BEAUTY OF THE FORBIDDEN - 15/17 - JONGHYUN X KIBUM
Title: Beauty of the Forbidden
Paring: Jonghyun/Kibum, Jonghyun/Jessica
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17 (PG-13)
Genre: AU, romance, angst, smut
Chapter: Chapter 15: Forgiveness
Warnings: Pervy stuff?
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except from the plot.
Summary: Jonghyun is bored, Kibum is curious and lust is sinful
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Beauty of the Forbidden
Chapter 15: Forgiveness
He looked perfect, as always; dressed in dark skinny jeans, a flowered unbuttoned jacket and a graphic T-shirt underneath. Bracelets were decorating his wrists, rings embracing his slender fingers and a necklace with a big, sparkling key was resting around his neck. His brown hair was styled to the side, like he kept it most of the time. He looked as if he was dressed for a night out rather than a walk to the grocery store. Jonghyun smiled, realizing Kibum hadn’t changed one bit. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.
When walking up the stairs and through the corridor, Kibum was looking at his phone the whole time. It wasn't until Jonghyun got up from where he was sitting - Kibum must have seen it from the corner of his eye - that he raised his head and looked at Jonghyun. In a split second Jonghyun saw Kibum's body freeze completely. His narrow eyes widened; looking at Jonghyun almost suspiciously, as if he wasn't entirely trusting what he was seeing. Jonghyun thought he could almost hear how Kibum's breaths quickened.
The young man only looked at him for a few seconds before turning his attention back to his phone. He continued walking towards Jonghyun - or rather, towards his apartment - and not letting his eyes leave the screen of his cell phone in his hand.
“Kibum, I just want to talk,” Jonghyun said. He wasn't surprised when he received no answer. “Kibum?”
The younger male still refused to look up. When he was just about to walk past the other, Jonghyun grabbed his wrist. Only then did Kibum stop walking and turned around to face him.
He was looking at Jonghyun with such disgust; eyeing him from head to toe almost mockingly, as if he were a filthy insect. His eyes travelled down to Jonghyun's hand, glaring at it.
“Don't touch me,” he said and his voice was so calm and composed, nothing like Jonghyun had expected it to be.
“Please just listen to me.” He tried to sound equally calm, but before he had the chance to continue Kibum made an attempt to yank his hand back. When Jonghyun wouldn't let go, Kibum spoke up again, voice still under control:
“I said don't touch me,” he warned. “Let go of me.”
Instead of doing what he was told, Jonghyun's grip tightened around Kibum's wrist. “I really just want to talk to you, Kibum.”
“Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me.” Kibum repeated, his voice raising by each word.
“I understand you might not want to talk to me, but if you would just listen-“
“Let go of my fucking hand, Jonghyun!” Kibum suddenly yelled, and it startled Jonghyun enough to do as he was told. Instead, he quickly placed his hand on the opposite wall so his arm would block Kibum’s way to his apartment.
“Please, Kibum-”
Kibum's voice drowned his own before Jonghyun could finish his sentence. “You don't have anything to say that I wanna hear. Get the fuck out of my way before I scream till the windows break!”
There was no doubt Kibum wouldn't hesitate to make a scene if necessary, if it meant Jonghyun would leave. But Jonghyun had already mentally prepared himself for this and wasn’t going to give in that easily. It wasn’t like he expected a warm welcome to begin with. So, when Kibum tried to force his way through - dropping his bag with groceries in the process - Jonghyun grabbed his arm once again.
“What the fuck do you want from me, Jonghyun?!” Little by little, for each word that left Kibum's mouth, he was losing his composure. He became more aggressive, more desperate. “Just leave me alone!”
Suddenly, a door behind them opened and a concerned middle aged woman peeked her head out. When recognizing Kibum she stepped out from her apartment. “What’s going on here?” she asked, seemingly upset. “Is everything alright?”
Jonghyun was just about to assure the woman everything was alright, when Kibum took the opportunity to violently push his way past Jonghyun. Jonghyun’s back hit the opposite wall, hard. At the speed of light Kibum got to his apartment and slammed the front door loudly behind him. A clicking sound followed, notifying Jonghyun the young man just locked the door. His groceries were left abandoned on the floor.
The woman behind Jonghyun glared at him and angrily muttered something about young people not taking their neighbours into consideration and how she would call the police next time, before she followed Kibum’s example and slammed her door shut.
Jonghyun ran both his hands over his face and let out a hopeless, tired and long sigh.
