How I Met Your Mother - Pilot picspam
I put together a little pilot picspam for the new challenge over at picspammy (season premieres or finales).
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - PILOT
MARSHALL: Will you marry me?
TED: Yes, perfect! And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne! You drink a toast! You have sex on the kitchen floor...Don’t have sex on our kitchen floor.
MARSHALL: Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
TED: Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily! I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. The night you met. Your first date...other first things.
MARSHALL: (laughs) Yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep.
TED: Hey, you wanna do something tonight?
BARNEY: Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes. AND SUIT UP!
BARNEY: Where’s your suit!? Just once when I say suit up, I wish you’d put on a suit.
TED: I did that one time.
BARNEY: It was a blazer!
BARNEY: Ted, I’m going to teach you how to live. (Ted just looks at him.) Barney, we met at the urinal.
TED: Oh, right. Hi.
BARNEY: Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn’t look good with your suit.
TED: I’m not wearing a suit.
BARNEY: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. (Points to self with bear bottle in hand) Exhibit A. Lesson three, don’t even think about getting married till you’re...thirty.
BARNEY: I thought I was your best friend. Ted, say I’m your best friend.
TED: You’re my best friend, Barney.
BARNEY: Good! And as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game called..."Haaave you met Ted?"
MARSHALL: Hey!
LILY: Urgh. I’m exhausted. It was finger painting day at school and a five year old boy got to second base with me.
*~~~*
LILY: Wow, you’re cooking?
MARSHALL: Yes, I am.
LILY: Aw. Are you sure that’s a good idea after last time? You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
MARSHALL: I can handle this. I’m full of surprises tonight.
LILY: So there’s more surprises? Like what?
FUTURE!TED: Marshall was in his second year of law school, so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet.
MARSHALL: BOOGITY BOO! And that’s all of them! I’m gonna go...cook.
LILY: No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne!
MARSHALL: I’m not scared.
LILY: Then open it!
MARSHALL: Fine. Please open it.
*~~~*
MARSHALL: Will you marry me?
LILY: Of course, you idiot!
MARSHALL: I promised Ted we wouldn’t do that.
LILY: Did you know there’s a pop tart under your fridge?
MARSHALL: No, but dibs.
MARSHALL: Where’s that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancé.
LILY: Awww.
MARSHALL: I don’t know why I was so scared of this. Pretty easy, right? (Pops cork, hits Lily’s eye)
TED: Hey Barney, see that girl?
BARNEY: Oh yeeeah, you just know she likes it dirty.
MARSHALL: I’m sorry, Lily. I’m so sorry. Take us to the hospital.
Cabdriver: Whoa, whoa, whoa - did you hit her?
LILY: Hit me? Please, this guy could barely even spank me in bed for fun. He’s all like, "Oh, did that hurt?" and I’m like, "Come on, let me have it, you pansy!"
ROBIN: I’m a reporter for Metro News 1.
TED: (nods) Oh.
ROBIN: Well, kind of a reporter. I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know. Like, umm...monkey that can play the ukulele.
ROBIN: Wow, that is one bad-ass blue French horn.
TED: Yeah. Sort of looks like a...Smurf penis.
MARSHALL: Lily?
(Lily jolts)
LILY: How long have you been sitting there!? Stupid eye patch.
TED: Mom, dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby! Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman?
MARSHALL: Oh, let’s see. She likes dogs?
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: I’ve got five dogs.
[Flashback over.]
MARSHALL: …she drinks scotch?
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: I love a scotch that’s old enough to order its own scotch.
[Flashback over.]
MARSHALL: Can quote obscure lines from “Ghostbusters”?
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god you say, "Yes!"
[Flashback over.]
TED: And I’m saving the best for last.
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: Do you want these? I hate olives.
[Flashback over.]
MARSHALL: She hates olives! Awesome!
LILY: The olive theory.
[Flashback to date]
TED: The olive theory is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily. He hates olives, she loves them. In a weird way that’s what makes them such a great couple. A perfect balance.
