Living Room Space: The Automotive Accident

[terracottabones]

Title: Living Room Space
Author: Terracotta Bones
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: EdWinry
Spoilers: end of the series, end of the movie, Winry's parents' killer
Disclaimer: Hiromu Arakawa - FMA. Something Corporate - Konstantine.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: Machine Language
Chapter 2: Atlas Man

Summary: This is how you fail; this is how a dream burns and sizzles

Comments

[fractured_chaos]

okay, so... I just now decided to sit down and read this, and I'm glad I did. In the entire time that Ed spent so much of his energy trying to 'fix' Al, not once did he ever plan what he would do afterwards. Now that he's home and no longer has a burning quest, he's adrift --and with him are Al and Winry. You captured that feeling so very heartbreakingly well. I'm looking forward to reading more of this as you post it.

[terracottabones]

Thanks so much! Glad you liked it.

[nebroadwe]

Warning: concrit ahead

[terracottabones]

*hugs* No, no, concrits are very welcome.

It kills me though - cuz the social network thing was in one of the versions. (It's really strange how this chapter came about...originally it was just the Winry-comes-home scene, but I thought it would be cruel to have such a short chapter.) But anyway, I had an OC talking to Winry in the lunch scene at one point - and then decided to get rid of her because I thought extraneous characters would detract from the loneliness/isolation/point of the whole story!!! *dies*

I have more things to say on this, but I'm being pulled off to lunch now, so I'll get back to you later!

[terracottabones]

Back again.

After reading through the crit once more, I see you make a lot of sense. I wonder if it would be better if I had left as I had it originally, with just the Winry-comes-home scene.

And the fact that version eight has structural and not rhetorical problems is very true. *sigh* Thanks very much for your review though! Helping hands are always appreciated.

[nebroadwe]

After reading through the crit once more, I see you make a lot of sense.

Quick! Alert the media! "nebroadwe makes sense; film at 11." :-)

I wonder if it would be better if I had left as I had it originally, with just the Winry-comes-home scene.

Hmm. Hard to tell, but if you're worried about its brevity as a standalone chapter, that's probably a valid concern. Maybe it's not actually that important a transition of itself and actually belongs as the opening to the next chapter (presumably from Ed's or Al's POV -- them banging on her door and her coming up behind them. Although that throws off the alternation of narrators you may or may not have been setting up.). I'm still inclined to think that watching Winry be alone among friends could be interesting, but I'm also a sucker for workplace minutiae (one reason I enjoy Diane Duane's Spider-Man novels so much -- she pays attention to what Peter Parker actually needs to do to be a photographer and makes it part of his characterization and interesting on its own).

[dreamer1789]

Above & beyond amazing! XD Thank you so much for writing! ♥

The whole incident with the boy, and that tied up with Ed and Al, and you can just feel Winry's utter exhaustion, and... (*cutting off long line of rambling here)

Lol, makes me want to cry and hug you at the same time. ^^;

[evil_little_dog]

I knew I hadn't commented on this part, somewhere in the back of my mind, and I wanted to reread all of it together before I commented (Hrmmm) because I wanted to see the flow of the story.

I like the tie-in from the first chapter to this one; the way that Winry is so sick in both scenes but showing all too well her ability to cope beyond her illness in this chapter, despite her worry that she couldn't in chapter 1.

Her exhaustion is bone-deep and I love that she cannot quite realize that the brothers are above her, talking, while she's walking up the stairs. Maybe she's dreaming, maybe she's so lost in the fog of exhaustion that she cannot hear them. The juxtaposition of it works very well.

[terracottabones]

Thanks so much! I'm not sure if I mentioned this somewhere in the post, but this chapter took me a long time. I'm glad you like the way it finally came out. ^^

[evil_little_dog]

I did, so very much. *Grin*

[cornerofmadness]

I liked this very much

[terracottabones]

Thanks a bunch! Glad you enjoyed.