fic: nobody but you [beast; junkwang; pg-13]
nobody but you
beast; junkwang; pg-13; 5800
kikwang knows not to hope and want and love but junhyung unravels him like string.
nobody but you
Kikwang is trying to focus on his work, really he is, but Junhyung is bending over to pick some papers off the ground for Hyunseung and well, the view’s rather nice.
Hyunseung, who is repeatedly thanking Junhyung because he’s a bit clumsy and always dropping things, still manages to catch Kikwang’s sneaking glances. At least Kikwang thinks they’re sneaking because his mother did teach him that blatantly staring at someone was rather rude. Especially blatantly staring at their ass, which Kikwang isn’t doing. Really.
And Hyunseung, who’s about as perceptive as Kikwang, actually smirks and Kikwang blushes almost as if on cue and feels like dying.
He never should have told Hyunseung.
Not that everyone but Junhyung doesn’t already know through some sort of sixth sense that Kikwang wasn’t blessed with. After all, it took Kikwang three months to realise that Yoseob and Doojoon were dating and that was after he caught them in the supply closet together.
Dongwoon had laughed at him for days and Kikwang had gone to die of embarrassment in the same supply closet.
Except that Junhyung had opened the closet door while Kikwang had been sulking as he pretended to look for paperclips - he knew exactly where they were but no one needed to know that. And Kikwang had never met him before because apparently, as he would learn later, Junhyung was new, which explained so much.
Junhyung had stared at him and he had stared right back but for very different reasons than Junhyung.
See, Kikwang’s heart must have leapt into his throat, or his brain must have forgotten what words were because he had stared dumbly at Junhyung, who was possibly the most beautiful person Kikwang had ever seen in his life. Kikwang had only given this highly heralded position to one other person before: Jang Hyunseung, who was Kikwang’s best friend and didn’t count.
“Uh…” Junhyung had started and Kikwang had just continued staring because dear God, he had no brain. “I… that is, are you - I just wanted some paper for the photocopier?”
Kikwang’s eyes must have widened more than they already were because Junhyung looked a bit terrified, like Kikwang was some weird supply closet creep, which at this point, maybe he was.
Instead of replying like any normal person would have, Kikwang had grabbed a pack of paper and presented it to Junhyung, who had taken it from Kikwang and said a strained, “Thank-you.”
Kikwang had nodded his head, as if to say ‘Yes, I know, I accept your gratitude, I’m not really mute’ and Junhyung had still looked slightly terrified as he left the closet, but mostly just grateful.
Seconds later Kikwang had heard Dongwoon laughing and oh God, what was his life?
Now, Kikwang has much better control over his speech and doesn’t make Junhyung feel like he’s an alien. Of course, the fact the Kikwang still freezes whenever he so much as brushes past Junhyung and still stutters over his words when he sometimes actually has to speak to Junhyung, doesn’t help.
Actually, Kikwang is pretty sure Junhyung thinks that Kikwang hates him. But he doesn’t, he doesn’t and he wishes he could handle the thunderous beating of his heart and the twist in his gut so that he doesn’t always scurry away, face flushed, at the sight of Junhyung.
“You’re such a hopeless cause,” a voice says from next to Kikwang and Kikwang squeaks, louder than he should because a number of ‘shhs’ erupt in the office around him. He sinks into his seat as Junhyung turns around to see where the squeak came from. Kikwang smiles meekly, already feeling guilty but Junhyung doesn’t seem to care. He shakes his head and walks over to his own cubicle. Kikwang feels like crying.
“Dongwoon-ah, why do you have to make me look so stupid in front of Junhyung?” Kikwang whines, his head falling into his arms on his desk.
His friend just laughs, ruffling Kikwang’s hair. “You do a pretty good job on your own, actually.”
Pouting, Kikwang faces Dongwoon and tries to glare. “What do you even want?”
Dongwoon is still obviously terribly amused and looks like Kikwang’s aunt right before she pinches his cheeks. Kikwang unconsciously goes to cover them up because he doesn’t want that kind of pain. “Are you almost done your monthly sales report?” he finally asks.
While Kikwang may be utterly lost in his day-dreaming about Junhyung and Junhyung’s lovely hair, he always stays on top of his work. “Of course,” he grins, grabbing the appropriate folder from his laptop bag. He hands it to Dongwoon who smiles approvingly.
“I guess Kikwang-hyung wasn’t just hired for his cute looks then?” Dongwoon grins and Kikwang glares, chucking a pen cap at his co-worker.
“Yah! You’re so rude! I’m your hyung,” Kikwang exclaims.
Laughing, Dongwoon actually does pinch Kikwang’s cheek and Kikwang makes this odd spluttering noise that doesn’t really express his indignation and annoyance adequately. “Kikwangie is so cute.”
Shoving Dongwoon’s hand away from his sore cheek, Kikwang scowls. “I hate you.”
Dongwoon makes a hurt face but it doesn’t last very long because apparently Kikwang’s angry face is too cute or something and Dongwoon’s words are indecipherable as he tries to stifle his snickering. “Go away,” Kikwang pouts, turning back to his computer screen, where he has a new email from Hyunseung.
Don’t think I didn’t see your blatant staring. Kikwang is such a naughty boy, it reads and Kikwang thinks that this is what feeling like the butt of every joke in the world must feel like.
The thing is that Kikwang’s gotten his heart broken so many times that he doesn’t want to let it out anymore. He’s tired of wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting everyone cut away at the thinning threads. So instead, Kikwang keeps his heart safely tucked away in a little chest that he refuses to give anyone the key to and he lets his heart love Junhyung as much it wants. He lets his heart cry and burst and clench as much as it wants but he doesn’t let it out.
Besides, it’s pretty obvious that Junhyung is over the moon for Hyunseung and Kikwang doesn’t quite blame him.
Everyone is busy preparing for their quarterly presentations on customer satisfaction and sales numbers but Kikwang is busy making sure the boardroom is tidy and that all the refreshments are in place. The quarterly meeting is always long and rather boring, but the prospect of food usually gets everyone excited.
This year Kikwang’s gotten all sorts of pastries from one of his favourite bakeries, in the hopes that everyone will like them. Actually, he’s ordered these strawberry danishes specifically for Junhyung because Kikwang’s seen him eat them enough times.
Occasionally, Kikwang can’t even believe how ridiculous he is.
Lost in his thoughts, Kikwang doesn’t notice Hyunseung walk into the boardroom until he gives Kikwang’s hair a playful ruffle.
“Yah! Why do you guys always mess with my hair,” Kikwang cries, patting down the upward strands. He doesn’t realise that Junhyung’s there either until he hears the other’s familiar snicker.
Kikwang curses internally, because how shallow must he seem fussing over his hair as if he were some important celebrity. He wants to seem more mature, so that Junhyung doesn’t just dismiss him as the weirdo he met in the supply closet.
Except that Hyunseung is a terrible best friend and just laughs happily, as he slings an arm around Kikwang’s shoulders. “Kikwangie is just so easily agitated.”
“I am not,” Kikwang mutters and it’s true because Kikwang always laughs everything off. He knows why Hyunseung’s making his false accusations, to tease Kikwang right in front of Junhyung and seriously, Kikwang shouldn’t have told him.
“No, no, you’re not,” Hyunseung grins, giving Kikwang a squeeze. He refuses to even look at Junhyung, afraid of what he might find there, so Kikwang turns to give Hyunseung a silent glare. His best friend just giggles, before he pulls away, frowning. “I forgot my presentation boards! Be right back, Kiki.”
“Did you need any help?” Kikwang offers immediately, and Hyunseung shakes his head as he rushes out of the room. Kikwang stares a bit helplessly at Hyunseung’s retreating back, still unable to make any sort of eye contact with Junhyung. “And does Junhyung-hyung have everything?”
Junhyung nods as he takes a step toward the table of food Kikwang has arranged. Kikwang’s breath hitches as the other man steps so that he’s standing right beside him. “Hyunseung is a bit forgetful, isn’t he?”
