New fic 3
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In the morning the sun was so bright that I woke up and my room looked like fire, my red Looney Tunes curtains were glowing and the figures of Bugs Bunny, and Elmerfud looked like hellish shadows on my wall.
I wondered if Benton would want to play today, but when I looked over to his sleepy hard face, I remembered how hurt he must be. It looked like he was frowning in his sleep. I was so excited yesterday that I didn’t stop to think of how Benton must have been feeling. It was so hard for me to concentrate on anything at the time that wasn’t fun! And, food!
I would soon find out that what I wanted and what I thought was fun, was never going to be the same as it was before Benton came, but that was okay…
I could hear Mom and Dad talking in the kitchen down stairs. I hoped that Mom would make pancakes this morning because Benton was here, and because pancakes were the best!
Dad yelled from down stair, and I jumped in my skin.
Benton’s groggy eyes opened and I smiled down at him, “Good Morning! Benton!” I said loudly, and he smiled slightly, propping himself on an elbow.
“Good Morning, Stanley,” He answered properly and softly.
“Time to get up!” I said just like Mom would have.
I jumped out of bed, and in the glow of the red curtains I skinned out of my clothes faster than a wink, talking the whole time.
“I bet it’s going to be sooo hot today the ice cream mans gonna just have to come.” Then I frowned - while pulling a shirt out of my dresser. “I just hope that he doesn’t make us chase him, Dad says that we have to chase him because you have to work for your ice cream if you want it to come to you, but I think that it’s because the ice cream man doesn’t like us...”
I pulled my white t-shirt on, and wiggled into my small white briefs, then pulled on a pair of freshly ironed shorts. Benton was staring at me with his mouth open, and his fingers were rubbing across his small eyes brow, as he frowned himself.
“What?” I said, “Do you have the ice cream man in Canada? Or is it too cold where you live. You live high up where penguins live,” I pointed at the ceiling to emphasize, “I like penguins they’re pretty.”
Benton stood up and went over to his clothes where Dad had unpacked them into my closet; his other suitcase was still full. It was really heavy.
“Penguins live in Antarctica, and there are no ice cream trucks in Inuvik, it is too small.”
Benton said flatly as he neatly folded his pajamas and placed them beside his fresh clothes. He grabbed a pair of clean briefs, only hesitating for a second before quickly slipping them on faster than I had taken off my entire pajamas. Then when Benton pulled on his crisp jeans and plaid shirt, he did so at a pace that made my fingers itch.
Benton turned around and stood silently, waiting. He was very quiet. I was puzzled, Benton was different like my Dad had said, but I liked that.
“Can you show me to the washroom?” Benton asked finally in a formal voice, and I giggled moving to open the blinds, (replacing the red with yellow sun, and blue sky) so I might have a chance to spot the ice cream man already… at 8 in the morning.
I moved away from the window with a grin, “I’ve never heard of a washroom before, but that’s okay I have a restroom, and a shower, and a toilet, it’s in the door beside the stairs.” I smiled.
I grabbed Benton by the sleeve and pulled him along with me as I left the room, Benton followed and when we got into the hallway, Oh Boy! I smelled bacon - that meant that we were going to have pancakes!
“Stanley?” Benton said hesitantly when we got to the washroom, and I felt a change in the wind, figuratively. I stopped and Benton straightened his shirt, licking his lips, with a lost look in his eyes.
“What… what makes you so happy?” He dropped out of nowhere.
I was so puzzled. I felt like something bad had just happened, or like when something bad was going to happen and you just knew it, like when Dad was going to get angry…
The thoughtless smile that I wore faded into a sad frown, “What do you mean?” I said as Benton looked away from me, his eyes were stressed and his lips were pressed into a thin line.
“You’re so happy, like right now, and since I got here…” Benton said quietly. The sound of Mom and Dad moving around in the kitchen down the stairs was almost louder than his voice, and I swayed closer to hear. “I don’t know..” I said warily.
“I wha… want to be happy. I, I want to be an Indian and play cowboy’s… and I want… my…” Benton stopped talking and his little young boy’s voice was tight and full of emotion, he turned towards the wall, and I looked at were his hands were balled in fists.
I was confused by Benton’s confession. I didn’t know why he was acting like this. This was nothing like I had imagined in the days leading up to Benton’s arrival…
Now I felt like I was going to cry. Benton shuttered slightly, but I could hear out of him was the smallest catch of breath. Then it hit me, That was it.. again.
Aunt Caroline.
So sad, Benton was sad, and hurt like… a cut. Benton was different I supposed, because he was Canadian but also because he was hurting for his mom and didn’t have his mom, and had to move and now was in Chicago, and, and….
It felt like my brain had broke, I got that Benton was so sad about his Mom, I hadn’t gotten it before, that that pain was everywhere Benton looked.. I still have my mom, and everything is fine in my life..
