt, half Blaine, because I can match it to either one of them. Blaine is wrapped up in a lot of guilt about Kurt, and he feels like he must have done something wrong. Kurt is feeling hurt and with Blaine suddenly appearing everywhere in his life, he gets defensive. The song has parts that work for each of them, so it’s kind of a toss up.
blaine:
I go out alone every Saturday night
I come home alone, pretending it's alright
I still read your books underneath city streetlights
These sore eyes are such an awful sight
Chapter 6: Maybe that's why the other guys felt different to Blaine, less, because Kurt had been different. Maybe everything Kurt did was exceptional. Maybe Kurt didn't know how to do things any other way.
It should have been a relief to have figured it out.
Instead it just made Blaine wish Kurt held him in high enough regard to consider him a friend.
OR
kurt:
You come, you go, you're never far away from me
You're gone, you're here, you're in and outta love with me
You come, you go, you're never far away from me
And so I try to find all the reasons why
Chapter 7: Kurt had been very wrong.
The boy who'd sparkled at Kurt on the dance floor and who'd been so completely wrapped up in him in bed was real. He was still in there. He might have been fueled by alcohol that night, but he was still there. It wasn't only the drink. It wasn't only the flare of attraction that Kurt could write off and forget. It wasn't all an angle, a flirtation, a show, or a lie.
The boy who had made Kurt's heart flutter and ache wasn't an aberration. He was still in there, all sweetness and enthusiasm and gentle smiles for Tina that made Kurt's breath catch and his chest hurt to see them.
07 white winter hymnal - Kina Grannis
(This is a guilty pleasure mix, I don’t have to explain myself!) Alright, this is a Blaine (and Warblers) song, and I just love the reference to red scarves and it works nicely here, because I needed something between the last song and the next one.
I was following the pack all swallowed in their coats
With scarves of red tied 'round their throats
To keep their little heads
From falling in the snow
Chapter 7: At first, he smiled at the rows of familiar faces in their matching uniforms. It was amazing how quickly he'd gotten used to seeing his classmates in college in regular clothes; the jackets and ties of Dalton looked a little stiff and strange in comparison, though they'd been as normal to his eyes as ratty t-shirts and shower shoes in class were now. He flicked through the pictures one by one, scrolling quickly past the formal club shots to linger on the candid ones. He found a few from his first year in the group; he couldn't believe how young he looked, all big eyes and even bigger smile. But he looked happy, too, and that's what he remembered the most from joining the Warblers, how happy he'd been to find a place where he not only didn't stand out in a bad way but was accepted and admired for his abilities. He'd been not only welcomed but respected.
08 hoppipolla (sigur ros cover) - Vitamin String Quartet
Still in Chapter Seven! I was a little hesitant about this song, I went back and forth between it and a few others, but I just really like it for the entire coffee scene. It builds in the way I feel their friendship builds in that scene. It’s instrumental, so no lyrics, but I felt like it tied in with a lot of the other songs that have strings/classical motifs.
Chapter 7: Kurt's mouth curved up in an answering smile, and there - finally - was the smile Blaine remembered from their night together and even more remembered from Kurt giving it to his friends. It was warm, happy, and intimate, not in a sexual way but as an expression of a shared, welcome moment between them. "Of course," Kurt said with a quirk of his eyebrow, "this may all be moot."
Blaine sat up straighter. "Moot? Why?"
"Well, you haven't said anything about liking me," Kurt said, bouncing the foot on his crossed leg. "So this friendship could be dead in the water before it even gets out of the dock."
"No," Blaine said. He reached out with his foot and dared to bump Kurt's with his own. "We're going to be friends."
09 the weight of us - Sanders Bohlke
This song is very much their shared background in Ohio, and about high school and bullying. “There are theives, who rob us blind”. It’s a little bit of bonding with the line “I’m not ready for the weight of us”, which in this instance I’m using to refer to their eventual romance. Plus the lovely violin intro leads in nicely from the last song.
The time has come, let us be brave....
