Title: Your Soul (Beautiful or Otherwise)
Word Count: 2,769
Summary: And when M'gann realizes that it's him, she feels like she has stumbled on something big.
Notes: De-anoning this fill for the
yj_anon_meme.
She isn’t the best cook, M’gann will admit to that. But she isn’t the worst either.
She burns the butter when making grilled cheese. And she assumes that Paula Dean has never doused the kitchen with flour due in part to the antics of speedsters and boy wonders. But every cook has her good days and bad days. And for M’gann, today is a good day.
She can barely contain her excitement as she pulls the pan out of the oven. Brownies, dark and delicious, radiate heat into her oven mitts. The crust rises and dips like chocolate terrain and M’gann produces a toothpick from the folds of her apron. The moment of truth.
She swallows thickly and sinks the toothpick into the flaky surface.
Please. Please. She has gotten this far, just pull it out and...
Clean. The toothpick is clean, the brownies smell heavenly, and M’gann’s heart soars.
Clapping enthusiastically, she bounces circles around the counters.
The team! She has to tell the team! Success should be celebrated, no matter how...insignificant it seems in the grand scheme of things.
She considers the option of alerting her team via telepathy but quickly scraps the idea, the surly visage of Superboy coming to mind. Settling for the old fashioned alternative, M’gann skips through the kitchen and past the living room to find her friends and celebrate her latest culinary conquer.
Unfortunately, it is one of the quieter moments in Mount Justice and she cannot find anyone anywhere. She is on the verge of giving up and eating her victory dish alone when she floats past Robin’s room. A steady drum beat pounds behind the door and she stops, her feet gently reconnecting with the floor.
Music. She was fond of a variety of Earth music, but she was wholly unaware what musical stylings the resident Boy Wonder preferred.
“Robin?” M’gann calls out cautiously. She knocks on the door and her eyebrow quirks in surprise when it swings open effortlessly. “Robin?” She tries again, stretching the vowels in his name, “Are you in here?”
Peeking into the room, M’gann is briefly reminded of invasion of privacy. But there is also the human saying concerning curiosity and a cat and she feels it aptly applies to the situation even if she can’t exactly remember how the adage even ends right now and-
Wow Robin’s room is dark.
Like, the night of a full moon dark.
At least she knows where the music is emanating from. Even if she can’t see the stereo nestled in the corner of the room. But the voice sounds so here and now and real.
Her feet pad silently across the threshold and Robin comes into view. He is sitting with his back to her, furiously working on some contraption or another.
“How do you expect things to get any better,”
And then she realizes the voice is him.
“If you keep me on the sideline,”
And she feels like she has stumbled on something big.
“Don’t you know,”
She knows she should leave. Back out of the room and close the door. But she doesn’t want to.
So she closes her eyes, envisioning his fingers deftly dipping in and out of a mess of wires, his voice rising as the notes crescendo,
“ There’s a million things I wanna do,”
And her arms are crossed and she is leaning against the door and the hinges shift under her weight. The door swings open, its wide arc flooding the room with hallway light and she is falling, falling...
“But you gotta meet me halfway you gotta try-”
Flailing was not something M’gann enjoyed doing; it made her look and feel like a fool. So when the singing stops and she hits the floor, it is arguably the most embarrassed she has ever felt.
She rolls onto her back, groaning. A laugh, eerie and annoyingly familiar floats down from somewhere above her.
“Nice move,” M’gann cracks open an eye and Robin cracks a smile, his hair brushing her face, “Very graceful.”
Her face flushes as she pushes his upside down grin out of her line vision, “What song was that?” She likes to think she is getting better at the art of subject changing.
“Ooh,” She can’t see him because she is still on her back, staring at the ceiling, but she can practically hear him scratching the back of his head with a sheepish look seeping past those sunglasses, “You heard that?”
Turning on to her stomach, she furrows her eyebrows apologetically. “I’m sorry. I didn’t initially intend to eavesdrop, but well…I’m sorry.”
Robin brushes it off like it’s nothing and leans back on his hands. His legs are stretched out in front of him and he reminds M’gann of a capital ‘Y’, “No big deal, just don’t tell Wally you found out. He likes to think it’s some great big secret that only he knows.”
She giggles and pushes herself up, tucking her legs beneath her, “I like to think I am pretty good at keeping secrets.” Robin smirks and wiggles his toes, “Do you think you could sing another song?”
He mulls it over, chewing the inside of his cheek.
“Sure,” He starts, “But after we eat. Something smells really good.”
