'Know Thyself' [Ryan Evans/Troy Bolton]
Title: 'Know Thyself'
Author: that_1_incident
Fandom: High School Musical
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Profanity, sexual themes
Pairing: Ryan Evans/Troy Bolton
Word Count: ~2,800
Summary: “I can’t walk into school every day, facing people who know what I am and who I’m attracted to. I can’t hold another guy’s hand in public, knowing that everyone’s going to be staring at me, judging me. I don’t have the courage to tell Gabriella I’m sorry, that she’s a beautiful girl and a wonderful friend but I’m in love with the boy in the pink pants and matching hat who co-manages the drama department.”
Disclaimer: I don’t own HSM, obvs.
Author's Notes: My first non-drabble HSM fic. It's about time. The title is from the Oracle at Delphi. w00t for being Greek.
---<---<---@
“No, Ryan, you don’t get it,” Troy protests. “I’m Troy Bolton.”
“So?” Ryan asks, breath hot against Troy’s neck as he lightly kisses the skin beneath his lips.
“I’m…” Troy shivers. “Stop that. I’m going places.”
Ryan pulls away. “And I’m not?” he queries, eyes flashing.
Troy winces. “I didn’t say that. It’s just, your plans for your life, what you want to do… being the way you are… it’s acceptable.”
“What’s acceptable?” Ryan knows perfectly well, he just wants Troy to say it.
“You know. Liking guys.”
“You act like being gay is exclusive to a certain career path.”
Troy looks like he’s trying to decide whether to voice his response or not. “It kind of is…”
Ryan presses his lips into a narrow line. “Well, you can forget about sex tonight,” he says hotly. “Or ever.”
“Ry, don’t be like that…”
“No, I mean it this time.” He climbs off Troy’s lap, adjusts and re-buttons his shirt. “I can’t be with someone who’s still in the closet, Troy. Not like this.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Troy counters angrily. “Do you really expect me to come out to my team? The school? My girlfriend? ‘Hey, Gabriella, guys, Coach Bolton - Dad - by the way, I’m a fucking faggot.’”
Ryan stares at him in silence for almost a full minute. His eyes blaze hatred and hurt. “What are you doing here, then? Get out. Go back to your boring heteronormative life with your sports star status and perfect girlfriend. Just don’t expect to be happy.”
It dawns on Troy that he’s in real danger of losing the best thing he’s ever had for good. “Ryan, you don’t mean that,” he says lamely, trying to convince himself as much as the other boy.
“Don’t I?”
Troy realizes with a jolt that the shininess in Ryan’s eyes isn’t just anger but unshed tears. Ryan swallows hard, determined not to cry. He marches to his bedroom door and holds it open pointedly.
“Just leave, Troy. Come back when you’ve grown some balls.” He pauses, then adds bitterly, with the trace of a sarcastic smile, “Or when you’re ready to admit to liking them.”
Troy opens his mouth to retort but can’t think of what to say. Eventually he just grabs his basketball jersey from where it fell next to the bed, pulls it on and leaves. It takes every ounce of self restraint he has not to look back.
--
“Hey, man, did something happen with you and Gabriella?”
“Huh?” Troy’s head snaps up from the desk he’s been resting against morosely.
“You’ve been moping around like somebody died.”
“Oh. Uh, no. It’s nothing. You know, school, the team. Life.” Ryan, he doesn’t say. Last night.
Chad quirks a skeptical eyebrow. “You realize you couldn’t have made that explanation any vaguer if you tried.”
Troy manages a slight smile. “I’m sorry, man. If I could tell you, I would.”
“Why can’t you?”
“You wouldn’t - I mean, I just can’t.”
“I wouldn’t what?” Chad looks hurt. “Understand? Is that what you were going to say?” He takes Troy’s silence as a concession. “Yeah, because I’m only your best friend, right? Why would you confide in me?”
“Chad, I -”
“Just forget it,” the boy says with an edge in his voice, directing his gaze to the front of the classroom. Their teacher has just walked in, effectively scuppering any chance Troy has of salvaging the conversation.
“I’m sorry, man,” Troy mutters under his breath as he rests his chin back down on the desk and fervently wishes to be anywhere else.