Shake off all of your sins, the time has come, let us be brave, let us be brave
Chapter 8: "God, Kurt." Blaine's words were so hushed Kurt could barely hear them over the noise of the train, but there was something in his eyes - not just pity or sympathy but a real, bone-deep, aching understanding of how that must have felt and how it could have been Blaine if their situations had been reversed, the first person who knew of Kurt's story who'd ever had that personal of a reaction - that made Kurt's throat close up and his heart hurt with a hard sort of relief. He hadn't realized how little people had understood that moment, that awful, shame-filled moment, until someone did. Blaine did.
10 on top of the world - Imagine Dragons
This is Kurt’s song. This is post-Review, triumphant Kurt song. “Been dreaming of this since a child.” The end.
'Cause I'm on top of the world, 'ey
I'm on top of the world, 'ey
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
Chapter 9: Kurt had always had to fight for the spotlight. He'd fought for solos, for respect, for a place in a theater program to launch him into his dreams. None of it was easy. He'd lost enough times that looking ahead to the night's performance he couldn't help but be proud that here was another time he was winning. He'd made it happen with his own literal blood, sweat, and tears, and tonight nobody was going to stop him.
It felt amazing.
Tonight he was going to win.
11 welcome home (reprise) - Radical Face
This is the intermission, the going home song. It mirrors That Home a bit in that way. It’s the sort of song I listen to when traveling to visit my family.
Chapter 10: "Welcome home, Kurt," his dad said, enveloping him with his familiar hug and smell that made Kurt feel about three feet shorter, ten years younger, and safe in a way nothing and nowhere else in the world ever did. He let go of the handle of his suitcase and hugged him back, pressing his face into his dad's shoulder and trying not to cry. It felt so good.
12 warm whispers - Missy Higgins
The Lima Bean! This is that song, and it’s mostly here because I wanted something sweet and indulgent for this chapter, and so it’s sweet and indulgent, because I say so. It’s a little bit more Kurt’s perspective, but I think that’s mostly because a) it’s a scene from Kurt’s point of view, and b) because Blaine’s still in oblivious town when it comes to the romantic undertones in their relationship.
Your warm whispers
Out of the dark they carry my heart
Your warm whispers
Into the dawn they carry me through
Chapter 11: "Kurt. I can't believe you did this for me." Blaine's voice was warm and soft and real in his ear, and the near-purr in it made the hair on Kurt's arms lift in unconscious, remembered response. No, he told himself firmly. No. Don't even think about it.
13 read all about it (pt. III) - Emeli Sande
And now you see why we needed sweet sugary music before I lay all my serious piano ballads on you. (I don’t know, do I have a piano bias? DO I.) This is Blaine’s epiphany song, but it’s not always necessarily from his perspective. I didn’t see the rock the boat decision as something upbeat, since for Blaine it felt very difficult, hence the tone. “You've got the light to fight the shadows / so stop hiding it away”, and all that.
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
afraid that you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come on, come on
Chapter 12: If Blaine wasn't happy, it was because he wasn't listening to himself. He needed to figure out how to do that. He needed to be able to want things the way he used to, important things. It didn't matter that it hadn't worked out for him before. It didn't matter that he'd let everyone down in the past. He needed to face his deepest dreams and desires and, even if he couldn't manage to make them happen, at least stop pretending they weren't there.
14 lies (acoustic) - Marina & the Diamonds
Switching characters but not tone, this is Kurt’s heartbreak song, because HONEY OH. (Again, I don’t know, do I have some sort of weird piano ballad affinity? I have no idea what you’re talking about.)The lyrics are pretty self explanatory, hurt, and heartbroken: “I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit / No, I'm not the type that you like”.
You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?
What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?
What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?
Chapter 13: Kurt pulled his legs in more tightly against his body as his tears soaked into the knees of his jeans. He knew he should stop crying. He knew he was stupid to be so upset at all, but the most he could do was keep himself silent besides the shaking wet gasps of his breath.
Blaine was so close to perfect - not as a person, not up on a pedestal, but because he was all of the amazing things that made up Blaine - and he didn't feel the same way about Kurt.
15 can't help falling in love with you - Fleet Foxes
And now for some emotional whiplash: picture Blaine, sitting in a little restaurant with a nice boy he doesn’t love, and then later as he’s walking home alone. This is the song that is playing. Blaine’s second epiphany, aka, oh my god I love Kurt. Cause you know. Reasons. So here, have a love song.
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Chapter 14: Kurt would understand, just like Kurt seemed to understand everything about him, from the importance of a neat knot in one's tie to the draw of old Hollywood glamour to marriage equality to the joy of performing to the best shows on TV to the invisible scars that bullying could leave. Of course Kurt would understand, especially about this subject, because he wanted things like Blaine did. He wanted the very same things Blaine did: romance, passion, loyalty, friendship, companionship, a consuming, adoring, forever kind of love.
Kurt wanted the same things.
Kurt, who was strong and smart and wonderful and gorgeous and talented and kind and funny and so, so good in bed wanted the same things that Blaine did, and he was Blaine's best friend and he was single and he had that way of smiling that made Blaine's stomach flip -
No. No, no, no.
16 animal love II - Charlene Kaye
Okay, so I while I like the song I had originally put here, I had it paired with a sad quote about Kurt walking away and it was supposed to be the sad song before the uplifting finale, but then I realized I never paired anything with the “I want to bring you flowers” line, (which is the best oh feelings) and then I noticed how many of the same type of song I had (ladies and their pianos, man, ladies and their pianos), and thus my inability to finalize mixes, which is why I never post anything ever.
But I really, really love this chapter, and that’s why I get so flaily about it and have been so unable to accurately put a song to it. Because I could just fanmix that chapter on it’s own, I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
Anyway, I can’t deal with how much I love Animal Love II. It’s the more emotional older sister of Animal Love I, and I am still really excited that they bookend (sort of, you know what I mean) Kurt and Blaine’s relationship via the two dances. They fit so well together, but they have very different tones. So here you go. It’s not a sad heartbreak song, it’s not a happy romantic song, it’s just one big emotional build-up.
Tell me ooh
What am I gonna do with this love for you?
Can't throw it out the window
Can't poison it out
Chapter 15: He was out of options.
He didn't know why it hurt so much to have that fact shoved in his face yet again when it had always, always been true.
He inhaled deeply through his nose, keeping his tears at bay. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to -
"I want to bring you flowers," Blaine called after him in a low, choked voice.
17 real love - Regina Spektor
I really like Regina Spektor. Really. Also the harmonies at the beginning are how I picture the opening of Chapter 16. Really most of this could be scattered through that chapter. Although I feel like part of it has to be a little more epic and upbeat and sweeping emotion, hence…
thought i'd been in love before
but in my heart i wanted more
seems like all i really was doing
was waiting for you
Chapter 16: Blaine nodded against the fabric of Kurt's jacket and squeezed him tighter. He needed to feel Kurt there against him, his best friend, his boyfriend, he needed to feel that he was real and there and somehow actually his, because if he woke up from this moment and found out it was a dream that he'd fallen in love with someone who saw into him and cared about him the way Kurt did he was going to be more crushed than he could put words to.
18 around us - Jónsi
The last song! Which I had a LOT of trouble picking! I wanted a perfect song, and I couldn’t decide how I wanted this to end, but I went with my indulgent, epic side and picked Jónsi because it’s uplifting stuff, I don’t think you can listen to this and not smile.
I see the walls, then see them fall
You break through them all
I see you crawl, now you stand tall
HERE ENDETH MY FEELIGNS. (Not true, so many feelings, oh god.)
If you read this far WHY DID YOU DO THAT, I get progressively more capslocky the more I get caught up in a story. While music is the only way I know to express my feelings, it does not always make me more coherent. So yeah, don’t know about your choices there, but I hope some of this music makes you feel some feelings. All the hugs!
The Inspiration | The Fanmix
Know before you read on that I could have gone on a lot longer than this... (Also know that I tried to balance just making a good mix with my inherent love for the story. Results? I don't know what to say! Enjoy?) Should be obvious, but SPOILERS AHOY for the whole story.
