[Football] Higuaín drabbles for teaglass
In response to these prompts from teaglass. :D
five increasingly hysterical phone messages higuain left on gago's answering machine
1. "Your answering machine message is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." *click*
2. "Háblame pronto que te busca Alejandra."1
3. "You're the worst boyfriend possible. What if she was really looking for you? What would she think about your new message? I know that was Sergio and not you. I don't appreciate the comments about my sexual preferences. No one wants to hear that. I'm wasting my minutes leaving you this stupid message. Call me back right now, Gago. You owe me rent money, do you know that? And bills. We have bills. Bye."
4. "A bigger asshole cannot exist. I could hear you rushing to snap your phone shut when you realized it was me. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't know you were most likely hungover. I just assume that wherever you are, you're sinking lower into obscenity accompanied by Ramos and his never empty crystal-cut glass. It might be six in the morning on a Saturday, but you should be up by now. Probably here at this apartment handing me several thousand dollars. Your dirty clothes are all over your bed. I threw out all of your magazines and changed your mailing address. Does that worry you? I'm calling your mom if you don't call me back this time."
5. "I called Sergio and asked if he'd finally leave home and move in with me. I hope you're happy as he readily agreed. I heard you whining about how I won't stop calling. I haven't called since yesterday morning, you stupid Boca spawn. I'm going to buy a cat, Gago. A fucking himalayan mountain cat with lots of fur to irritate your sinuses and shit all over your silk suits. I'm going to indoctrinate it so that it thinks your good Prada shoes are a litter box. I'm not joking. This is ridiculous. I paid for your part of the rent but you better come and clean all of these fucking dishes. You're a pig. I hope your phone bill is massive and that you get lost in the city. Don't come back if you don't call first. I changed the locks. *pause* I'm not waiting for you this time, you fucker."
• • •
five things gago has approached sergio ramos for advice about
1. Sergio liked to pretend he was an expert when it came to liquor but Gago figured something wasn't quite right when the aged cognac Sergio kept in a decanter was thrown out in favour of cheap, fruity wine coolers. "I have all of this expensive shit, but I get headaches anytime I try to drink hard liquor." Gago refrained from making a disparaging comment about how at 20, his tolerance was about five times better than Sergio's. "So do you think I should try cheap beer to get the job done?" Sergio laughed as be took another swig of a purplish liquid. "He's a baby. You don't even need alcohol. Just grab his dick and he's ready to go."
2. "Gago. Never buy two carats when you can go with five. But stick with traditional white diamonds," he finished adjusting the giant stud in his ear and closed the clasp on his new tennis bracelet. "Don't do coloured diamonds, you'll look like a total fag." Sergio smiled at him when he finished applying his faintly glistening chapstick. Gago could have sworn there were flecks of glitter on Sergio's lips.
3. They'd been arguing with the orange-tanned man for about ten minutes. Sergio was still wearing his sunglasses, unwilling to engage the slightly balding, paunchy man. Instead, he has been standing in the middle of the office with his arms crossed, calmly explaining that they would take nothing less than the sail boat with the highest mast available to them. "I have been planning to take my own family sailing on that boat for a week now, young sir." Sergio nodded sympathetically. "That's all fine and good, but we reserved The Madeleine over ten days ago. I asked for her specifically." The shorter man scowled at Sergio, but reserved his growling red glare for Fernando. Sighing, he stalked back to his desk and signed some papers, which he then waved Sergio away with. "Fine! Fine! Take her! Go to the docks and talk with Francisco." Sergio relaxed his stance and whipped off his aviators. "A pleasure as always, uncle." Once they were outside Sergio threw his arm around Fernando and grinned. "That old bastard has never been able to talk himself out of a deal with me. That's how it should be, Fer. Always ask for the best and demand it."
4. Exasperated and only half-listening, Sergio had snorted at him. "You are aware that women have clits, don't you? How hard could it possibly be to make her happy?" Gago barely managed to stagger out that he was asking what he should buy his cousin for her wedding.
5. "Stop trying to turn that boy." Fernando had resorted to impersonating a tomato then. "I'm not!" "Then stop messing about with him. I saw you tugging on his hair. Just stop." "HIS HAIR IS FUCKING AWFUL." Sergio slipped onto his stomach so that his tan wouldn't be uneven and looked at him with one eye open. "If you're asking for advice, it's pointless to lie about the details."