--
Ryan isn’t in school. Troy doesn’t realize until lunch time, because they don’t have any classes together on Mondays, but there’s no way to escape the empty seat at the far table. Sharpay glances over at him and he ducks his head, fumbles for his cell phone, tries to look busy in any way he can, but it’s too late. She’s coming over.
“What did you do to my brother?” she hisses.
“Can we not talk about this here?” He indicates the girls’ table, down in the lower section of the cafeteria. Gabriella hasn’t seen him yet but when she does, he doesn’t want to seem suspicious.
Sharpay glowers at him. “Fine,” she snaps, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the cafeteria. They fight the stream of students like two salmon against a raging current until Sharpay ducks into a locker alcove and pushes him roughly back against a wall. “So talk.”
Troy looks at her miserably. “I know he’s mad, okay? I know he is. He deserves to be treated better than this. He’s a catch, your brother.” He smiles sadly. “Believe it or not, I’m just as torn up about this as he is.”
Sharpay narrows her eyes and looks unconvinced. “Keep talking.”
“I just…” Troy stares at his shoes. “I can’t do this, Sharpay. Your brother’s open about his sexuality and that’s fine - for him. He’s a drama kid, you know? It’s acceptable.”
“Okay, firstly, way to be a ravingly stereotypical loser.” Sharpay makes a face. “And secondly, you’re a drama kid too, so by your logic, the same rules apply.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Why? Because you have a ‘reputation’ to uphold?” She makes mocking air quotes with her fingers.
Troy wishes he could give her a better answer, but all he can do is toe the bottom of the opposite locker for a few seconds before admitting, “Yeah.”
“Troy Bolton, you make me sick,” Sharpay spits. “My brother really likes you, and you seem to like him too, so I don’t understand what the problem is. There shouldn’t be a problem! For God’s sake, grow some balls.”
Troy lets out a hollow laugh. “That’s what he said to me too.”
Sharpay smiles in spite of herself. “Yeah, well, good for him.”
“I do really like him, Sharpay, I just… I can’t mess up my future for this. For one person. One guy. It’ll be absolutely impossible to get anywhere in basketball if people know I’m… if people know I like guys.”
“Is basketball even what you want to do as a career? Ryan told me you were thinking about majoring in theatre.”
Troy shrugs. “I was, but that’s all its ever going to be - thinking. Sometimes I really wish I could, but I can’t. My dad expects me to go to U of A and play for the Redhawks, Chad and I have been talking about being college teammates since freshman year of high school, Gabriella wants me to visit her on breaks and call her every day, and she started talking about maybe moving in together after college. I can’t just change my plans all of a sudden, you know? It’s not fair to them.”
“When are you going to start living your life for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“So far you’ve told me that your dad wants you to go to U of A, Chad wants you two to be Redhawks together, and Gabriella wants you to commit to her. Why do you want to go to U of A?”
“Because I -” Troy pauses, then frowns. “Because I want to live up to everyone’s expectations of me.” He shakes his head like this is some kind of revelation. “Huh.”
“And do you really want to commit to Gabriella?” Sharpay asks a little more softly.
“Yeah…”
“Why?”
“Because she’s a good person,” Troy says firmly. “She deserves to be happy, and I make her happy, so.”
“You’re cheating on her with one of your mutual friends,” Sharpay points out.
Troy winces. “I know, but that’s over now.”
“And are you happy?”
“…No.”
“Is she happy? She must have noticed that something’s up with you.”
“I told her I’m just stressed out about choosing colleges,” he says evasively.
“Oh, so now you’re lying to her about that as well.”
“Don’t say that, Sharpay.”
“Isn’t that what it is? Telling your girlfriend something other than the truth because you don’t want her to know that the boy you’ve secretly been sleeping with on the side just dumped you for being an insensitive asshole?”
Troy wilts in front of her eyes. “I can’t do this. I’m not as brave as your brother. I’m not like him. I can’t walk into school every day, facing people who know what I am and who I’m attracted to. I can’t hold another guy’s hand in public, knowing that everyone’s going to be staring at me, judging me. I don’t have the courage to tell Gabriella I’m sorry, that she’s a beautiful girl and a wonderful friend but I’m in love with the boy in the pink pants and matching hat who co-manages the drama department.” A smile tugs at Sharpay’s lips, and Troy is amazed. “What?”