Near Misses:
01 that home - The Cinematic Orchestra
So I’m a sucker for all of the things this song has (piano, strings, soft lovely melodies). It’s really the introduction, the prelude, because I love preludes, and I love how this song feels. This sets the tone
Where the windows are breathing in the light
Where the rooms are a collection of our lives
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place that I call my home
Chapter 1: Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson don’t become friends. They don’t become boyfriends. They don’t support each other through bullying, through proms, through fears and disappointments, through different schools, through reaching for their dreams, through the first fumbling steps of love and all that comes after.
They don’t become Kurt-and-Blaine.
This is what happens instead.
02 this is the beginning - Boy
This is Chapter One, and this is Blaine’s song. It’s upbeat, but in a soft, happy way, so it flows from the previous song. “This is the beginning” is such a good refrain for this chapter. (I also feel like this song would have worked for Kurt when he first arrived in NYC.)
Get on the buses, learn numbers and names
Your eyes are the camera, your heart is the frame
Hum a new song as you walk down the streets,
Soon they'll be full with friends and memories.
Chapter 1: Blaine wasn't going to get hurt, and neither was anyone else. It was so simple, the way it should be. He was free.
College was going to be great.
03 animal love I - Charlene Kaye
THE DANCE. This is the dance song. This is the song where they’re all spark and Oh god, “when I look at you baby it's like looking straight into the sun”. Okay, so I have feelings about this song. It’s a lot of Kurt and a little Blaine, and all their connection. I could just shove all the lyrics in, because they make me flaily, but these ones stand out. Also, Charlene Kaye is the only artist with two songs on this fanmix, because Animal Love I and Animal Love II are perfect counterbalances, and I loved putting them both on here.
Tell me, is this for the moment
Or do you really think we could last?
Boy, I really need to know, I don't have time to be played like that
But suddenly you're reaching for my hand
And every sturdy brick crumbles to sand
Chapter 2: It was so hard not to let go entirely, because Kurt wanted it so badly. He wanted the flirting and the smiles and the gentle touches. He wanted to feel connected, to let everything else fall from his shoulders. It was so close, but -
04 closer - Tegan and Sara
I originally had a different song for Chapter Three, but then this single came out, and I had a tiny fit when I heard it because TEGAN AND SARA, and so this was immediately the song for this chapter. I mean, “I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical” and “here come the dreams of you and me” it just goes so well aahh. It also carries over nicely from the last dancey-indie-pop number.
It's not just all physical
I'm the type who won't get oh so critical
So let's make things physical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical
Chapter 3: So Kurt let go a little more and gave himself to the kiss, to the way Blaine's skin felt under his hands, to the way Blaine made little sounds in the back of his throat when Kurt pressed his mouth to Blaine's jaw, his shoulder, his chest. He gave himself to the way they both gasped when their hips lined up, hardness against hardness, to the way Blaine's hands clutched at his ass to rock them together a few times before inching back, to the way Blaine's mouth was even more eager on his after that.
05 thick skin - Hannah Georgas
So this song carries over two chapters, because I didn’t feel like I needed two songs for 4 and 5, as their relationship stays somewhat the same over the two chapters. Also, if This Is The Beginning is Blaine’s starting song, then this is Kurt’s. “It doesn't matter how hard you try / You still get called every other name in the book”. But in particular, this is very much Kurt after the morning after.
Just come prepared with some thick skin
We can all get along for the first five minutes
Then from there, just hold your breath
Try not to let your head spin, yeah
Chapter 4: And it had been such a fucking stupid decision to go to that dance and to give himself over to a boy like that, no matter how lovely and sincere Blaine had seemed, no matter how much of a connection it had felt they'd had while having sex, no matter how special it had seemed and how wonderful it had been to be trusted to go further than he had before, to be wanted that way, to be asked to share so much, because the impersonal, rushed way he'd left the next morning had made it so painfully clear how much Blaine was like everybody else, in it for himself and nothing further. It still made him sick to think of how different he'd been in the light of day.
06 these sore eyes - Gold Motel
Oh man, I love this song. It’s honestly half Kurt, half Blaine, because I can match it to either one of them. Blaine is wrapped up in a lot of guilt about Kurt, and he feels like he must have done something wrong. Kurt is feeling hurt and with Blaine suddenly appearing everywhere in his life, he gets defensive. The song has parts that work for each of them, so it’s kind of a toss up.
blaine:
I go out alone every Saturday night
I come home alone, pretending it's alright
I still read your books underneath city streetlights
These sore eyes are such an awful sight
Chapter 6: Maybe that's why the other guys felt different to Blaine, less, because Kurt had been different. Maybe everything Kurt did was exceptional. Maybe Kurt didn't know how to do things any other way.
It should have been a relief to have figured it out.
Instead it just made Blaine wish Kurt held him in high enough regard to consider him a friend.
OR
kurt:
You come, you go, you're never far away from me
You're gone, you're here, you're in and outta love with me
You come, you go, you're never far away from me
And so I try to find all the reasons why
Chapter 7: Kurt had been very wrong.
The boy who'd sparkled at Kurt on the dance floor and who'd been so completely wrapped up in him in bed was real. He was still in there. He might have been fueled by alcohol that night, but he was still there. It wasn't only the drink. It wasn't only the flare of attraction that Kurt could write off and forget. It wasn't all an angle, a flirtation, a show, or a lie.
The boy who had made Kurt's heart flutter and ache wasn't an aberration. He was still in there, all sweetness and enthusiasm and gentle smiles for Tina that made Kurt's breath catch and his chest hurt to see them.
07 white winter hymnal - Kina Grannis
(This is a guilty pleasure mix, I don’t have to explain myself!) Alright, this is a Blaine (and Warblers) song, and I just love the reference to red scarves and it works nicely here, because I needed something between the last song and the next one.
I was following the pack all swallowed in their coats
With scarves of red tied 'round their throats
To keep their little heads
From falling in the snow
Chapter 7: At first, he smiled at the rows of familiar faces in their matching uniforms. It was amazing how quickly he'd gotten used to seeing his classmates in college in regular clothes; the jackets and ties of Dalton looked a little stiff and strange in comparison, though they'd been as normal to his eyes as ratty t-shirts and shower shoes in class were now. He flicked through the pictures one by one, scrolling quickly past the formal club shots to linger on the candid ones. He found a few from his first year in the group; he couldn't believe how young he looked, all big eyes and even bigger smile. But he looked happy, too, and that's what he remembered the most from joining the Warblers, how happy he'd been to find a place where he not only didn't stand out in a bad way but was accepted and admired for his abilities. He'd been not only welcomed but respected.
08 hoppipolla (sigur ros cover) - Vitamin String Quartet
Still in Chapter Seven! I was a little hesitant about this song, I went back and forth between it and a few others, but I just really like it for the entire coffee scene. It builds in the way I feel their friendship builds in that scene. It’s instrumental, so no lyrics, but I felt like it tied in with a lot of the other songs that have strings/classical motifs.
Chapter 7: Kurt's mouth curved up in an answering smile, and there - finally - was the smile Blaine remembered from their night together and even more remembered from Kurt giving it to his friends. It was warm, happy, and intimate, not in a sexual way but as an expression of a shared, welcome moment between them. "Of course," Kurt said with a quirk of his eyebrow, "this may all be moot."
Blaine sat up straighter. "Moot? Why?"
"Well, you haven't said anything about liking me," Kurt said, bouncing the foot on his crossed leg. "So this friendship could be dead in the water before it even gets out of the dock."
"No," Blaine said. He reached out with his foot and dared to bump Kurt's with his own. "We're going to be friends."
09 the weight of us - Sanders Bohlke
This song is very much their shared background in Ohio, and about high school and bullying. “There are theives, who rob us blind”. It’s a little bit of bonding with the line “I’m not ready for the weight of us”, which in this instance I’m using to refer to their eventual romance. Plus the lovely violin intro leads in nicely from the last song.
