Teenage Dreams
Title: Teenage Dreams (god, help me with my non-existent title skills)
Rating: Say PG-15.
Pairing: Pillar.
Status: Unbetaed. No one I know is crazy enough to.
Summary: Tezuka discovers puberty at an unfortunate time in his life.
Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: Hahaha I suck and such. I need to be able to spot my own mistakes.
Tezuka has been having dreams. Disturbing dreams. Bothersome and incredibly realistic dreams. Teenage dreams.
It shouldn’t be happening. Tezuka is hardly a teenage boy anymore, but if his dreams are of any indication, he seems to be hitting puberty now, at the age of 21.
It’s a bit problematic; waking up in the middle of the night, panting, flushed, hard and so needy he thinks he might be dying a little of mortification every time. Luckily, Tezuka lives alone in his apartment and he stopped having roommates in hotels after he won his first Grand Slam.
Tezuka thinks he might need a psychiatrist, as having dreams of a match that happened long ago-it feels like centuries, eons even; it wouldn’t surprise Tezuka if this was actually the case-and having any sort of sexual reaction to them cannot be entirely healthy. Especially since they involve someone who was 12 years old at the time. Although in Tezuka’s defense, his dream-self is 14 years old. That fact somehow makes everything a little more disturbing for Tezuka and he’d rather not explore what it means.
Tezuka is a very patient person. However, the dreams are sorely testing this virtue of his. He needs to talk to someone about it. Momo and Kaidoh are not an option; they will probably have an argument and then not-so-subtly leave to have make-up sex. Inui and Yanagi cannot be trusted either. They won’t bring any notebooks at request but God only knows what they will bring.
Tezuka narrows the choice down to only two candidates. Fuji; because he is one of Tezuka’s oldest, most not-exactly-trusted-but-trusted-enough-to-talk-to friends. Oishi; because he has always supplied support and is the most sensible person Tezuka knows. He thinks of the last time he invited Fuji and Taka over and of how Fuji spent the night smiling and Taka blushing, especially during dinner. He also thinks of the last time he asked Fuji for help and as thanks, had to serenade Atobe while wearing a pink ruffled shirt. Tezuka decides that Oishi is a much safer choice.
*****
In retrospect, Tezuka realizes that he was careless. He forgot one very important element. Said element is currently draped on Oishi’s shoulders, chattering away with wild hand gestures as a very enthusiastic bonus. Kikumaru Eiji. For a minute, Tezuka forgot about Eiji and therein laid his mistake. Tezuka sits down and graces the happy couple with his not quite a smile, not quite a frown expression. Oishi smiles and Kikumaru beams.
“It’s been a while hasn’t it Tezuka?”
Tezuka responds with something that sounds uncomfortably like a sigh. Oishi frowns in concern but before he or Tezuka can get a word in, Kikumaru bombards them both with his latest batch of gossip. Oishi is smiling with fondness as Kikumaru rants on and on about Momo and Kaidoh’s latest fallout and how shamelessly Mukahi Gakuto flirts with Oshitari every time and--. Tezuka listens with half a mind and thinks that if he could have something akin to what this Golden Pair has maybe he could be a little happy. Maybe, just maybe because Tezuka doesn’t remember ever being too good at being happy.
“Nyah, Tezuka, did you hear o-chibi’s in town again? We’re having dinner tomorrow. You have to come with us!”
Tezuka thinks he has forgotten how to breathe.
*****
Tezuka’s dreams are each a little different from each other, but mostly they begin and end in similar ways. Most begin like this: Tezuka is across the court from Echizen. It seems they have just finished a game, but Tezuka can hardly remember the outcome. In his mind’s eye, all he can see are snippets of the match; the line of Echizen’s arm as he serves, the sweat soaking his shirt and how alive and impossibly full of promises his eyes look during the match.
So, Tezuka is across the court from Echizen. Then, and this is where things begin to get confusing, they are both at the net, kissing. Tezuka is not aware of moving towards Echizen, or of how Echizen’s arms ended up around his neck. He doesn’t know when, why, or how-perhaps it is better this way-but they are kissing. Echizen’s hat is hurting Tezuka’s scalp, their teeth are clashing clumsily, they are sweaty, Tezuka’s glasses are digging into Echizen’s face and standing on his tip-toes like that must not be very comfortable for Echizen-but it doesn’t matter, because at that moment everything fits. They fit. It’s perfect.
