why do I like music that reminds me so precisely of exactly the ways in which I feel worst about myself? I suppose lyrics like 'mrs. potter's lullabye' are great for when I feel like shit and want to pinpoint exactly why, but then I forget why I originally liked these songs and start listening to them just for their aesthetic value. When this ( Read more... )

I'm back in New Haven. I made the dumb mistake of carrying my knife in my backpack through security, and thus got it taken away from me...no good. Today might be the beginning of detox? From now on, I attempt to control my emtions, not the other way around. Call me if you're in this city...I'll be here until tomorrow morning.
j

wow, guess I fucked that up....
this is why I thought I shouldn't even start. all I have to say is that if what I gave it up for doesn't come through, I will be really very sad.
j

I just had an actual phyiscal tightening in my chest when I had the sudden thought of 08 being no longer in the group and split up into whiffs and seniors. I will not be able to handle it. thank god it's years away. as opposed to my math midterm, which is in 3 hours, and which I am equally unable to handle. yikes. this is a pointless entry, ( Read more... )

the Asserter
Test finished! you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT.

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

• Stand up for yourself... and me.


• Be confident, strong, and direct.


• Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.


• Be vulnerable and share your feelings. ( Read more... )

the number of people that I know who are still up right now is far, far to high. oh, yale...

so I just talked with my grandmother on the phone. I talked to her last week and thanked her for the birthday card she sent me, and called this week to thank her for the valentine's day care she also sent me. she didn't remember talking last week, didn't remember that it had been valentine's day, didn't remember sending me a v-day card, couldn't ( Read more... )

in my mind, tension is a deep red velvet, welling up effortlessly under the slightest pressure.

watching it flow away is strangely beautiful.

Right now it's still early enough that nobody is outside, warm enough that we have all the windows wide open in our suite, and quiet enough that I can hear the gulls across the OC. I am kind of in love with this hour of the morning, even though to see it means that I've fucked myself over yet again. There's no way I'll have the paper done... ( Read more... )

so I have yet to start my essay. it's 2:30. fuck. and my voice is still far from returned-- I almost cracked tonight, which scared the shit out of me. double fuck. and I have no valentine, ambiguous or not. I want to go to bed right now.
j