“If you’re in love with him, why are we even having this conversation?”
“I didn’t say I was in…” Troy scoffs, but trails off as he replays the words in his head. “Oh. Oh, fuck.”
Sharpay shakes her head. “Troy, you have to stop hiding. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to the people around you.”
“I know,” he says miserably, “I just don’t know how to fix it.”
“Try actually being honest with yourself,” she tells him with a shrug. “Maybe it’s not as hard as you think.”
--
Later that day, Troy leans back against the headboard of his bed and closes his eyes, trying to empty his mind of all thoughts. He focuses on the question, What do you want?
The answer bubbles up out of the recesses of his subconscious like the cube inside a Magic 8 Ball. Ryan.
He shakes his head to clear his thoughts. What do you see in your future?
Ryan.
Who do you want to be with?
“Shit,” he mutters to himself, putting his head in his hands. It’s three for three, and he’s made the biggest mistake of his life.
--
Ryan looks absolutely shocked when he opens his front door to find Troy standing there, but that’s nothing compared to the expression on his face after the other boy pulls out a bouquet of red roses from behind his back and kneels down on the Evans’ front steps.
“Ryan, I am so, so sorry. I know you deserve better than me. I know you have every right to tell me to fuck off because you never want to see me again. I’m stupid and shallow and entirely too wrapped up in dumb high school politics that won’t even matter this time next year, and I know I care too much about making everyone happy except for the one person I truly love, which really makes no sense at all when I think about it, and I promise to try to do better by you, I promise, because you’re the only one I want to be with and if you’ll just take me back, Ryan, I’ll tell my father, I’ll tell Chad and the team, I’ll tell Gabriella, I swear.”
Ryan is completely immobile and silent for what seems to Troy to be a lifetime, but is probably only a matter of seconds. He shakes his head slightly and leans forward, taking the bouquet from the other boy’s hands. “You’re so stupid, you know that?”
Troy nods. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“You put me through all this bullshit that would have been completely avoidable if you’d just faced things, and I was so disgusted with you, Troy, but then you come to me on your hands and knees and tell me you love me…” Ryan’s voice catches in his throat and wavers a little. He swallows and continues, “And I feel like the stupidest person in the world for falling for you all over again.”
“You…?” Troy stutters. “Did you just… what?”
Ryan sweeps the other boy into his arms, holds him tightly and attacks his mouth with wet, bruising kisses. Troy moans, partly from surprise and partly from pleasure, and Ryan breaks the kiss, seizing his hand.
“My parents are out for the evening and Sharpay, she doesn’t care as long as we’re not too loud.”
Troy’s brow furrows in confusion. “I - oh!”
Before he even knows what’s happening, Ryan is pulling him up the stairs. When they reach the bedroom, Ryan slams the door behind them and launches himself at Troy, suckling on his neck and unbuttoning his shirt before he even has time to land on the bed.
“Ryan!” he gasps, but Ryan holds a hand over his mouth.
“Don’t make a sound. I’m punishing you.”
“Oh, God…” Troy murmurs as Ryan grabs his wrists, tugs them above his head and holds them together firmly. Ryan smirks and then dips down to finish unbuttoning, affixing his soft mouth to Troy’s left nipple and biting the tender flesh until Troy cries out. Ryan’s never done this before - he’s always been passive and eager to please, a willing bottom to Troy’s domineering top. Troy is hard in a shockingly short time, and the way Ryan is writhing on top of his clothed erection is exquisite torture.
Almost as if Ryan can sense this, he dips his head lower and roughly manhandles the other boy out of his jeans, allowing the proof of Troy’s arousal to rise up from underneath his boxers.
“Ryan, please…” Troy grinds out, lifting his head, and Ryan slaps him so hard he gasps.
“What did I say?” the blond chastises, palming him roughly and making him squirm. He moans and surrenders, head crashing back against the pillow, hips arching up in a desperate plea for relief.
It’s not long after that that he becomes aware of cold air hitting his hardness, and no sooner has he become used to that sensation then it abruptly ceases, replaced by a warm wetness. Ryan’s lips are firmly affixed to the tip of his erection, and he already feels as if he’s about to explode.