* * *
After calling his parents for the third time Jonghyun gave up trying to get a hold of them. He didn’t know for how long this silent treatment would go on, but knowing his parents it wouldn’t surprise him if they kept this act up until Jonghyun would change his mind about disobeying them.
“Give them some time,” Minho said as Jonghyun sat down on the couch beside him.
Jonghyun involuntarily let out a sarcastic chuckle. He rested his head against the back of the couch, eyes on the ceiling. “They don’t want anything to do with me. I’ve done every single thing they told me not to do. You honestly think they’ll ever forgive me after this?”
Minho didn’t respond right away and Jonghyun knew why. Even to Minho the answer to that question was as clear as day. There was no point trying to console Jonghyun with lies and naive optimism.
“I’m sorry, hyung,” he said instead.
“Nothing is working out for me anymore. I went to talk to Kibum like you told me to do and look where that got me. He probably feels worse now.”
“Taemin and I suggested you talk to him. The fact you did wasn’t our decision. It was your own.”
Jonghyun shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever.”
“What did you expect, hyung?” Minho asked and shifted in his seat so he was facing Jonghyun.
What had Jonghyun expected? He knew Kibum wasn’t going to be happy to see him so it made no sense why he would feel so unprepared for this outcome. Kibum’s reaction had been reasonable and understandable. If anything, Jonghyun should be surprised Kibum kept his calm for so long instead of ending up slapping him across the face.
“I don’t know,” Jonghyun said honestly, looking down at his hands on his lap.
He knew Kibum wouldn’t be happy to see him. Still, Jonghyun found himself thinking - or maybe hoping was the right word - Kibum would be at least a little... relieved. Not glad of course, but not as angry as he had been.
“Of course he was pissed when he saw me,” he said in a whisper, more to himself than to Minho. “It’s no use. I can’t keep chasing him. If he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me then there’s nothing else I can do.”
“Do you want to know what I think?” Minho asked and Jonghyun raised his head to look at him. “If you feel like you have done everything within your power to have your say, then there truly is nothing else left for you to do and you should move on. But if you think this guy is worth more than just this one try then you shouldn’t give up just yet. It’s entirely up to you.”
Jonghyun knew that was a lie. He knew he could be more persistent if he wanted to, because he didn’t have anything to lose anymore. However, it wasn’t entirely up to him. Kibum had told him he didn’t want to hear anything Jonghyun had to say. The right thing to do would be to accept Kibum’s decision and not bother the young man any more than Jonghyun already had.
“If you really want him to give you a chance to explain yourself after everything that happened, then you can’t give up this easily. Despite not knowing him personally even I know if he was ever truly in love with you he must have gone through hell.”
“I went through hell, too!” the older of the two protested.
“No offence, hyung, but you kind of brought it upon yourself.”
Jonghyun would have glared at his dongsaeng if it wasn’t for the painful fact he was right. He let out a low groan. “Shit... You know, none of this would have happened if I had just kept my mouth shut and done was I was told right from the very beginning. My parents won’t even pick up the phone when I try calling them now.”
“Do you regret telling your parents the truth?”
Jonghyun would be lying if he said he didn’t regret it. At the same time, Jonghyun knew the truth was necessary. Perhaps not desirable or easy, but necessary nonetheless. And while he owed it to his parents to be honest and truthful, he also owed it to Jessica and, most of all, Kibum.
Feeling like he couldn’t give Minho a straight answer he settled for shrugging his shoulders as a response.
~ * ~ * ~
Jonghyun decided to wait two days before giving it a second try. The days had passed by painfully slow, much similar to the old man with his walking frame passing the street in front of Jonghyun’s car. Jonghyun tapped the steering wheel with anxious and impatient fingers and nibbled his bottom lip nervously. He had to stop himself from honking the horn and scare the old geezer out of his way.
Finally, after one too many red lights and way too many pedestrians who had no intention of picking up their walking speed, Jonghyun reached his destination. He jumped up the stairs till he was standing in front of the wooden door to apartment number 13. He knocked on the door, but instead of opening he heard the door lock from the inside. Alright, Jonghyun thought, at least he’s home this time.
“I really don’t want to cause you any more problems, Kibum,” Jonghyun spoke against the door. “All I want is that you listen to what I have to say.”
No answer. Jonghyun briefly considered making himself comfortable on the floor and simply wait Kibum out. However that thought didn’t last very long, because he knew how stubborn Kibum could be. The young man would probably not leave his home if he saw Jonghyun wait for him outside, no matter how long Jonghyun would wait. It would just be a waste of time.