• • •
five times pipita was sexually propositioned and how he responded.
1. Fourteen years old. A girl two classes and several inches above him asked him to a dance. He was afraid of saying no. She tried to snuggle during the slow dance. Her face was too close to his neck and he could feel her breath. It was weird. He ran all the way home after the DJ played a Spice Girls song and built a fort out of blue and white legos.
2. A joke (maybe a joke) by a pretty girl's twin brother. The boy had called him muñeco, smirking at him while the girl stared at him shyly during class. She wrote him little notes and left him half her chocolate bars. Sometimes there were homemade cakes and pressed flowers in his lunch bag. Gonzalo would smile at her hesitantly and wave. It was over the day the girl and her brother announced they would be moving to another city. The girl had kissed him on the cheek. The boy had shook his hand, holding his wrist a little too long and in hushed tones asked if he wanted to come over for dinner. Gonzalo had nodded yes. With a pounding heart, he'd dressed and walked half-way to the twins' chipped brick-house before turning around and going back home. His mother had complained about why he looked so pale when he came back. And Gonzalo sat in bed, prematurely missing the notes touched with melted chocolate and flower petals.
3. Celebrating the coming of 2004, Gonzalo felt as if the party had degraded into an orgy the minute the digital clock switched to 12:00. He'd ended up receiving set after set of sloppy kisses from strange, half-lucid girls. His girlfriend was trashed and dancing around with a beer in hand by then and his New Year's kiss had been stolen by a chubby little blonde with amazingly green eyes. She was the only one who didn't look tripped up on booze and had gotten lost among the dancing and screaming throngs before he could ask her name. An hour later, his girlfriend had tried giving him a happy 2004 handjob and fell asleep against him instead. Gonzalo had laughed silently and slipped a pillow underneath her head as he watched the fireworks out the window.
4. He'd been fucking stupid. An idiot at 17, following one of his stoner friends out to pick up a few joints. He had just wanted to know how it happened. He didn't want to smoke anything or end up paying for dumbass Gustavo's pot, but he was curious. So he followed Gus down seedy alleys to a rich, white-painted house where a preppy little shit sold him 90 pesos worth of the stuff. They had taken off running a third of the way back. "Oh, fuck. Cops, Pipita!" Getting separated, Gonzalo ended up wandering rough, but familiar streets. It was dark then and he was walking by a couple of early night prostitutes. A man almost as tall as he was stepped away from a cracked wall, shit-eating grin in place. "For you, boy, I'd lower my price by 50%." Gonzalo stopped walking to just stare. The skin-tight shirt and jeans. The low-riding belt. Sharp face and a big mouth. He swallowed hard, shaking his head and muttering a "No gracías." He got a quizzical look in exchange, a 'suit yourself' kind of shrug as he half-ran back to Gus' house. As they sat with Gustavo and a few other friends watching bad novelas, Gonzalo was tempted to ask how much 50% would have saved him.
5. Fernando Gago was an insistent little shit and he wanted to shove his face through walls most of the time. "Tell me about yourself." "What is France like?" "Why don't you smile?" "What's your girlfriend's name? Do you even have one?" "You don't have a girl because you're such a straight-laced whiner." Gonzalo felt he could deal with the questions but it was the darkness in their apartment that bothered him. How after months of living together, sunset was beginning to signify Fernando's quietness. Fernando's fingers becoming more confident when he 'accidentally' brushed against him. Fernando sitting closer to him at dinner or when they were studying or watching a movie. The quiet disturbed Gonzalo because it meant being able to hear every sound that came out of Gago's mouth, every change in position on his bed. Every rustle of his sheets. Eventually, the lack of music blaring from Gago's earphones (which he wears to sleep every night) came to mean that it would be another night of trying to fight him off and losing. Of hands roaming down the plates of his spine, past the elastic of his pajamas. Silence equated with mingled sweat and fumbling kisses. It was ruined bed sheets and muffled groaning. And Gonzalo was becoming anxious about Fernando Gago not asking him questions.
