closer to me honey, taste my indecency
You've had Dymocks edition, Teletech Edition, and Harvey Norman edition. Now it is time for Dominos edition. [edit: there was no Harvey Norman edition, but heres extra content from Dymocks: http://the--seeker.livejournal.com/17412.html]
-Not allowed to stand out the front of the store and smoke while in uniform
-Not allowed to stand out the back of the store and smoke while in uniform
-Not allowed to stand out the front of the store smoking with Atkins and do a Jay and Silent Bob routine, in or out of uniform
-Not allowed to smoke anything other than cigarettes on the job, in or out of uniform
-The cool room is not my office. I am not allowed to invite people to step into it.
-Not allowed to sleep in the cool room
-Not allowed to build a box fort and hide so that nobody can see me sleeping in the cool room
-Not allowed to sleep on top of the Hotcell delivery bags
-Not allowed to sleep with any fellow employees
-Not allowed to log in to the managers computer and change my contact details to "Stop fucking calling me", even if i haven't had a day off in three weeks.
-Not allowed to log into the managers computer and change my employee records to "Tijuana Jim", then sign timesheets as such.
-Not allowed to drag race other delivery boys
-Not even the ones from rival companies
-Not even if they started it
-Not allowed to pull in to the Pizza Hut carpark and do burnouts
-The parking lot out the back of the store is exactly that, a parking lot. Not a drift race circuit.
-Not allowed to cook a five pack of chicken, eat one, throw the rest out, and repeat five times "just to get the best piece from each pack"
-The correct phone greeting is "Welcome to Dominos Baulkham Hills, my name is Seeker, how can i help you?", not "What up? You want some pizzas or something?"
-Am not allowed to sell pizzas to anyone who did not order them, even if such black market dealings fetch a higher price and equals cash straight in my pocket.
-Not allowed to cook an amazingly perfect pizza, each slice cut to an identical angle, with perfect distribution of ingredients cooked for the exact right length of time, walk to the front of the store to show customers how good it is, then tell them theirs will never be that good and proceed to eat it.
-"Can you come cover someones shift tonight?" is a yes/no question, and the response "fuck this job" is invalid.
-It is considered bad form to steal more than 1 tub of chocolate ice cream at the end of each shift. Five tubs is considered excessive.
-At the end of each shift, i must present all cash collected to a manager, not offer to split it fifty fifty.
-After my offer has been declined, not allowed to grudgingly hand over half of it.
-Not allowed to finish a ten hour shift with six or seven hundred dollars in my pocket and whatever savings in my bank account by jumping on the next plane to the Gold Coast.
-I must turn up to each shift in uniform. This means red shirt, tan pants, black shoes, and my hat. Even if i only get half an hours notice of a shift, i am not allowed to turn up in a red hammer and sickle "CCCP" shirt, desert combat fatigues, my parkour sneakers and completely unshaven or brushed.
-My official job title is "Delivery Driver", not "El Narcotraficante"
-When picking up or dropping off other staff members for their shifts, not allowed to make them take the wheel and tell me when to brake while i close my eyes for a bit. Even if this one time we got halfway to the Northmead store doing that.
-It is unhygienic to put anything that is not dough into the dough machine. Anything.
-Fire extinguishers are safety equipment, not weapons.
-Pizzas are food, not currency, nor are they the basis of any kind of barter system involving the pub across the road
-My name badge says "Driver does not leave store with more than $20.00" (lie). I am not allowed to get my own name badge made that claims tipping is mandatory.
-The bulletin board is for store managers to share notes with employees. I am not to correct the spelling and grammar of these notes with red pen.
-Saturday is not "Top Rally Championship Day"
-The pizza oven is no place for mars bars
-Not allowed to cook balls of cheese wrapped in foil and then throw these oily balls of goo at 200 degrees celsius at other staff members.
-Not allowed to sleep with customers for money.
And the story that gets requested most when people see my hat:
-The Area Managers hat does not bestow him with magic powers.
-Not allowed to have an Area Managers hat unless i am an area manager.
-Not allowed to take my own hat to an embroidery place and get the gold leaf embroidered on it like an Area Manager.
-Not allowed to take my own hat and get wings attached to it, to symbolise my role as a deliverer/messenger.
-Not allowed to take my own hat and get viking horns attached to it.
-Not allowed to sell my hat "to buy fuel for warmth."
-A week after the above exchange has taken place with the area manager himself in front of managers from three different stores, not allowed to take the area managers keys and go steal his spare hat out of his car, but if you go ahead and do it anyway nobody will say anything and you will totally get to keep the hat.
-Seeker out
-Not allowed to stand out the front of the store and smoke while in uniform
-Not allowed to stand out the back of the store and smoke while in uniform
-Not allowed to stand out the front of the store smoking with Atkins and do a Jay and Silent Bob routine, in or out of uniform
-Not allowed to smoke anything other than cigarettes on the job, in or out of uniform
-The cool room is not my office. I am not allowed to invite people to step into it.
-Not allowed to sleep in the cool room
-Not allowed to build a box fort and hide so that nobody can see me sleeping in the cool room
-Not allowed to sleep on top of the Hotcell delivery bags
-Not allowed to sleep with any fellow employees
-Not allowed to log in to the managers computer and change my contact details to "Stop fucking calling me", even if i haven't had a day off in three weeks.
-Not allowed to log into the managers computer and change my employee records to "Tijuana Jim", then sign timesheets as such.
-Not allowed to drag race other delivery boys
-Not even the ones from rival companies
-Not even if they started it
-Not allowed to pull in to the Pizza Hut carpark and do burnouts
-The parking lot out the back of the store is exactly that, a parking lot. Not a drift race circuit.
-Not allowed to cook a five pack of chicken, eat one, throw the rest out, and repeat five times "just to get the best piece from each pack"
-The correct phone greeting is "Welcome to Dominos Baulkham Hills, my name is Seeker, how can i help you?", not "What up? You want some pizzas or something?"
-Am not allowed to sell pizzas to anyone who did not order them, even if such black market dealings fetch a higher price and equals cash straight in my pocket.
-Not allowed to cook an amazingly perfect pizza, each slice cut to an identical angle, with perfect distribution of ingredients cooked for the exact right length of time, walk to the front of the store to show customers how good it is, then tell them theirs will never be that good and proceed to eat it.
-"Can you come cover someones shift tonight?" is a yes/no question, and the response "fuck this job" is invalid.
-It is considered bad form to steal more than 1 tub of chocolate ice cream at the end of each shift. Five tubs is considered excessive.
-At the end of each shift, i must present all cash collected to a manager, not offer to split it fifty fifty.
-After my offer has been declined, not allowed to grudgingly hand over half of it.
-Not allowed to finish a ten hour shift with six or seven hundred dollars in my pocket and whatever savings in my bank account by jumping on the next plane to the Gold Coast.
-I must turn up to each shift in uniform. This means red shirt, tan pants, black shoes, and my hat. Even if i only get half an hours notice of a shift, i am not allowed to turn up in a red hammer and sickle "CCCP" shirt, desert combat fatigues, my parkour sneakers and completely unshaven or brushed.
-My official job title is "Delivery Driver", not "El Narcotraficante"
-When picking up or dropping off other staff members for their shifts, not allowed to make them take the wheel and tell me when to brake while i close my eyes for a bit. Even if this one time we got halfway to the Northmead store doing that.
-It is unhygienic to put anything that is not dough into the dough machine. Anything.
-Fire extinguishers are safety equipment, not weapons.
-Pizzas are food, not currency, nor are they the basis of any kind of barter system involving the pub across the road
-My name badge says "Driver does not leave store with more than $20.00" (lie). I am not allowed to get my own name badge made that claims tipping is mandatory.
-The bulletin board is for store managers to share notes with employees. I am not to correct the spelling and grammar of these notes with red pen.
-Saturday is not "Top Rally Championship Day"
-The pizza oven is no place for mars bars
-Not allowed to cook balls of cheese wrapped in foil and then throw these oily balls of goo at 200 degrees celsius at other staff members.
-Not allowed to sleep with customers for money.
And the story that gets requested most when people see my hat:
-The Area Managers hat does not bestow him with magic powers.
-Not allowed to have an Area Managers hat unless i am an area manager.
-Not allowed to take my own hat to an embroidery place and get the gold leaf embroidered on it like an Area Manager.
-Not allowed to take my own hat and get wings attached to it, to symbolise my role as a deliverer/messenger.
-Not allowed to take my own hat and get viking horns attached to it.
-Not allowed to sell my hat "to buy fuel for warmth."
-A week after the above exchange has taken place with the area manager himself in front of managers from three different stores, not allowed to take the area managers keys and go steal his spare hat out of his car, but if you go ahead and do it anyway nobody will say anything and you will totally get to keep the hat.
-Seeker out