Feedback loops

[teine]

... Bear with me, this isn't really about engineering ...In engineering terms, feedback is when you take the output from a system, and feed some of it back into the input. A car's turbo-charger is feedback, because the energy from the exhaust causes more fuel/air to be forced into the engine. That's positive feedback, because the faster the engine

Comments

[riverbirch]

The feedback is one of the most complicated things about relationships, I think!

One of the things I used to really resent is that I was the buffer for both my daughter and my husband. That was so exhausting and inhibiting- I had to pay more attention to the effect I had on them than to myself, and they didn't reciprocate. But now my daughter's living a long way away, so that's not an issue, and my husband has become a LOT better about being a buffer for me when I need it, as I am with him. LOTS better for everyone!

I think it's an important skill to learn, not getting sucked into feedback. And one of the things that makes it tricky is that it has to be a balancing act. Or that's how it is for me, anyway...

[teine]

I think it's an important skill to learn, not getting sucked into feedback. And one of the things that makes it tricky is that it has to be a balancing act. Or that's how it is for me, anyway...

It is indeed a balancing act - you need to be open about your feelings in a good relationship, yet sometimes you need to put those feelings aside and focus on your partners feelings. Oh, so many things to balance... but worth it.

[hipflickchick]

nicely put. In close relationships a certain amount of self awarenes and detachment help me in these ases. Like in the airport you were aware of your own feeligngs but were able to be there for her. And now she for you.

Things work best for me when I can be aware of my feelings the others feelings and let them have thier feelings without getting swallowed up by them. Being suppotive without taking on their ups and downs.It's tough to do but well worth the effort! But them I am single so its even easier to detach!!!

Much love and glad to see you perking up!

[teine]

I read a quote once - and I can't remember who from, but I believe it was a prominant Buddhist..

He said that there were only three genuine feelings... love, appreciation of natural beauty, and compassion. These are the only genuine feelings because they are the only ones that arise, unbidden, out of your heart.

All other emotions arise from thoughts. Something happens, you think about it, and the emotions start to fly because of what you thought.

I often can't control my feelings, but I can control my thoughts - and when those thoughts start to spin, I can put them aside, to revisit later outside the moment that triggered them.

That's how I can set aside my own strong feelings sometimes, and focus on my girl.

I just need to get a LOT better at it :)

[hipflickchick]

. . there were only three genuine feelings... love, appreciation of natural beauty, and compassion. These are the only genuine feelings because they are the only ones that arise, unbidden, out of your heart.

So true!

[lilitufire]

At least it's possible to consciously block it, anyway - which can be useful for all sorts of reasons, including "please stop thinking about that, I'm at work and can't concentrate" :)

Not that I know anything about that of course, oh no ;)

Phewwww! I got through all that techie talk ;)

[ruine_]

I think I need to work on reducing the effect on those down times.

That support is only a small fraction of what you give me.

I have no doubt that we will get there :)