In the face of this true pain - not fun - it shuffled my thoughts into banana cream pie, and sliced through me like a spoon into the crust. It was because of Benton. I felt my face contorting into the image of sympathy.
But then instantly I felt like it was up to me to me to make Benton better… So we could play, but also so Benton could be happy, as happy as me, except when Dad is yelling. Benton had just entered my life and he was so sad. I felt stricken by his emotion.
I was an emotionally tender child, although that trait would change over time, and I would learn throughout the years to conceal my feelings.
I moved forward and put my hand on Benton’s shoulder, I was afraid to,
Benton started to shake, yet was still silent. It was like he had to be quiet.
“I don’t know why I’m happy… but you can be happy too Benton, we can-
Benton whirled around, his face angry and tight with emotion, “No,” Benton said heavily, haunted, “I can never be happy again. My mom is dead, and Dad left me, he left… me.”
Benton’s eye’s were full of tears, and he looked… shocked at his own words, “He left me Stanley, he left me, and now I’m here… and I’m close to him, he’s only in Toronto but he won’t, come, Grandma called him - I heard, and he told her he was, too busy!” He hissed.
I watched in stunned commiseration, hearing the plea in my Cousins voice for his Father; Benton’s eyes were crying silently. His face looked confused and torn from the damage of my Uncles actions.
I had to do something, I grabbed Benton by shoulder and shook him, “Stop Benton, stop before Dad hears--” My voice was scared, but I had to help Benton, he needed help and I was the one to do it... Like a hug from Mom, I had to help him like that. Benton jerkily stopped and blinked looking numb. I held his eyes as I began to speak, and felt myself falling into them. I couldn’t look away, there was so emotion much burning in them.
“Uncle Bob is mean, but he’s your Dad and loves you,” Benton wiped his tears, “Like Aunt Carole. Aunt Caroline is watching you, even if Uncle Bob had to go away,” I came up with. “Benton. Auntie Caroline will watch you from heaven, your whole life,” I said it, drawing out ‘whole’, cause that’s a lot, “and will love you even if she isn’t here.”
Benton sniffed and narrowed his eyes, “In heaven w-- with God? Dad never said that, nor Grandma or Grandpa.” Benton returned like it was fact, because the important people in his life never told him his Mom was in a better place, even if they believed it or not.
I became angry, they were worst then, then cow rustlers, “She’s an angel, and angels are beautiful and real, in heaven or not. Your mom is an angel, and so is Grandpa McGrrr”
Or Grandpa McLeod. I would call him that because Grandma said that he had the heart of a lion, and fought bad men so the world would be a better place.
Benton sniffled, “McGrr…” Benton smiled but it didn’t look happy. His wounded blue teary eyes pleaded with my own as he spoke his next words, “Mom is an Angel…”
“Always, I promise.” I smiled brightly and went on. “That’s what Grandma Kowalski taught me and she used to work in a church back in Poland, she was close to God, that’s what Mom said.” Benton stood blinking tears away and when he said nothing I hugged him. Benton’s pain forced me to care deeply and I hoped I helped him. I felt better and I hope Benton felt better…
Benton hugged me back, his hands tight on my shirt where he held on -- then Dad screamed and we both jumped.
“Breakfast! Hurry up! What are you two doing up there? Move it now!”
“We’re cowboys!” I yelled, and I swear I heard Dad sigh from downstairs.
Benton stood awkwardly, and wiped at his face with his sleeve until his tears were all gone. “Thank You, Stanley. I’m sorry…I…I just miss my Mom and Dad’s away…”
He ended there, and then schooled his face into calmness, like he had never cried in his life although his face was still red and blotchy. “Don’t tell your parents please.” Benton asked a slight edge of desperation in his tone.
I smiled, that was one thing I knew I could help Benton with. He wasn’t so different after all “Sure, I wouldn’t tell them anyway. That just causes more trouble with my Dad. Even if you’ve done nothing” I pointed at my chest, “Boy do I know that.” And Benton smiled genuinely looking better already…
“Thank you.”
“I need to use the washroom, I’ll be down in a minute,” Benton stated, but then paused just as he went to move, “I’m happy you’re my family.” He hugged me, and then walked into the restroom… washroom?
I smiled and felt like a, a cowboy, sent to the plains to save everyone from the-- Chinese? Well, Indian’s really didn’t seem right anymore…
“Boy’s! Breakfast!” Mom called, “Pancakes!”
“Coming!” I yelled.
When we stepped outside, the sun was so bright that it felt like my skin was going to burn up, but I was used to the heat from playing outside every day. The same couldn’t be said for Benton… He was so white, and I think he was even afraid to go out. He stopped at the door and stared out into the sunny distance: the houses with their brown lawns, and tall trees with leaf barren branches, the hoards of children running from sprinkler to sprinkler wearing nothing more than bathing suits. Benton had on jeans… and a long sleeve shirt, flannel.