• • •
I tend to have about ten thousand typos in all of these. Someday I will catch them all. :D
five increasingly hysterical phone messages higuain left on gago's answering machine
1. "Your answering machine message is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." *click*
2. "Háblame pronto que te busca Alejandra."1
3. "You're the worst boyfriend possible. What if she was really looking for you? What would she think about your new message? I know that was Sergio and not you. I don't appreciate the comments about my sexual preferences. No one wants to hear that. I'm wasting my minutes leaving you this stupid message. Call me back right now, Gago. You owe me rent money, do you know that? And bills. We have bills. Bye."
4. "A bigger asshole cannot exist. I could hear you rushing to snap your phone shut when you realized it was me. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't know you were most likely hungover. I just assume that wherever you are, you're sinking lower into obscenity accompanied by Ramos and his never empty crystal-cut glass. It might be six in the morning on a Saturday, but you should be up by now. Probably here at this apartment handing me several thousand dollars. Your dirty clothes are all over your bed. I threw out all of your magazines and changed your mailing address. Does that worry you? I'm calling your mom if you don't call me back this time."
5. "I called Sergio and asked if he'd finally leave home and move in with me. I hope you're happy as he readily agreed. I heard you whining about how I won't stop calling. I haven't called since yesterday morning, you stupid Boca spawn. I'm going to buy a cat, Gago. A fucking himalayan mountain cat with lots of fur to irritate your sinuses and shit all over your silk suits. I'm going to indoctrinate it so that it thinks your good Prada shoes are a litter box. I'm not joking. This is ridiculous. I paid for your part of the rent but you better come and clean all of these fucking dishes. You're a pig. I hope your phone bill is massive and that you get lost in the city. Don't come back if you don't call first. I changed the locks. *pause* I'm not waiting for you this time, you fucker."
• • •
five things gago has approached sergio ramos for advice about
1. Sergio liked to pretend he was an expert when it came to liquor but Gago figured something wasn't quite right when the aged cognac Sergio kept in a decanter was thrown out in favour of cheap, fruity wine coolers. "I have all of this expensive shit, but I get headaches anytime I try to drink hard liquor." Gago refrained from making a disparaging comment about how at 20, his tolerance was about five times better than Sergio's. "So do you think I should try cheap beer to get the job done?" Sergio laughed as be took another swig of a purplish liquid. "He's a baby. You don't even need alcohol. Just grab his dick and he's ready to go."
2. "Gago. Never buy two carats when you can go with five. But stick with traditional white diamonds," he finished adjusting the giant stud in his ear and closed the clasp on his new tennis bracelet. "Don't do coloured diamonds, you'll look like a total fag." Sergio smiled at him when he finished applying his faintly glistening chapstick. Gago could have sworn there were flecks of glitter on Sergio's lips.
3. They'd been arguing with the orange-tanned man for about ten minutes. Sergio was still wearing his sunglasses, unwilling to engage the slightly balding, paunchy man. Instead, he has been standing in the middle of the office with his arms crossed, calmly explaining that they would take nothing less than the sail boat with the highest mast available to them. "I have been planning to take my own family sailing on that boat for a week now, young sir." Sergio nodded sympathetically. "That's all fine and good, but we reserved The Madeleine over ten days ago. I asked for her specifically." The shorter man scowled at Sergio, but reserved his growling red glare for Fernando. Sighing, he stalked back to his desk and signed some papers, which he then waved Sergio away with. "Fine! Fine! Take her! Go to the docks and talk with Francisco." Sergio relaxed his stance and whipped off his aviators. "A pleasure as always, uncle." Once they were outside Sergio threw his arm around Fernando and grinned. "That old bastard has never been able to talk himself out of a deal with me. That's how it should be, Fer. Always ask for the best and demand it."
4. Exasperated and only half-listening, Sergio had snorted at him. "You are aware that women have clits, don't you? How hard could it possibly be to make her happy?" Gago barely managed to stagger out that he was asking what he should buy his cousin for her wedding.
5. "Stop trying to turn that boy." Fernando had resorted to impersonating a tomato then. "I'm not!" "Then stop messing about with him. I saw you tugging on his hair. Just stop." "HIS HAIR IS FUCKING AWFUL." Sergio slipped onto his stomach so that his tan wouldn't be uneven and looked at him with one eye open. "If you're asking for advice, it's pointless to lie about the details."