*~~~*
MARSHALL: So? Did you kiss her?
TED: No. The moment wasn’t right. Look, this woman could be my future wife, I want our first kiss to be amazing.
LILY: Awww, Ted, that’s so sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch.
TED: What? I did not chicken out! You know what? I don’t need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn’t been single since the first week of college.
LILY: Ted, anyone who’s single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don’t believe me, call him.
(Ted calls Barney)
BARNEY: Hey, loser, how’s not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! Oh, I killed you, Connor! Don’t make me get your mom!
TED: Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something.
BARNEY: Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes. AND SUIT UP!
TED: So these guys think I chickened out. What do you think?
BARNEY: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL NOT WEARING A SUIT!
TED: She didn’t even give me the signal.
BARNEY: What is she gonna - is she gonna bat her eyes at you in Morse code? Ted, (bats eyes) kiss me. No, you just kiss her!
TED: Not if you don’t get the signal.
BARNEY: (kisses Marshall) Did Marshall give me the signal?
MARSHALL: No! (To Lily) I didn’t, I swear!
TED: I’m gonna go kiss her. Right now.
MARSHALL: Oh, dude, it’s midnight. As your future lawyer I’m gonna advise you: that’s freakin’ crazy!
TED: I never do anything crazy! I’m always waiting for the moment! Planning the moment! Well she’s leaving tomorrow, this may be the only moment I’m gonna get! I gotta do what that guy couldn’t, I gotta take the leap! Okay, not a perfect metaphor; for me it’s fall in love and get married, for him it’s...death.
BARNEY: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. By the way, did I congratulate you two? (Raises glass to Lily and Marshall)
BARNEY: Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up! This is totally going in my blog!
BARNEY: So, Ranjit. You must’ve done it with a Lebanese girl.
LILY: Okay, that’s my Barney limit. I’m gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom.
RANJIT: Actually, I’m from Bangladesh.
BARNEY: The women hot there?
RANJIT: Here’s a picture of my wife!
BARNEY: (Whispers to Marshall) A simple "no" would have sufficed. (To Ranjit) She’s lovely.
ROBIN: I think I like your Olive Theory.
TED: I think I like your French horn.
ROBIN: I think I like your nose.
TED: I think I’m in love with you.
ROBIN: What?!
BARNEY: Come on, man, you said your stomach’s been hurting, right? You know what that is! Hunger. You’re hungry for experience. Hungry for something new. Hungry for olives. But you’re too scared to do anything about it.
MARSHALL: Yeah, I’m scared, okay? But when I think about spending the rest of my life with Lily, committing forever, no other women...doesn’t scare me at all. I’m marrying that girl. (Lily pops her head in from the window. Marshall turns around) Lily. Lily, I like olives.
Lily: We’ll make it work. (They kiss.)
Ranjit: Awww.
TED: So when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word "psycho"? I prefer..."eccentric".
TED: You know what? I’m done being single. I’m not good at it. Look, obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met you love her. But...it sucks that you can’t. I’ll tell you something though, if a woman - not you, just some hypothetical woman - were to bare with me through all this, I think I’d make a damn good husband. Because that’s the stuff I’d be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father...and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser.
ROBIN: Everyone thinks they’re a good kisser.
TED: Oh, I’ve got references.
ROBIN: Good night, Ted. (Shake hands.)
TED: And I’m a good hand shaker.
ROBIN: That’s a pretty great handshake. (Looks him in the eyes)
TED: And that was it, I'll probably never see her again. (Silence) What?
MARSHALL: That was the signal!
LILY: That long lingering handshake! You should’ve kissed her!
BARNEY: There’s no such thing as the signal. But yeah, that was the signal.
FUTURE!TED: I asked her about it years later, and yeah, that was the signal. I could’ve kissed her. But that’s the funny thing about destiny. It happens whether you plan it or not. I mean, I never thought I’d see that girl again. But it turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. Because that, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - PILOT
MARSHALL: Will you marry me?
