There Are Many Things That I Would Like To Say To You
Title: There Are Many Things That I Would Like To Say To You
Characters: Charlie, Liam, Karen, Simon Pace, OC
Warnings: Mentions of drug use.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Charlie/OC, implied Charlie/Claire
Summary: For Queen toestastegood, Charlie reflects on the goodbyes he never said.
“We entrust our friend Megan Pace to your care. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
As Simon Pace stooped to throw the first clod of earth, Liam stumbled against Charlie.
“Get a grip, Liam,” Charlie hissed, steadying his brother and gesturing towards his father. “Dad’s got enough on his mind today without seeing you like that.” He was just grateful Simon hadn’t seen the state of Liam that morning when Charlie had gone to get him up. It was only thanks to Charlie that Liam was in any fit state to attend at all. Charlie couldn’t believe Liam had got high today of all days.
Karen, Liam’s latest girlfriend, stepped over to them. “It’s okay, Charlie,” she said. “I’ll look after him. You don’t need this today either.”
As Charlie watched Karen lead Liam away, part of him understood why Liam had acted this way. If Charlie had taken drugs himself at the time, he might have been tempted to take something to get himself through the day as well.
Megan had been the only person who had believed that Charlie and Liam would ever make something of the band. As Simon had continued to insist that they should become butchers like him, and all their friends had laughed at the idea of anyone from their estate ever making anything of their lives, Megan had continued to encourage them. “You’re going to be a success, Charlie,” she would say. “You’re going to be the one that saves us.”
And where were they now? Still playing crappy gigs in the middle of nowhere, still living on the same sink estate Charlie had vowed to take them away from. And there had been nothing he could do to save Megan, dead from ovarian cancer at the age of forty-eight.
He wondered whether it was true that she’d be able to hear him now. He didn’t know, but there was one thing he wanted to say to her.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. And I’ll make a success of the band, just like you always wanted.”
There had been girls over the years, many who had wanted to be associated with the fame that was beginning to come to DriveSHAFT.
But none of them had ever mattered, not like Alice.
Charlie had met her before DriveSHAFT had become famous, in fact when he was still busking at Covent Garden. She’d started chatting to him, encouraged him to carry on even when he’d felt like giving up. “I can tell music’s your dream, and you should always follow that.”
Liam had scoffed, of course. There were going to be plenty of girls around when they hit the big time, what did baby brother want to go tying himself down for? It would all end in tears.
But Charlie had brushed this off. What would he want with groupies, when he had the real thing back home?
Liam had proved right, of course, when he’d warned of conflict between the two. Charlie still remembered the morning when Liam had burst in on them, bounced on the bed all excited like a kid on Christmas morning, because he’d scored their first gig. But Alice had piped up “He can’t go. Charlie’s supposed to be meeting my family that day.”
Liam had spluttered with laughter. “She’s got you pussy whipped, baby brother,” But Charlie, in an attempt to keep the peace, had said "Maybe we can arrange it for next week instead, Alice.”
Alice had been clearly disappointed, but had forced a smile. “Of course, I understand. Your music’s important to you. I’ll rearrange it with my family.”
But she hadn’t been so understanding the day she’d stormed backstage to find Charlie and Liam surrounded by groupies, drunk, Liam blatantly high. “You’ve changed, Charlie. The band’s changed you. The Charlie I first fell in love with would never have been so inconsiderate of my feelings. And if we’re going to have any kind of future, you’re going to have to ditch this prat” - indicating Liam - “and the band.”
“I thought you understood,” Charlie had pleaded. “This has always been my dream. I can’t abandon it now.”
“Fine,” Alice had snapped. “You’ve made your decision. Goodbye, Charlie.”
He’d only seen her once after that, busking in London once more, shortly before flying to Sydney to meet Liam.
“Well, if it isn’t Charlie Pace, the bloody rock god,” she’d sneered. “Back where you started again.”
“No, Alice,” Charlie had attempted to explain. “We’re starting again, got a tour supporting Meat Coat. I’m off to Sydney tomorrow to get Liam to join.”
Alice had laughed sarcastically at the idea of the band reforming, told him to grow up and join the real world.
“That’s not true, we can make it work.” Charlie had said. “Alice. Alice!”