“Just sometimes,” Kikwang defends, as he does one last once over of the utensils to ensure that nothing’s missing.
“Sometimes,” Junhyung repeats, his hand ghosting over Kikwang’s as he grabs a strawberry danish. Kikwang can feel his heart bursting inside his chest, so pleased that he got Junhyung’s favourite pastry right. “And sometimes Kikwang is forgetful too, right?”
“Huh?” Kikwang asks, head turning to meet Junhyung’s gaze. He regrets it right away, finding himself unable to maintain eye contact for very long. His guts always churns and churns and churns something horrible whenever Junhyung’s eyes fix him with that intense look he’s giving Kikwang right now.
“Nothing,” Junhyung answers, and this time Kikwang is positive Junhyung’s hand brushes over his own on purpose as he grabs a napkin. “Thank-you for all your hard work.”
Kikwang just nods silently, Junhyung’s ghost of a touch lingering on his skin like the warmth of the sun.
It doesn’t occur to Kikwang until later that Junhyung and Hyunseung had walked into the boardroom together, had sat next to each other, while Kikwang had sat across the table from Hyunseung. That they had left together too, Junhyung attentive as Hyunseung rambled on about something or another.
Actually, Kikwang never seems to notice anything but Junhyung and then later, much later, when he’s curled up in his bed, everything else floods him.
How Junhyung always has lunch with Hyunseung, how they always leave the office together because they live in the same direction. It’s not like they drive together, Kikwang thinks darkly and he knows that Hyunseung thinks nothing of any of this. He knows because Hyunseung is already more than in love with Jiyong Kwon in marketing and just deeply in denial about it like he always is.
But that’s not what really matters is it? It’s what Junhyung thinks of his relationship with Hyunseung. It’s what he wants from that relationship and whether that’s just harmless friendship or something more. And the thought of Junhyung lying in his own bed thinking of Hyunseung, who is so much more than Kikwang, picks at his heart like a vulture.
And while Kikwang has no desire to let his heart out again, somehow he thinks that it’s already escaped the chest Kikwang had kept it in. It’s already escaped and is pathetically banging on Junhyung’s door, hoping he’ll let him in.
His eyes are red and puffy and this is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous because he shouldn’t be crying over someone who isn’t even with him to begin with. He wishes his heart would stop entertaining these silly daydreams of Junhyung telling him that he knows, he knows, he knows.
And of course, since the universe already hates him, the only person waiting for the elevator when Kikwang arrives to work is Junhyung.
Kikwang has half a mind to pretend like he’s forgotten something and run back to his car. He doesn’t though; he can’t, not when Junhyung’s already caught his eye.
His face twists into concern and he takes a step toward Kikwang. It’s rather unexpected, and Kikwang is afraid of what all these signs could mean, smiles as brightly as he can manage. “Good morning, hyung!”
Even he knows it sounds a little too chipper but chipper is Kikwang’s middle name, so there’s hope yet.
Junhyung doesn’t buy it. “What happened, Kikwang? Why do you… you look like you’ve been crying…” Kikwang doesn’t know what to do with all of Junhyung’s concern and it’s almost like Junhyung is Kikwang’s mom, worrying over Kikwang when he gets colds and she can’t come over to look after him.
“Ah, hyung, I’m fine. I just watched this really sad movie last night,” Kikwang says, laughing it off. “I’m just such a sap, really.”
His hyung doesn’t seem to buy it but the elevator doors slide open and Kikwang rushes inside, Junhyung following. “Are you - “
But Junhyung doesn’t get to finish as Yoseob seems to throw himself into the elevator at the very last minute before the doors close. Kikwang’s pretty sure he saw Doojoon running behind Yoseob but he can’t be sure.
“Yoseobie should be careful,” Kikwang smiles, helping his friend to regain his balance.
“Ah, that useless idiot didn’t make it? Yoseob sighs, rolling his eyes.
“Useless idiot?” Kikwang repeats, blinking incomprehensively at Yoseob.
“Doojoon,” Yoseob answers, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Kikwang expects to hear Junhyung laugh at Yoseob’s comment but when Kikwang does look up at Junhyung, the other man seems to still be examining Kikwang with a level of scrutiny that Kikwang finds himself uncomfortable with. Yet, he doesn’t want Junhyung to stop and he wishes he didn’t understand why.
Instead, Kikwang laughs, shaking his head at Yoseob whose grin seems to fall off when he seems to notice Kikwang’s eyes as well. “Kikwang, your eyes, they’re all red and puffy. Did something bad happen?”
Kikwang just grins and shakes his head. “No, no, hyung. I stayed up late last night watching this sad film and I couldn’t help but cry. You know how I am.”
“Omo, Kikwang shouldn’t stay up late!” Yoseob exclaims. “Right, Junhyung?”
“Kikwang should take better care of himself,” Junhyung adds, agreeing.
Kikwang frowns, “Yah, you guys are ganging up on me!”
Yoseob laughs as they exit the elevator, Junhyung behind them as they all head for their desks.
Kikwang’s kind of happy that Junhyung lets it slide.
Junhyung, it seems, is the nagging sort. Their manager loves it, since it works in his favour that Junhyung is always there to glare at everyone who leaves unwashed dishes after lunch.
Except that they already had Hyunseung to nag them about their dishes and this tag-team attack has everyone scrambling to keep the lunch room clean. This all works against Kikwang especially, because Kikwang is terrible with house work and he only ever gets it done at home because his mother always comes around every two weeks to check up on him.
“Kikwang, really, how do you ever find anything if this is the state of your desk?” Hyunseung scolds him, shuffling papers around as he tries to find actual desk space.
“It’s fine, really. You’re so nosy,” Kikwang complains in return, trying to get Hyunseung to leave his desk and go back to his own pristine one.
“Hyunseung’s just trying to help you organise your things,” Junhyung’s voice says from somewhere behind Kikwang.
“I, what are you two? The Cleaning Squad?” Kikwang accuses, somehow managing not to splutter idiotically in front of Junhyung. “Beware their almighty cleaning products and their incessant nagging.”
Hyunseung scoffs indignantly; mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, and Kikwang can’t help but laugh. This earns him a rough shove and Kikwang finds himself falling out of his chair, still unable to stop and he doesn’t care if he falls, not when Hyunseung resembles a fish.
He never hits the ground though, because Junhyung catches him, his hands burning through Kikwang’s shirt, sending electricity shooting down Kikwang’s spine. Junhyung rights Kikwang up, so that he’s sitting upright in his chair and now it’s Hyunseung who’s giggling beside Kikwang. But Kikwang can hardly focus on anything but the pulse of his heart beating erratically and Junhyung’s hot, hot breath flittering over his neck.
The blush is instantaneous, flooding Kikwang’s cheeks and colouring his ears bright red. And while he’s going to die from embarrassment, he can’t help the way his stomach squirms excitedly.
“Th-thank-you, hyung,” Kikwang says, uncertain what nonsense will actually come out of his mouth if he gives it free reign.
“You’re welcome,” Junhyung replies, and Kikwang is certain he can hear the amusement in his voice. He feels like he’s right back where he started, as the weird supply closet guy.
“Oh, Kiki, you’re too adorable!” Hyunseung laughs, and Kikwang also doesn’t miss the way Junhyung looks at Hyunseung in those few seconds. Like Hyunseung is the sun, shining so brightly that it doesn’t matter that Kikwang exists too.
Kikwang stifles a yawn as he stares at his computer screen blearily. His eyes hurt and he’s resorted to taking out his contacts because they’re causing more irritation than improvement to his sight. He’s just happy that he’s the last one in the office, so no one will see him in his glasses, which he loves but the one time Doojoon had seen them, he hadn’t stopped laughing.
Doojoon’s mother had called at the last minute to ask Doojoon if he could take her to the doctor because Doojon’s father wouldn’t be able to. Doojoon, being a diligent son had said yes almost immediately and had begged Kikwang to finish off the ‘little bit of work’ he had left.
Three hours later, after everyone else had left, Kikwang was still finishing off Doojoon’s work, because apparently Doojoon does even less work than Kikwang at the office. Kikwang’s almost done going through all the customer complaints that Doojoon’s been given, when he hears some rustling.
Kikwang stiffens immediately, eyes searching in the direction of the rustling noise.
It can’t be. Oh God. Everyone had left, everyone had left because Kikwang was sure of it.
Except that Junhyung is stretching as he stands up from his desk, his dress shirt untucked and rising upwards and it’s not Kikwang’s fault that he cannot look away. Junhyung is stretching and there is a pair of headphones around his neck and he’s yawning and Kikwang may have let out a girlish squee.
Junhyung stills and Kikwang’s eyes shoot to his computer screen, as he pretends to be completely engrossed with an email from a very disgruntled customer whose T.V. stopped working three months after it was bought.
“Ah, Kikwang, you’re still here too?” Junhyung asks, and his voice is much closer than Kikwang thinks it should be.
“Junhyung!” Kikwang exclaims, thinking that perhaps his acting is good enough to get him through this. Looking up, Kikwang feels the loud thud of his heart stopping but he recovers quickly, because otherwise he’s pretty sure he’d fall backwards in his own chair. “I, I didn’t even know you were here!”
Junhyung is standing right in front of his desk and is wearing a rather disarming smile, the likes that Kikwang has never seen and seriously, how did Kikwang not realise that Junhyung was here this whole time? Junhyung continues to smile and Kikwang thinks it’s beautiful and his heart should try to flutter less because he can’t breathe.
“I wanted to get ahead on some of my work, since I need to leave the office early tomorrow,” Junhyung explains. He’s actually grabbed Yoseob’s chair and has dragged it so that it’s sitting in front of Kikwang’s own desk. Kikwang thinks that perhaps he’s actually dreaming because Junhyung isn’t supposed to flop down into the chair and look all ravishing.
“O-oh,” Kikwang says, trying very hard not too just stare at Junhyung’s exposed neck, as he leans his head back to rest on the top of the chair. His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and Kikwang mimics the action, ripping his eyes away to look back at his screen. “Do you have a lot of work, Junhyung?”
The other man rolls his head forwards and catches Kikwang’s gaze. “Not really, not as much as Kikwangie.”
Kikwang, who had just reached to grab a folder nearly, fumbles with it, his heart dropping like a weight in his chest. What had Junhyung just called him? The blush burns at the tips of his ears and Kikwang can’t help the stupid smile from forming on his face. Oh God, he must think I’m like some thirteen year old girl who’s just seen her favourite idol. “I-I don’t have that much to do, really,” Kikwang stutters.
Junhyung leans in from his chair, elbows resting on the edge of Kikwang’s desk, his head resting in the palms of his hands. “But you’re still here.”
“Oh, but that’s because Doojoon’s mum had to go to the doctor and - ” and Junhyung’s brushed aside some of his hair and Kikwang really must be dreaming on top of his desk while he’s supposed to be finishing up Doojoon’s work because this cannot be reality.
“That was very kind of you,” Junhyung smiles, thinking nothing of his touch but doesn’t he understand that Kikwang is going to faint, with all this blood rushing to his head.
“I, well, Doojoon’s my friend. I was just helping out,” Kikwang offers as an explanation, after all, he’s pretty sure Doojoon would have done the same.
“But you’re always helping out, aren’t you, Kikwang? Always photocopying everyone else’s presentation breakdowns, always going out to get everyone’s lunch rather than just your own,” Junhyung murmurs. “Kikwang is the kindest.”
This is all a dream and Kikwang is going to wake up any second now and he’s going to cry because it wasn’t real. Yes. That’s exactly it.
He doesn’t know how to respond, what to say, not that he could because his throat has closed up so tight that he doesn’t think words could escape.
“Kikwang is the kindest and Hyunseung likes him best,” Junhyung continues mumbling, more to himself now than Kikwang. “Yes. Hyunseung likes him best.”
Everything crumbles. Everything because even if he were sleeping, this isn’t a dream anymore and Kikwang readies himself. He has to and he needs to hear this, so he can stop blinding loving a man who can’t be his. “Does he?” Kikwang’s voice sounds hollow even to his own ears. “Does hyung wish he liked someone else best?”
“No,” Junhyung answers, slow and deliberate, eyes locked with Kikwang’s. And this time Kikwang can’t, won’t look away. But Junhyung makes little sense. “No. Hyunseung should like him less.”
Kikwang nods, the movement a bit sluggish as if Kikwang were drunk and even if Kikwang isn’t, he feels dizzy and light-headed. “I think it’s time we head home, hyung. I’m tired and you really seem like you need some rest.”
Junhyung seems to agree with Kikwang because he gets up, leaving Yoseob’s chair where he’d pulled it to. Kikwang puts it away himself, hand lingering far too long on the spot where Junhyung had leaned his head back.
Everything hurts. Kikwang’s eyes sting in a whole new way and his chest clenches in on itself, ready to suffocate Kikwang. He wants to cry right there, to let himself bawl and bawl and bawl but Kikwang forces himself to take a big breath. He lets it out just as quickly as he had gathered it and walks to his own desk, shoving his things haphazardly into his bag.
It doesn’t matter. No, no, it shouldn’t matter because Kikwang wasn’t going to let his heart out. He wasn’t but it escaped and now everything hurts.
“Kikwang?” His name snaps him out of his daze and Kikwang pushes everything down and only lets a smile linger on his face.
“Let’s go hyung!”
Junhyung doesn’t say anything and Kikwang’s glad. He doesn’t want to hear Junhyung say anything more. Doesn’t want to know how much it hurts him that Hyunseung doesn’t love him back because Kikwang is far too selfish and has never been any good at letting someone he loves love someone else even a little bit more than they love him.
When Kikwang and Junhyung get to the front doors, Kikwang bows to the security guards, smiling goodbye. Junhyung nods, always nodding.
“Goodnight, hyung” Kikwang says. “Please get home safe, okay?”
Not waiting for Junhyung to respond, Kikwang just walks off into the dark, eyes searching for his car. He spots the red Toyota that his father gave to him as a graduation present and he almost runs to sit inside it because the tears are already rolling down his cheeks.
He hiccups as he slams the door shut, breath coming in short, loud gasps. He leaves the company parking lot, sobbing, eyes blurred with so many tears that he can barely see but he needs to leave.
He needs to leave. Needs to stop loving Junhyung.
Because Junhyung, Junhyung will never love him.
Kikwang calls in sick the next day, apologising to his manager several times over but his manager tells him it’s okay, that Kikwang really does sound terrible.
Everyone fusses over him when he finally comes back the next day. Hyunseung admonishes him for not picking up his phone and Kikwang just says that he was so tired that he slept all day. Everyone lets it slide, too, because Kikwang was sick and they’ll do everything today, he doesn’t have to worry about it.
Kikwang can’t help but smile at how kind they are and he thinks that he’s really gotten away with everything, when after everyone leaves to get back to work, Doojoon leans against Kikwang’s desk and stares at him.
“What’s going on, Kikwang?” he asks and Kikwang can kind of see why Yoseob loves Doojoon so much. Can see how handsome Doojoon is, with his full lips and big eyes and his never-ending heart. But no one really compares to Junhyung and Kikwang shouldn’t even be thinking about him.
“What do you mean?” Kikwang asks and he wonders when he got so good at lying and acting innocent.
“Junhyung,” Doojoon starts but stops when Kikwang places a hand over his and whispers, desperately because he can’t afford to cry again, “Please.”
Doojoon says nothing after that but he gives Kikwang a hug before he leaves and tells him that he’s very grateful that Kikwang covered for him the other day. Kikwang nods, tells Doojoon it wasn’t a problem.
And a small part of Kikwang resents Doojoon for asking him to cover for him but this is good for Kikwang. This is best for Kikwang if he ever wants to let go.
Kikwang cannot for the life of him find any paperclips and they had this huge pile of them all neatly lined up in the supply closet. But there are none and he couldn’t find any at his desk either.
“Aish,” he sighs with frustration. He wonders briefly if Yoseob took them all again to make a giant paperclip chain again but he remembers the withering glare Junhyung -
No. He’s not allowed to think about Junhyung. “Just ask Hyunseung if he has any,” he tells himself, trying to distract himself. Nodding, Kikwang turns around to leave the closet except that Junhyung is standing in the way.
Kikwang’s mouth opens, once, twice before he shuts it completely. He’s done a really good job of staying out of Junhyung’s way lately, always finding an excuse to get out of a room if Junhyung enters it. But the supply closet is small and Junhyung is stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
“Hy-hyung,” Kikwang starts, eyes widening as he hears the closet door click shut behind Junhyung. “Hyung, what are you doing?”
“I’m trapping a clever little mouse,” Junhyung answers, a hand still clasped around the doorknob.
“What?” Kikwang certainly feels like he’s been trapped by a big, hungry cat.
“There’s this little mouse who’s always scurrying off when he sees me, always hiding from me,” Junhyung explains, as he takes a step toward Kikwang, whose back is already pressed against the shelves of the closet.
Kikwang’s never been claustrophobic but right now he feels utterly trapped and terrified and he thinks that maybe he’s going to start hyperventilating soon. But Junhyung doesn’t notice, he just takes another step toward Kikwang and now there’s barely half a foot’s space between them.
“Why are you avoiding me, Kikwangie?” Junhyung whispers and Kikwang shudders at how Junhyung’s voice dips, how it’s so smooth and husky and perfect.
“I-I haven’t been avoiding you.”
“Really?” and Junhyung’s breath is hot against Kikwang’s ear, so hot that Kikwang can feel his stomach coil together, his nails digging into the palms of his hands.
“Hyung is busy and I’m busy, that’s all, right?”
“No,” Junhyung sounds angrier now, less like he just wants to play with Kikwang, make him squirm. “No, I’m not busy and you’re not either. And we’re especially not busy right now so why don’t you tell me why you haven’t said more than four words to me since that night.”
Kikwang feels the words pile up in his throat, his mind fighting to keep that night locked up in some dark, empty place in his brain. “Hyung…” Kikwang pleads because he doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how to get out of this. He doesn’t want to be rejected any more than he already has.
“Do you think,” Junhyung breathes, “that it’s fair to treat me like this, Kikwang? Do you think it’s okay to break my heart?”
“What?” Kikwang gasps, and Junhyung’s hand is sliding around Kikwang’s waist and it’s all he can think about.
“It’s not, it’s not fair at all,” Junhyung continues, and he presses his lips against Kikwang’s neck, teeth scraping across the gentle skin.
Kikwang can’t breathe anymore, trembling hands pressing against Junhyung’s chest. “What,” he swallows, “what are you talking about?”
Except instead of answering, Junhyung sucks on Kikwang’s neck and Kikwang gasps as Junhyung slides his tongue up, up, toward the hollow behind Kikwang’s ears. Kikwang’s grasp on Junhyung tightens, his knees nearly giving away underneath him as a jolt of sparks lights off in his thighs at the sensation.
“Junhyung, Junhyung, what are you doing?”
“Nothing else seems to work, Kikwang,” Junhyung says, voice ghosting over the shell of Kikwang’s ears and it takes everything for Kikwang to not mewl at the sensation.
Junhyung is pressed far too close to Kikwang, far too close and Kikwang needs to breathe, needs oxygen to get to his brain so he can think straight but all of his senses are flooded with Junhyung. The world begins and ends with the press of Junhyung’s hips against his own.
“Wh-what?”
“Don’t you like me too, Kikwang?” Junhyung whines in his ear, hot and husky and maybe he’s really just trying to kill Kikwang.
“I, I, what? What about Hyunseung? Don’t you like… I thought,” Kikwang stumbles over the words, unable to put anything together in a coherent sentence and he can feel Junhyung’s smirk pressing into the crook of his neck.
“Kikwangie is so cute,” Junhyung snickers instead, his hand sliding up the length of Kikwang’s chest to settle into the curve of his neck. Kikwang doesn’t even have time to be outraged, as Junhyung leans in and presses his lips against Kikwang’s.
The press of his lips is so soft, that Kikwang thinks for a moment that perhaps they aren’t kissing at all. Except that Kikwang’s stomach is an Olympic gymnast and Junhyung’s lips are pressing down, are becoming firmer in their pursuit to render Kikwang senseless.
There isn’t even any room for Kikwang to pull back into, and Junhyung’s hand is pulling Kikwang closer, fingers twisting into Kikwang’s hair, tongue sweeping over Kikwang’s lips. And it doesn’t take long for Kikwang to open his mouth enough that Junhyung can tug at his bottom lip, suck it between his own lips and Kikwang is melting, his legs are trembling and Junhyung doesn’t want to stop.
The moan is completely by accident, but it’s enough that Junhyung presses against Kikwang so hard that his back is digging into the shelves behind him as Junhyung plunders his mouth with his tongue.
“Jun-Junhyung,” Kikwang gasps, arms desperately clinging to Junhyung’s neck. And this was all Kikwang had ever wanted, all his mind could fathom since the day he had ever laid eyes on Junhyung.
When Junhyung does pull apart, it’s not to stop but to start a frantic trail of kisses down Kikwang’s jaw, to his neck and Kikwang is doing everything to stifle all his gasps and moans because this is the supply closet and they aren’t Yoseob and Doojoon.
“Junhyung, you, you have to stop,” Kikwang tries to reason because he doesn’t want to get caught like this. He wants this to be a little more special than that, regardless of how desperate he is. “Junhyung.”
He does stop, nipping at Kikwang’s collarbone one last time before he rises to face Kikwang and Kikwang has never seen anyone look at him with so much lust that he almost, almost tells Junhyung that he can keep going.
The other many says nothing though, just presses himself Kikwang as if there’s any room between them to close and Kikwang can feel how hard he is and he blushes at the thought of Junhyung feeling Kikwang’s similar predicament. “Ah, Junhyung this, we’re still in the supply closet.”
“So?” Junhyung says, irate and Kikwang cringes slightly but Junhyung seems to notice and takes on a softer tone. “I want to make Kikwang mine.”
Kikwang’s eyes widen and he still can’t quite comprehend what’s going on. “And Hyunseung?”
“What about him?” Junhyung sighs. “Hyunseung told me you were just friends.”
Kikwang blinks. “We are, but I thought you liked him.”
Junhyung stares at Kikwang like he’s really considering how intelligent he is. “And I would be kissing you if I liked Hyunseung right?”
“But you’re always - ”
“He was the first person to befriend me, Kikwang, so I’m close to him. That doesn’t mean I like him. I, you’re the one I thought was in love with him,” Junhyung explains, hands resting comfortably at Kikwang’s waist. “And I thought you hated me or something, always finding excuses to get away from me.”
“No, no, hyung, I think you’re beautiful and wonderful and everything I’ve ever wanted,” Kikwang exclaims, hands grasping the fabric of Junhyung’s dress shirt, which Kikwang has completely ruined if the wrinkles are anything to go by.
“Really?” Junhyung smirks, resting his head against Kikwang’s.
Kikwang nods his head, the blush on his cheeks furious but it doesn’t matter. Junhyung needs to know how much Kikwang wants him. “Yes,” Kikwang whispers, and now he’s the one who leans in to close the gap between their lips.
This time he doesn’t tell Junhyung to stop, doesn’t want Junhyung to stop because no one’s ever made Kikwang feel like he was on fire before.
When they eventually get out of the closet, they both look terrible. Shirts untucked, hair messy and faces flushed. Yoseob takes one look at Kikwang and howls, grinning like a madman as he envelopes Kikwang in a hug.
He lets go quickly enough because Junhyung pulls Kikwang back into him and Kikwang laughs, bright and ecstatic. “Hyung, doesn’t like to share?” Kikwang teases and Junhyung gives him a peck.
“No, he doesn’t.”
beast; junkwang; pg-13; 5800
kikwang knows not to hope and want and love but junhyung unravels him like string.
nobody but you
Kikwang is trying to focus on his work, really he is, but Junhyung is bending over to pick some papers off the ground for Hyunseung and well, the view’s rather nice.
Hyunseung, who is repeatedly thanking Junhyung because he’s a bit clumsy and always dropping things, still manages to catch Kikwang’s sneaking glances. At least Kikwang thinks they’re sneaking because his mother did teach him that blatantly staring at someone was rather rude. Especially blatantly staring at their ass, which Kikwang isn’t doing. Really.
And Hyunseung, who’s about as perceptive as Kikwang, actually smirks and Kikwang blushes almost as if on cue and feels like dying.
He never should have told Hyunseung.
Not that everyone but Junhyung doesn’t already know through some sort of sixth sense that Kikwang wasn’t blessed with. After all, it took Kikwang three months to realise that Yoseob and Doojoon were dating and that was after he caught them in the supply closet together.
Dongwoon had laughed at him for days and Kikwang had gone to die of embarrassment in the same supply closet.
Except that Junhyung had opened the closet door while Kikwang had been sulking as he pretended to look for paperclips - he knew exactly where they were but no one needed to know that. And Kikwang had never met him before because apparently, as he would learn later, Junhyung was new, which explained so much.
Junhyung had stared at him and he had stared right back but for very different reasons than Junhyung.
See, Kikwang’s heart must have leapt into his throat, or his brain must have forgotten what words were because he had stared dumbly at Junhyung, who was possibly the most beautiful person Kikwang had ever seen in his life. Kikwang had only given this highly heralded position to one other person before: Jang Hyunseung, who was Kikwang’s best friend and didn’t count.
“Uh…” Junhyung had started and Kikwang had just continued staring because dear God, he had no brain. “I… that is, are you - I just wanted some paper for the photocopier?”
Kikwang’s eyes must have widened more than they already were because Junhyung looked a bit terrified, like Kikwang was some weird supply closet creep, which at this point, maybe he was.
Instead of replying like any normal person would have, Kikwang had grabbed a pack of paper and presented it to Junhyung, who had taken it from Kikwang and said a strained, “Thank-you.”
Kikwang had nodded his head, as if to say ‘Yes, I know, I accept your gratitude, I’m not really mute’ and Junhyung had still looked slightly terrified as he left the closet, but mostly just grateful.
Seconds later Kikwang had heard Dongwoon laughing and oh God, what was his life?
Now, Kikwang has much better control over his speech and doesn’t make Junhyung feel like he’s an alien. Of course, the fact the Kikwang still freezes whenever he so much as brushes past Junhyung and still stutters over his words when he sometimes actually has to speak to Junhyung, doesn’t help.
Actually, Kikwang is pretty sure Junhyung thinks that Kikwang hates him. But he doesn’t, he doesn’t and he wishes he could handle the thunderous beating of his heart and the twist in his gut so that he doesn’t always scurry away, face flushed, at the sight of Junhyung.
“You’re such a hopeless cause,” a voice says from next to Kikwang and Kikwang squeaks, louder than he should because a number of ‘shhs’ erupt in the office around him. He sinks into his seat as Junhyung turns around to see where the squeak came from. Kikwang smiles meekly, already feeling guilty but Junhyung doesn’t seem to care. He shakes his head and walks over to his own cubicle. Kikwang feels like crying.
“Dongwoon-ah, why do you have to make me look so stupid in front of Junhyung?” Kikwang whines, his head falling into his arms on his desk.
His friend just laughs, ruffling Kikwang’s hair. “You do a pretty good job on your own, actually.”
Pouting, Kikwang faces Dongwoon and tries to glare. “What do you even want?”
Dongwoon is still obviously terribly amused and looks like Kikwang’s aunt right before she pinches his cheeks. Kikwang unconsciously goes to cover them up because he doesn’t want that kind of pain. “Are you almost done your monthly sales report?” he finally asks.
While Kikwang may be utterly lost in his day-dreaming about Junhyung and Junhyung’s lovely hair, he always stays on top of his work. “Of course,” he grins, grabbing the appropriate folder from his laptop bag. He hands it to Dongwoon who smiles approvingly.
“I guess Kikwang-hyung wasn’t just hired for his cute looks then?” Dongwoon grins and Kikwang glares, chucking a pen cap at his co-worker.
“Yah! You’re so rude! I’m your hyung,” Kikwang exclaims.
Laughing, Dongwoon actually does pinch Kikwang’s cheek and Kikwang makes this odd spluttering noise that doesn’t really express his indignation and annoyance adequately. “Kikwangie is so cute.”
Shoving Dongwoon’s hand away from his sore cheek, Kikwang scowls. “I hate you.”
Dongwoon makes a hurt face but it doesn’t last very long because apparently Kikwang’s angry face is too cute or something and Dongwoon’s words are indecipherable as he tries to stifle his snickering. “Go away,” Kikwang pouts, turning back to his computer screen, where he has a new email from Hyunseung.
Don’t think I didn’t see your blatant staring. Kikwang is such a naughty boy, it reads and Kikwang thinks that this is what feeling like the butt of every joke in the world must feel like.
The thing is that Kikwang’s gotten his heart broken so many times that he doesn’t want to let it out anymore. He’s tired of wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting everyone cut away at the thinning threads. So instead, Kikwang keeps his heart safely tucked away in a little chest that he refuses to give anyone the key to and he lets his heart love Junhyung as much it wants. He lets his heart cry and burst and clench as much as it wants but he doesn’t let it out.
Besides, it’s pretty obvious that Junhyung is over the moon for Hyunseung and Kikwang doesn’t quite blame him.
Everyone is busy preparing for their quarterly presentations on customer satisfaction and sales numbers but Kikwang is busy making sure the boardroom is tidy and that all the refreshments are in place. The quarterly meeting is always long and rather boring, but the prospect of food usually gets everyone excited.
This year Kikwang’s gotten all sorts of pastries from one of his favourite bakeries, in the hopes that everyone will like them. Actually, he’s ordered these strawberry danishes specifically for Junhyung because Kikwang’s seen him eat them enough times.
Occasionally, Kikwang can’t even believe how ridiculous he is.
Lost in his thoughts, Kikwang doesn’t notice Hyunseung walk into the boardroom until he gives Kikwang’s hair a playful ruffle.
“Yah! Why do you guys always mess with my hair,” Kikwang cries, patting down the upward strands. He doesn’t realise that Junhyung’s there either until he hears the other’s familiar snicker.
Kikwang curses internally, because how shallow must he seem fussing over his hair as if he were some important celebrity. He wants to seem more mature, so that Junhyung doesn’t just dismiss him as the weirdo he met in the supply closet.
Except that Hyunseung is a terrible best friend and just laughs happily, as he slings an arm around Kikwang’s shoulders. “Kikwangie is just so easily agitated.”
“I am not,” Kikwang mutters and it’s true because Kikwang always laughs everything off. He knows why Hyunseung’s making his false accusations, to tease Kikwang right in front of Junhyung and seriously, Kikwang shouldn’t have told him.
“No, no, you’re not,” Hyunseung grins, giving Kikwang a squeeze. He refuses to even look at Junhyung, afraid of what he might find there, so Kikwang turns to give Hyunseung a silent glare. His best friend just giggles, before he pulls away, frowning. “I forgot my presentation boards! Be right back, Kiki.”
“Did you need any help?” Kikwang offers immediately, and Hyunseung shakes his head as he rushes out of the room. Kikwang stares a bit helplessly at Hyunseung’s retreating back, still unable to make any sort of eye contact with Junhyung. “And does Junhyung-hyung have everything?”
Junhyung nods as he takes a step toward the table of food Kikwang has arranged. Kikwang’s breath hitches as the other man steps so that he’s standing right beside him. “Hyunseung is a bit forgetful, isn’t he?”
“Just sometimes,” Kikwang defends, as he does one last once over of the utensils to ensure that nothing’s missing.
“Sometimes,” Junhyung repeats, his hand ghosting over Kikwang’s as he grabs a strawberry danish. Kikwang can feel his heart bursting inside his chest, so pleased that he got Junhyung’s favourite pastry right. “And sometimes Kikwang is forgetful too, right?”
“Huh?” Kikwang asks, head turning to meet Junhyung’s gaze. He regrets it right away, finding himself unable to maintain eye contact for very long. His guts always churns and churns and churns something horrible whenever Junhyung’s eyes fix him with that intense look he’s giving Kikwang right now.
“Nothing,” Junhyung answers, and this time Kikwang is positive Junhyung’s hand brushes over his own on purpose as he grabs a napkin. “Thank-you for all your hard work.”
Kikwang just nods silently, Junhyung’s ghost of a touch lingering on his skin like the warmth of the sun.
It doesn’t occur to Kikwang until later that Junhyung and Hyunseung had walked into the boardroom together, had sat next to each other, while Kikwang had sat across the table from Hyunseung. That they had left together too, Junhyung attentive as Hyunseung rambled on about something or another.
Actually, Kikwang never seems to notice anything but Junhyung and then later, much later, when he’s curled up in his bed, everything else floods him.
How Junhyung always has lunch with Hyunseung, how they always leave the office together because they live in the same direction. It’s not like they drive together, Kikwang thinks darkly and he knows that Hyunseung thinks nothing of any of this. He knows because Hyunseung is already more than in love with Jiyong Kwon in marketing and just deeply in denial about it like he always is.
But that’s not what really matters is it? It’s what Junhyung thinks of his relationship with Hyunseung. It’s what he wants from that relationship and whether that’s just harmless friendship or something more. And the thought of Junhyung lying in his own bed thinking of Hyunseung, who is so much more than Kikwang, picks at his heart like a vulture.
And while Kikwang has no desire to let his heart out again, somehow he thinks that it’s already escaped the chest Kikwang had kept it in. It’s already escaped and is pathetically banging on Junhyung’s door, hoping he’ll let him in.
His eyes are red and puffy and this is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous because he shouldn’t be crying over someone who isn’t even with him to begin with. He wishes his heart would stop entertaining these silly daydreams of Junhyung telling him that he knows, he knows, he knows.
And of course, since the universe already hates him, the only person waiting for the elevator when Kikwang arrives to work is Junhyung.
Kikwang has half a mind to pretend like he’s forgotten something and run back to his car. He doesn’t though; he can’t, not when Junhyung’s already caught his eye.
His face twists into concern and he takes a step toward Kikwang. It’s rather unexpected, and Kikwang is afraid of what all these signs could mean, smiles as brightly as he can manage. “Good morning, hyung!”
Even he knows it sounds a little too chipper but chipper is Kikwang’s middle name, so there’s hope yet.
Junhyung doesn’t buy it. “What happened, Kikwang? Why do you… you look like you’ve been crying…” Kikwang doesn’t know what to do with all of Junhyung’s concern and it’s almost like Junhyung is Kikwang’s mom, worrying over Kikwang when he gets colds and she can’t come over to look after him.
“Ah, hyung, I’m fine. I just watched this really sad movie last night,” Kikwang says, laughing it off. “I’m just such a sap, really.”
His hyung doesn’t seem to buy it but the elevator doors slide open and Kikwang rushes inside, Junhyung following. “Are you - “
But Junhyung doesn’t get to finish as Yoseob seems to throw himself into the elevator at the very last minute before the doors close. Kikwang’s pretty sure he saw Doojoon running behind Yoseob but he can’t be sure.
“Yoseobie should be careful,” Kikwang smiles, helping his friend to regain his balance.
“Ah, that useless idiot didn’t make it? Yoseob sighs, rolling his eyes.
“Useless idiot?” Kikwang repeats, blinking incomprehensively at Yoseob.
“Doojoon,” Yoseob answers, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Kikwang expects to hear Junhyung laugh at Yoseob’s comment but when Kikwang does look up at Junhyung, the other man seems to still be examining Kikwang with a level of scrutiny that Kikwang finds himself uncomfortable with. Yet, he doesn’t want Junhyung to stop and he wishes he didn’t understand why.
Instead, Kikwang laughs, shaking his head at Yoseob whose grin seems to fall off when he seems to notice Kikwang’s eyes as well. “Kikwang, your eyes, they’re all red and puffy. Did something bad happen?”
Kikwang just grins and shakes his head. “No, no, hyung. I stayed up late last night watching this sad film and I couldn’t help but cry. You know how I am.”
“Omo, Kikwang shouldn’t stay up late!” Yoseob exclaims. “Right, Junhyung?”
“Kikwang should take better care of himself,” Junhyung adds, agreeing.
Kikwang frowns, “Yah, you guys are ganging up on me!”
Yoseob laughs as they exit the elevator, Junhyung behind them as they all head for their desks.
Kikwang’s kind of happy that Junhyung lets it slide.
Junhyung, it seems, is the nagging sort. Their manager loves it, since it works in his favour that Junhyung is always there to glare at everyone who leaves unwashed dishes after lunch.
Except that they already had Hyunseung to nag them about their dishes and this tag-team attack has everyone scrambling to keep the lunch room clean. This all works against Kikwang especially, because Kikwang is terrible with house work and he only ever gets it done at home because his mother always comes around every two weeks to check up on him.
“Kikwang, really, how do you ever find anything if this is the state of your desk?” Hyunseung scolds him, shuffling papers around as he tries to find actual desk space.
“It’s fine, really. You’re so nosy,” Kikwang complains in return, trying to get Hyunseung to leave his desk and go back to his own pristine one.
“Hyunseung’s just trying to help you organise your things,” Junhyung’s voice says from somewhere behind Kikwang.
“I, what are you two? The Cleaning Squad?” Kikwang accuses, somehow managing not to splutter idiotically in front of Junhyung. “Beware their almighty cleaning products and their incessant nagging.”
Hyunseung scoffs indignantly; mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, and Kikwang can’t help but laugh. This earns him a rough shove and Kikwang finds himself falling out of his chair, still unable to stop and he doesn’t care if he falls, not when Hyunseung resembles a fish.
He never hits the ground though, because Junhyung catches him, his hands burning through Kikwang’s shirt, sending electricity shooting down Kikwang’s spine. Junhyung rights Kikwang up, so that he’s sitting upright in his chair and now it’s Hyunseung who’s giggling beside Kikwang. But Kikwang can hardly focus on anything but the pulse of his heart beating erratically and Junhyung’s hot, hot breath flittering over his neck.
The blush is instantaneous, flooding Kikwang’s cheeks and colouring his ears bright red. And while he’s going to die from embarrassment, he can’t help the way his stomach squirms excitedly.
“Th-thank-you, hyung,” Kikwang says, uncertain what nonsense will actually come out of his mouth if he gives it free reign.
“You’re welcome,” Junhyung replies, and Kikwang is certain he can hear the amusement in his voice. He feels like he’s right back where he started, as the weird supply closet guy.
“Oh, Kiki, you’re too adorable!” Hyunseung laughs, and Kikwang also doesn’t miss the way Junhyung looks at Hyunseung in those few seconds. Like Hyunseung is the sun, shining so brightly that it doesn’t matter that Kikwang exists too.
Kikwang stifles a yawn as he stares at his computer screen blearily. His eyes hurt and he’s resorted to taking out his contacts because they’re causing more irritation than improvement to his sight. He’s just happy that he’s the last one in the office, so no one will see him in his glasses, which he loves but the one time Doojoon had seen them, he hadn’t stopped laughing.
Doojoon’s mother had called at the last minute to ask Doojoon if he could take her to the doctor because Doojon’s father wouldn’t be able to. Doojoon, being a diligent son had said yes almost immediately and had begged Kikwang to finish off the ‘little bit of work’ he had left.
Three hours later, after everyone else had left, Kikwang was still finishing off Doojoon’s work, because apparently Doojoon does even less work than Kikwang at the office. Kikwang’s almost done going through all the customer complaints that Doojoon’s been given, when he hears some rustling.
Kikwang stiffens immediately, eyes searching in the direction of the rustling noise.
It can’t be. Oh God. Everyone had left, everyone had left because Kikwang was sure of it.
Except that Junhyung is stretching as he stands up from his desk, his dress shirt untucked and rising upwards and it’s not Kikwang’s fault that he cannot look away. Junhyung is stretching and there is a pair of headphones around his neck and he’s yawning and Kikwang may have let out a girlish squee.
Junhyung stills and Kikwang’s eyes shoot to his computer screen, as he pretends to be completely engrossed with an email from a very disgruntled customer whose T.V. stopped working three months after it was bought.
“Ah, Kikwang, you’re still here too?” Junhyung asks, and his voice is much closer than Kikwang thinks it should be.
“Junhyung!” Kikwang exclaims, thinking that perhaps his acting is good enough to get him through this. Looking up, Kikwang feels the loud thud of his heart stopping but he recovers quickly, because otherwise he’s pretty sure he’d fall backwards in his own chair. “I, I didn’t even know you were here!”
Junhyung is standing right in front of his desk and is wearing a rather disarming smile, the likes that Kikwang has never seen and seriously, how did Kikwang not realise that Junhyung was here this whole time? Junhyung continues to smile and Kikwang thinks it’s beautiful and his heart should try to flutter less because he can’t breathe.
“I wanted to get ahead on some of my work, since I need to leave the office early tomorrow,” Junhyung explains. He’s actually grabbed Yoseob’s chair and has dragged it so that it’s sitting in front of Kikwang’s own desk. Kikwang thinks that perhaps he’s actually dreaming because Junhyung isn’t supposed to flop down into the chair and look all ravishing.
“O-oh,” Kikwang says, trying very hard not too just stare at Junhyung’s exposed neck, as he leans his head back to rest on the top of the chair. His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and Kikwang mimics the action, ripping his eyes away to look back at his screen. “Do you have a lot of work, Junhyung?”
The other man rolls his head forwards and catches Kikwang’s gaze. “Not really, not as much as Kikwangie.”
Kikwang, who had just reached to grab a folder nearly, fumbles with it, his heart dropping like a weight in his chest. What had Junhyung just called him? The blush burns at the tips of his ears and Kikwang can’t help the stupid smile from forming on his face. Oh God, he must think I’m like some thirteen year old girl who’s just seen her favourite idol. “I-I don’t have that much to do, really,” Kikwang stutters.
Junhyung leans in from his chair, elbows resting on the edge of Kikwang’s desk, his head resting in the palms of his hands. “But you’re still here.”
“Oh, but that’s because Doojoon’s mum had to go to the doctor and - ” and Junhyung’s brushed aside some of his hair and Kikwang really must be dreaming on top of his desk while he’s supposed to be finishing up Doojoon’s work because this cannot be reality.
“That was very kind of you,” Junhyung smiles, thinking nothing of his touch but doesn’t he understand that Kikwang is going to faint, with all this blood rushing to his head.
“I, well, Doojoon’s my friend. I was just helping out,” Kikwang offers as an explanation, after all, he’s pretty sure Doojoon would have done the same.
“But you’re always helping out, aren’t you, Kikwang? Always photocopying everyone else’s presentation breakdowns, always going out to get everyone’s lunch rather than just your own,” Junhyung murmurs. “Kikwang is the kindest.”
This is all a dream and Kikwang is going to wake up any second now and he’s going to cry because it wasn’t real. Yes. That’s exactly it.
He doesn’t know how to respond, what to say, not that he could because his throat has closed up so tight that he doesn’t think words could escape.
“Kikwang is the kindest and Hyunseung likes him best,” Junhyung continues mumbling, more to himself now than Kikwang. “Yes. Hyunseung likes him best.”
Everything crumbles. Everything because even if he were sleeping, this isn’t a dream anymore and Kikwang readies himself. He has to and he needs to hear this, so he can stop blinding loving a man who can’t be his. “Does he?” Kikwang’s voice sounds hollow even to his own ears. “Does hyung wish he liked someone else best?”
“No,” Junhyung answers, slow and deliberate, eyes locked with Kikwang’s. And this time Kikwang can’t, won’t look away. But Junhyung makes little sense. “No. Hyunseung should like him less.”
Kikwang nods, the movement a bit sluggish as if Kikwang were drunk and even if Kikwang isn’t, he feels dizzy and light-headed. “I think it’s time we head home, hyung. I’m tired and you really seem like you need some rest.”
Junhyung seems to agree with Kikwang because he gets up, leaving Yoseob’s chair where he’d pulled it to. Kikwang puts it away himself, hand lingering far too long on the spot where Junhyung had leaned his head back.
Everything hurts. Kikwang’s eyes sting in a whole new way and his chest clenches in on itself, ready to suffocate Kikwang. He wants to cry right there, to let himself bawl and bawl and bawl but Kikwang forces himself to take a big breath. He lets it out just as quickly as he had gathered it and walks to his own desk, shoving his things haphazardly into his bag.
It doesn’t matter. No, no, it shouldn’t matter because Kikwang wasn’t going to let his heart out. He wasn’t but it escaped and now everything hurts.
“Kikwang?” His name snaps him out of his daze and Kikwang pushes everything down and only lets a smile linger on his face.
“Let’s go hyung!”
Junhyung doesn’t say anything and Kikwang’s glad. He doesn’t want to hear Junhyung say anything more. Doesn’t want to know how much it hurts him that Hyunseung doesn’t love him back because Kikwang is far too selfish and has never been any good at letting someone he loves love someone else even a little bit more than they love him.
When Kikwang and Junhyung get to the front doors, Kikwang bows to the security guards, smiling goodbye. Junhyung nods, always nodding.
“Goodnight, hyung” Kikwang says. “Please get home safe, okay?”
Not waiting for Junhyung to respond, Kikwang just walks off into the dark, eyes searching for his car. He spots the red Toyota that his father gave to him as a graduation present and he almost runs to sit inside it because the tears are already rolling down his cheeks.
He hiccups as he slams the door shut, breath coming in short, loud gasps. He leaves the company parking lot, sobbing, eyes blurred with so many tears that he can barely see but he needs to leave.
He needs to leave. Needs to stop loving Junhyung.
Because Junhyung, Junhyung will never love him.
Kikwang calls in sick the next day, apologising to his manager several times over but his manager tells him it’s okay, that Kikwang really does sound terrible.
Everyone fusses over him when he finally comes back the next day. Hyunseung admonishes him for not picking up his phone and Kikwang just says that he was so tired that he slept all day. Everyone lets it slide, too, because Kikwang was sick and they’ll do everything today, he doesn’t have to worry about it.
Kikwang can’t help but smile at how kind they are and he thinks that he’s really gotten away with everything, when after everyone leaves to get back to work, Doojoon leans against Kikwang’s desk and stares at him.
“What’s going on, Kikwang?” he asks and Kikwang can kind of see why Yoseob loves Doojoon so much. Can see how handsome Doojoon is, with his full lips and big eyes and his never-ending heart. But no one really compares to Junhyung and Kikwang shouldn’t even be thinking about him.
“What do you mean?” Kikwang asks and he wonders when he got so good at lying and acting innocent.
“Junhyung,” Doojoon starts but stops when Kikwang places a hand over his and whispers, desperately because he can’t afford to cry again, “Please.”
Doojoon says nothing after that but he gives Kikwang a hug before he leaves and tells him that he’s very grateful that Kikwang covered for him the other day. Kikwang nods, tells Doojoon it wasn’t a problem.
And a small part of Kikwang resents Doojoon for asking him to cover for him but this is good for Kikwang. This is best for Kikwang if he ever wants to let go.
Kikwang cannot for the life of him find any paperclips and they had this huge pile of them all neatly lined up in the supply closet. But there are none and he couldn’t find any at his desk either.
“Aish,” he sighs with frustration. He wonders briefly if Yoseob took them all again to make a giant paperclip chain again but he remembers the withering glare Junhyung -
No. He’s not allowed to think about Junhyung. “Just ask Hyunseung if he has any,” he tells himself, trying to distract himself. Nodding, Kikwang turns around to leave the closet except that Junhyung is standing in the way.
Kikwang’s mouth opens, once, twice before he shuts it completely. He’s done a really good job of staying out of Junhyung’s way lately, always finding an excuse to get out of a room if Junhyung enters it. But the supply closet is small and Junhyung is stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
“Hy-hyung,” Kikwang starts, eyes widening as he hears the closet door click shut behind Junhyung. “Hyung, what are you doing?”
“I’m trapping a clever little mouse,” Junhyung answers, a hand still clasped around the doorknob.
“What?” Kikwang certainly feels like he’s been trapped by a big, hungry cat.
“There’s this little mouse who’s always scurrying off when he sees me, always hiding from me,” Junhyung explains, as he takes a step toward Kikwang, whose back is already pressed against the shelves of the closet.
Kikwang’s never been claustrophobic but right now he feels utterly trapped and terrified and he thinks that maybe he’s going to start hyperventilating soon. But Junhyung doesn’t notice, he just takes another step toward Kikwang and now there’s barely half a foot’s space between them.
“Why are you avoiding me, Kikwangie?” Junhyung whispers and Kikwang shudders at how Junhyung’s voice dips, how it’s so smooth and husky and perfect.
“I-I haven’t been avoiding you.”
“Really?” and Junhyung’s breath is hot against Kikwang’s ear, so hot that Kikwang can feel his stomach coil together, his nails digging into the palms of his hands.
“Hyung is busy and I’m busy, that’s all, right?”
“No,” Junhyung sounds angrier now, less like he just wants to play with Kikwang, make him squirm. “No, I’m not busy and you’re not either. And we’re especially not busy right now so why don’t you tell me why you haven’t said more than four words to me since that night.”
Kikwang feels the words pile up in his throat, his mind fighting to keep that night locked up in some dark, empty place in his brain. “Hyung…” Kikwang pleads because he doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how to get out of this. He doesn’t want to be rejected any more than he already has.
“Do you think,” Junhyung breathes, “that it’s fair to treat me like this, Kikwang? Do you think it’s okay to break my heart?”
“What?” Kikwang gasps, and Junhyung’s hand is sliding around Kikwang’s waist and it’s all he can think about.
“It’s not, it’s not fair at all,” Junhyung continues, and he presses his lips against Kikwang’s neck, teeth scraping across the gentle skin.
Kikwang can’t breathe anymore, trembling hands pressing against Junhyung’s chest. “What,” he swallows, “what are you talking about?”
Except instead of answering, Junhyung sucks on Kikwang’s neck and Kikwang gasps as Junhyung slides his tongue up, up, toward the hollow behind Kikwang’s ears. Kikwang’s grasp on Junhyung tightens, his knees nearly giving away underneath him as a jolt of sparks lights off in his thighs at the sensation.
“Junhyung, Junhyung, what are you doing?”
“Nothing else seems to work, Kikwang,” Junhyung says, voice ghosting over the shell of Kikwang’s ears and it takes everything for Kikwang to not mewl at the sensation.
Junhyung is pressed far too close to Kikwang, far too close and Kikwang needs to breathe, needs oxygen to get to his brain so he can think straight but all of his senses are flooded with Junhyung. The world begins and ends with the press of Junhyung’s hips against his own.
“Wh-what?”
“Don’t you like me too, Kikwang?” Junhyung whines in his ear, hot and husky and maybe he’s really just trying to kill Kikwang.
“I, I, what? What about Hyunseung? Don’t you like… I thought,” Kikwang stumbles over the words, unable to put anything together in a coherent sentence and he can feel Junhyung’s smirk pressing into the crook of his neck.
“Kikwangie is so cute,” Junhyung snickers instead, his hand sliding up the length of Kikwang’s chest to settle into the curve of his neck. Kikwang doesn’t even have time to be outraged, as Junhyung leans in and presses his lips against Kikwang’s.
The press of his lips is so soft, that Kikwang thinks for a moment that perhaps they aren’t kissing at all. Except that Kikwang’s stomach is an Olympic gymnast and Junhyung’s lips are pressing down, are becoming firmer in their pursuit to render Kikwang senseless.
There isn’t even any room for Kikwang to pull back into, and Junhyung’s hand is pulling Kikwang closer, fingers twisting into Kikwang’s hair, tongue sweeping over Kikwang’s lips. And it doesn’t take long for Kikwang to open his mouth enough that Junhyung can tug at his bottom lip, suck it between his own lips and Kikwang is melting, his legs are trembling and Junhyung doesn’t want to stop.
The moan is completely by accident, but it’s enough that Junhyung presses against Kikwang so hard that his back is digging into the shelves behind him as Junhyung plunders his mouth with his tongue.
“Jun-Junhyung,” Kikwang gasps, arms desperately clinging to Junhyung’s neck. And this was all Kikwang had ever wanted, all his mind could fathom since the day he had ever laid eyes on Junhyung.
When Junhyung does pull apart, it’s not to stop but to start a frantic trail of kisses down Kikwang’s jaw, to his neck and Kikwang is doing everything to stifle all his gasps and moans because this is the supply closet and they aren’t Yoseob and Doojoon.
“Junhyung, you, you have to stop,” Kikwang tries to reason because he doesn’t want to get caught like this. He wants this to be a little more special than that, regardless of how desperate he is. “Junhyung.”
He does stop, nipping at Kikwang’s collarbone one last time before he rises to face Kikwang and Kikwang has never seen anyone look at him with so much lust that he almost, almost tells Junhyung that he can keep going.
The other many says nothing though, just presses himself Kikwang as if there’s any room between them to close and Kikwang can feel how hard he is and he blushes at the thought of Junhyung feeling Kikwang’s similar predicament. “Ah, Junhyung this, we’re still in the supply closet.”
“So?” Junhyung says, irate and Kikwang cringes slightly but Junhyung seems to notice and takes on a softer tone. “I want to make Kikwang mine.”
Kikwang’s eyes widen and he still can’t quite comprehend what’s going on. “And Hyunseung?”
“What about him?” Junhyung sighs. “Hyunseung told me you were just friends.”
Kikwang blinks. “We are, but I thought you liked him.”
Junhyung stares at Kikwang like he’s really considering how intelligent he is. “And I would be kissing you if I liked Hyunseung right?”
“But you’re always - ”
“He was the first person to befriend me, Kikwang, so I’m close to him. That doesn’t mean I like him. I, you’re the one I thought was in love with him,” Junhyung explains, hands resting comfortably at Kikwang’s waist. “And I thought you hated me or something, always finding excuses to get away from me.”
“No, no, hyung, I think you’re beautiful and wonderful and everything I’ve ever wanted,” Kikwang exclaims, hands grasping the fabric of Junhyung’s dress shirt, which Kikwang has completely ruined if the wrinkles are anything to go by.
“Really?” Junhyung smirks, resting his head against Kikwang’s.
Kikwang nods his head, the blush on his cheeks furious but it doesn’t matter. Junhyung needs to know how much Kikwang wants him. “Yes,” Kikwang whispers, and now he’s the one who leans in to close the gap between their lips.
This time he doesn’t tell Junhyung to stop, doesn’t want Junhyung to stop because no one’s ever made Kikwang feel like he was on fire before.
When they eventually get out of the closet, they both look terrible. Shirts untucked, hair messy and faces flushed. Yoseob takes one look at Kikwang and howls, grinning like a madman as he envelopes Kikwang in a hug.
He lets go quickly enough because Junhyung pulls Kikwang back into him and Kikwang laughs, bright and ecstatic. “Hyung, doesn’t like to share?” Kikwang teases and Junhyung gives him a peck.
“No, he doesn’t.”