TED: Yes, perfect! And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne! You drink a toast! You have sex on the kitchen floor...Don’t have sex on our kitchen floor.
MARSHALL: Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
TED: Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily! I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. The night you met. Your first date...other first things.
MARSHALL: (laughs) Yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep.
TED: Hey, you wanna do something tonight?
BARNEY: Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes. AND SUIT UP!
BARNEY: Where’s your suit!? Just once when I say suit up, I wish you’d put on a suit.
TED: I did that one time.
BARNEY: It was a blazer!
BARNEY: Ted, I’m going to teach you how to live. (Ted just looks at him.) Barney, we met at the urinal.
TED: Oh, right. Hi.
BARNEY: Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn’t look good with your suit.
TED: I’m not wearing a suit.
BARNEY: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. (Points to self with bear bottle in hand) Exhibit A. Lesson three, don’t even think about getting married till you’re...thirty.
BARNEY: I thought I was your best friend. Ted, say I’m your best friend.
TED: You’re my best friend, Barney.
BARNEY: Good! And as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game called..."Haaave you met Ted?"
MARSHALL: Hey!
LILY: Urgh. I’m exhausted. It was finger painting day at school and a five year old boy got to second base with me.
*~~~*
LILY: Wow, you’re cooking?
MARSHALL: Yes, I am.
LILY: Aw. Are you sure that’s a good idea after last time? You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
MARSHALL: I can handle this. I’m full of surprises tonight.
LILY: So there’s more surprises? Like what?
FUTURE!TED: Marshall was in his second year of law school, so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet.
MARSHALL: BOOGITY BOO! And that’s all of them! I’m gonna go...cook.
LILY: No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne!
MARSHALL: I’m not scared.
LILY: Then open it!
MARSHALL: Fine. Please open it.
*~~~*
MARSHALL: Will you marry me?
LILY: Of course, you idiot!
MARSHALL: I promised Ted we wouldn’t do that.
LILY: Did you know there’s a pop tart under your fridge?
MARSHALL: No, but dibs.
MARSHALL: Where’s that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancé.
LILY: Awww.
MARSHALL: I don’t know why I was so scared of this. Pretty easy, right? (Pops cork, hits Lily’s eye)
TED: Hey Barney, see that girl?
BARNEY: Oh yeeeah, you just know she likes it dirty.
MARSHALL: I’m sorry, Lily. I’m so sorry. Take us to the hospital.
Cabdriver: Whoa, whoa, whoa - did you hit her?
LILY: Hit me? Please, this guy could barely even spank me in bed for fun. He’s all like, "Oh, did that hurt?" and I’m like, "Come on, let me have it, you pansy!"
ROBIN: I’m a reporter for Metro News 1.
TED: (nods) Oh.
ROBIN: Well, kind of a reporter. I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know. Like, umm...monkey that can play the ukulele.
ROBIN: Wow, that is one bad-ass blue French horn.
TED: Yeah. Sort of looks like a...Smurf penis.
MARSHALL: Lily?
(Lily jolts)
LILY: How long have you been sitting there!? Stupid eye patch.
TED: Mom, dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby! Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman?
MARSHALL: Oh, let’s see. She likes dogs?
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: I’ve got five dogs.
[Flashback over.]
MARSHALL: …she drinks scotch?
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: I love a scotch that’s old enough to order its own scotch.
[Flashback over.]
MARSHALL: Can quote obscure lines from “Ghostbusters”?
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god you say, "Yes!"
[Flashback over.]
TED: And I’m saving the best for last.
[Flashback to date]
ROBIN: Do you want these? I hate olives.
[Flashback over.]
MARSHALL: She hates olives! Awesome!
LILY: The olive theory.
[Flashback to date]
TED: The olive theory is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily. He hates olives, she loves them. In a weird way that’s what makes them such a great couple. A perfect balance.