“If you come right now, I swear I’ll hurt you,” Ryan growls after he bobs off, and Troy desperately tries to counteract the familiar tightening in his balls that means he’s nearing release. “I’m not done with you yet.” He takes Troy into his mouth again, bobbing up and down until he’s deep-throating the other boy’s shaft, and Troy fights to keep himself from thrusting in rhythm. He knows that once he starts that, it will all be over.
Ryan moves just then, lets him go, and he can feel a hardness against his leg that means Ryan’s turned on too. Ryan laps at his hole, fingers him experimentally and then pushes in. His muscles tighten automatically and he wants so desperately for Ryan to push in and pull out until he comes, but he knows the boy has other plans. A second finger slips in, and then a third. Just as he’s getting used to them, they go away, leaving him feeling empty and oddly unfilled. He wants so much to beg Ryan to put them back, but knows that will only incur more delay.
“Promise me,” Ryan says, pushing Troy’s legs apart and lining himself up, “that you will never, ever put me through that again.”
“I… p-promise - nnnnnghhh,” Troy groans as Ryan enters him, feeling screaming pain and near ecstasy simultaneously. Tears spring to his eyes. “Ryan, please.”
“What did I tell you?” Ryan snaps, pushing in sharply and then pulling out. To stop himself from making a sound, Troy bites his lip until he breaks the skin, his whole body jolting as Ryan grabs his erection roughly and starts to aggressively stroke him, pounding in and out as he does so. Troy feels like he’s splitting in half and can’t help but let a few quailing, keening noises past his lips, but Ryan doesn’t seem to mind anymore. The blond’s eyes are closed and he’s grunting heavily in time with his movements, his fingers’ pressure on Troy’s member becoming more spasmodic.
“Ryan, fuck,” Troy yells as it all becomes too much and he bucks his hips violently as he rides out his release. “Oh, God, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Ryan’s grip on him tightens, and he’s making noises that Troy has never heard from a human being before, thrusting as if his life depends on it. He comes silently, clinging to the other boy and shaking, and Troy reaches up dazedly to stroke his hair.
They lie in silence for a while after that, breathing labored, Ryan still inside him.
“I love you too,” Ryan murmurs against the hot, sweaty skin of Troy’s chest. “Did you mean what you said to me?”
“Every word,” Troy promises. “Every word.”
---<---<---@
Author: that_1_incident
Fandom: High School Musical
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Profanity, sexual themes
Pairing: Ryan Evans/Troy Bolton
Word Count: ~2,800
Summary: “I can’t walk into school every day, facing people who know what I am and who I’m attracted to. I can’t hold another guy’s hand in public, knowing that everyone’s going to be staring at me, judging me. I don’t have the courage to tell Gabriella I’m sorry, that she’s a beautiful girl and a wonderful friend but I’m in love with the boy in the pink pants and matching hat who co-manages the drama department.”
Disclaimer: I don’t own HSM, obvs.
Author's Notes: My first non-drabble HSM fic. It's about time. The title is from the Oracle at Delphi. w00t for being Greek.
---<---<---@
“No, Ryan, you don’t get it,” Troy protests. “I’m Troy Bolton.”
“So?” Ryan asks, breath hot against Troy’s neck as he lightly kisses the skin beneath his lips.
“I’m…” Troy shivers. “Stop that. I’m going places.”
Ryan pulls away. “And I’m not?” he queries, eyes flashing.
Troy winces. “I didn’t say that. It’s just, your plans for your life, what you want to do… being the way you are… it’s acceptable.”
“What’s acceptable?” Ryan knows perfectly well, he just wants Troy to say it.
“You know. Liking guys.”
“You act like being gay is exclusive to a certain career path.”
Troy looks like he’s trying to decide whether to voice his response or not. “It kind of is…”
Ryan presses his lips into a narrow line. “Well, you can forget about sex tonight,” he says hotly. “Or ever.”
“Ry, don’t be like that…”
“No, I mean it this time.” He climbs off Troy’s lap, adjusts and re-buttons his shirt. “I can’t be with someone who’s still in the closet, Troy. Not like this.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Troy counters angrily. “Do you really expect me to come out to my team? The school? My girlfriend? ‘Hey, Gabriella, guys, Coach Bolton - Dad - by the way, I’m a fucking faggot.’”