The time has come, let us be brave....
Shake off all of your sins, the time has come, let us be brave, let us be brave
Chapter 8: "God, Kurt." Blaine's words were so hushed Kurt could barely hear them over the noise of the train, but there was something in his eyes - not just pity or sympathy but a real, bone-deep, aching understanding of how that must have felt and how it could have been Blaine if their situations had been reversed, the first person who knew of Kurt's story who'd ever had that personal of a reaction - that made Kurt's throat close up and his heart hurt with a hard sort of relief. He hadn't realized how little people had understood that moment, that awful, shame-filled moment, until someone did. Blaine did.
10 on top of the world - Imagine Dragons
This is Kurt’s song. This is post-Review, triumphant Kurt song. “Been dreaming of this since a child.” The end.
'Cause I'm on top of the world, 'ey
I'm on top of the world, 'ey
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
Chapter 9: Kurt had always had to fight for the spotlight. He'd fought for solos, for respect, for a place in a theater program to launch him into his dreams. None of it was easy. He'd lost enough times that looking ahead to the night's performance he couldn't help but be proud that here was another time he was winning. He'd made it happen with his own literal blood, sweat, and tears, and tonight nobody was going to stop him.
It felt amazing.
Tonight he was going to win.
11 welcome home (reprise) - Radical Face
This is the intermission, the going home song. It mirrors That Home a bit in that way. It’s the sort of song I listen to when traveling to visit my family.
Chapter 10: "Welcome home, Kurt," his dad said, enveloping him with his familiar hug and smell that made Kurt feel about three feet shorter, ten years younger, and safe in a way nothing and nowhere else in the world ever did. He let go of the handle of his suitcase and hugged him back, pressing his face into his dad's shoulder and trying not to cry. It felt so good.
12 warm whispers - Missy Higgins
The Lima Bean! This is that song, and it’s mostly here because I wanted something sweet and indulgent for this chapter, and so it’s sweet and indulgent, because I say so. It’s a little bit more Kurt’s perspective, but I think that’s mostly because a) it’s a scene from Kurt’s point of view, and b) because Blaine’s still in oblivious town when it comes to the romantic undertones in their relationship.
Your warm whispers
Out of the dark they carry my heart
Your warm whispers
Into the dawn they carry me through
Chapter 11: "Kurt. I can't believe you did this for me." Blaine's voice was warm and soft and real in his ear, and the near-purr in it made the hair on Kurt's arms lift in unconscious, remembered response. No, he told himself firmly. No. Don't even think about it.
13 read all about it (pt. III) - Emeli Sande
And now you see why we needed sweet sugary music before I lay all my serious piano ballads on you. (I don’t know, do I have a piano bias? DO I.) This is Blaine’s epiphany song, but it’s not always necessarily from his perspective. I didn’t see the rock the boat decision as something upbeat, since for Blaine it felt very difficult, hence the tone. “You've got the light to fight the shadows / so stop hiding it away”, and all that.
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
afraid that you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come on, come on
Chapter 12: If Blaine wasn't happy, it was because he wasn't listening to himself. He needed to figure out how to do that. He needed to be able to want things the way he used to, important things. It didn't matter that it hadn't worked out for him before. It didn't matter that he'd let everyone down in the past. He needed to face his deepest dreams and desires and, even if he couldn't manage to make them happen, at least stop pretending they weren't there.
14 lies (acoustic) - Marina & the Diamonds
Switching characters but not tone, this is Kurt’s heartbreak song, because HONEY OH. (Again, I don’t know, do I have some sort of weird piano ballad affinity? I have no idea what you’re talking about.)The lyrics are pretty self explanatory, hurt, and heartbroken: “I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit / No, I'm not the type that you like”.
You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?
What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?
What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?
Chapter 13: Kurt pulled his legs in more tightly against his body as his tears soaked into the knees of his jeans. He knew he should stop crying. He knew he was stupid to be so upset at all, but the most he could do was keep himself silent besides the shaking wet gasps of his breath.
