Drabble for the Naruto fans
I worked on this with dragon_bite's encouragement today. I have no idea what to do with it so I'm posting it and pretending it doesn't exist. I have no inspiration past where I got with it.
Kakashi was having a good evening. He was pleasantly buzzed on sake and had eaten his fill of the finger foods offered at the bar. Genma was cracking terrible jokes. Ibiki was smiling and laughing, stretching his scars in ways most people never got to see. Anko had actually taken that awful jacket off and Gai was practically passed out beside her. Asuma and Kurenai were quite obviously considering taking their company elsewhere for a more private bit of fun, but it was all good by Kakashi. Everyone was simply comfortable and relaxed. Kakashi knew that didn't happen often enough for Kohona's jounin. He would happily chidori anyone who would ruin a night like this.
Of course, anything this good would be ruined. An ANBU in full uniform just had to run in to tell them a signal flare had gone off less then a block away. No one used signal flares in the village itself unless it was serious. Even Gai managed to shake off the sake before the woman had finished speaking.
The blue-green flare was still causing twinkling lights to dazzle in the air around an intersection to the south just behind the bar itself. Kakashi blinked along with the rest. Everyone in Kohona used red-orange flares in the field. Who would use blue-green? Would a foreign ninja set off a flare in the middle of enemy territory? No, no one would be that stupid. From the pattern, it has clearly been a Leaf signal for the home guard to block the exits.
In less time then it took to get out of the bar in an orderly fashion, the jounin and ANBU were surrounding a rather ugly battle. A nasty looking incident was clearly underway. There was a dark skinned man with some sort of long pole-arm in the center and a number of Cloud nins on the ground or prepared to fight. One of the nins had a young boy in his arms. The man in the middle was only wearing low slung silky looking pajama bottoms and nothing else. Kakashi wondered once again if the signal had been from a foreigner. Would a cloud nin have set that one off? Would they have known it in the first place? The kid in the Cloud jounin's arms looked completely terrified and unless Kakashi's nose was wrong had probably wet himself.
"Release the child and remand yourselves to Leaf ANBU's custody." The gore covered man growled out.
A jounin launched himself at the man, only to batted away with the end of the staff and sent flying into a wall. "Fine, come at me if you don't value your lives, but let the child go," commanded the unknown protagonist of this little drama. Kakashi heard a strange 'shink' sort of sound and Anko's eyes widened.
"Ah fuck, they're dead. He'll pick them off one by one and leave ANBU to clean up the blood and grey matter from the walls." Anko muttered from her perch on the balcony beside Kakashi. Kakashi looked closely and could see that the heavily scared man has somehow altered his staff so that six outward facing blades at either end would shred his opponents. Clearly the staff was not a wooden one despite its appearance. Of course, the sight of a half naked man prepared and ready for mortal combat while quite intimidating to non-shinobi is quietly known to give most higher level ninja a figurative or sometimes literal hard on. It didn't help for Kakashi that the man's pants were just barely resting on his hips either. Looking around to the other guards subtly shifting their stances, he wasn't the only one with a small problem. Damn adrenalin.
Anko was right. Kakashi watched as the shinobi from Hidden Cloud found themselves beaten and bloody. The scarred man wasn't actually moving his feet all that much, just swinging that bloody weapon with brutal efficiency. Two tried for a joint maneuver only to find one missing most of his face and the other most of his stomach. Those blades clearly shredded skin like rice paper. Some of the Cloud shinobi were quite thoroughly dead from head wounds that had ripped the skulls quite thoroughly apart with the impact of that staff-like weapon. In the end, it was just the scarred man and the shinobi holding the child.
There was another strange 'shink' sound and a thin, clearly very sharp blade had slipped out of one end of the staff. The half-clad man placed the blade at the last nin's throat. He didn't even say anything, just looked straight into the woman's eyes. The kunochi released the child. It was quite obvious that the man who could take out five Cloud nin's mixed between chuunin and jounin could easily kill her, particularly if she were encumbered by a hostage.
"Ibiki-sempai, if you would be so kind. I'm sure you can get something worthwhile out of her." The scarred man didn't remove his weapon from the kunochi's throat until after Ibiki had approached them to take custody of the kunochi. Kakashi still wasn't sure who the man was, but from his tone he respected Ibiki and was either of a lower rank or younger then him. Damn who the hell was this guy. Kakashi thought he knew all of the upper level shinobi in Kohona and their specialties. Clearly he needed to brush up on some information gathering.
Ibiki barked out orders to clean up the mess and give medical care to those who still needed it. It meant that most of the jounin and ANBU would be guarding hospitalized Cloud nins. It was not a duty Kakashi enjoyed by any means. Guard duty was dead boring. Kakashi waited, morgue delivery was icky, but at least it wouldn't take long. Maybe if he was lucky he wouldn't have to do either one and could find out what the hell was going on. Insatiably curious, hell yes he was. The way this guy fought there was even a chance at a decent sparing partner.
"Come here kid. What's your name?" Ibiki asked after handing the kunochi off to the female ANBU who had gotten them all from the bar earlier. Less then ten minutes had passed, but a good fight is a short fight. Kakashi sauntered over calmly so as not to alarm anyone. The kid was still a little too shocked to answer. The brat was hiccuping and cowering against the wall.
"His name is Watanabe Kojiro. He is a pre-gennin academy student ranked somewhere toward the upper middle of his class. His apartment is two blocks back that way," the scarred man pointed to his right indicating an apartment complex about three blocks from the bar the jounin had been at earlier. "He's one of the mission orphans with a bloodline limit which seems to be why they were targeting him. If you can get him cleaned up and a hot drink he can spend the rest of the night at my place. There are some things I need checked first before I can head back myself."
"You may want to grab your forehead protector." Ibiki sighed. He was going to say more, probably something chiding, but a small voice interrupted. "Who are you?"
"Kojiro-chan, if you don't know exactly who I am then you need more training in basic observation, " the man pinched the bridge of his nose bringing the child's attention to his scar there. Oh now that wasn't fair, if the majority of the jounin and ANBU couldn't identify him how was the kid supposed to? "If you can't identify me by my appearance, then use your ears to analyze my voice or pay attention to how I move. We covered this last month and I know you were paying attention." Oh, the guy is a teacher. Wait, a teacher, he's a chuunin? The fuck. Scar on the nose, long hair, chuunin school teacher, the hell, it's Iruka-sensei.
"Sensei?" the child asked.
"Hai. Now, go with Ibiki-sama and answer his questions. I need to check on the other students." The tall dark haired man said gently. Since when did a guy better known for his administrative talents and teaching skills learn to fight like that? Hell, since when did his brat's former teacher get enough field experience to develop a set of scars worthy of an ANBU veteran. The guy was supposed to be some sort of pansy assed paper pusher. This just wasn't adding up.
"Can you send some one else to check on the kids? I need to know what is going on and deploy accordingly." Ibiki grumbled. Oh dear, the interrogator is not a happy shinobi and when Ibiki isn't happy, shinobi who know what is good for them get the hell out of the way. Kakashi had to wonder what the surprisingly not- a - pansy school teacher would do for that tone.
"Not unless you have a couple someone's who are damn good at wards. I'll explain in full later, but unless you have people to spare for a full emergency head count including academy staff, I need to go knock some heads and check the internal matrix for the alarms." Iruka-sensei clearly wasn't going to back down even for the most feared interrogator in Kohona. Who knew the polite, sweet, uke-ish, young teacher had that kind of spine. Well, from the chuckle Ibiki was giving, perhaps he did. It would figure, Ibiki knows the weirdest things about people.
"I've got them. You would really knock some more heads with that thing wouldn't you?" Ibiki smirked. Oh joy, didn't he get enough blood and gore watching the chuunin fight.
"Depends, if they slept through the alarms, you bet your ass I would." Iruka grumbled back grimacing. "I hate getting brains out of the blades too."
"What is that thing anyway?" Kakashi finally had to ask. He was a patient man usually, but he had had more then enough to drink and think about for one night. As quiet as Kakashi had been, the other two clearly hadn't forgotten him. Iruka was glaring. Joy. It wasn't even that cute pouty glare he used over mission reports. Damn what did he do this time?
"Kakashi-sempai, with all due respect, either make yourself useful or get the fuck out of my way. I don't have time for you bullshit right now. I'll humor you later when there isn't a possibility of someone attempting to kid nap any of my other students." Iruka snapped at him. Damn, so the oh so polite and gentile chuunin did have teeth, interesting.
"I'll be useful as soon as I understand what needs to be done." Oh, he knew what he wanted to do, but even tipsy as Kakashi was, he wasn't stupid enough to try it. No, don't get in the way of a shinobi on a mission. Bad Idea.
"Fine, get your decorative, drunken ass over to the academy and see if anyone has fucked with the internal alarm matrix. It will tell us if this is an individual attempt or a scattered attempt. If it is messed up in any way, come get me. Don't touch it, patch it up or anything, just look and tell me." Oh, the pissed off sensei to adult mode complete with lecture as if Kakashi were a child. Whatever, he'd check the damn matrix. May the Kami have mercy on the Cloud nin's souls if it was messed up.
"Whatever, meet you back at HQ." Kakashi poofed over to the academy, but not before he heard Ibiki start laughing at him. Damn. Decorative, my ass. He snorted with disbelief. That uppity chuunin called my ass decorative. Definitely should get him for that remark. Then again, that staff-thing was pretty fierce. Well, then get him back creatively. Now where in this maze was that matrix of wards.
Oh, there it is. Door is still locked, no sign of having been messed with, but those were jounin and chuunin in a mix, they must have had some one who was decent with a lock pick. There, open and what do we have.... Absolutely nothing. No one has been in this room for months unless some one over in cloud has created a dust no justu. Yes, he should make one. If nothing else it would fuck with that chuunin's well ordered mind. Well, unless they were walking on the walls, engh, good idea, why not. Nope, no one has messed with this thing as far as he could tell. One freaky looking network of blood seals. Mission accomplished. He locked the door and just poofed again right to the roof of the building and took the shinobi highway to HQ.
And where was that uppity brat of a chuunin? There was the kid, something or other Kojiro foisted on Genma's tender mercies. At least they didn't give the brat to Anko. Kakashi shuddered at the thought. Genma would be annoyed at the lack of a sex life tonight, but at least he got to watch a good fight and a chuunin looking far too sexy for his own good. Damn that man should know better then to look like that if he didn't want to be ravished. Hrm, perhaps he did.
Oh, he's in the conference room. Since when did they ever use the conference room for anything other then getting wasted? Damn not enough blood in his alcohol stream, or something. Lovely, the rest of the chuunin sensei were there looking like something the cat drug in. At least they were mostly in uniform.
Iruka sensei was doing a lovely sponge bath that was far too enticing for his current state of mind. Damn. "Yo," Kakashi announced his presence, "My decorative ass says your matrix was either messed with by an expert or hasn't even been looked at in months." Oh yes, sarcasm, that would really attract him. Stupid sake. As much as he did enjoy the stuff, it worked like stupid juice. He'd never seen anyone who was brilliant on the stuff.
"Thank you Kakashi-sempai. There would have been a body more then likely if they had, so it is most likely safe." Iruka actually sounded relieved. He was very wet. Not a good thing. He'd obviously gotten most of the more outre gore off of himself. The thin sheen of water left from the wash rag was highlighting things that Kakashi didn't need to see right now. Damn, this is what he gets for being a porn addict.
He decided to go be decorative by the door. Of course, Genma would nearly hit him in the face with the thing. This so was not his night. He was horny, pleasantly buzzed, and couldn't do a damn thing about it. Well, he could, but why waste a jutsu just to get rid of the alcohol. "Thought you were with the kid." He griped.
"I was. Anko took over. Head count is done. All your kids are accounted for." Genma drawled contentedly.
"Thank you, Gemna-kun." Ibiki replied watching Iruka instead who had started to clean his weapon. The chuunin sensei was muttering a string of profanity under his breath. The wash rag and water was apparently not doing a good enough job for the overly organized teacher. Kakashi couldn't help but grin at Genma over that. Oh yes, sensei is a potty mouth. Oh, now that could be fun. Wonder what else could be encouraged to come out of that mouth.
"Some one hand me a kunai, or better yet, a sebon needle." Iruka requested as he fiddled with something. Whatever he was doing had his full concentration. Kakashi signaled to Genma to send his favorite toothpick flying. Of course that was all it took to make Genma smirk and spit it in the chuunin's general direction, from the looks of the arch, Genma was aiming for the shoulder.
Of course, Genma wouldn't really try to hurt the teacher. That was it, that would have to be it, because Iruka just snatched it out of the air without even bothering to blink and set back to work. Genma pouted. The teachers looked down right amused. Kakashi started wondering what would happen if some one tried a spitball? Would the sensei grab that out of the air too, because that is just ew... icky. Oh dear, now he was giggling. Better turn that into a snicker.
Oh, ick, so that is what he was so fixated on, a chunk of bone from one of the skulls? Yuck, gives good reason to prefer swords, nothing to get things caught between and much easier to clean. The sensei put the sebon down and twisted something causing the blades to fold around the shaft and then slipped a sleeve up over them. Neat. Well, that does count for something. "There, done. Its a pain, but its effective." Iruka grumbled. He then handed the weapon over to Ibiki. Was that what everyone was waiting for? Weapons inspection? What ever.
"Nice. Where did you get it?" Ibiki asked, hefting the weapon. Hrm, he was looking at Iruka with respect, must be something else to it.
"Orochimaru-sama, before he defected. All the kids are accounted for, all the teachers are here, the wards matrix is fine, Kojiro-chan is fine, is there anything else or can we all go get some sleep? I don't know about everyone else, but I'd like to go back to bed." Oh, Iruka-sensei was grumpy. Bed did sound good. Looked good on the chuunin too, who knew disheveled was his best look?
"Sounds like a good idea to me. I'll work over the kunochi in the morning. The kid is staying with you right?" Ibiki asked, the late night was getting to him too.
"For the night, I'll set the wards back up once I figure out how they fouled them up. Kami, I just want a shower and my bed at this point. We have to be at the school by seven at the latest." groused the tanned man. Blah, no man should be that well tanned. It wasn't fair, Iruka didn't even have tan lines on his ass. It sure wasn't like his pants were held up by more then a loose drawstring and a prayer.
"How did you get a weapon out of Orochimaru?" Genma asked curiously. Oh yeah, that is where he said he got it. Weird, that sannin wasn't known for giving things away that didn't bite back.
"Pranked him and helped Anko prank him one too many times." Iruka answered with an all too innocent look. Damn the man does that look much better then Naruto ever did.
"Your pranking him got you a sweet ass weapon out of the deal?" Shizume blinked. The intelligence kunochi clearly hadn't heard that story either. The hell, pranking? Iruka just said he pranked a Sannin?
"How was I to know he didn't like the color purple, it brings out the nice green tones in his skin." Iruka ever so innocently explained. "He threw it at me and told me if I ever did it again, I'd need it to defend myself with." Oh, yeah, he would threaten certain death to a gennin who irritated him that much. Good kami, purple, what did purple have to do with Orochimaru.
"What does the color purple have to do with you pranking Orochimaru and getting a staff thrown at you?" Kakashi asked. He definitely wanted to hear this one.
"I tossed dye into his laundry. Anko and I got into a lot of pranks together. He told my jounin-sensei that he wanted me to learn that since he was about ready to set her on me and she was using a katana. Of course he would pick one I couldn't pick up at the time. It took a week for the broken ribs to heal enough to work with a lighter staff. Anko got him back. His underwear was green for a long time." Iruka shrugged.
Ibiki handed the staff over to Kakashi to inspect. Oh, well that explains a lot the thing was heavy. So the first hidden feature of the weapon was its weight. The second was the circle of blades around the shaft. The third was the final spring loaded blades at the tips. "How heavy is this thing?"
"Around 50 pounds. It is the same as the bar in the weight room for rehab over at the hospital." Iruka yawned. Oh yes, tired, everyone in the room was tired. The yawns were contagious. Damn. Kakashi yawned and stretched. He handed the staff back to the chuunin and had to stop himself from pulling on on those pants. It really wouldn't take much to pull them off. No, bad Kakashi.
Genma lightly tugged on the sleep pant. "Not on by much is it." Damn Genma. If he was going to do that, why didn't he tug them down.
"On by enough, and try that again, you'll find out exactly why Orochimaru didn't much like me outside of missions." Iruka growled as he left to collect the brat and go home. Oh damn, and the chuunin followed him out. There went his entertainment for the night. Time for him to sleep too. Wonder what could be done to wind his team up in the morning. Nah, better to sleep in.
With a smirk and a wave Kakashi saw himself out followed by Genma. "Night Kakashi-kun" Genma yawned at him. Kakashi gave him a cheerful wave and sauntered off home. Sleep would definitely feature dark haired chuunin sensei tonight. Good dreams. Should be entertaining.
Kakashi was having a good evening. He was pleasantly buzzed on sake and had eaten his fill of the finger foods offered at the bar. Genma was cracking terrible jokes. Ibiki was smiling and laughing, stretching his scars in ways most people never got to see. Anko had actually taken that awful jacket off and Gai was practically passed out beside her. Asuma and Kurenai were quite obviously considering taking their company elsewhere for a more private bit of fun, but it was all good by Kakashi. Everyone was simply comfortable and relaxed. Kakashi knew that didn't happen often enough for Kohona's jounin. He would happily chidori anyone who would ruin a night like this.
Of course, anything this good would be ruined. An ANBU in full uniform just had to run in to tell them a signal flare had gone off less then a block away. No one used signal flares in the village itself unless it was serious. Even Gai managed to shake off the sake before the woman had finished speaking.
The blue-green flare was still causing twinkling lights to dazzle in the air around an intersection to the south just behind the bar itself. Kakashi blinked along with the rest. Everyone in Kohona used red-orange flares in the field. Who would use blue-green? Would a foreign ninja set off a flare in the middle of enemy territory? No, no one would be that stupid. From the pattern, it has clearly been a Leaf signal for the home guard to block the exits.
In less time then it took to get out of the bar in an orderly fashion, the jounin and ANBU were surrounding a rather ugly battle. A nasty looking incident was clearly underway. There was a dark skinned man with some sort of long pole-arm in the center and a number of Cloud nins on the ground or prepared to fight. One of the nins had a young boy in his arms. The man in the middle was only wearing low slung silky looking pajama bottoms and nothing else. Kakashi wondered once again if the signal had been from a foreigner. Would a cloud nin have set that one off? Would they have known it in the first place? The kid in the Cloud jounin's arms looked completely terrified and unless Kakashi's nose was wrong had probably wet himself.
"Release the child and remand yourselves to Leaf ANBU's custody." The gore covered man growled out.
A jounin launched himself at the man, only to batted away with the end of the staff and sent flying into a wall. "Fine, come at me if you don't value your lives, but let the child go," commanded the unknown protagonist of this little drama. Kakashi heard a strange 'shink' sort of sound and Anko's eyes widened.
"Ah fuck, they're dead. He'll pick them off one by one and leave ANBU to clean up the blood and grey matter from the walls." Anko muttered from her perch on the balcony beside Kakashi. Kakashi looked closely and could see that the heavily scared man has somehow altered his staff so that six outward facing blades at either end would shred his opponents. Clearly the staff was not a wooden one despite its appearance. Of course, the sight of a half naked man prepared and ready for mortal combat while quite intimidating to non-shinobi is quietly known to give most higher level ninja a figurative or sometimes literal hard on. It didn't help for Kakashi that the man's pants were just barely resting on his hips either. Looking around to the other guards subtly shifting their stances, he wasn't the only one with a small problem. Damn adrenalin.
Anko was right. Kakashi watched as the shinobi from Hidden Cloud found themselves beaten and bloody. The scarred man wasn't actually moving his feet all that much, just swinging that bloody weapon with brutal efficiency. Two tried for a joint maneuver only to find one missing most of his face and the other most of his stomach. Those blades clearly shredded skin like rice paper. Some of the Cloud shinobi were quite thoroughly dead from head wounds that had ripped the skulls quite thoroughly apart with the impact of that staff-like weapon. In the end, it was just the scarred man and the shinobi holding the child.
There was another strange 'shink' sound and a thin, clearly very sharp blade had slipped out of one end of the staff. The half-clad man placed the blade at the last nin's throat. He didn't even say anything, just looked straight into the woman's eyes. The kunochi released the child. It was quite obvious that the man who could take out five Cloud nin's mixed between chuunin and jounin could easily kill her, particularly if she were encumbered by a hostage.
"Ibiki-sempai, if you would be so kind. I'm sure you can get something worthwhile out of her." The scarred man didn't remove his weapon from the kunochi's throat until after Ibiki had approached them to take custody of the kunochi. Kakashi still wasn't sure who the man was, but from his tone he respected Ibiki and was either of a lower rank or younger then him. Damn who the hell was this guy. Kakashi thought he knew all of the upper level shinobi in Kohona and their specialties. Clearly he needed to brush up on some information gathering.