Next-Tezuka is also not sure of how this happens-they are kissing in some sort of change room and several things are missing-hat glasses clothes-like a comfortable place to sit. Then Ryoma-it seems a little silly to call him Echizen at this point-is gasping ‘buchou’ against Tezuka’s skin and pressing himself everywhere-the hollow of Tezuka’s throat, his mouth, his ear, down there. Alarmingly, Tezuka is pressing back. Ryoma arches his back off the floor and Tezuka sees a million little lights explode behind his eyelids, feels as if all he can see, smell, think and breathe at that moment is RyomaRyomaRyoma and then-then he wakes up.
*****
Echizen, muses Tezuka, has not changed much since the last time they met. He is still a few inches shorter than Tezuka, still has unruly hair and still, despite all attempts of helping him, has manners that really need work.
“Momo-sempai! You’re hogging all the food!”
“Respect your betters, Echizen! What are you, twelve?”
Momo responds through a mouthful of food but everyone understands because over the years they have all become proficient in Momo-food-talk. The seating arrangement and the restaurant they have chosen are both a bit nostalgic. After all, even over all this time all of their personalities and preferences still haven’t changed that much. And Kawamura’s sushi shop is still the best in town.
From Echizen’s left side, Kikumaru laughs when Momo gets punched in the arm for his clever comment. Kaidoh hisses and looks away in annoyance, begging answers to the time-old question ‘why am I surrounded by idiots?’ There is however a proud little smile on his lips when he looks at Echizen and Tezuka can see that sentiment echoed in everyone else.
Fuji pops wasabi rolls into his mouth like candy and Inui scribbles away in his notebook, inconspicuously-this is what Inui thinks-placed underneath the table. Oishi frets over everyone’s well being; Echizen is trying to assure him that he’s not choking on his food, just laughing very hard at Momo who is still rubbing his arm. Tezuka sits, silent and observant, amongst the chaos that are his friends. Once in a while, Kawamura throws them amused glances from behind the bar.
“Your birthday was two weeks ago, right Echizen? What did your father give you?”
Fuji looks like he already knows but wants to share the wonderful knowledge with everyone. Echizen frowns and the table goes quiet in expectancy. Meanwhile, Tezuka wonders if Fuji and Echizen Nanjiroh have kept contact all these years.
Echizen mumbles something under his breath. Fuji smiles and leans forward as if to hear better.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“..orn…”
“Hm. I still can’t hear you very well.”
“Porn!”
The eyes of all the customers in the sushi shop turn towards their table and Kawamura begins to stutter apologies. Fuji reclines in his seat and has a look of deep understanding on his face.
“Ah.”
Tezuka thinks that this is a good time as any to pay the bill and leave.
****
It is unanimously decided, without the input of those concerned, that Tezuka will walk Echizen home. Tezuka has the word ‘why’ on the tip of his tongue but somehow manages not to ask the question. Fuji answers anyway.
“Echizen-kun is just so cute and there are so many perverts out at night who could give him a ‘bad touch’. You’ll watch out for him, Tezuka?”
Bad touch. With quotations in the air and a (rehearsed) startled gasp from Kikumaru. Tezuka nods and gestures that Echizen lead the way. Fuji smiles and pushes the rest of their tipsy friends in the opposite direction. Tezuka still has the distinct feeling that Fuji knows something.
*****
They walk in silence, paces matched and collars upturned against the wind. Their pinkies brush. Once. Twice. Echizen sighs and shudders and Tezuka feels his perception of the world blur a bit when he notices. Their silence is strained and charged with something that Tezuka recongnizes, but can’t describe. They walk in silence, until Echizen whispers ‘buchou’ and tugs on the sleeve of Tezuka’s coat.
Tezuka is pressed against a brick wall, his glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose and Echizen’s open-mouthed kisses against his throat. Before he can stop himself he shivers and moans. Echizen kisses the shell of Tezuka’s ear and breathes ‘buchou’ against his temple. Tezuka pushes him away.
He won’t look at Echizen. He knows if he were to, Echizen would be standing there, shirt wrinkled, eyes bright, mouth wet and twin spots of pink on his cheeks. Tezuka wants to look. But if he does, he might not be able to stop at kisses, and Echizen, two years younger than Tezuka might not be able to handle it.