*~~~*
MARSHALL: So? Did you kiss her?
TED: No. The moment wasn’t right. Look, this woman could be my future wife, I want our first kiss to be amazing.
LILY: Awww, Ted, that’s so sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch.
TED: What? I did not chicken out! You know what? I don’t need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn’t been single since the first week of college.
LILY: Ted, anyone who’s single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don’t believe me, call him.
(Ted calls Barney)
BARNEY: Hey, loser, how’s not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! Oh, I killed you, Connor! Don’t make me get your mom!
TED: Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something.
BARNEY: Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes. AND SUIT UP!
TED: So these guys think I chickened out. What do you think?
BARNEY: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL NOT WEARING A SUIT!
TED: She didn’t even give me the signal.
BARNEY: What is she gonna - is she gonna bat her eyes at you in Morse code? Ted, (bats eyes) kiss me. No, you just kiss her!
TED: Not if you don’t get the signal.
BARNEY: (kisses Marshall) Did Marshall give me the signal?
MARSHALL: No! (To Lily) I didn’t, I swear!
TED: I’m gonna go kiss her. Right now.
MARSHALL: Oh, dude, it’s midnight. As your future lawyer I’m gonna advise you: that’s freakin’ crazy!
TED: I never do anything crazy! I’m always waiting for the moment! Planning the moment! Well she’s leaving tomorrow, this may be the only moment I’m gonna get! I gotta do what that guy couldn’t, I gotta take the leap! Okay, not a perfect metaphor; for me it’s fall in love and get married, for him it’s...death.
BARNEY: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. By the way, did I congratulate you two? (Raises glass to Lily and Marshall)
BARNEY: Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up! This is totally going in my blog!
BARNEY: So, Ranjit. You must’ve done it with a Lebanese girl.
LILY: Okay, that’s my Barney limit. I’m gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom.
RANJIT: Actually, I’m from Bangladesh.
BARNEY: The women hot there?
RANJIT: Here’s a picture of my wife!
BARNEY: (Whispers to Marshall) A simple "no" would have sufficed. (To Ranjit) She’s lovely.
ROBIN: I think I like your Olive Theory.
TED: I think I like your French horn.
ROBIN: I think I like your nose.
TED: I think I’m in love with you.
ROBIN: What?!
BARNEY: Come on, man, you said your stomach’s been hurting, right? You know what that is! Hunger. You’re hungry for experience. Hungry for something new. Hungry for olives. But you’re too scared to do anything about it.
MARSHALL: Yeah, I’m scared, okay? But when I think about spending the rest of my life with Lily, committing forever, no other women...doesn’t scare me at all. I’m marrying that girl. (Lily pops her head in from the window. Marshall turns around) Lily. Lily, I like olives.
Lily: We’ll make it work. (They kiss.)
Ranjit: Awww.
TED: So when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word "psycho"? I prefer..."eccentric".
TED: You know what? I’m done being single. I’m not good at it. Look, obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met you love her. But...it sucks that you can’t. I’ll tell you something though, if a woman - not you, just some hypothetical woman - were to bare with me through all this, I think I’d make a damn good husband. Because that’s the stuff I’d be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father...and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser.
ROBIN: Everyone thinks they’re a good kisser.
TED: Oh, I’ve got references.
ROBIN: Good night, Ted. (Shake hands.)
TED: And I’m a good hand shaker.
ROBIN: That’s a pretty great handshake. (Looks him in the eyes)
TED: And that was it, I'll probably never see her again. (Silence) What?
MARSHALL: That was the signal!
LILY: That long lingering handshake! You should’ve kissed her!
BARNEY: There’s no such thing as the signal. But yeah, that was the signal.
FUTURE!TED: I asked her about it years later, and yeah, that was the signal. I could’ve kissed her. But that’s the funny thing about destiny. It happens whether you plan it or not. I mean, I never thought I’d see that girl again. But it turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. Because that, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin.