Prompt: catastrophe
*Vortex is transmitting on Onslaught's private comm. frequency - which obviously won't work here seeing as there's no Onslaught. But he's equal parts desperate and optimistic right now, so he thinks it's worth a try. Hence, this is for your OOC entertainment only. G1 Soundwave can probably crack the code, if he fancies listening in - I will leave it to his player's discretion :-) Anyone can feel free to contact Vortex by virtual means - his private comm frequency is available to all.*
Vortex to Onslaught, do you read me?
Onslaught, seriously, if you can hear me, fragging well ANSWER!
Onslaught?
Please?
...
All right, so you can't answer, but maybe you can hear me? I don't know. Trying this anyway, just in case. Gestalt bond's empty. Can't feel... anything. Not like you're offline or deactivated, but like you never existed in the first place. It's... uncanny. Not comfortable.
I need to get rid of the gestalt programmi-ARGHHHHHHHHHH! No I don't! No I don't, really, no... no, really... don't... fragfragfrag
OK. I don't. Can't. Bond's glitching. I've... No, it... It's made me do things. Is making me do things... Things I wouldn't do if you were here.
Megatron told me to forge alliances. Yeah, Megatron's here. I know, Megatron. Yeah, the one who died and became Galvatron. Only he didn’t. Hasn’t. Whatever.
And you know what? Loyalty programming's still working fine. Hasn't degraded. Kinda hoped it would've.
Slag it.
Anyway, so I did. What Megatron said. I made a few contacts. Got us a medic. Hook hadn't shown up by then. Medic's from the future. Scorponok. Dunno when the programming latched onto him as a replacement for Blast Off. After the first time we ‘faced? Later? I dunno. But it did.
He, uh, he doesn't know. He offered to deactivate the bond... Wanted to. Couldn't.
Cyclonus is here too. Which is.... yeah, it's a problem. Big problem. He, uh... he gave me a few things that I needed. You know what I mean. Good things. Programming sucked him in, made me act like he's you.
Wouldn't be so bad, but Soundwave's here and the two of them... they don't seem to be seeing optic to optic. And I told him things! Cyclonus knows stuff - about the glitch, about the programming making me act weird, treat mechs like team when they’re not! And he knows who.
It's a fraggin' catastrophe! I can't... I can't lie to him. Not when he presses. It's like with you, but there's no bond between us, he won't even 'face with me. And... and I told him about Rumble, and how he got sucked in too. He’s just like Brawl! And I told him about Soundwave, about me telling Soundwave about Rumble and the glitch, and Soundwave asking me to keep a watch over the Cassette.
It’s not like I can do anything else. Didn’t used to give a frag about anyone. It’s wrong, this… this malfunction.
Frag.
And he's gone and found himself a room - Cyclonus has - and it's adjacent to mine and I don't have soundproofing!
Need a new room. Somewhere he's not. But I like my room. Lost a laser scalpel down the side of the berth. Dunno, maybe Bee dropped it?
Yeah, Bee, as in Bumblebee, as in the Autobot. Turns out Minibots are a lot of fun. Who'd have thought?
Thank Sigma the programming didn’t latch on to him. It already had what it wanted before he turned up with his suggestive comments and those cute little horns...
OK, so some things are not a catastrophe. Bee’s a decent ‘face, enthusiastic. Rumble’s fun. Scorponok’s… amazing. And Cyclonus. He’s… not you.
*does not mention his Swindle substitute (yet)*
Heh, and as for Rodimus… He's gone and banned the 'bots from 'facing with me. That's kinda like closing the hangar door after Octane's flown off with your space cruiser.
Does he even know the meaning of reverse psychology?
And that thing about viruses? He told all the 'bots who'd fragged me to get scans. Ha! Like I'd bother. I'm not Bombshell.
Why use a virus when I can use persuasion, seduction, bring a mech down the good old fashioned way… Lead them along the right paths and they’ll make the choice all by themselves, letting slip all kinds of interesting information along the way. Then it’s their choice, and I’ve got them. Or their own conscience has. Whichever way, they’re slagged.
And why?
Because I didn’t force them. Because they brought it all on themselves. Because I gave them an out and - faced with the rotors, and the chance to dabble in the forbidden by fragging a ‘con - they didn’t take it.
So much more satisfying than viruses. Huh.
But yeah, I've got the gaudy Prime rattled. It's a nice feeling. He thinks I'm up to something. He worked out I'm after intel., but he doesn't know what kind. Thinks I'm after Autobot secrets or something.
What the frag use are they out here?
No, better to go after the little things, the kinds of things I can find out just by talking to people. The kinds of things people will say when they want to get you in the berth - or after. The small personal details, the likes and dislikes, the phobias, the friendships and bonds and petty animosities. The stuff that'll make all the difference when I go after the bigger secrets later on.
Got enough on a lot of 'bots already to break them. Not that I need to do that here. Not yet.
Want to. Frag I want to.
Not just that, I wanna chase them, shoot them a bit, play with them...
Combat routines have been inactive too long. Weapons systems get tingly every time I see a 'bot. Can fly around shooting up trees as much as I want, but it doesn't help. It's just target practice. I need someone to hunt.
Hmm, wonder where Smokescreen’s gone…
Heh, he’s such an addict. High grade, gambling, ‘facing. Me.
He’s kinda hot, in his own way. Shame, because I still owe him a slow, painful deactivation. But that can wait - there’s a fair bit of fun to be had from him first.
You can watch, if you like. When you get here.
Where the frag are you, anyway?
Bet you’re somewhere clean, with no stupid, disgusting squishies.
Ugh. Can't pass a squishy by without getting the urge to see how loud I can make it go crunch.