“ Okay. Okay. Why are you doing this? Is it because it was sudden? Because I’m a bad kisser? Because I’m a boy? Or…is it because it’s me? “
There is a hint of desperation in Echizen’s voice, like he’s just been denied the world. Tezuka closes his eyes and stutters, shakes his head and can’t speak properly.
Echizen laughs a little like crying. Tezuka knows it’s not only tonight. It’s years and years worth of frustration and wanting and needing and not getting. Echizen leans his head agains the wall and whispers to himself more than to Tezuka:
“Buchou, I want to go home. I’m tired, so tired.”
Of wanting this. Of wanting you. And you not wanting me back. Echizen doesn’t say these things of course. He doesn’t need to. They are on display on his face.
“I’ll walk you home, Echizen.”
*****
When Echizen goes inside his house, Tezuka stays standing at the front door without doing anything for an hour or so. He wants to go find Echizen and kiss him senseless and apologize for being an uptight jerk. Instead, he does this: he sends Echizen a text message.
Echizen,
I’m sorry. I don’t know if I could stop.
-Tezuka
He knows it doesn’t make the least bit of sense but hopes Echizen will try to understand. His phone rings. Echizen’s voice is on the other end. He sounds irritated and Tezuka has to wonder if he’s woken him up.
“Buchou. Are you stupid? Do you think I want you to stop? I kissed you, didn’t I? If anything, you can claim that I attacked you and you couldn’t do anything!”
“Echizen…”
“Come up to my room.”
“…what?”
“I can see you from my window. Come up to my room.”
Echizen hangs up. Tezuka feels a bit dizzy as he climbs up the ladder that is placed next to Echizen’s open window. Echizen is sprawled on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He lifts his head off the pillow to look at Tezuka when he comes in. Tezuka stares.
“You called me stupid.”
Echizen smiles.
“No. I asked if you were stupid. If you’re here now, I guess you can’t really be called stupid.”
Tezuka smiles back.
~end
A/N: If you've spotted any glaring errors, please let me know.
ETA: thanks to
vile for spotting the 'm' that should have never been ♥
Rating: Say PG-15.
Pairing: Pillar.
Status: Unbetaed. No one I know is crazy enough to.
Summary: Tezuka discovers puberty at an unfortunate time in his life.
Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: Hahaha I suck and such. I need to be able to spot my own mistakes.
Tezuka has been having dreams. Disturbing dreams. Bothersome and incredibly realistic dreams. Teenage dreams.
It shouldn’t be happening. Tezuka is hardly a teenage boy anymore, but if his dreams are of any indication, he seems to be hitting puberty now, at the age of 21.
It’s a bit problematic; waking up in the middle of the night, panting, flushed, hard and so needy he thinks he might be dying a little of mortification every time. Luckily, Tezuka lives alone in his apartment and he stopped having roommates in hotels after he won his first Grand Slam.
Tezuka thinks he might need a psychiatrist, as having dreams of a match that happened long ago-it feels like centuries, eons even; it wouldn’t surprise Tezuka if this was actually the case-and having any sort of sexual reaction to them cannot be entirely healthy. Especially since they involve someone who was 12 years old at the time. Although in Tezuka’s defense, his dream-self is 14 years old. That fact somehow makes everything a little more disturbing for Tezuka and he’d rather not explore what it means.
Tezuka is a very patient person. However, the dreams are sorely testing this virtue of his. He needs to talk to someone about it. Momo and Kaidoh are not an option; they will probably have an argument and then not-so-subtly leave to have make-up sex. Inui and Yanagi cannot be trusted either. They won’t bring any notebooks at request but God only knows what they will bring.
Tezuka narrows the choice down to only two candidates. Fuji; because he is one of Tezuka’s oldest, most not-exactly-trusted-but-trusted-enough-to-talk-to friends. Oishi; because he has always supplied support and is the most sensible person Tezuka knows. He thinks of the last time he invited Fuji and Taka over and of how Fuji spent the night smiling and Taka blushing, especially during dinner. He also thinks of the last time he asked Fuji for help and as thanks, had to serenade Atobe while wearing a pink ruffled shirt. Tezuka decides that Oishi is a much safer choice.