Blaine was so close to perfect - not as a person, not up on a pedestal, but because he was all of the amazing things that made up Blaine - and he didn't feel the same way about Kurt.
15 can't help falling in love with you - Fleet Foxes
And now for some emotional whiplash: picture Blaine, sitting in a little restaurant with a nice boy he doesn’t love, and then later as he’s walking home alone. This is the song that is playing. Blaine’s second epiphany, aka, oh my god I love Kurt. Cause you know. Reasons. So here, have a love song.
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Chapter 14: Kurt would understand, just like Kurt seemed to understand everything about him, from the importance of a neat knot in one's tie to the draw of old Hollywood glamour to marriage equality to the joy of performing to the best shows on TV to the invisible scars that bullying could leave. Of course Kurt would understand, especially about this subject, because he wanted things like Blaine did. He wanted the very same things Blaine did: romance, passion, loyalty, friendship, companionship, a consuming, adoring, forever kind of love.
Kurt wanted the same things.
Kurt, who was strong and smart and wonderful and gorgeous and talented and kind and funny and so, so good in bed wanted the same things that Blaine did, and he was Blaine's best friend and he was single and he had that way of smiling that made Blaine's stomach flip -
No. No, no, no.
16 animal love II - Charlene Kaye
Okay, so I while I like the song I had originally put here, I had it paired with a sad quote about Kurt walking away and it was supposed to be the sad song before the uplifting finale, but then I realized I never paired anything with the “I want to bring you flowers” line, (which is the best oh feelings) and then I noticed how many of the same type of song I had (ladies and their pianos, man, ladies and their pianos), and thus my inability to finalize mixes, which is why I never post anything ever.
But I really, really love this chapter, and that’s why I get so flaily about it and have been so unable to accurately put a song to it. Because I could just fanmix that chapter on it’s own, I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
Anyway, I can’t deal with how much I love Animal Love II. It’s the more emotional older sister of Animal Love I, and I am still really excited that they bookend (sort of, you know what I mean) Kurt and Blaine’s relationship via the two dances. They fit so well together, but they have very different tones. So here you go. It’s not a sad heartbreak song, it’s not a happy romantic song, it’s just one big emotional build-up.
Tell me ooh
What am I gonna do with this love for you?
Can't throw it out the window
Can't poison it out
Chapter 15: He was out of options.
He didn't know why it hurt so much to have that fact shoved in his face yet again when it had always, always been true.
He inhaled deeply through his nose, keeping his tears at bay. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to -
"I want to bring you flowers," Blaine called after him in a low, choked voice.
17 real love - Regina Spektor
I really like Regina Spektor. Really. Also the harmonies at the beginning are how I picture the opening of Chapter 16. Really most of this could be scattered through that chapter. Although I feel like part of it has to be a little more epic and upbeat and sweeping emotion, hence…
thought i'd been in love before
but in my heart i wanted more
seems like all i really was doing
was waiting for you
Chapter 16: Blaine nodded against the fabric of Kurt's jacket and squeezed him tighter. He needed to feel Kurt there against him, his best friend, his boyfriend, he needed to feel that he was real and there and somehow actually his, because if he woke up from this moment and found out it was a dream that he'd fallen in love with someone who saw into him and cared about him the way Kurt did he was going to be more crushed than he could put words to.
18 around us - Jónsi
The last song! Which I had a LOT of trouble picking! I wanted a perfect song, and I couldn’t decide how I wanted this to end, but I went with my indulgent, epic side and picked Jónsi because it’s uplifting stuff, I don’t think you can listen to this and not smile.
I see the walls, then see them fall
You break through them all
I see you crawl, now you stand tall
HERE ENDETH MY FEELIGNS. (Not true, so many feelings, oh god.)
If you read this far WHY DID YOU DO THAT, I get progressively more capslocky the more I get caught up in a story. While music is the only way I know to express my feelings, it does not always make me more coherent. So yeah, don’t know about your choices there, but I hope some of this music makes you feel some feelings. All the hugs!
The Inspiration | The Fanmix