M’gann jumps up and she is filled with pride, “Hello, Megan, I forgot that I made brownies!”
~~~
The next time she hears him sing is after a brutal training session. She is worn and aching all over, and doubt is tugging in the back of her mind. Maybe she isn’t cut out for this superhero thing. Maybe the boys would be better off with someone more self-assured and less her.
She is half aware of where she is going as she trudges into her room. Only it is not her room. It’s Robin’s. And he’s laying on his bed looking up at her in surprise.
“Oh. Sorry. Wrong room,” M’gann tries to back up into the hallway, waving her hands in front of her face, but Robin shakes his head and motions for her to come back in.
“Naw you’re fine,” There is something mechanical and laced with wires in front of him and she would bet anything that it was dangerous, “I wanted to talk to you anyway.”
She shuffles back across the threshold, silently hoping this ‘talk’ wouldn’t take too long, because she was ready to go to sleep and never wake up.
“Don’t feel bad about today,” He pats the empty space on the bed and she approaches cautiously, “Everyone has bad days,”
“I doubt they’re as bad as mine.” The device whirs and clicks defiantly in his grasp. Maybe it the exhaustion or maybe it the exasperation, but M’gann decides to forgo personal space and flops across his back. Robin’s grunt devolves into a chuckle and their bodies create a cross on his bed,
“You’ll get the hang of this. Promise.”
Hope flickers behind her ribs and Robin is humming a string of arbitrary notes. The machine clicks incessantly and soon the song has words, “You might need time to think it over,” A spark arcs between his fingers, but his voice doesn’t waver, “But I’m just fine moving forward…”
M’gann traces circles in the sheets, feeling his back vibrate against her stomach. The world rises with every breath he takes and she smiles, feeling considerably better.
~~~
Trying to debone a turkey is probably not M’gann’s best idea and she isn’t all that surprised when it all goes to pieces. Upset, yes. But surprised? Not so much. She tosses the last of the dishes in the sink with a splash before shuffling to the living room.
Robin is sitting on the couch, game controller firm in his grip. Mount Justice is lacking it usual vibrant energy and M’gann assumes the others have drifted off to bed. She drops onto the couch with a plop and sighs.
“It was a nice try?” He offers.
A tired smile and she lays down, the back of her head resting on his thigh, “There are good days and bad days, right?”
He laughs and the television’s reflection flashes in his sunglasses. Picking a song at random, he starts in the middle of an arbitrary verse. M’gann closes her eyes. “Not only does your body bang, but I miss the conversation too-”
“Robin?” She interrupts. Her eyes are still closed and her hair rolls in waves across his lap.
“Wassup?” He jams a few buttons and his enemy collapses to the ground. Victory music punctuates the brief silence.
“What does that mean, ‘your body bang’? Is it similar to attractive?”
The screen flickers as he scrolls through the game’s menu, “More or less. It’s like super-hot or something.”
“Oh. Okay.” She turns on her side to watch the screen and smiles when he starts the song from the beginning.
~~~
It is late it is dark she should be asleep but the fear is crippling and everything feels so
so
so alone so homesick so alone and she finds her mind is frantic, reaching out, grabbing, grasping, groping for an anchor to latch on to
and she feels something brush against her consciousness smooth and steady and she knows it’s Robin.
He doesn’t ask what’s wrong as he tries to sooth her anxiety.
He is rhythmic and defined and she realizes that it is a song. The lyrics are muffled somewhere between him and her and their connection but that’s not important. His voice, if one can call it that, is all she need and she’s drifting back to sleep.
“Sing for me,” She breathes, the words soaked up by her pillow, “Please.”
~~~
She feels guilty. She is using Robin to make herself feel better. Which is why sometimes she will sit in the same room with Kaldur and ask him to read aloud. Or listen to Superboy’s grunts and yells when he trains. And ask Wally questions about physics just so he will ramble for hours.
Then there are other times (maybe as a testament to herself that she can be strong on her own) when she will just sit in her room in silence, nothing but her own voice rattling around in her skull.
But it is one night, not long after the first night he lulled her to sleep with therapeutic rhythms in her head, when she wakes up feeling afraid.
Afraid of what, she has no clue, but she is afraid and it is crushing her.
Fear smothers her senses and all at once she realizes it is not her own.
There is loneliness gripping her chest, but it does not belong to her.
The panic and isolation may not be hers, but it upsets her nonetheless.
So she slips out of bed, ignoring the chill pricking the soles of her bare feet, and pads down the hall. She stops in front of Robin’s door and her hand hovers over the handle.
This is selfish, she decides and guilt blankets the screaming terror and solitude.
This is selfish and she should crawl back in to bed but she can’t move because her feet are rooted to the floor. She drops her hand on the handle and opens the door.
Robin’s room is dark because it is always dark.
The door clicks shut behind her and M’gann tiptoes across the floor. The room is full of shadows but when he rolls over to face her she can see that his cheeks are wet and his nose is red before she slips between the sheets.
Her arms find their way around his waist while her face presses to his chest. Resting his chin on her head, he breathes the first lyrics he can think of into the dark expanse, “Feeling like the only one,”
His voice cracks and he blames in on the lack of sleep while she pretends not to notice.
“I know you're here but I still feel alone,”
A part of M’gann is glad that he’s there, his body wrapped around hers with his heart beating against her forehead. Maybe he needs this as much as she does. Maybe she will keep coming to him for comfort.
“Too much too fast my love…”
But that is selfish, She reasons.
~~~
She can’t do this. Everything is going wrong like it always does and she can’t do this anymore. They are the worst superheroes ever and she is the weakest link and she just can’t. do this.
Her teammates are scattered across the battlefield and her link to them warbles and flickers so often she is has trouble making out what they are saying.
“Hey beautiful, you’re doing fine! Don’t flip out!” Kid Flash. She sees his face for a moment before it slips away.
“M’gann, everything will be alright. Just relax and focus.” Aqualad’s reassurance brings her back and for a second she is grounded.
“Pull yourself together! Now’s not the time to lose it!” She loses her hold on composure and Superboy is terse and annoyed and Miss Martian knows this fiasco will be her fault.
Something explodes by her ear, but she doesn’t bother to move. Her body has stopped functioning correctly and her heart tries to beat its way through her chest.
“Dude, chill out! Yelling at her’s not gonna help any.”
“Shut up. If we blow this-”
“Both of you calm down. We should not be arguing amongst ourselves-”
“He started it!”
“Way to whine about it.”
Her heart is still clawing at her ribcage and tears spill down her face.
“Hey Miss M, just breathe,” Robin. His smile stutters past her mind’s eye.
She can’t do this. But she has to pull herself together. But she can’t do this. If they die it will be her fault. Everything will be her fault and she can’t do this.
Robin is swinging on rafters and tossing explosives. The world rattles and she still can’t do this. “It’ll be okay, even if we do come out with a few new bruises.” He throws punches and kicks in a blur of blacks and beats.
Kid Flash and Superboy have stopped arguing, settling for beating down everything that moves. They are still separated and she can feel the space between them and she knows what to do, but she just can’t.
Robin growls, clearly exasperated. “Now don't you even act like you don't wanna get up,” It’s more of chanting then singing, but M’gann’s breath catches in her throat anyway. “Something something damn it how does the rest of it go? Show me what you got,” A fist connects with his jaw and he grinds his teeth. The blow reverberates through his system and he jumps to the chorus, “All I really need to know,” Her heart has slowed down and her hands stop shaking. “Is that you came to the party to enjoy yourself,” She can’t tell if he is in her ears or her head, but she doesn’t care because he is making her feel better.
That might have been him swing above her, but she is planning the best course of action and taking note of everyone’s position.
“You left your stress and your worries back at home on the shelf,”
And suddenly he is standing in front of her, bloodied and bruised. Batarangs are nestled between his fingers and he shakes his head with a smile on his split lips.
“And let's get freaky.”
The rest of the battle is a blur, but all that matters is that they win. They win and they are not dead and Miss Martian is feeling better about the whole ordeal.
Kid Flash, on the other hand, is less enthused, “Dude! What was that?!” His arms are flying through the air and Robin rolls his eyes, “I thought I was the only one allowed to hear you sing? So not cool!”
M’gann dares to raise an eyebrow and smirks amusedly at the Boy Wonder, “And really? That is the song you choose?”
He shrugs impassively, spinning on his toes and heading back to the ship, “Hey, I panicked okay? ‘Sides, I though you like that one?”
She jogs to catch up to him, dropping her hand on the top of his head, “I do, just not my first pick.”
“Are you ignoring me?” Kid Flash is offended and pouts to show it. Aqualad pats the speedster’s shoulder and motions back to the ship. Crossing his arms, Superboy follows closely, dissatisfied with pretty much everything that occurred tonight.
Robin’s laugh echoed off of metal walls, “Told you KF would be butthurt over this.”
“Dude!”