*****
In retrospect, Tezuka realizes that he was careless. He forgot one very important element. Said element is currently draped on Oishi’s shoulders, chattering away with wild hand gestures as a very enthusiastic bonus. Kikumaru Eiji. For a minute, Tezuka forgot about Eiji and therein laid his mistake. Tezuka sits down and graces the happy couple with his not quite a smile, not quite a frown expression. Oishi smiles and Kikumaru beams.
“It’s been a while hasn’t it Tezuka?”
Tezuka responds with something that sounds uncomfortably like a sigh. Oishi frowns in concern but before he or Tezuka can get a word in, Kikumaru bombards them both with his latest batch of gossip. Oishi is smiling with fondness as Kikumaru rants on and on about Momo and Kaidoh’s latest fallout and how shamelessly Mukahi Gakuto flirts with Oshitari every time and--. Tezuka listens with half a mind and thinks that if he could have something akin to what this Golden Pair has maybe he could be a little happy. Maybe, just maybe because Tezuka doesn’t remember ever being too good at being happy.
“Nyah, Tezuka, did you hear o-chibi’s in town again? We’re having dinner tomorrow. You have to come with us!”
Tezuka thinks he has forgotten how to breathe.
*****
Tezuka’s dreams are each a little different from each other, but mostly they begin and end in similar ways. Most begin like this: Tezuka is across the court from Echizen. It seems they have just finished a game, but Tezuka can hardly remember the outcome. In his mind’s eye, all he can see are snippets of the match; the line of Echizen’s arm as he serves, the sweat soaking his shirt and how alive and impossibly full of promises his eyes look during the match.
So, Tezuka is across the court from Echizen. Then, and this is where things begin to get confusing, they are both at the net, kissing. Tezuka is not aware of moving towards Echizen, or of how Echizen’s arms ended up around his neck. He doesn’t know when, why, or how-perhaps it is better this way-but they are kissing. Echizen’s hat is hurting Tezuka’s scalp, their teeth are clashing clumsily, they are sweaty, Tezuka’s glasses are digging into Echizen’s face and standing on his tip-toes like that must not be very comfortable for Echizen-but it doesn’t matter, because at that moment everything fits. They fit. It’s perfect.
Next-Tezuka is also not sure of how this happens-they are kissing in some sort of change room and several things are missing-hat glasses clothes-like a comfortable place to sit. Then Ryoma-it seems a little silly to call him Echizen at this point-is gasping ‘buchou’ against Tezuka’s skin and pressing himself everywhere-the hollow of Tezuka’s throat, his mouth, his ear, down there. Alarmingly, Tezuka is pressing back. Ryoma arches his back off the floor and Tezuka sees a million little lights explode behind his eyelids, feels as if all he can see, smell, think and breathe at that moment is RyomaRyomaRyoma and then-then he wakes up.
*****
Echizen, muses Tezuka, has not changed much since the last time they met. He is still a few inches shorter than Tezuka, still has unruly hair and still, despite all attempts of helping him, has manners that really need work.
“Momo-sempai! You’re hogging all the food!”
“Respect your betters, Echizen! What are you, twelve?”
Momo responds through a mouthful of food but everyone understands because over the years they have all become proficient in Momo-food-talk. The seating arrangement and the restaurant they have chosen are both a bit nostalgic. After all, even over all this time all of their personalities and preferences still haven’t changed that much. And Kawamura’s sushi shop is still the best in town.
From Echizen’s left side, Kikumaru laughs when Momo gets punched in the arm for his clever comment. Kaidoh hisses and looks away in annoyance, begging answers to the time-old question ‘why am I surrounded by idiots?’ There is however a proud little smile on his lips when he looks at Echizen and Tezuka can see that sentiment echoed in everyone else.
Fuji pops wasabi rolls into his mouth like candy and Inui scribbles away in his notebook, inconspicuously-this is what Inui thinks-placed underneath the table. Oishi frets over everyone’s well being; Echizen is trying to assure him that he’s not choking on his food, just laughing very hard at Momo who is still rubbing his arm. Tezuka sits, silent and observant, amongst the chaos that are his friends. Once in a while, Kawamura throws them amused glances from behind the bar.
“Your birthday was two weeks ago, right Echizen? What did your father give you?”