Ibiki barked out orders to clean up the mess and give medical care to those who still needed it. It meant that most of the jounin and ANBU would be guarding hospitalized Cloud nins. It was not a duty Kakashi enjoyed by any means. Guard duty was dead boring. Kakashi waited, morgue delivery was icky, but at least it wouldn't take long. Maybe if he was lucky he wouldn't have to do either one and could find out what the hell was going on. Insatiably curious, hell yes he was. The way this guy fought there was even a chance at a decent sparing partner.
"Come here kid. What's your name?" Ibiki asked after handing the kunochi off to the female ANBU who had gotten them all from the bar earlier. Less then ten minutes had passed, but a good fight is a short fight. Kakashi sauntered over calmly so as not to alarm anyone. The kid was still a little too shocked to answer. The brat was hiccuping and cowering against the wall.
"His name is Watanabe Kojiro. He is a pre-gennin academy student ranked somewhere toward the upper middle of his class. His apartment is two blocks back that way," the scarred man pointed to his right indicating an apartment complex about three blocks from the bar the jounin had been at earlier. "He's one of the mission orphans with a bloodline limit which seems to be why they were targeting him. If you can get him cleaned up and a hot drink he can spend the rest of the night at my place. There are some things I need checked first before I can head back myself."
"You may want to grab your forehead protector." Ibiki sighed. He was going to say more, probably something chiding, but a small voice interrupted. "Who are you?"
"Kojiro-chan, if you don't know exactly who I am then you need more training in basic observation, " the man pinched the bridge of his nose bringing the child's attention to his scar there. Oh now that wasn't fair, if the majority of the jounin and ANBU couldn't identify him how was the kid supposed to? "If you can't identify me by my appearance, then use your ears to analyze my voice or pay attention to how I move. We covered this last month and I know you were paying attention." Oh, the guy is a teacher. Wait, a teacher, he's a chuunin? The fuck. Scar on the nose, long hair, chuunin school teacher, the hell, it's Iruka-sensei.
"Sensei?" the child asked.
"Hai. Now, go with Ibiki-sama and answer his questions. I need to check on the other students." The tall dark haired man said gently. Since when did a guy better known for his administrative talents and teaching skills learn to fight like that? Hell, since when did his brat's former teacher get enough field experience to develop a set of scars worthy of an ANBU veteran. The guy was supposed to be some sort of pansy assed paper pusher. This just wasn't adding up.
"Can you send some one else to check on the kids? I need to know what is going on and deploy accordingly." Ibiki grumbled. Oh dear, the interrogator is not a happy shinobi and when Ibiki isn't happy, shinobi who know what is good for them get the hell out of the way. Kakashi had to wonder what the surprisingly not- a - pansy school teacher would do for that tone.
"Not unless you have a couple someone's who are damn good at wards. I'll explain in full later, but unless you have people to spare for a full emergency head count including academy staff, I need to go knock some heads and check the internal matrix for the alarms." Iruka-sensei clearly wasn't going to back down even for the most feared interrogator in Kohona. Who knew the polite, sweet, uke-ish, young teacher had that kind of spine. Well, from the chuckle Ibiki was giving, perhaps he did. It would figure, Ibiki knows the weirdest things about people.
"I've got them. You would really knock some more heads with that thing wouldn't you?" Ibiki smirked. Oh joy, didn't he get enough blood and gore watching the chuunin fight.
"Depends, if they slept through the alarms, you bet your ass I would." Iruka grumbled back grimacing. "I hate getting brains out of the blades too."
"What is that thing anyway?" Kakashi finally had to ask. He was a patient man usually, but he had had more then enough to drink and think about for one night. As quiet as Kakashi had been, the other two clearly hadn't forgotten him. Iruka was glaring. Joy. It wasn't even that cute pouty glare he used over mission reports. Damn what did he do this time?
"Kakashi-sempai, with all due respect, either make yourself useful or get the fuck out of my way. I don't have time for you bullshit right now. I'll humor you later when there isn't a possibility of someone attempting to kid nap any of my other students." Iruka snapped at him. Damn, so the oh so polite and gentile chuunin did have teeth, interesting.
"I'll be useful as soon as I understand what needs to be done." Oh, he knew what he wanted to do, but even tipsy as Kakashi was, he wasn't stupid enough to try it. No, don't get in the way of a shinobi on a mission. Bad Idea.
"Fine, get your decorative, drunken ass over to the academy and see if anyone has fucked with the internal alarm matrix. It will tell us if this is an individual attempt or a scattered attempt. If it is messed up in any way, come get me. Don't touch it, patch it up or anything, just look and tell me." Oh, the pissed off sensei to adult mode complete with lecture as if Kakashi were a child. Whatever, he'd check the damn matrix. May the Kami have mercy on the Cloud nin's souls if it was messed up.
"Whatever, meet you back at HQ." Kakashi poofed over to the academy, but not before he heard Ibiki start laughing at him. Damn. Decorative, my ass. He snorted with disbelief. That uppity chuunin called my ass decorative. Definitely should get him for that remark. Then again, that staff-thing was pretty fierce. Well, then get him back creatively. Now where in this maze was that matrix of wards.
Oh, there it is. Door is still locked, no sign of having been messed with, but those were jounin and chuunin in a mix, they must have had some one who was decent with a lock pick. There, open and what do we have.... Absolutely nothing. No one has been in this room for months unless some one over in cloud has created a dust no justu. Yes, he should make one. If nothing else it would fuck with that chuunin's well ordered mind. Well, unless they were walking on the walls, engh, good idea, why not. Nope, no one has messed with this thing as far as he could tell. One freaky looking network of blood seals. Mission accomplished. He locked the door and just poofed again right to the roof of the building and took the shinobi highway to HQ.
And where was that uppity brat of a chuunin? There was the kid, something or other Kojiro foisted on Genma's tender mercies. At least they didn't give the brat to Anko. Kakashi shuddered at the thought. Genma would be annoyed at the lack of a sex life tonight, but at least he got to watch a good fight and a chuunin looking far too sexy for his own good. Damn that man should know better then to look like that if he didn't want to be ravished. Hrm, perhaps he did.
Oh, he's in the conference room. Since when did they ever use the conference room for anything other then getting wasted? Damn not enough blood in his alcohol stream, or something. Lovely, the rest of the chuunin sensei were there looking like something the cat drug in. At least they were mostly in uniform.
Iruka sensei was doing a lovely sponge bath that was far too enticing for his current state of mind. Damn. "Yo," Kakashi announced his presence, "My decorative ass says your matrix was either messed with by an expert or hasn't even been looked at in months." Oh yes, sarcasm, that would really attract him. Stupid sake. As much as he did enjoy the stuff, it worked like stupid juice. He'd never seen anyone who was brilliant on the stuff.
"Thank you Kakashi-sempai. There would have been a body more then likely if they had, so it is most likely safe." Iruka actually sounded relieved. He was very wet. Not a good thing. He'd obviously gotten most of the more outre gore off of himself. The thin sheen of water left from the wash rag was highlighting things that Kakashi didn't need to see right now. Damn, this is what he gets for being a porn addict.
He decided to go be decorative by the door. Of course, Genma would nearly hit him in the face with the thing. This so was not his night. He was horny, pleasantly buzzed, and couldn't do a damn thing about it. Well, he could, but why waste a jutsu just to get rid of the alcohol. "Thought you were with the kid." He griped.
"I was. Anko took over. Head count is done. All your kids are accounted for." Genma drawled contentedly.
"Thank you, Gemna-kun." Ibiki replied watching Iruka instead who had started to clean his weapon. The chuunin sensei was muttering a string of profanity under his breath. The wash rag and water was apparently not doing a good enough job for the overly organized teacher. Kakashi couldn't help but grin at Genma over that. Oh yes, sensei is a potty mouth. Oh, now that could be fun. Wonder what else could be encouraged to come out of that mouth.
"Some one hand me a kunai, or better yet, a sebon needle." Iruka requested as he fiddled with something. Whatever he was doing had his full concentration. Kakashi signaled to Genma to send his favorite toothpick flying. Of course that was all it took to make Genma smirk and spit it in the chuunin's general direction, from the looks of the arch, Genma was aiming for the shoulder.
Of course, Genma wouldn't really try to hurt the teacher. That was it, that would have to be it, because Iruka just snatched it out of the air without even bothering to blink and set back to work. Genma pouted. The teachers looked down right amused. Kakashi started wondering what would happen if some one tried a spitball? Would the sensei grab that out of the air too, because that is just ew... icky. Oh dear, now he was giggling. Better turn that into a snicker.
Oh, ick, so that is what he was so fixated on, a chunk of bone from one of the skulls? Yuck, gives good reason to prefer swords, nothing to get things caught between and much easier to clean. The sensei put the sebon down and twisted something causing the blades to fold around the shaft and then slipped a sleeve up over them. Neat. Well, that does count for something. "There, done. Its a pain, but its effective." Iruka grumbled. He then handed the weapon over to Ibiki. Was that what everyone was waiting for? Weapons inspection? What ever.
"Nice. Where did you get it?" Ibiki asked, hefting the weapon. Hrm, he was looking at Iruka with respect, must be something else to it.
"Orochimaru-sama, before he defected. All the kids are accounted for, all the teachers are here, the wards matrix is fine, Kojiro-chan is fine, is there anything else or can we all go get some sleep? I don't know about everyone else, but I'd like to go back to bed." Oh, Iruka-sensei was grumpy. Bed did sound good. Looked good on the chuunin too, who knew disheveled was his best look?
"Sounds like a good idea to me. I'll work over the kunochi in the morning. The kid is staying with you right?" Ibiki asked, the late night was getting to him too.
"For the night, I'll set the wards back up once I figure out how they fouled them up. Kami, I just want a shower and my bed at this point. We have to be at the school by seven at the latest." groused the tanned man. Blah, no man should be that well tanned. It wasn't fair, Iruka didn't even have tan lines on his ass. It sure wasn't like his pants were held up by more then a loose drawstring and a prayer.
"How did you get a weapon out of Orochimaru?" Genma asked curiously. Oh yeah, that is where he said he got it. Weird, that sannin wasn't known for giving things away that didn't bite back.
"Pranked him and helped Anko prank him one too many times." Iruka answered with an all too innocent look. Damn the man does that look much better then Naruto ever did.
"Your pranking him got you a sweet ass weapon out of the deal?" Shizume blinked. The intelligence kunochi clearly hadn't heard that story either. The hell, pranking? Iruka just said he pranked a Sannin?
"How was I to know he didn't like the color purple, it brings out the nice green tones in his skin." Iruka ever so innocently explained. "He threw it at me and told me if I ever did it again, I'd need it to defend myself with." Oh, yeah, he would threaten certain death to a gennin who irritated him that much. Good kami, purple, what did purple have to do with Orochimaru.
"What does the color purple have to do with you pranking Orochimaru and getting a staff thrown at you?" Kakashi asked. He definitely wanted to hear this one.
"I tossed dye into his laundry. Anko and I got into a lot of pranks together. He told my jounin-sensei that he wanted me to learn that since he was about ready to set her on me and she was using a katana. Of course he would pick one I couldn't pick up at the time. It took a week for the broken ribs to heal enough to work with a lighter staff. Anko got him back. His underwear was green for a long time." Iruka shrugged.
Ibiki handed the staff over to Kakashi to inspect. Oh, well that explains a lot the thing was heavy. So the first hidden feature of the weapon was its weight. The second was the circle of blades around the shaft. The third was the final spring loaded blades at the tips. "How heavy is this thing?"
"Around 50 pounds. It is the same as the bar in the weight room for rehab over at the hospital." Iruka yawned. Oh yes, tired, everyone in the room was tired. The yawns were contagious. Damn. Kakashi yawned and stretched. He handed the staff back to the chuunin and had to stop himself from pulling on on those pants. It really wouldn't take much to pull them off. No, bad Kakashi.
Genma lightly tugged on the sleep pant. "Not on by much is it." Damn Genma. If he was going to do that, why didn't he tug them down.
"On by enough, and try that again, you'll find out exactly why Orochimaru didn't much like me outside of missions." Iruka growled as he left to collect the brat and go home. Oh damn, and the chuunin followed him out. There went his entertainment for the night. Time for him to sleep too. Wonder what could be done to wind his team up in the morning. Nah, better to sleep in.
With a smirk and a wave Kakashi saw himself out followed by Genma. "Night Kakashi-kun" Genma yawned at him. Kakashi gave him a cheerful wave and sauntered off home. Sleep would definitely feature dark haired chuunin sensei tonight. Good dreams. Should be entertaining.