• • •
five times pipita was sexually propositioned and how he responded.
1. Fourteen years old. A girl two classes and several inches above him asked him to a dance. He was afraid of saying no. She tried to snuggle during the slow dance. Her face was too close to his neck and he could feel her breath. It was weird. He ran all the way home after the DJ played a Spice Girls song and built a fort out of blue and white legos.
2. A joke (maybe a joke) by a pretty girl's twin brother. The boy had called him muñeco, smirking at him while the girl stared at him shyly during class. She wrote him little notes and left him half her chocolate bars. Sometimes there were homemade cakes and pressed flowers in his lunch bag. Gonzalo would smile at her hesitantly and wave. It was over the day the girl and her brother announced they would be moving to another city. The girl had kissed him on the cheek. The boy had shook his hand, holding his wrist a little too long and in hushed tones asked if he wanted to come over for dinner. Gonzalo had nodded yes. With a pounding heart, he'd dressed and walked half-way to the twins' chipped brick-house before turning around and going back home. His mother had complained about why he looked so pale when he came back. And Gonzalo sat in bed, prematurely missing the notes touched with melted chocolate and flower petals.
3. Celebrating the coming of 2004, Gonzalo felt as if the party had degraded into an orgy the minute the digital clock switched to 12:00. He'd ended up receiving set after set of sloppy kisses from strange, half-lucid girls. His girlfriend was trashed and dancing around with a beer in hand by then and his New Year's kiss had been stolen by a chubby little blonde with amazingly green eyes. She was the only one who didn't look tripped up on booze and had gotten lost among the dancing and screaming throngs before he could ask her name. An hour later, his girlfriend had tried giving him a happy 2004 handjob and fell asleep against him instead. Gonzalo had laughed silently and slipped a pillow underneath her head as he watched the fireworks out the window.
4. He'd been fucking stupid. An idiot at 17, following one of his stoner friends out to pick up a few joints. He had just wanted to know how it happened. He didn't want to smoke anything or end up paying for dumbass Gustavo's pot, but he was curious. So he followed Gus down seedy alleys to a rich, white-painted house where a preppy little shit sold him 90 pesos worth of the stuff. They had taken off running a third of the way back. "Oh, fuck. Cops, Pipita!" Getting separated, Gonzalo ended up wandering rough, but familiar streets. It was dark then and he was walking by a couple of early night prostitutes. A man almost as tall as he was stepped away from a cracked wall, shit-eating grin in place. "For you, boy, I'd lower my price by 50%." Gonzalo stopped walking to just stare. The skin-tight shirt and jeans. The low-riding belt. Sharp face and a big mouth. He swallowed hard, shaking his head and muttering a "No gracías." He got a quizzical look in exchange, a 'suit yourself' kind of shrug as he half-ran back to Gus' house. As they sat with Gustavo and a few other friends watching bad novelas, Gonzalo was tempted to ask how much 50% would have saved him.
5. Fernando Gago was an insistent little shit and he wanted to shove his face through walls most of the time. "Tell me about yourself." "What is France like?" "Why don't you smile?" "What's your girlfriend's name? Do you even have one?" "You don't have a girl because you're such a straight-laced whiner." Gonzalo felt he could deal with the questions but it was the darkness in their apartment that bothered him. How after months of living together, sunset was beginning to signify Fernando's quietness. Fernando's fingers becoming more confident when he 'accidentally' brushed against him. Fernando sitting closer to him at dinner or when they were studying or watching a movie. The quiet disturbed Gonzalo because it meant being able to hear every sound that came out of Gago's mouth, every change in position on his bed. Every rustle of his sheets. Eventually, the lack of music blaring from Gago's earphones (which he wears to sleep every night) came to mean that it would be another night of trying to fight him off and losing. Of hands roaming down the plates of his spine, past the elastic of his pajamas. Silence equated with mingled sweat and fumbling kisses. It was ruined bed sheets and muffled groaning. And Gonzalo was becoming anxious about Fernando Gago not asking him questions.
• • •
I tend to have about ten thousand typos in all of these. Someday I will catch them all. :D