He also couldn’t just continue knocking the door and demand Kibum open it. Kibum wouldn’t listen to him and it would not result in anything other than another frightened neighbour and possibly a not so friendly encounter with the police. Letting out a tired breath Jonghyun made his way out of the building.
He decided to wait in his car instead of outside Kibum’s door. He checked his cell phone several times, even though he wasn’t sure what for. His legs refused to stay still and kept shaking as he was sitting down on the seat. He opened the glove compartment to his side, mostly just to have something to do.
He kept a lot of things in there. Mostly useless stuff. A few old parking tickets, some old documents, a roll of tape, a book he had never read nor intended to ever read and pack of chewing gum. But there was also a pen there, on top of a brown notebook.
Jonghyun took the black pen and small notebook. He ripped a page of it before throwing it at the passenger’s seat. He gave himself a moment to think before writing “Please just give me a few minutes to apologize” with much care. He got out of the car and walked up the stairs again.
Standing in front of Kibum’s all too familiar door Jonghyun made another useless attempt to knock and see if Kibum had changed his mind. Of course he hadn’t, so Jonghyun crouched down and slipped the piece of paper underneath Kibum’s door.
It didn’t take long before the small piece of paper was sent back to him, ripped in two. Jonghyun took the two pieces of paper, one in each hand and looked at them. But instead of doing what any reasonable person would do in this situation which would be to take the hint and leave, Jonghyun made his way down the stairs again, back to his car. He opened the glove compartment and grabbed the tape he kept there. Carefully and with tender fingers he patched up the piece of paper. When he was done, he ran up the stairs once more, crouched down in front of the door and slipped it under for a second time.
This time, Kibum didn’t send it back.
It was probably nothing - maybe Kibum hadn’t even noticed Jonghyun sending it back? - but it still felt like a small victory. A tiny, tiny light of hope.
Just as Jonghyun was about to get up from the floor he heard people make their way up the stairs, to Kibum’s floor. He didn’t pay much attention to it until he heard the two people - a man and a woman - stop talking when they reached the end of the stairs. He made it just in time to see that it was Jinki and a same aged girl, before Jinki was suddenly standing right in front of him, grabbing Jonghyun by the collar.
“What the heck are you doing here?” Jinki hissed, his face intimidatingly close to Jonghyun’s.
“Oppa, let go of him!” the girl behind Jinki cried. She tried to grab Jinki’s shoulders, but Jinki shrugged her off in one motion.
“I just want to talk to him.”
“I said you’d regret it if you try to come close to him again,” Jinki warned, but Jonghyun didn’t have time to register what the young man said as he placed a hard punch on Jonhyun’s face. His fist hit the corner of Jonghyun’s mouth and Jonghyun immediately backed off, instinctively placing a hand over his pulsing lip. When he looked at his fingers he saw blood on them.
“What are you doing?!” the young girl shouted. She looked absolutely terrified, which even to Jonghyun was understandable; he didn’t know Jinki that well but he knew him well enough to know Jinki was not a violent person by nature.
“Why did you come back?” As Jinki spoke he took angry steps towards Jonghyun. “What kind of a sadistic asshole are you?” Both his hands hit Jonghyun’s chest hard and pushed him back. Jonghyun’s back hit the wall behind him. “Do you enjoy hurting people, you sick bastard? Get out!”
“I know I screwed up,” Jonghyun said and raised his hands to chest level as a gesture to tell other he didn’t want to fight. “I’m trying to fix things. I just want to talk to him.”
The short haired girl snaked her way between Jonghyun and Jinki. She grabbed onto Jinki’s shoulders and forced him back. “Jinki oppa, calm down!”
Jinki either didn’t hear the young girl or he simply didn’t care about her protests. “He’s over you already,” he said to Jonghyun instead, “You have nothing to do here so get the fuck out, Jonghyun!”
When Jink said his name the girl’s expression immediately changed. She let go of Jinki and turned around to look Jonghyun directly in the eyes. Her face went from terrified for his sake to one of hatred.
“You’re Jonghyun?” She asked, but didn’t wait for him to answer. She eyed him angrily from head to toe before taking a step back, away from him. “You can hit him all you want, oppa.”
“Wait!” Jonghyun said in one breath, surprised at the girl’s sudden bipolar-like change of mood. Though it did make sense, if she was a close friend of Kbum’s, then she probably knew the whole story of him and Kibum. “I’m leaving, alright?”
“Damn right you’re leaving!” the girl said and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
Jonghyun then carefully snaked his way past Jinki and the girl, and left the building.
