...

[thatmikeguy]

I want to quit my job. I want to leave this country. I want to make a difference. I want to connect. I want to be in an artist co-op again. I want to do volunteer work. I want to wake up in strange places and discover that I don't understand anything. I want to love without complication... without logistics. I want the world to not be

Comments

[sgrsmk]

Funny thing is that you do make a difference - whether or not you want to realize it. And half of those things you mentioned are completely obtainable if you really want them and make the effort. So i say to thee.. SMACK! ..stop refecting and enjoy..

Oh yea.. and HI! I still love ya ;-P

[sgrsmk]

..refecting..

OR refLecting.. whichever ;-P

it's the 70 hr work weeks...

[thatmikeguy]

they make it hard to just enjoy ;) And I know I make some difference... at least in my friends lives, but I want to help shift our social and political climate and it's just hard to do that from my current situation.

p.s. you rock :)

Re: it's the 70 hr work weeks...

[thatmikeguy]

also... yes, I know they are all attainable, and my intention is not to complain or be unhappy with my situation, it's just to vocalize my goals and attain them. And I still love you too :)

[uke]

Because it's a web, you can do it all without changing anything from the outside... but you know that already.

(Lunch soon? I haven't even seen your new office.)

definitely...

[thatmikeguy]

Although I'm afraid the web I'm in isn't very directly connected to the one I want to change, so it would take a pretty long time. And like I said to the comment above... I am making assertions, not really complaining or being confused. I know the things I want to do... possibly more clearly than any other point in my life, but I want to acheive them now, and it takes time. Some of them I can do immediately though.

And yes, we should definitely have lunch. We are only a couple of blocks from the old office... right near SFMOMA, so just let me know when :)

[athenah2so4]

Interesting...you seem to be in a fairly classic conflicted state. I think all of us go through that occasionally to some degree or another; wanting things that are often essentially mutually exclusive like wanting long-term goals now, wanting to be a proud resident of one's nation while being a disgruntled expatriate, &etc. I personally would like to be a writer AND an international superspy. You'll be fine...you're just going through one of those turbulent existence nodes that occur when nothing is easy or happening quite the way you want. I call it my "running away to the circus" state of mind.

heheh

[thatmikeguy]

Quite a theme in responses to this ;) Yeah, I am definitely in a conflicted state. I know my patterns, and know that I put myself here out of habit, and I'm just directing myself out of it. I don't really feel conflicted about what I want... just distressed that I can't get there immediately. I've also created a pretty massive pile of responsibility for myself this time, which makes it harder to implement change without screwing a lot of things up... so I have to do it the slow way, or accept the realities of screwing things up. I will almost certainly choose the slow way, unless I'm REALLY at some sort of breaking point though. I'm just happy to be finally developing a clear idea of what I really want.

[slutbunwalla]

I hear ya.
But are you mentally ill, for real or are those desires actually sane? I think you should call in sane.
I can't tell you that everything's going to be ok, bcse I don't know if I believe that myself. It's just going to turn out the way it turns out....I guess.
That's cheery, huh?

;)

[thatmikeguy]

They don't usually take calling in sane as an excuse, even though it would mean I shouldn't be doing the work schedule I do ;)

And everything will be everything... I'm not worried about it. I'm just realizing a lot of things, and stating them... I just want to make my daily life more of what I want it to be... and that will take some work and change.

p.s. that profile pic rocks... is that from nausicaa?

p.p.s. you were all up in my freaking dreams last night.

Re: ;)

[slutbunwalla]

cool at least someone was dreaming. I didn't get to sleep until early this morning, so my schedule all fucked up.
it's actually from Laputa :castle in the Sky.
This ones from nausicaa.

Yes that will take some work and time. I want my daily life more the way I want it. Doesn't help when I keep waking up at 3 pm!

i love quotes.

[joymattingly]

"People are always shouting they want to create a better future. It's not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past." --Milan Kundera

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." --Dr. Seuss

I'm not worried about you. Like all humans, you contain multitudes. I know that you have been "plagued" in the past by folks depending upon you for your emotional stability and your ability to never seem nonplussed. Perceiving you as one not privy to doubt, regret, and frustration. So folks are shocked when you too show signs of confusion. I'm sure this has always caused more turmoil. Being awesome can be a bitch. Good luck.

Re: i love quotes.

[thatmikeguy]

I think 'plagued' might be a strong word ;) I definitely have my patterns, and I definitely put myself here. I've learned a LOT about myself in the last couple of years. Mostly learned to question several aspects of my core self. Interestingly enough I feel LESS confused now than ever. I do however feel kind of trapped by my previous actions. The challenging part is making sure that I don't do my usual escape/progression/habitual masochism, and instead affect the change I desire :)

I just want it to change now ;)

Also, I love the quotes. And I definitely think that I need to change the past... or at least the past mentalities. And I love dr. seuss :)

p.s. I can't end a paragraph without an emoticon ;)