Holding On - Dean/Castiel
Title: Holding On
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Word Count: ~700
Rating: PG
Summary: Dean says yes and Castiel can’t manage to let go.
Author's Notes: Written for spn_30snapshots, prompt #22 from A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words table.
Castiel chose Dean over Heaven. He will always choose Dean.
He will continue to stand by Dean's side, even if each day is painful in ways he never thought possible. It doesn’t matter if his heart aches with every waking moment. He will never leave Dean.
Never.
Even if Dean's body is hollow, soul long burned out. Even if his Dean is nothing but a memory.
He visits Dean every day. It's hard enough to walk through the double doors and pass the reception desk, ignoring the looks of pity from the nurses.
It's even harder when Sam visits.
Castiel knows it's not Sam’s fault. If anyone is to blame it is him. Castiel is the one who failed to find God. Castiel is the one that couldn't save Dean.
Except Castiel can feel the full spectrum of human emotions now, and he can't help but feel resentment every time he sees Sam Winchester. Dean gave in and gave up his soul for Sam. Dean sacrificed himself, believing it was a preemptive strike. If Michael could take care of Lucifer before Sam said yes, then everything would be okay.
And Michael had won. There was no surprise in that. And maybe people died, but things were nowhere near as devastating as they would've gotten. Could've gotten.
Dean Winchester had saved the world.
Castiel should be happy. He should be grateful that Dean was able to accomplish what he wanted. The world is safe from Lucifer and, more importantly, Sam is safe. But Castiel is anything but proud or happy.
“How’s he doing?”
Castiel says nothing. He still blames Sam, and he believes he always will. It doesn't matter how irrational that might be, he's only human. And maybe it's childish to ignore Sam, but he's afraid if he opens his mouth only hate and anger will escape past his lips.
Castiel ignores Sam’s sigh. He does his best to ignore Sam. Except he can’t ignore the way Sam pulls up a chair and sits next to Dean, the way Sam gently holds Dean’s hand between his own, telling him stories about his nephews.
It isn’t fair. Dean is the one that sacrificed everything, and yet Sam Winchester is the one with a life and a family. Sam Winchester has everything Dean never let himself dream of having.
Castiel knows he’s angry and jealous. Dean did what he did out of love and no hate should come out of that.
But he still resents Sam.
Castiel had pleaded with Dean, begged Dean to not give up hope. When Castiel told Dean that he cared for him, that he would find God and stop the apocalypse... Dean didn’t listen. He loved his brother more than himself, more than the world, more than Castiel.
Castiel had no choice but to watch as Dean told Michael yes. He could only watch as his brother burned out the soul of the man he gave up Heaven for, the man who taught an angel how to feel.
And nothing could've hurt more than Dean's last words: watch out for Sammy.
Castiel had attacked Michael. He knew it was reckless and the only possible outcome was his death, but that was exactly what he wanted. Castiel had nothing left to fight for - not his Father, not Heaven, not humanity, not even Dean Winchester.
Michael didn’t kill him. “Dean would've wanted you to live,” Michael told him, as if that was enough of a reason. Then he gave Castiel a choice between returning to heaven or staying behind on earth as a human.
It was easy for Castiel to make his choice.
Maybe his decision was made in haste. He was angry with Heaven, an anger that has since faded. He doesn't lie to himself and say he has no regrets. Everyday he misses the presence of his Brothers, almost as much as he misses Dean.
Except when he looks at Dean, when he remembers the man he used to be, he knows he made the right decision. Castiel will always be there. Maybe it's too late, but Castiel wants Dean to know he will never be abandoned.
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Word Count: ~700
Rating: PG
Summary: Dean says yes and Castiel can’t manage to let go.
Author's Notes: Written for spn_30snapshots, prompt #22 from A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words table.
Castiel chose Dean over Heaven. He will always choose Dean.
He will continue to stand by Dean's side, even if each day is painful in ways he never thought possible. It doesn’t matter if his heart aches with every waking moment. He will never leave Dean.
Never.
Even if Dean's body is hollow, soul long burned out. Even if his Dean is nothing but a memory.
He visits Dean every day. It's hard enough to walk through the double doors and pass the reception desk, ignoring the looks of pity from the nurses.
It's even harder when Sam visits.
Castiel knows it's not Sam’s fault. If anyone is to blame it is him. Castiel is the one who failed to find God. Castiel is the one that couldn't save Dean.
Except Castiel can feel the full spectrum of human emotions now, and he can't help but feel resentment every time he sees Sam Winchester. Dean gave in and gave up his soul for Sam. Dean sacrificed himself, believing it was a preemptive strike. If Michael could take care of Lucifer before Sam said yes, then everything would be okay.
And Michael had won. There was no surprise in that. And maybe people died, but things were nowhere near as devastating as they would've gotten. Could've gotten.
Dean Winchester had saved the world.
Castiel should be happy. He should be grateful that Dean was able to accomplish what he wanted. The world is safe from Lucifer and, more importantly, Sam is safe. But Castiel is anything but proud or happy.
“How’s he doing?”
Castiel says nothing. He still blames Sam, and he believes he always will. It doesn't matter how irrational that might be, he's only human. And maybe it's childish to ignore Sam, but he's afraid if he opens his mouth only hate and anger will escape past his lips.
Castiel ignores Sam’s sigh. He does his best to ignore Sam. Except he can’t ignore the way Sam pulls up a chair and sits next to Dean, the way Sam gently holds Dean’s hand between his own, telling him stories about his nephews.
It isn’t fair. Dean is the one that sacrificed everything, and yet Sam Winchester is the one with a life and a family. Sam Winchester has everything Dean never let himself dream of having.
Castiel knows he’s angry and jealous. Dean did what he did out of love and no hate should come out of that.
But he still resents Sam.
Castiel had pleaded with Dean, begged Dean to not give up hope. When Castiel told Dean that he cared for him, that he would find God and stop the apocalypse... Dean didn’t listen. He loved his brother more than himself, more than the world, more than Castiel.
Castiel had no choice but to watch as Dean told Michael yes. He could only watch as his brother burned out the soul of the man he gave up Heaven for, the man who taught an angel how to feel.
And nothing could've hurt more than Dean's last words: watch out for Sammy.
Castiel had attacked Michael. He knew it was reckless and the only possible outcome was his death, but that was exactly what he wanted. Castiel had nothing left to fight for - not his Father, not Heaven, not humanity, not even Dean Winchester.
Michael didn’t kill him. “Dean would've wanted you to live,” Michael told him, as if that was enough of a reason. Then he gave Castiel a choice between returning to heaven or staying behind on earth as a human.
It was easy for Castiel to make his choice.
Maybe his decision was made in haste. He was angry with Heaven, an anger that has since faded. He doesn't lie to himself and say he has no regrets. Everyday he misses the presence of his Brothers, almost as much as he misses Dean.
Except when he looks at Dean, when he remembers the man he used to be, he knows he made the right decision. Castiel will always be there. Maybe it's too late, but Castiel wants Dean to know he will never be abandoned.