* * *
The walls in this building were not soundproof at all. Switching between spying through the peephole and pressing his ear flat against the door in front of him, Kibum knew what was going on outside his apartment. When saw Jonghyun take his leave he counted to twenty before opening the door, just to be sure.
Jinki and Nicole were just about to knock on the door when it flew open in front of them.
“What the heck did you do?!” he hissed.
“Did you know he was here?!” Jinki shouted back at him, instead of answering Kibum’s question.
“You punched him in the face! Why the heck did you hit him?!”
“Is this the first time he’s here? Because you surely don’t look that shocked!”
“Stop yelling!” Nicole interrupted them, her high pitched shout drowning both young males’ voices.
Jinki and Kibum each gave themselves a few seconds to calm down, for different reasons.
“No, it’s not the first time he’s here,” Kibum finally said after a few seconds of silence.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
Kibum wasn’t sure why. He had thought about letting Jinki know Jonghyun had showed up at his door two days ago. Although even if he would have told him, Jinki would most likely ask question Kibum didn’t have the answer to. Kibum himself didn’t know what Jonghyun wanted, even though he had his theories. Still, it wasn’t something Kibum felt ready to discuss.
“Can I just say he was really hot?” Nicole said out of nowhere, when Kibum didn’t answer Jinki’s question but instead remained silent.
“You shouldn’t have hit him, hyung,” Kibum said. He knew Jinki only had good intentions in mind and deeply cared for him, but it made Kibum angry that his hyung was acting as if Kibum couldn’t defend himself.
“Yeah, that as uncalled for...” Jinki admitted, but was quick to change his mind the second those words left his lips. “Actually, it wasn’t uncalled for! He deserved it. Why the heck would he come here in the first place?”
“Like, really hot,” Nicole mumbled to herself, not seeming to care that no one was paying her any attention.
“He told me he wanted to talk. His girlfriend probably broke up with him or something.”
Jinki looked at him sceptically and Kibum knew why.
“No, I’m not getting back with him,” Kibum said before Jinki’s mouth could say what his eyes were asking.
“Yeah,” Nicole spoke up, “he might be one of the hottest guys alive but you shouldn’t-”
“Will you stop that?!” Jinki interrupted her, raising his voice again. “Who cares about what he looks like?!”
“What did I do? I was just about to tell Kibum he shouldn’t get back with him!”
“While at the same time repeatedly complimenting his looks!”
“I’m just telling the truth!”
“You take him then, if you think he’s that attractive! You’re just encouraging Kibum to take that prick back!”
Nicole rolled her eyes melodramatically. “Oh, please, oppa! Kibum knows that jerk doesn’t deserve him, despite that killer-look.”
“See!” Jinki exclaimed angrily. “You did it again!”
Kibum was not in the mood for Jinki and Nicole’s childish argues, neither did he have the energy to be around them. So, while the two of them were busy quarrelling Kibum cut them off by slamming the door shut and locking it.
He didn’t need any of them tell him what they thought he should do and he didn’t need them trying to defend Kibum like he was a damsel in distress.
* * *
Kibum didn’t answer his phone calls or text messages that evening. He was sitting on his couch in silence, staring into nothing. In his hands he held the note Jonghyun had slipped under the door.
Please just give me a few minutes to apologize.
Apologize. That’s what Jonghyun supposedly wanted to do. After breaking things off with Kibum through a text message, after not even being man enough to offer his friendship when Kibum needed it most and after a year of not speaking to him, Jonghyun wanted to apologize.
Kibum should laugh at how ridiculous it was.
Jonghyun probably wanted to apologize to clear his own conscience, not because he thought Kibum deserved it. Maybe he was going through the same phase as when Kibum first go to know him. The rebellious “break-free” phase or whatever it had been. Either way, Kibum wasn’t going to let himself go through all the crap for Jonghyun’s sake again. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
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A/N: I’m not sure if I have any readers left now, after my ridiculously slow update OTL Still, I’m determined to finish this goddamn fic no matter what! To those of you who keep sending me messages even after I haven’t been on either LJ or Twitter for so long: thank you very much! ♥ It’s always so encouraging knowing there are people out there who still enjoy my work, even the bad ones! Hehe~
Also, I have received a few PM’s of people asking/suggesting different things that to me sound very interesting. However, when I try to reply I can’t because it says the recipient has enabled the privacy options for their messages, meaning they can’t receive PM’s from anyone who is not their mutual friend on LJ. So please, before sending me any PM’s make sure on your settings that anyone who is not your friend on LJ can reply your messages!