Open relationships, breeding ground for jealousy?
No one ever said open relationships were easy. They take a lot of communication between both partners, and both sides must be willing to work together though jealousy or minor "pain" that may arise.
Jealousy is typically thought of as a single emotion, when its more a lump of feelings. Usually most manifested as: anger, fear, coveting, anxiety, sadness, paranoia, loneliness, feeling excluded, envy, feeling inadequate. One must understand jealousy and what it is about. Mostly its a fear of change, of loss, control or abandonment. This is a direct reflection of our own insecurities...about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability.
For every jealous feeling there is an emotion behind it that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Behind jealousy there is that deep fear that our needs will not be met. When jealousy kicks in, its almost like second nature to go into that "fight or flight" mode because we feel threatened. What one should honestly do in this situation is ask themselves what exactly they are afraid of.
Society is set on three beliefs about relationships that almost guarantee to create jealousy..and many of us have had these beliefs ingrained in us.
1) If my partner really loved me, they wouldn't have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.
We believe that the interest your partner shows has a direct reflection of how much he/she loves you. A quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner. Take the time to break this down and one can see this is as absurd as saying that parents who give birth to a second child, must not love the first.
2) If my partner were happy with me, and I am a good partner/lover/etc., my partner would be satisfied enough that they wouldn't want involvement with anyone else.
This belief is even more insidious. With the first belief you can at least blame it on your partner for not loving you enough. This belief says that if your partner is interested in someone else, it's your fault for not being the perfect lover or spouse and your relationship must be a failure. If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because you're inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time!
3) It's not possible to love more than one person at the same time.
The belief that love is a finite resource, that there is only so much to go around, and there is never enough. So if my partner gives love to anyone else there's less for me. Because most people already feel there are some areas in their relationship where they are not getting enough of something (time, love, affection, sex, support, commitment) they fear they will receive even less if their partner gets involved with anyone else.
Because these beliefs are connected to a very primal fear, they take time and effort to overcome. The first expresses fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned. Second taps into our insecurities and the fear that we are not adequate or deserving of love, and the third is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention.
Jealousy is typically thought of as a single emotion, when its more a lump of feelings. Usually most manifested as: anger, fear, coveting, anxiety, sadness, paranoia, loneliness, feeling excluded, envy, feeling inadequate. One must understand jealousy and what it is about. Mostly its a fear of change, of loss, control or abandonment. This is a direct reflection of our own insecurities...about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and doubts about our desirability.
For every jealous feeling there is an emotion behind it that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Behind jealousy there is that deep fear that our needs will not be met. When jealousy kicks in, its almost like second nature to go into that "fight or flight" mode because we feel threatened. What one should honestly do in this situation is ask themselves what exactly they are afraid of.
Society is set on three beliefs about relationships that almost guarantee to create jealousy..and many of us have had these beliefs ingrained in us.
1) If my partner really loved me, they wouldn't have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.
We believe that the interest your partner shows has a direct reflection of how much he/she loves you. A quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner. Take the time to break this down and one can see this is as absurd as saying that parents who give birth to a second child, must not love the first.
2) If my partner were happy with me, and I am a good partner/lover/etc., my partner would be satisfied enough that they wouldn't want involvement with anyone else.
This belief is even more insidious. With the first belief you can at least blame it on your partner for not loving you enough. This belief says that if your partner is interested in someone else, it's your fault for not being the perfect lover or spouse and your relationship must be a failure. If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because you're inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time!
3) It's not possible to love more than one person at the same time.
The belief that love is a finite resource, that there is only so much to go around, and there is never enough. So if my partner gives love to anyone else there's less for me. Because most people already feel there are some areas in their relationship where they are not getting enough of something (time, love, affection, sex, support, commitment) they fear they will receive even less if their partner gets involved with anyone else.
Because these beliefs are connected to a very primal fear, they take time and effort to overcome. The first expresses fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned. Second taps into our insecurities and the fear that we are not adequate or deserving of love, and the third is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention.