one of the funniest things i've ever written
-By J-dizzle Everizzle (me)
Hungarian Dance No. 5
“And really bad eggs,” finished the captain singing himself westward into the sunset. The sea had been plagued by a storm as it frequently seems to be, leaving the captain disoriented. His first mate, Loser McMidget Pants, known to his crew as J.I.L.L.(Jubilant Ivan the Leg Loser), called “land ho!” as a seemingly deserted island emerged from the fog. Little did the captain and his first mate realize that this “island” was really a Hungarian ninja training camp which, because of renovations done to the home training camp, was relocated in Japan. Captain Balding Eagle commanded his crew to lower the anchor and send boats out to greet this island, claiming it in the name of piracy. The ninjas waited for the right moment to attack. They all ate their good luck fortune cookies and prepared themselves for a bloody duel. The wisest of the ninja opened his fortune cookie which read, “When you are in public talking and laughing and drinking and singing…living a happy life, suddenly you feel some part of your body is too itchy to endure. HOW EMBARRASSED! Please dial fax 01-274-7362, you will gain an unexpected result.” With lightening fast swiftness and roaring “DO IT,” (their Hungarian battle cry) the ninjas moved to the shore where the pirates had victoriously planted a flag. Kung-Pow! The ninja’s leader, wearing butterfly wings and fully equipped with a six-string and twelve inch braids, made the first attack. With that, the battle began. The pirates pathetically attempted to save themselves, but they were no match for the splendor of such martial artists. The battle became heated, and the remainder of Captain Balding Eagle’s crew wipped out the guns. The ninjas began to make fun of Captain Balding Eagle, saying, “Go away baldy, go away baldy!” With the power of all the heavens, Balding Eagle summoned two she-bears from the forest to maul forty-two of them to death. The ninja leader fought back with a ridiculous guitar solo, piercing all of the pirates’ ears. A magical whale’s slumber was disturbed with the rumble of the canons from Captain Balding Eagle’s crew and the shrieking of the insane guitar breakdown, and he decide to intervene. Baby Beluga of the deep blue sea took one for the team and washed himself onto shore. “Look at the bright thing! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! NOOOOOOOOO!!? It’s BABY BELUGA!1! OMG!11! LOL! WFT!1?/” cried one of the ninjas out of pure excitement. Like little girls, all the angry men, ninja and pirates alike, sobbed at the sight of the teen pop idol. Baby Beluga of the deep blue sea sang one from the pop charts. La estrofa repenta sentcillamente, “por qué puede no somos amigos?” (reapeating, "why can't we be friends?") Like brothers torn apart by war, they embraced each other with all the love capable of being mustered. They dropped their swords, knives, ninja stars, canons, sticks, guns, britches, everything they owned and chimed in. The ninja leader began to play his six-string and every single heart was torn to pieces with the quintessence poured out with each note. Baby Beluga parted with the words of a great man, uttering, “Only you can prevent forest fires.” They all held hands, and skipped down a yellow brick road to a place where Loser McMidget Pants could be with his own kind. All ended gleefully as the great perfume of unification sweetened the air.
if you understand any of the allusions in this story, please respond and explain to all. :)