Before I could say anything Mom was there thrusting the screen door open, and hauling us both inside, a bottle of sun tan lotion in her hand and a concerned frown for Benton.
“Oh Benton, what are we going to do with you, I didn’t even think!” Mom scoffed in her caring voice, holding Benton’s face in her hands like he was the one responsible for sending him to Chicago, in the summer, with Flannel,
“What all did your Grandma pack for you, Benny Honey? I didn’t see - Oh, I haven’t looked yet...” She trailed off looking perplexed. A Mom dilemma, I thought.
“Damien!” Mom yelled and I nudged Benton who was tugging at his jeans with a frown, he looked over when I handed him the sun tan lotion. He took it with a sheepish frown.
“I don’t have shorts.” Was all he said quietly, and I smiled and Mom gasped, “Oh why didn’t I think, of course you wouldn’t have shorts, it’s far too cold, Caro-
Mom stopped talking; didn’t finish what she was going to say. It was something to do with Aunt Caroline though. Benton looked back down at his pants, and Mom watched Benton with a sad, soft face. I felt stuck, with the quiet so sudden, and Benton looking hurt again. I wished with a sudden vehemence that Mom would stop, stop looking at Benton so sad I wanted to tell her stop. I didn’t think Benton wanted Mom to feel sad for him, and I didn’t want to deal with feelings… again.
But it didn’t last very long, and then Mom smiled gently, and was telling me to finish putting on sun screen while she helped Benton change.
Dad appeared with an unlit smoke in his mouth and a grease covered rag rubbing it between his grease covered hands. “Where’d your Ma go, Stanley? What’d she want?”
I put the lotion down and set about to make Benton a little happier, or that’s what I hoped.
“Mom took Benton up to my room. He has no summer clothes, so Mom’s borrowing him mine.” I smiled with a big smile, even though I had a few gaps in the picture; the last of my baby teeth had worked themselves out, and I was waiting for my new pearly whites.
Dad cursed, and took his smoke out of his mouth like it was lit. “Goddamn Canada, snow infested, uncivilized…”
Dad muttered to himself as he left the room, returning after a moment with his wallet that he kept in his den-- the same Den where he kept, “the things that keep a man sane, boy.”
Dad had told me that one day that he caught me sitting on the crinkly old leather couches playing with my solder toys. I still didn’t understand. The den was down the hallway from the family room, across from the garage. I wasn’t allowed in there, but that didn’t stop me. There was a big poster with a pretty lady in her underwear on the wall, and records, and boxes of things that I never had thought to look in… I didn’t understand how that would help keep anyone sane, but what did I know, I was only 10 (almost 11).
Dad opened his wallet and called for Mom. Dad was a good Dad, even if he was scary, I already knew that he would make sure Benton had anything that he didn’t bring with him, but Dad didn’t know that I knew this fact… which was a good thing.
Mom and Benton came into the family room. Benton was wearing a pair of my shorts and a t-shirt, and looked very uncomfortable. Mom was smiling and smoothing down Benton’s dark messed hair when dad lit his smoke and put it back in his mouth, grunting at his wallet in his hand.
“Stanley told me about Benton’s clothes, dear,”
Dad took his smoke out of his mouth, and gave Benton a skeptical look, “You take the boys and get Benton the proper summer garb, Barbra. Don’t want him dying on us cause o’ the heat.”
Mom cooed and floated over to Dad taking the offered cigarette from his oil stained finger, “Oh Damien, to think living in the cold like that, even winter here is bad enough!” Dad grunted in agreement, and mom reflected, “I’ll pick up you up some more beer-- Oh, is Larry staying till dinner?
Dad nodded, “Probably, that old beast needs a real once over,” he’d been working all morning with Larry in the garage. Larry is Dad’s car friend.
“I’ll have to make up a double batch of green bean casserole, all this company!” Mom’s fluttery voice proclaimed, “It’s so nice having a full house.”
“Yeah,” Dad mumbled, sucking on his returned smoke.
Mom carried on, “Do you want me to pick you up anything else from the store? How about some more smokes, Honey? Ohh, or some wine. You know I think I might get some for myself. Oh wouldn’t that be fun, I’m really starting to enjoy red, for so long white…
Mom and Dad chattered off in the background which was very boring, so I looked over at Benton, trying to get his attention. He was standing silently looking indifferent, but I didn’t want to stand here anymore. I wanted to play, Now! I leaned over and smacked him on the arm, “Tag!” I yelled and ran out the door as fast as I could go. I could hear Benton running after me! I was almost afraid for half a second that he wasn’t going to follow, but then who would say ‘No’ to tag?
I ran around the side of the house to the right, down the flowered path and over the gravel drive, past Larry who was bent over the engine of the GTO that Dad had finally bought from Mr. Bunion, and screamed in delight when I had to jump through the sprinkler that mom had placed by her Tiger Lilly bush that had flopped away from the side of house, wilting in the heat. . I could hear Benton behind me and I looked over my shoulder to see him run around the sprinkler; he was smiling, and we were finally having fun, which was almost better than the thought of the ice cream Man, who I just knew was going to show up today-- because Benton was here. Yeah!
I ran to the back deck stair and went around them meaning to come out the other side, but Benton blocked me and I laughed in delight as I had to go back where I came from dogging a lawn chairs, and the BBQ. Then I ran towards my swing set by the big old oak tree that sat in the middle of the yard, like a big bulls eye -- but I wasn’t fast enough…
Benton beat me too it, and ran around the swing set to get me, with the most determined look on his face; he was really fast. He would tag me, then he would be It, and then I would chase him, and we would run, and, and-- but that didn’t happen…
Instead Benton grabbed me and tackled me to the ground laughing and giggling, holding my arms against the dry ground. I was laughing as well but didn’t know why he knocked me down.
“I got you!” Benton yelled smiling as big as the sun, but I was confused.
“Why didn’t you tag me?” I whined in confusion, and Benton’s looked as confused as me, but he didn’t stop smiling.
“I caught you,” he explained like that made all the sense in the world, “I’m a wolf, and you’re my prey. I caught you and now you have to show me your throat, or I’ll eat you!” He said in a silly voice.
“A wolf!” I said really big, “I’ve never played like that!”
“You’re supposed to tag me, then, then I chase after you” I told him.
“Oh…” Benton mouthed, and then his smile was completely gone, and his face was going back to that sadness, to hesitance. I hadn’t meant it like that, I still wanted to play.
I started to shake my head when Benton went to get up, off of me. “No, Benton. I’ll play your way.’ I promised, insisting, “I like wolves! Tell me how to play.”
Benton looked back down at me and there was that smile again, and it was growing.
I put my head back and bared my neck; then Benton started to giggle, and flung his head back in the air and started to howl.
“Hooowwl!”
I giggled in regained delight and wiggled under him fleeing his slightly heavier frame above mine, still holding me to the ground.
“I get to be a wolf! Can I be a wolf! I want to howl!” I stated to the world with enthusiasm, and then wiggled out from under Benton, “My turn! My turn!”
I jumped up then tackled Benton without letting him get away, and giggled like a mad little child, and pinned his hands to the ground, “I got you wabbit! Now I will eat you!” I played out in a silly voice. In my head I sounded like Elmerfud.
Benton gasped, and pouted in disgust -- a little frown forming between his eyebrows. “Not fair, Stanley. You cheated! You didn’t let me get away.”
I laughed and bared the teeth that I had, and growled, “Wolves like to cheat!” I said like it was a fact that was known, and then added menacingly, “and now if you don’t show me your throat…. I will bite you and suck your blood!” There was threat in my words, but my face gave me away as I smiled stupidly.
Benton looked unimpressed, but I didn’t care, I liked Benton’s wolf game. I got to sit on him and pin him down like Sam Rocksons’ big old basset hound would always try to do to us when we would roll around on the ground and play. His dad would always say that he was ‘riled’ and ‘couldn’t tell the hide end from a hole in the ground’, and I didn’t know what that meant but it sounded funny when he would say it.
Benton wasn’t giving in though, “Vampires suck blood, not wolves Stanley-- and you cheated!” He yelled, but wasn’t really angry, I could tell…but then he started to squirm around under me trying to get me off, but I wanted to win.
“I’m a vampire wolf, and I will eat you! Hoooowwwl!” I threw my head back and howled into the air, and then I bent over and bit Benton on the throat. He was laughing; then started to giggle and squirm under me like a snake. I could feel the button on his shorts catching on mine. I kept biting Benton, not hard, but enough that I could feel his flesh in my mouth.
I won!
I really liked playing wolf. I got to bite Benton, and got to sit on him… And what made this even better was that Benton liked it too, because before I knew it I was flipped over, and Benton was biting me on the throat! I giggled and put my neck back and pulled at Benton, so we were closer. It had ticked having Benton bite my throat, but it also felt good…
But all good things come to end, all fun, when you’re a child. “Boy’s time to go!!” Mom called from the drive way.
We both reacted like well trained kid-bots of the 60’s, and in an instant we were both up and running, and squealing and laughing.
Benton was so much fun, and I so knew it. I couldn’t wait to see what other games Benton liked to play.
I hoped they were just as great as playing wolf.
Part 5