what even is this : Matt on Matt/Caesar
Jerk? Hardly. Blunt? Sure. Apathetic, of course.
Matt had a year to get past his last real relationships. He doesn't count Phillipe, he'd never count Phillipe, and if his experience wouldn't give him away, he'd not count the loss of virginity to him either. So it made sense he found someone else to like, to think about. Which was rather annoying as he'd picked someone who didn't really want him, didn't really want anyone, and that was...frustrating.
And he had been doing so well as just friends, hiding his crush under layers of 'he will reject me, he'll hate me, he'll hate me' but then he kissed him, stupidly drunk and stupid in his scowling little 'Sucky kisser' remark. And it fell apart a little, and he built it back up but--
Michele knocked it down again and he confessed,the barest confession, he's attractive; Matt doesn't mention it's more than his looks, which are quite attractive, but his bluntness is attractive, the underlying loyalty, the contrast he is to Matt. He's hardly a jerk, hardly as rude as everyone makes him out to be, as rude as he makes himself out to be, or maybe it's just Matt sees all the things Caesar doesn't realize.
And Matt isn't sure when he's flirting or just being friendly with the other boy, but it's hard to differentiate and it's all mixed up. He's himself around Caesar, not shy, not loud, just himself, with all the teasing looks, cooking, smiling, worrying, and...Matt-ness that entails.
He's not sure what Caesar thinks of him, but it's okay if he doesn't like him in that way. But he's not said if he does or not, he's not sure if the pushing away was 'I don't like you' or 'I don't like you kissing me drunk while your brother--brothers? laugh'. Or even just 'I don't like you surprising me'.
He wants to kiss him again, but that would certainly ruin what he's fairly sure he barely saved. Too bad, he decides, it's fine to pine after him from a distance. Or right beside him. Or wherever he is, Caesar can find him wherever he his, because he kissed him and a little thrill runs down his spine. He's a little proud that's the reason. But it's not a long lived thrill, he's aware liquid courage and egging from Al are the only reasons he did it in the first place.
Maybe he'd get the courage--or stop thinking long enough to stop worrying--someday. Hopefully.
Maybe.
He'll be fine for now.
Matt had a year to get past his last real relationships. He doesn't count Phillipe, he'd never count Phillipe, and if his experience wouldn't give him away, he'd not count the loss of virginity to him either. So it made sense he found someone else to like, to think about. Which was rather annoying as he'd picked someone who didn't really want him, didn't really want anyone, and that was...frustrating.
And he had been doing so well as just friends, hiding his crush under layers of 'he will reject me, he'll hate me, he'll hate me' but then he kissed him, stupidly drunk and stupid in his scowling little 'Sucky kisser' remark. And it fell apart a little, and he built it back up but--
Michele knocked it down again and he confessed,the barest confession, he's attractive; Matt doesn't mention it's more than his looks, which are quite attractive, but his bluntness is attractive, the underlying loyalty, the contrast he is to Matt. He's hardly a jerk, hardly as rude as everyone makes him out to be, as rude as he makes himself out to be, or maybe it's just Matt sees all the things Caesar doesn't realize.
And Matt isn't sure when he's flirting or just being friendly with the other boy, but it's hard to differentiate and it's all mixed up. He's himself around Caesar, not shy, not loud, just himself, with all the teasing looks, cooking, smiling, worrying, and...Matt-ness that entails.
He's not sure what Caesar thinks of him, but it's okay if he doesn't like him in that way. But he's not said if he does or not, he's not sure if the pushing away was 'I don't like you' or 'I don't like you kissing me drunk while your brother--brothers? laugh'. Or even just 'I don't like you surprising me'.
He wants to kiss him again, but that would certainly ruin what he's fairly sure he barely saved. Too bad, he decides, it's fine to pine after him from a distance. Or right beside him. Or wherever he is, Caesar can find him wherever he his, because he kissed him and a little thrill runs down his spine. He's a little proud that's the reason. But it's not a long lived thrill, he's aware liquid courage and egging from Al are the only reasons he did it in the first place.
Maybe he'd get the courage--or stop thinking long enough to stop worrying--someday. Hopefully.
Maybe.
He'll be fine for now.