But now he realises Alice had a point, about more than just the band. But he’s never going to get the chance to tell her so.
The day Liam walked away from Charlie, having sold Charlie’s piano and gone to Australia with Karen to get cleaned up, Charlie had seen that as Liam walking out of Charlie’s life.
He’d taken everything from him. The music had been part of Charlie’s life for so long, and the piano had been the last reminder he still had of his mother, the gift she had given him gone. And even though things hadn’t been good with the band for a while, Charlie wasn’t ready to give up quite yet. But Liam had taken this last chance from him, just as he took everything.
“What about my family?” Charlie had yelled after him. Liam was the last of his family left, and now he was walking away, abandoning him. He’d taken Charlie’s chance of happiness with Alice, success with the band, memories of his mother, and he didn’t bloody care.
In the weeks immediately following Liam’s departure, Charlie had come to embrace the drugs as his only friend, the only part of his life that he could rely on. But now he understands that Liam had only had good intentions when he’d offered to help Charlie, to let him stay in Sydney while Charlie went through rehab.
He’d thought he was saying goodbye to Liam the day he left him in Sydney. Now he hopes it will merely be au revoir, that when they get rescued, he’ll get the chance to tell Liam how much he really meant to Charlie after all.
It’s really goodbye now, it’s final, there’s no going back.
He’s saying goodbye to Claire, to Hurley, to Aaron, to all the friends he’s made here since they crashed.
And he’s saying goodbye to hope, to the chance of getting rescued. He’s saying goodbye to his life.
But he accepts that, in a way he never would have before, accepts that this is what has to happen on order that Claire, Hurley, Aaron, Desmond and the rest of them can be saved.
He wishes that he could say the proper goodbye that Claire and Hurley deserve, the goodbye he never got to say to his mother, to Alice, to Liam. But he can’t explain, can’t tell them that he’ll never see them again. He doesn’t want them worrying, to be upset before they have to be. And he can’t have Hurley there when it happens, because it will upset him too much, or he’ll try and be heroic, to save Charlie, even thought it isn’t supposed to happen.
He can’t say the proper goodbye that he wants to. But he’s told them that he loves them, which he never got chance to tell any of the others. Charlie can go knowing that the right thing was said after all.
Characters: Charlie, Liam, Karen, Simon Pace, OC
Warnings: Mentions of drug use.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Charlie/OC, implied Charlie/Claire
Summary: For Queen toestastegood, Charlie reflects on the goodbyes he never said.
“We entrust our friend Megan Pace to your care. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
As Simon Pace stooped to throw the first clod of earth, Liam stumbled against Charlie.
“Get a grip, Liam,” Charlie hissed, steadying his brother and gesturing towards his father. “Dad’s got enough on his mind today without seeing you like that.” He was just grateful Simon hadn’t seen the state of Liam that morning when Charlie had gone to get him up. It was only thanks to Charlie that Liam was in any fit state to attend at all. Charlie couldn’t believe Liam had got high today of all days.
Karen, Liam’s latest girlfriend, stepped over to them. “It’s okay, Charlie,” she said. “I’ll look after him. You don’t need this today either.”
As Charlie watched Karen lead Liam away, part of him understood why Liam had acted this way. If Charlie had taken drugs himself at the time, he might have been tempted to take something to get himself through the day as well.
Megan had been the only person who had believed that Charlie and Liam would ever make something of the band. As Simon had continued to insist that they should become butchers like him, and all their friends had laughed at the idea of anyone from their estate ever making anything of their lives, Megan had continued to encourage them. “You’re going to be a success, Charlie,” she would say. “You’re going to be the one that saves us.”
And where were they now? Still playing crappy gigs in the middle of nowhere, still living on the same sink estate Charlie had vowed to take them away from. And there had been nothing he could do to save Megan, dead from ovarian cancer at the age of forty-eight.
He wondered whether it was true that she’d be able to hear him now. He didn’t know, but there was one thing he wanted to say to her.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. And I’ll make a success of the band, just like you always wanted.”
There had been girls over the years, many who had wanted to be associated with the fame that was beginning to come to DriveSHAFT.
But none of them had ever mattered, not like Alice.
Charlie had met her before DriveSHAFT had become famous, in fact when he was still busking at Covent Garden. She’d started chatting to him, encouraged him to carry on even when he’d felt like giving up. “I can tell music’s your dream, and you should always follow that.”