Fuji looks like he already knows but wants to share the wonderful knowledge with everyone. Echizen frowns and the table goes quiet in expectancy. Meanwhile, Tezuka wonders if Fuji and Echizen Nanjiroh have kept contact all these years.
Echizen mumbles something under his breath. Fuji smiles and leans forward as if to hear better.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“..orn…”
“Hm. I still can’t hear you very well.”
“Porn!”
The eyes of all the customers in the sushi shop turn towards their table and Kawamura begins to stutter apologies. Fuji reclines in his seat and has a look of deep understanding on his face.
“Ah.”
Tezuka thinks that this is a good time as any to pay the bill and leave.
****
It is unanimously decided, without the input of those concerned, that Tezuka will walk Echizen home. Tezuka has the word ‘why’ on the tip of his tongue but somehow manages not to ask the question. Fuji answers anyway.
“Echizen-kun is just so cute and there are so many perverts out at night who could give him a ‘bad touch’. You’ll watch out for him, Tezuka?”
Bad touch. With quotations in the air and a (rehearsed) startled gasp from Kikumaru. Tezuka nods and gestures that Echizen lead the way. Fuji smiles and pushes the rest of their tipsy friends in the opposite direction. Tezuka still has the distinct feeling that Fuji knows something.
*****
They walk in silence, paces matched and collars upturned against the wind. Their pinkies brush. Once. Twice. Echizen sighs and shudders and Tezuka feels his perception of the world blur a bit when he notices. Their silence is strained and charged with something that Tezuka recongnizes, but can’t describe. They walk in silence, until Echizen whispers ‘buchou’ and tugs on the sleeve of Tezuka’s coat.
Tezuka is pressed against a brick wall, his glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose and Echizen’s open-mouthed kisses against his throat. Before he can stop himself he shivers and moans. Echizen kisses the shell of Tezuka’s ear and breathes ‘buchou’ against his temple. Tezuka pushes him away.
He won’t look at Echizen. He knows if he were to, Echizen would be standing there, shirt wrinkled, eyes bright, mouth wet and twin spots of pink on his cheeks. Tezuka wants to look. But if he does, he might not be able to stop at kisses, and Echizen, two years younger than Tezuka might not be able to handle it.
“ Okay. Okay. Why are you doing this? Is it because it was sudden? Because I’m a bad kisser? Because I’m a boy? Or…is it because it’s me? “
There is a hint of desperation in Echizen’s voice, like he’s just been denied the world. Tezuka closes his eyes and stutters, shakes his head and can’t speak properly.
Echizen laughs a little like crying. Tezuka knows it’s not only tonight. It’s years and years worth of frustration and wanting and needing and not getting. Echizen leans his head agains the wall and whispers to himself more than to Tezuka:
“Buchou, I want to go home. I’m tired, so tired.”
Of wanting this. Of wanting you. And you not wanting me back. Echizen doesn’t say these things of course. He doesn’t need to. They are on display on his face.
“I’ll walk you home, Echizen.”
*****
When Echizen goes inside his house, Tezuka stays standing at the front door without doing anything for an hour or so. He wants to go find Echizen and kiss him senseless and apologize for being an uptight jerk. Instead, he does this: he sends Echizen a text message.
Echizen,
I’m sorry. I don’t know if I could stop.
-Tezuka
He knows it doesn’t make the least bit of sense but hopes Echizen will try to understand. His phone rings. Echizen’s voice is on the other end. He sounds irritated and Tezuka has to wonder if he’s woken him up.
“Buchou. Are you stupid? Do you think I want you to stop? I kissed you, didn’t I? If anything, you can claim that I attacked you and you couldn’t do anything!”
“Echizen…”
“Come up to my room.”
“…what?”
“I can see you from my window. Come up to my room.”
Echizen hangs up. Tezuka feels a bit dizzy as he climbs up the ladder that is placed next to Echizen’s open window. Echizen is sprawled on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He lifts his head off the pillow to look at Tezuka when he comes in. Tezuka stares.
“You called me stupid.”
Echizen smiles.
“No. I asked if you were stupid. If you’re here now, I guess you can’t really be called stupid.”
Tezuka smiles back.
~end
A/N: If you've spotted any glaring errors, please let me know.
ETA: thanks to
vile for spotting the 'm' that should have never been ♥