Ryan stares at him in silence for almost a full minute. His eyes blaze hatred and hurt. “What are you doing here, then? Get out. Go back to your boring heteronormative life with your sports star status and perfect girlfriend. Just don’t expect to be happy.”
It dawns on Troy that he’s in real danger of losing the best thing he’s ever had for good. “Ryan, you don’t mean that,” he says lamely, trying to convince himself as much as the other boy.
“Don’t I?”
Troy realizes with a jolt that the shininess in Ryan’s eyes isn’t just anger but unshed tears. Ryan swallows hard, determined not to cry. He marches to his bedroom door and holds it open pointedly.
“Just leave, Troy. Come back when you’ve grown some balls.” He pauses, then adds bitterly, with the trace of a sarcastic smile, “Or when you’re ready to admit to liking them.”
Troy opens his mouth to retort but can’t think of what to say. Eventually he just grabs his basketball jersey from where it fell next to the bed, pulls it on and leaves. It takes every ounce of self restraint he has not to look back.
--
“Hey, man, did something happen with you and Gabriella?”
“Huh?” Troy’s head snaps up from the desk he’s been resting against morosely.
“You’ve been moping around like somebody died.”
“Oh. Uh, no. It’s nothing. You know, school, the team. Life.” Ryan, he doesn’t say. Last night.
Chad quirks a skeptical eyebrow. “You realize you couldn’t have made that explanation any vaguer if you tried.”
Troy manages a slight smile. “I’m sorry, man. If I could tell you, I would.”
“Why can’t you?”
“You wouldn’t - I mean, I just can’t.”
“I wouldn’t what?” Chad looks hurt. “Understand? Is that what you were going to say?” He takes Troy’s silence as a concession. “Yeah, because I’m only your best friend, right? Why would you confide in me?”
“Chad, I -”
“Just forget it,” the boy says with an edge in his voice, directing his gaze to the front of the classroom. Their teacher has just walked in, effectively scuppering any chance Troy has of salvaging the conversation.
“I’m sorry, man,” Troy mutters under his breath as he rests his chin back down on the desk and fervently wishes to be anywhere else.
--
Ryan isn’t in school. Troy doesn’t realize until lunch time, because they don’t have any classes together on Mondays, but there’s no way to escape the empty seat at the far table. Sharpay glances over at him and he ducks his head, fumbles for his cell phone, tries to look busy in any way he can, but it’s too late. She’s coming over.
“What did you do to my brother?” she hisses.
“Can we not talk about this here?” He indicates the girls’ table, down in the lower section of the cafeteria. Gabriella hasn’t seen him yet but when she does, he doesn’t want to seem suspicious.
Sharpay glowers at him. “Fine,” she snaps, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the cafeteria. They fight the stream of students like two salmon against a raging current until Sharpay ducks into a locker alcove and pushes him roughly back against a wall. “So talk.”
Troy looks at her miserably. “I know he’s mad, okay? I know he is. He deserves to be treated better than this. He’s a catch, your brother.” He smiles sadly. “Believe it or not, I’m just as torn up about this as he is.”
Sharpay narrows her eyes and looks unconvinced. “Keep talking.”
“I just…” Troy stares at his shoes. “I can’t do this, Sharpay. Your brother’s open about his sexuality and that’s fine - for him. He’s a drama kid, you know? It’s acceptable.”
“Okay, firstly, way to be a ravingly stereotypical loser.” Sharpay makes a face. “And secondly, you’re a drama kid too, so by your logic, the same rules apply.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Why? Because you have a ‘reputation’ to uphold?” She makes mocking air quotes with her fingers.
Troy wishes he could give her a better answer, but all he can do is toe the bottom of the opposite locker for a few seconds before admitting, “Yeah.”
“Troy Bolton, you make me sick,” Sharpay spits. “My brother really likes you, and you seem to like him too, so I don’t understand what the problem is. There shouldn’t be a problem! For God’s sake, grow some balls.”
Troy lets out a hollow laugh. “That’s what he said to me too.”
Sharpay smiles in spite of herself. “Yeah, well, good for him.”
“I do really like him, Sharpay, I just… I can’t mess up my future for this. For one person. One guy. It’ll be absolutely impossible to get anywhere in basketball if people know I’m… if people know I like guys.”
“Is basketball even what you want to do as a career? Ryan told me you were thinking about majoring in theatre.”