Liam had scoffed, of course. There were going to be plenty of girls around when they hit the big time, what did baby brother want to go tying himself down for? It would all end in tears.
But Charlie had brushed this off. What would he want with groupies, when he had the real thing back home?
Liam had proved right, of course, when he’d warned of conflict between the two. Charlie still remembered the morning when Liam had burst in on them, bounced on the bed all excited like a kid on Christmas morning, because he’d scored their first gig. But Alice had piped up “He can’t go. Charlie’s supposed to be meeting my family that day.”
Liam had spluttered with laughter. “She’s got you pussy whipped, baby brother,” But Charlie, in an attempt to keep the peace, had said "Maybe we can arrange it for next week instead, Alice.”
Alice had been clearly disappointed, but had forced a smile. “Of course, I understand. Your music’s important to you. I’ll rearrange it with my family.”
But she hadn’t been so understanding the day she’d stormed backstage to find Charlie and Liam surrounded by groupies, drunk, Liam blatantly high. “You’ve changed, Charlie. The band’s changed you. The Charlie I first fell in love with would never have been so inconsiderate of my feelings. And if we’re going to have any kind of future, you’re going to have to ditch this prat” - indicating Liam - “and the band.”
“I thought you understood,” Charlie had pleaded. “This has always been my dream. I can’t abandon it now.”
“Fine,” Alice had snapped. “You’ve made your decision. Goodbye, Charlie.”
He’d only seen her once after that, busking in London once more, shortly before flying to Sydney to meet Liam.
“Well, if it isn’t Charlie Pace, the bloody rock god,” she’d sneered. “Back where you started again.”
“No, Alice,” Charlie had attempted to explain. “We’re starting again, got a tour supporting Meat Coat. I’m off to Sydney tomorrow to get Liam to join.”
Alice had laughed sarcastically at the idea of the band reforming, told him to grow up and join the real world.
“That’s not true, we can make it work.” Charlie had said. “Alice. Alice!”
But now he realises Alice had a point, about more than just the band. But he’s never going to get the chance to tell her so.
The day Liam walked away from Charlie, having sold Charlie’s piano and gone to Australia with Karen to get cleaned up, Charlie had seen that as Liam walking out of Charlie’s life.
He’d taken everything from him. The music had been part of Charlie’s life for so long, and the piano had been the last reminder he still had of his mother, the gift she had given him gone. And even though things hadn’t been good with the band for a while, Charlie wasn’t ready to give up quite yet. But Liam had taken this last chance from him, just as he took everything.
“What about my family?” Charlie had yelled after him. Liam was the last of his family left, and now he was walking away, abandoning him. He’d taken Charlie’s chance of happiness with Alice, success with the band, memories of his mother, and he didn’t bloody care.
In the weeks immediately following Liam’s departure, Charlie had come to embrace the drugs as his only friend, the only part of his life that he could rely on. But now he understands that Liam had only had good intentions when he’d offered to help Charlie, to let him stay in Sydney while Charlie went through rehab.
He’d thought he was saying goodbye to Liam the day he left him in Sydney. Now he hopes it will merely be au revoir, that when they get rescued, he’ll get the chance to tell Liam how much he really meant to Charlie after all.
It’s really goodbye now, it’s final, there’s no going back.
He’s saying goodbye to Claire, to Hurley, to Aaron, to all the friends he’s made here since they crashed.
And he’s saying goodbye to hope, to the chance of getting rescued. He’s saying goodbye to his life.
But he accepts that, in a way he never would have before, accepts that this is what has to happen on order that Claire, Hurley, Aaron, Desmond and the rest of them can be saved.
He wishes that he could say the proper goodbye that Claire and Hurley deserve, the goodbye he never got to say to his mother, to Alice, to Liam. But he can’t explain, can’t tell them that he’ll never see them again. He doesn’t want them worrying, to be upset before they have to be. And he can’t have Hurley there when it happens, because it will upset him too much, or he’ll try and be heroic, to save Charlie, even thought it isn’t supposed to happen.
He can’t say the proper goodbye that he wants to. But he’s told them that he loves them, which he never got chance to tell any of the others. Charlie can go knowing that the right thing was said after all.