One-Shot: The White Room
Title: The White Room
Words: 1,292
Genre: Romance/Drama - ish
Rating: G/PG
Summary: "I wanted just to be Closer."
Notes: All Human. Implies student/teacher relationship.. For venus_fiction 's http://community.livejournal.com/twilightrarely/1733.html
Disclaimer: I own nothing except a wild imagination.
"I held my arms around my waist, trying to keep my composure in front of the beautiful man standing before me. We were alone in the classroom; he was going over the material I never understood during class because I was too busy paying attention to each tiny movement of his mouth as he spoke. To the way his eyes shone as he talked about what he knew, eager to pass on information to less than eager students. He was a student teacher at seventeen to other teenagers older than he was; even then you could see his passion for teaching. He was in his early twenties now, passion never fading, never regretting of doing something more though he certainly had the ability to do so.
I remember a story he told us, that he could have been a doctor; in fact, he had even been offered a position for a place in a scholarship program, only to drop out from the course due to fainting on numerous occasions. So, he thought to become a teacher, hoping that someone would fulfill what he couldn’t.
Even now, I was barely paying attention because I was too busy looking into the animated baby blue eyes I had grown used to since the beginning of the year.
I couldn’t help but to be drawn to him; he was charismatic and charming. I had felt it since the first lesson he taught us; it never waned or hid and I always felt hyper aware when he was around.
It seems so naïve of me, right? Completely ridiculous.
“Do you understand?” I was broken out of my trance by the rasping silk of his voice, seeing a wry smile on his face as he realised I was daydreaming.
Again.
“Yeah, sure. Got it,” I bit my lip; I hadn’t actually heard a thing.
“Anyway, Bella, how have the rest of your classes been?” He leaned casually on the end of his desk, with one leg propped over the ledge of the table whilst the other held his weight on the ground. He flicked back a stray piece of his combed blonde hair that had fallen into his eyes and folded his hands in his lap; I could have sworn he was a deity.
We launched into a friendly conversation where the only thing reminding us of the time was the half lunch bell piercing through our ears. We had been talking for over half an hour, I didn’t mind at all.
This time I actually paid attention to what he was saying, hanging on to his every word. God, I sounded pathetic. It was just a silly infatuation with a man that almost every other female in the school sought after. Something that I seemed to have no control over, something that I held onto with that ridiculous ray of hope I kept in my heart (that I so smartly had placed on my sleeve).
Sometimes I thought of “What if.” What if we were just two people meeting, not bounded by rules or laws, in a casual circumstance, where it was free and easy? Where no one would judge you for thinking something you shouldn’t or letting a sly thought slip out from in between your lips. Maybe if I was that little bit older, or he younger. So many variables and thoughts ran through my head, many I curse myself for thinking; I mean what if mind reading was possible, they’d think me a disgusting fiend.
But no matter what I thought, I felt that he always just saw right through me. It was as if he knew, but he just left things unattached and polite as a way to let me know that it was never going to happen, that it should remain friendly and platonic and nothing more. There were high see-through brick walls built between us it
seemed, just a plain white room, cold and sterile, uninviting and completely one-sided. No furniture, no lights, no colour, not even a Goddamn sledgehammer. Only my face pressed wistfully up against the glass, while he stood at a distance, shaking his head with a sorrow in his eyes that screamed ‘silly little girl,’ watching as he turned his back on me and walked away. That errant thought stung more than I would have liked, so I wrapped my arms tighter around myself and the conversation began to drift as I became quiet. All I could see was that wall between us.
After a few moments of pause, rather than finishing the conversation and letting us go on with what was left of lunch, he tried to pick it up again with a question I would rather not have heard him say. “Are you okay?”
No, I’m not okay, I thought. My day is filled with lustful thoughts of you, how much fun we could have together in something that if it even had the slightest chance of happening would probably never last because that is just stupid. But then I can never seem to get enough of you; you interrupt everything I do when I hear a whisper of your name. The way it rolls so wonderfully off of their poisonous lips makes me shiver. I always seem to find you in a sea of faces. I would risk everything just to steal a kiss, just to be close to you even. I can’t love you, I don’t love you, and I don’t even think I want to love you. You’re driving me insane. In fact, I think I hate you for making me desire you so much. Yes, I hate you. I hate you so much that I want you. You confuse the hell out of me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Help me, please?
“I’m fine,” I muttered with my eyes cast at my shoes, “Just fine.” He opened his mouth to speak, but the bell rang signalling the end of lunch and the start of next period, which luckily for me happened to be on the other side of school. Far away from here where I can think more confusing thoughts and not concentrate on what I’m supposed to be doing. I silently picked up my things, not once looking him in the eye, afraid that I would break
underneath his gaze and made my way towards the door of the classroom. I fiddled with the doorknob, juggling my school books in my hands while he sat on his desk, quiet with a furrowed brow. I was uncomfortable with
quiet and the big pink elephant seemed to rear its ass straight into my face. I cussed as I struggled with the door, my books started to fall from my arms. I saw him move from the corner of my eye to get up before sitting down again, then getting up once more to make his way over to me. He scooped up all the books and opened the door, looking down on me. I still stared at the powder coloured linoleum and gathered my books while
whispering a "Thank you." I began to walk down the hallway away, but I still felt his eyes on my back. I walked around the corner, blending in with the throngs of students. The white room got so much bigger, but even in the distance I could see his eyes staring with pity. I couldn’t have been any further away from him than I was right
now. It was the complete opposite to what I wanted; I wanted just to be closer.
Little did I know as I turned around that corner, his hand reached out to me, finding only the glass wall between us, longing for a closeness that could never be.