Troy shrugs. “I was, but that’s all its ever going to be - thinking. Sometimes I really wish I could, but I can’t. My dad expects me to go to U of A and play for the Redhawks, Chad and I have been talking about being college teammates since freshman year of high school, Gabriella wants me to visit her on breaks and call her every day, and she started talking about maybe moving in together after college. I can’t just change my plans all of a sudden, you know? It’s not fair to them.”
“When are you going to start living your life for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“So far you’ve told me that your dad wants you to go to U of A, Chad wants you two to be Redhawks together, and Gabriella wants you to commit to her. Why do you want to go to U of A?”
“Because I -” Troy pauses, then frowns. “Because I want to live up to everyone’s expectations of me.” He shakes his head like this is some kind of revelation. “Huh.”
“And do you really want to commit to Gabriella?” Sharpay asks a little more softly.
“Yeah…”
“Why?”
“Because she’s a good person,” Troy says firmly. “She deserves to be happy, and I make her happy, so.”
“You’re cheating on her with one of your mutual friends,” Sharpay points out.
Troy winces. “I know, but that’s over now.”
“And are you happy?”
“…No.”
“Is she happy? She must have noticed that something’s up with you.”
“I told her I’m just stressed out about choosing colleges,” he says evasively.
“Oh, so now you’re lying to her about that as well.”
“Don’t say that, Sharpay.”
“Isn’t that what it is? Telling your girlfriend something other than the truth because you don’t want her to know that the boy you’ve secretly been sleeping with on the side just dumped you for being an insensitive asshole?”
Troy wilts in front of her eyes. “I can’t do this. I’m not as brave as your brother. I’m not like him. I can’t walk into school every day, facing people who know what I am and who I’m attracted to. I can’t hold another guy’s hand in public, knowing that everyone’s going to be staring at me, judging me. I don’t have the courage to tell Gabriella I’m sorry, that she’s a beautiful girl and a wonderful friend but I’m in love with the boy in the pink pants and matching hat who co-manages the drama department.” A smile tugs at Sharpay’s lips, and Troy is amazed. “What?”
“If you’re in love with him, why are we even having this conversation?”
“I didn’t say I was in…” Troy scoffs, but trails off as he replays the words in his head. “Oh. Oh, fuck.”
Sharpay shakes her head. “Troy, you have to stop hiding. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to the people around you.”
“I know,” he says miserably, “I just don’t know how to fix it.”
“Try actually being honest with yourself,” she tells him with a shrug. “Maybe it’s not as hard as you think.”
--
Later that day, Troy leans back against the headboard of his bed and closes his eyes, trying to empty his mind of all thoughts. He focuses on the question, What do you want?
The answer bubbles up out of the recesses of his subconscious like the cube inside a Magic 8 Ball. Ryan.
He shakes his head to clear his thoughts. What do you see in your future?
Ryan.
Who do you want to be with?
“Shit,” he mutters to himself, putting his head in his hands. It’s three for three, and he’s made the biggest mistake of his life.
--
Ryan looks absolutely shocked when he opens his front door to find Troy standing there, but that’s nothing compared to the expression on his face after the other boy pulls out a bouquet of red roses from behind his back and kneels down on the Evans’ front steps.
“Ryan, I am so, so sorry. I know you deserve better than me. I know you have every right to tell me to fuck off because you never want to see me again. I’m stupid and shallow and entirely too wrapped up in dumb high school politics that won’t even matter this time next year, and I know I care too much about making everyone happy except for the one person I truly love, which really makes no sense at all when I think about it, and I promise to try to do better by you, I promise, because you’re the only one I want to be with and if you’ll just take me back, Ryan, I’ll tell my father, I’ll tell Chad and the team, I’ll tell Gabriella, I swear.”
Ryan is completely immobile and silent for what seems to Troy to be a lifetime, but is probably only a matter of seconds. He shakes his head slightly and leans forward, taking the bouquet from the other boy’s hands. “You’re so stupid, you know that?”
Troy nods. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“You put me through all this bullshit that would have been completely avoidable if you’d just faced things, and I was so disgusted with you, Troy, but then you come to me on your hands and knees and tell me you love me…” Ryan’s voice catches in his throat and wavers a little. He swallows and continues, “And I feel like the stupidest person in the world for falling for you all over again.”
“You…?” Troy stutters. “Did you just… what?”
Ryan sweeps the other boy into his arms, holds him tightly and attacks his mouth with wet, bruising kisses. Troy moans, partly from surprise and partly from pleasure, and Ryan breaks the kiss, seizing his hand.
“My parents are out for the evening and Sharpay, she doesn’t care as long as we’re not too loud.”
Troy’s brow furrows in confusion. “I - oh!”
Before he even knows what’s happening, Ryan is pulling him up the stairs. When they reach the bedroom, Ryan slams the door behind them and launches himself at Troy, suckling on his neck and unbuttoning his shirt before he even has time to land on the bed.
“Ryan!” he gasps, but Ryan holds a hand over his mouth.
“Don’t make a sound. I’m punishing you.”
“Oh, God…” Troy murmurs as Ryan grabs his wrists, tugs them above his head and holds them together firmly. Ryan smirks and then dips down to finish unbuttoning, affixing his soft mouth to Troy’s left nipple and biting the tender flesh until Troy cries out. Ryan’s never done this before - he’s always been passive and eager to please, a willing bottom to Troy’s domineering top. Troy is hard in a shockingly short time, and the way Ryan is writhing on top of his clothed erection is exquisite torture.
Almost as if Ryan can sense this, he dips his head lower and roughly manhandles the other boy out of his jeans, allowing the proof of Troy’s arousal to rise up from underneath his boxers.
“Ryan, please…” Troy grinds out, lifting his head, and Ryan slaps him so hard he gasps.
“What did I say?” the blond chastises, palming him roughly and making him squirm. He moans and surrenders, head crashing back against the pillow, hips arching up in a desperate plea for relief.
It’s not long after that that he becomes aware of cold air hitting his hardness, and no sooner has he become used to that sensation then it abruptly ceases, replaced by a warm wetness. Ryan’s lips are firmly affixed to the tip of his erection, and he already feels as if he’s about to explode.
“If you come right now, I swear I’ll hurt you,” Ryan growls after he bobs off, and Troy desperately tries to counteract the familiar tightening in his balls that means he’s nearing release. “I’m not done with you yet.” He takes Troy into his mouth again, bobbing up and down until he’s deep-throating the other boy’s shaft, and Troy fights to keep himself from thrusting in rhythm. He knows that once he starts that, it will all be over.
Ryan moves just then, lets him go, and he can feel a hardness against his leg that means Ryan’s turned on too. Ryan laps at his hole, fingers him experimentally and then pushes in. His muscles tighten automatically and he wants so desperately for Ryan to push in and pull out until he comes, but he knows the boy has other plans. A second finger slips in, and then a third. Just as he’s getting used to them, they go away, leaving him feeling empty and oddly unfilled. He wants so much to beg Ryan to put them back, but knows that will only incur more delay.
“Promise me,” Ryan says, pushing Troy’s legs apart and lining himself up, “that you will never, ever put me through that again.”
“I… p-promise - nnnnnghhh,” Troy groans as Ryan enters him, feeling screaming pain and near ecstasy simultaneously. Tears spring to his eyes. “Ryan, please.”
“What did I tell you?” Ryan snaps, pushing in sharply and then pulling out. To stop himself from making a sound, Troy bites his lip until he breaks the skin, his whole body jolting as Ryan grabs his erection roughly and starts to aggressively stroke him, pounding in and out as he does so. Troy feels like he’s splitting in half and can’t help but let a few quailing, keening noises past his lips, but Ryan doesn’t seem to mind anymore. The blond’s eyes are closed and he’s grunting heavily in time with his movements, his fingers’ pressure on Troy’s member becoming more spasmodic.
“Ryan, fuck,” Troy yells as it all becomes too much and he bucks his hips violently as he rides out his release. “Oh, God, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Ryan’s grip on him tightens, and he’s making noises that Troy has never heard from a human being before, thrusting as if his life depends on it. He comes silently, clinging to the other boy and shaking, and Troy reaches up dazedly to stroke his hair.
They lie in silence for a while after that, breathing labored, Ryan still inside him.
“I love you too,” Ryan murmurs against the hot, sweaty skin of Troy’s chest. “Did you mean what you said to me?”
“Every word,” Troy promises. “Every word.”
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