And the Autobots... I really want to take that Prime apart piece by piece...
Can't here, though. Can’t spend the rest of eternity in the fraggin' brig. Got to be careful.
Hurry up, right? Need you. Need… Cyclonus. Frag.
Vortex to Onslaught, do you read me?
Onslaught, seriously, if you can hear me, fragging well ANSWER!
Onslaught?
Please?
...
All right, so you can't answer, but maybe you can hear me? I don't know. Trying this anyway, just in case. Gestalt bond's empty. Can't feel... anything. Not like you're offline or deactivated, but like you never existed in the first place. It's... uncanny. Not comfortable.
I need to get rid of the gestalt programmi-ARGHHHHHHHHHH! No I don't! No I don't, really, no... no, really... don't... fragfragfrag
OK. I don't. Can't. Bond's glitching. I've... No, it... It's made me do things. Is making me do things... Things I wouldn't do if you were here.
Megatron told me to forge alliances. Yeah, Megatron's here. I know, Megatron. Yeah, the one who died and became Galvatron. Only he didn’t. Hasn’t. Whatever.
And you know what? Loyalty programming's still working fine. Hasn't degraded. Kinda hoped it would've.
Slag it.
Anyway, so I did. What Megatron said. I made a few contacts. Got us a medic. Hook hadn't shown up by then. Medic's from the future. Scorponok. Dunno when the programming latched onto him as a replacement for Blast Off. After the first time we ‘faced? Later? I dunno. But it did.
He, uh, he doesn't know. He offered to deactivate the bond... Wanted to. Couldn't.
Cyclonus is here too. Which is.... yeah, it's a problem. Big problem. He, uh... he gave me a few things that I needed. You know what I mean. Good things. Programming sucked him in, made me act like he's you.
Wouldn't be so bad, but Soundwave's here and the two of them... they don't seem to be seeing optic to optic. And I told him things! Cyclonus knows stuff - about the glitch, about the programming making me act weird, treat mechs like team when they’re not! And he knows who.
It's a fraggin' catastrophe! I can't... I can't lie to him. Not when he presses. It's like with you, but there's no bond between us, he won't even 'face with me. And... and I told him about Rumble, and how he got sucked in too. He’s just like Brawl! And I told him about Soundwave, about me telling Soundwave about Rumble and the glitch, and Soundwave asking me to keep a watch over the Cassette.
It’s not like I can do anything else. Didn’t used to give a frag about anyone. It’s wrong, this… this malfunction.
Frag.
And he's gone and found himself a room - Cyclonus has - and it's adjacent to mine and I don't have soundproofing!
Need a new room. Somewhere he's not. But I like my room. Lost a laser scalpel down the side of the berth. Dunno, maybe Bee dropped it?
Yeah, Bee, as in Bumblebee, as in the Autobot. Turns out Minibots are a lot of fun. Who'd have thought?
Thank Sigma the programming didn’t latch on to him. It already had what it wanted before he turned up with his suggestive comments and those cute little horns...
OK, so some things are not a catastrophe. Bee’s a decent ‘face, enthusiastic. Rumble’s fun. Scorponok’s… amazing. And Cyclonus. He’s… not you.
*does not mention his Swindle substitute (yet)*
Heh, and as for Rodimus… He's gone and banned the 'bots from 'facing with me. That's kinda like closing the hangar door after Octane's flown off with your space cruiser.
Does he even know the meaning of reverse psychology?
And that thing about viruses? He told all the 'bots who'd fragged me to get scans. Ha! Like I'd bother. I'm not Bombshell.
Why use a virus when I can use persuasion, seduction, bring a mech down the good old fashioned way… Lead them along the right paths and they’ll make the choice all by themselves, letting slip all kinds of interesting information along the way. Then it’s their choice, and I’ve got them. Or their own conscience has. Whichever way, they’re slagged.
And why?
Because I didn’t force them. Because they brought it all on themselves. Because I gave them an out and - faced with the rotors, and the chance to dabble in the forbidden by fragging a ‘con - they didn’t take it.
So much more satisfying than viruses. Huh.
But yeah, I've got the gaudy Prime rattled. It's a nice feeling. He thinks I'm up to something. He worked out I'm after intel., but he doesn't know what kind. Thinks I'm after Autobot secrets or something.
What the frag use are they out here?
No, better to go after the little things, the kinds of things I can find out just by talking to people. The kinds of things people will say when they want to get you in the berth - or after. The small personal details, the likes and dislikes, the phobias, the friendships and bonds and petty animosities. The stuff that'll make all the difference when I go after the bigger secrets later on.
Got enough on a lot of 'bots already to break them. Not that I need to do that here. Not yet.
Want to. Frag I want to.
Not just that, I wanna chase them, shoot them a bit, play with them...
Combat routines have been inactive too long. Weapons systems get tingly every time I see a 'bot. Can fly around shooting up trees as much as I want, but it doesn't help. It's just target practice. I need someone to hunt.
Hmm, wonder where Smokescreen’s gone…
Heh, he’s such an addict. High grade, gambling, ‘facing. Me.
He’s kinda hot, in his own way. Shame, because I still owe him a slow, painful deactivation. But that can wait - there’s a fair bit of fun to be had from him first.
You can watch, if you like. When you get here.
Where the frag are you, anyway?
Bet you’re somewhere clean, with no stupid, disgusting squishies.
Ugh. Can't pass a squishy by without getting the urge to see how loud I can make it go crunch.
And the Autobots... I really want to take that Prime apart piece by piece...
Can't here, though. Can’t spend the rest of eternity in the fraggin' brig. Got to be careful.
Hurry up, right? Need you. Need… Cyclonus. Frag.