Un coup d'épée dans l'eau
Title: Un coup d'épée dans l'eau
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: B1a4
Chapter: 1/1 one shot
Pairing: CNU/Baro, CNU/Jinyoung, Jinyoung/Gongchan
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Sexual Situations,
Summary: Shinwoo just can't help himself
A/N: Remix of Le Cœur, for Automix
Shinwoo woke up, he smiled looking down at the man who had his arms tightly wrapped around Shinwoo’s torso. Shinwoo leant down and gave Sunwoo a quick peck on the top of the head before quickly wriggling out of his arms and tucking the other man into bed to sleep longer. He grabbed his glasses from the bedside table and got in the shower, he smiled to himself at the mark Sunwoo had left on him. Shinwoo showered and quickly dried himself, putting his underwear on and drying his hair, he smiled a little at his reflection, this was the first time he’d woken up and Sunwoo had still been at his place. He put his glasses on and walked out and saw Sunwoo sat up in his bed waiting for him. Shinwoo smiled walking over to give the smaller man a kiss. “Do you want breakfast?” Shinwoo asked when he pulled back from the kiss, moving to get dressed.
“You know you don’t look like a maths teacher.” Sunwoo said from the bed, getting out and wrapping his arms around Shinwoo, pulling him down for another kiss. “I’d have a lesson from you any day,” he purred, before walking out and going to Shinwoo’s kitchen to see what he had. Shinwoo made coffee and smiled drinking some, black with no sugar. “Not eating?” Sunwoo said with a mouthful of toast. Shinwoo shook his head, he would probably be fed at Jinyoung’s when he went to pick him up. “I have training tonight, so I won’t be able to see you.” Sunwoo said watching Shinwoo for his reaction. “You do know we’re not together, right?” Sunwoo said, Shinwoo just took another sip of coffee, he knew that. He was reminded of that every time Sunwoo left before he woke up. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m looking for a good time, we had an agreement, so don’t just go all quiet on me.”
“I know” was all Shinwoo managed to come out with. “I need to go pick up Jinyoung, we’re carpooling. Let yourself out, you usually do.” He said as he put his mug in the sink and grabbed his car keys. Shinwoo drove to Jinyoung’s place and just sat in his car, he was falling so hard for Sunwoo, but he couldn’t tell him, Sunwoo just wanted sex. Sunwoo was sleeping with others. Sunwoo was never going to settle down with him. Shinwoo had originally only wanted sex with the younger man, but he really started to like Sunwoo, the way Sunwoo smiled was beautiful, and sometimes Sunwoo turned it into a little date of sorts, if he wanted to go to the cinema or eat at a restaurant, he’d drag Shinwoo along like a spoilt child, they’d go halves and then go back to Shinwoo’s place to have sex. The sex was great, but Shinwoo wanted the man. He sighed as he got out of his car and started to walk up to Jinyoung’s flat.
He was stunned when he walked in and saw Jinyoung with his arms around a boy in a school uniform. Shinwoo felt his heart stop. He didn’t know why, well he did. He was still partially in love with his ex and his ex was now sleeping with someone who was still in school. Jinyoung had told Shinwoo he had a new boyfriend but never did Shinwoo think it would be a kid, he didn’t think Jinyoung would be so stupid as to risk his teaching license by having a relationship with a student. He knew from the boys uniform that it was a different school to the one that Shinwoo and Jinyoung taught at but still he was risking his job.
Needless to say the drive to work was silent, Shinwoo’s head was going crazy. They’d broken up and Jinyoung had replaced him with a kid, what was he thinking? He dropped the kid off at his school and then carried on driving, he didn’t know what to say to Jinyoung. Jinyoung had gone too far, he could lose his job over this kid. It was a stupid risk and it frustrated Shinwoo - he knew why - he was still in love with Jinyoung. Part of him would always be in love with Jinyoung. Part of him could never let the man go. He parked at the school they worked in and before he moved to get out, Jinyoung looked at him and opened his mouth to speak. “You are aware you could lose your job?” he practically accused Jinyoung. “You’re sleeping with a kid.”
Jinyoung looked like he had been slapped in the face, it was that look that told Shinwoo he’d gone too far - the boy wasn’t just sex. As the argument went on Shinwoo felt his heart-breaking all over again. “You know I never stopped loving you.” Shinwoo breathed out, he waited to see what Jinyoung would say, knowing not to hope for a real emotion from the other man. The fight went on and Jinyoung got up and stormed out of the car slamming it behind him. Shinwoo just sat still, not moving, he was hurting. This was all too much, he’d been the one to call off their relationship but it had been mostly against his wishes more like mainly because he couldn’t take Jinyoung’s mask any longer.
Shinwoo faked sick at lunch and went home, he didn’t want to see the younger man, he knew it was ridiculous, he was acting like he was the one in high school, not that he was the one teaching it but his head was all over the place. He wasn’t angry that Jinyoung was dating, it was more the fact that he was with someone young, too young. He smiled when his phone rang, it was Sunwoo. Shinwoo managed to convince the other he wanted to come over for lunch, lunch meaning probably sex.
It didn’t take Sunwoo to come round, and it wasn’t long before they were making out on his sofa. Once they’d got that far it was even less time before Sunwoo was riding Shinwoo, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, hips rolling while Shinwoo rested his hands on Sunwoo’s thighs, kissing him slowly. It was almost romantic, but of course the fact that Sunwoo wasn’t his and was never going to be was a stark reminder. After reaching their peaks, Sunwoo sat on Shinwoo resting his head against the older man’s chest. “I’m sorry I can’t see you tonight.” Sunwoo smiled, leaning up to kiss Shinwoo. “I’m going to go shower,”Sunwoo said getting up.
Shinwoo sighed, getting up and disposing of the condom before pulling on his boxers. He made sure everywhere was tidy, and took Sunwoo’s clothes into the bathroom along with a towel. When Sunwoo came out he smiled and gave the older man a kiss. “I really have to go now, I’m going to be late for practice.” he patted Shinwoo’s butt before leaving. Shinwoo showered, and got dressed, he knew his and Jinyoung’s fight had to be addressed and why not now? He might as well sort it out before they saw each other at work the next day. He had a key yet he knocked he assumed that Jinyoung would be nicer towards him. Jinyoung opened the door, it was obvious he was expecting Gongchan, Jinyoung reminded Shinwoo that he had a key and he just rolled his eyes.
It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but they weren’t screaming at each other like they used to before Shinwoo walked out. Until Jinyoung said, “really you shouldn’t care about my love life. Don’t you have your own problems. I heard Sunwoo is dating Junghwan so you’re not going to get lucky there, not matter how much you try to flirt.” that was it, that was the last straw, Shinwoo knew Jinyoung was using it as a defence, but some things were off limits. Shinwoo knew for a fact that Junghwan had a girlfriend so it realistically shouldn’t have hurt him the way it was doing, the way he felt as if Jinyoung was twisting the knife he carefully lodged in the older man’s heart.
This was why he didn’t tell Jinyoung things, why he didn’t tell his best friend how he felt about Sunwoo, why he didn’t tell him that he was in love with the man and why under no circumstances would he ever tell Jinyoung that he was sleeping with Sunwoo. Jinyoung used everything as a weapon. Everything was used to protect himself, to stop the focus being him, to stop the fact that maybe one day he would have to face his feelings and the mess he made of their relationship.
Shinwoo threw his keys onto the coffee table. “I won’t be needing these” he said, before storming out slamming the door behind him, he was so angry or was it just hurt. He couldn’t believe what the other man had just said. Well he could, it was Jinyoung, he was never changing, always hurting people. Shinwoo passed Gongchan on his way out but the two didn’t acknowledge each other. He looked at his phone, tempted to text Sunwoo again but he knew the other was busy and he also knew he couldn’t rely on the man to be there for him. They weren’t even together.
He left a somewhat desperate voicemail for Sunwoo, that he pretty much immediately regretted. He knew that it was the last thing that Sunwoo wanted, he didn’t want a relationship or any of the baggage that came with it and this was definitely one of the things the man was looking to avoid by not being in a relationship. Shinwoo sat in his car in the parking lot to Jinyoung’s apartment, he happened to look up and see Gongchan running off crying, he sighed and walked up to Jinyoung’s apartment, Jinyoung had this tendency to intentionally flare up his enteritis, it was he guessed a form of self harm, but he never dared to utter those words. When he got up he noticed how badly it had affected Jinyoung and that angered him.
Clearly Gongchan was too young and was unable to cope with the stress of being with Jinyoung, the constant looking after and to make it harder the man often refused to talk about anything his illness, his feelings anything and everything would be shut down and he’d shut everyone out. Shinwoo sighed when he saw so much of his younger self in Gongchan the younger self that had walked out on Jinyoung because he couldn’t cope anymore with him. He sighed and knew that he had to protect Jinyoung from that because he knew that Gongchan was on the verge of walking out like he had those years ago and he knew how much that would hurt Jinyoung, he could see how in love with him the younger was. He had to get Jinyoung to diffuse his love a little before it was too late, before he was more in love with Gongchan and got his heart broken again.
* - * - * - * - *
Shinwoo was on a date with Sunwoo, this was an actual date. It was romantic and Shinwoo really felt like he and Sunwoo would be able to make a real relationship out of this. He felt great with the younger man. The dinner was romantic and so was the film, watching it with Sunwoo resting against his chest, occasionally kiss and sharing a drink and some popcorn, it was perfect, it was the perfect date. Sunwoo invited Shinwoo in when he took him home, this was the first time Shinwoo had ever been to Sunwoo’s house, it was a bit messy but it was nice. Sunwoo pulled Shinwoo into his room and started to kiss him, pressing him against the wall.
It wasn’t long before Shinwoo was slowly thrusting into Sunwoo, kissing him as he rolled his hips, going deep and slow, it was romantic and it was the pace that drove Sunwoo insane. Sunwoo came, before lying back, pulling Shinwoo close to him, allowing Shinwoo to carry on until he came, breathless and panting. Shinwoo lay next to Sunwoo after and they kissed a few times. “I’ve never let anyone come to mine.” Sunwoo said quietly looking over at Shinwoo. Shinwoo’s phone rang and he answered, it was Jinyoung he’d drunk 2 litres of fanta, Shinwoo got up and began dressing himself. Sunwoo sat up and watched him. “Shinwoo…”
“It’s Jinyoung, he’s sick” Shinwoo said, pulling his hair back into a high ponytail. He moved to give Sunwoo a goodbye kiss. Sunwoo turned his head. “Sun-”
“If I ask you to stay will you?” Sunwoo said quietly, “Because I never brought anyone back until you, and you’re just going to leave me after you got what you wanted.” Sunwoo looked at Shinwoo “Any other night than tonight, you could go. But tonight you have to choose me or him.” Shinwoo sighed. “I don’t want to share you, not tonight.”
“Sunwoo” Shinwoo said quietly. “I’ll be back, just give me an hour.” he said pecking Sunwoo’s cheek. “I need to look after him.”
“I love you Shinwoo, does he love you?” Sunwoo said and Shinwoo just sighed. He knew that Jinyoung didn’t love him, not the way Sunwoo did. Not the way Sunwoo was offering. As Shinwoo walked to the door. “If you leave don’t come back.” Sunwoo said watching Shinwoo carefully. “I mean it. I don’t want to see you again if you do this to me.”
“He needs me.”
“I want you.” Sunwoo was standing now “I opened up to you.”
“Sunnie.” Shinwoo sighed, turned and stepping back to pull Sunwoo into a hug. “I love you. But he’s in pain.”
“Leave.” Sunwoo said emotionlessly, pushing Shinwoo away. “If you want to fight for him that much just leave.” Sunwoo got back into the bed and part of Shinwoo told him to get into the bed with him, to hold him and apologize, to promise him he wouldn’t go, to show him that he was number 1. Most of him shouted for him to get back into that bed to kiss the back of Sunwoo’s neck and fall asleep holding him. His phone rang again and he turned and left, hearing Sunwoo sobbing as he reached the door.
* - * - * - * - *
After Shinwoo had looked after Jinyoung he called Sunwoo only for it to go to voicemail over and over again. Shinwoo sighed, he couldn’t drive over at this time, he promised himself he would go and make it up to Sunwoo somehow, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe Jinyoung had listened to him. Jinyoung came out and they talked about feelings and Jinyoung offered a second chance at their relationship.
A week later, Shinwoo couldn’t get through to Sunwoo, nothing was working so he decided to start dating Jinyoung and things were going great, he was being careful of the man’s illness but there was something missing, it was so regular, so normal, so much so that it drove Shinwoo insane, he missed Sunwoo. He missed the way the boy would nuzzle into him like a cat, how the man would just call him out of nowhere to just tell him random things about his day. He missed everything about Sunwoo.
When Jinyoung broke up with him Shinwoo wished he could say that he was heart-broken, but honestly he wasn’t. All he could think about was Sunwoo, he managed to track him down and he grabbed his wrist when Sunwoo tried to walk away. “Sunwoo.” he said softly. “Please take me back.”
“You think I’m that easy? Whenever you want you can come round and have me? Well you can’t” Sunwoo said he was angry. “I don’t want to hear it Shinwoo I’m not going to listen to you lie to me. And if you want sex I hear there are hundreds of men in rent boy institutes go rent one of them.”
“Sunwoo, I’m sorry, please, let me make it up to you.”
“One night Shinwoo, that was all I wanted, you could go look after him any other time than that night.” Sunwoo shook his head. “But you couldn’t just stay with me, All I wanted was for you to hold me, to wake up with me, maybe have breakfast and then you could have done whatever, I’d have even been your boyfriend while you looked after him. I’d have gone round with things a celiac could eat. I’d have helped you if you’d just stayed that night.”
“Sunwoo… please”
“No Shinwoo. I’m not going to let you in ever again. You had your chance and you blew it.”Sunwoo said pulling his wrist away from Shinwoo’s hold. “I’m no one’s second choice.”
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: B1a4
Chapter: 1/1 one shot
Pairing: CNU/Baro, CNU/Jinyoung, Jinyoung/Gongchan
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Sexual Situations,
Summary: Shinwoo just can't help himself
A/N: Remix of Le Cœur, for Automix
Shinwoo woke up, he smiled looking down at the man who had his arms tightly wrapped around Shinwoo’s torso. Shinwoo leant down and gave Sunwoo a quick peck on the top of the head before quickly wriggling out of his arms and tucking the other man into bed to sleep longer. He grabbed his glasses from the bedside table and got in the shower, he smiled to himself at the mark Sunwoo had left on him. Shinwoo showered and quickly dried himself, putting his underwear on and drying his hair, he smiled a little at his reflection, this was the first time he’d woken up and Sunwoo had still been at his place. He put his glasses on and walked out and saw Sunwoo sat up in his bed waiting for him. Shinwoo smiled walking over to give the smaller man a kiss. “Do you want breakfast?” Shinwoo asked when he pulled back from the kiss, moving to get dressed.
“You know you don’t look like a maths teacher.” Sunwoo said from the bed, getting out and wrapping his arms around Shinwoo, pulling him down for another kiss. “I’d have a lesson from you any day,” he purred, before walking out and going to Shinwoo’s kitchen to see what he had. Shinwoo made coffee and smiled drinking some, black with no sugar. “Not eating?” Sunwoo said with a mouthful of toast. Shinwoo shook his head, he would probably be fed at Jinyoung’s when he went to pick him up. “I have training tonight, so I won’t be able to see you.” Sunwoo said watching Shinwoo for his reaction. “You do know we’re not together, right?” Sunwoo said, Shinwoo just took another sip of coffee, he knew that. He was reminded of that every time Sunwoo left before he woke up. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m looking for a good time, we had an agreement, so don’t just go all quiet on me.”
“I know” was all Shinwoo managed to come out with. “I need to go pick up Jinyoung, we’re carpooling. Let yourself out, you usually do.” He said as he put his mug in the sink and grabbed his car keys. Shinwoo drove to Jinyoung’s place and just sat in his car, he was falling so hard for Sunwoo, but he couldn’t tell him, Sunwoo just wanted sex. Sunwoo was sleeping with others. Sunwoo was never going to settle down with him. Shinwoo had originally only wanted sex with the younger man, but he really started to like Sunwoo, the way Sunwoo smiled was beautiful, and sometimes Sunwoo turned it into a little date of sorts, if he wanted to go to the cinema or eat at a restaurant, he’d drag Shinwoo along like a spoilt child, they’d go halves and then go back to Shinwoo’s place to have sex. The sex was great, but Shinwoo wanted the man. He sighed as he got out of his car and started to walk up to Jinyoung’s flat.
He was stunned when he walked in and saw Jinyoung with his arms around a boy in a school uniform. Shinwoo felt his heart stop. He didn’t know why, well he did. He was still partially in love with his ex and his ex was now sleeping with someone who was still in school. Jinyoung had told Shinwoo he had a new boyfriend but never did Shinwoo think it would be a kid, he didn’t think Jinyoung would be so stupid as to risk his teaching license by having a relationship with a student. He knew from the boys uniform that it was a different school to the one that Shinwoo and Jinyoung taught at but still he was risking his job.
Needless to say the drive to work was silent, Shinwoo’s head was going crazy. They’d broken up and Jinyoung had replaced him with a kid, what was he thinking? He dropped the kid off at his school and then carried on driving, he didn’t know what to say to Jinyoung. Jinyoung had gone too far, he could lose his job over this kid. It was a stupid risk and it frustrated Shinwoo - he knew why - he was still in love with Jinyoung. Part of him would always be in love with Jinyoung. Part of him could never let the man go. He parked at the school they worked in and before he moved to get out, Jinyoung looked at him and opened his mouth to speak. “You are aware you could lose your job?” he practically accused Jinyoung. “You’re sleeping with a kid.”
Jinyoung looked like he had been slapped in the face, it was that look that told Shinwoo he’d gone too far - the boy wasn’t just sex. As the argument went on Shinwoo felt his heart-breaking all over again. “You know I never stopped loving you.” Shinwoo breathed out, he waited to see what Jinyoung would say, knowing not to hope for a real emotion from the other man. The fight went on and Jinyoung got up and stormed out of the car slamming it behind him. Shinwoo just sat still, not moving, he was hurting. This was all too much, he’d been the one to call off their relationship but it had been mostly against his wishes more like mainly because he couldn’t take Jinyoung’s mask any longer.
Shinwoo faked sick at lunch and went home, he didn’t want to see the younger man, he knew it was ridiculous, he was acting like he was the one in high school, not that he was the one teaching it but his head was all over the place. He wasn’t angry that Jinyoung was dating, it was more the fact that he was with someone young, too young. He smiled when his phone rang, it was Sunwoo. Shinwoo managed to convince the other he wanted to come over for lunch, lunch meaning probably sex.
It didn’t take Sunwoo to come round, and it wasn’t long before they were making out on his sofa. Once they’d got that far it was even less time before Sunwoo was riding Shinwoo, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, hips rolling while Shinwoo rested his hands on Sunwoo’s thighs, kissing him slowly. It was almost romantic, but of course the fact that Sunwoo wasn’t his and was never going to be was a stark reminder. After reaching their peaks, Sunwoo sat on Shinwoo resting his head against the older man’s chest. “I’m sorry I can’t see you tonight.” Sunwoo smiled, leaning up to kiss Shinwoo. “I’m going to go shower,”Sunwoo said getting up.
Shinwoo sighed, getting up and disposing of the condom before pulling on his boxers. He made sure everywhere was tidy, and took Sunwoo’s clothes into the bathroom along with a towel. When Sunwoo came out he smiled and gave the older man a kiss. “I really have to go now, I’m going to be late for practice.” he patted Shinwoo’s butt before leaving. Shinwoo showered, and got dressed, he knew his and Jinyoung’s fight had to be addressed and why not now? He might as well sort it out before they saw each other at work the next day. He had a key yet he knocked he assumed that Jinyoung would be nicer towards him. Jinyoung opened the door, it was obvious he was expecting Gongchan, Jinyoung reminded Shinwoo that he had a key and he just rolled his eyes.
It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but they weren’t screaming at each other like they used to before Shinwoo walked out. Until Jinyoung said, “really you shouldn’t care about my love life. Don’t you have your own problems. I heard Sunwoo is dating Junghwan so you’re not going to get lucky there, not matter how much you try to flirt.” that was it, that was the last straw, Shinwoo knew Jinyoung was using it as a defence, but some things were off limits. Shinwoo knew for a fact that Junghwan had a girlfriend so it realistically shouldn’t have hurt him the way it was doing, the way he felt as if Jinyoung was twisting the knife he carefully lodged in the older man’s heart.
This was why he didn’t tell Jinyoung things, why he didn’t tell his best friend how he felt about Sunwoo, why he didn’t tell him that he was in love with the man and why under no circumstances would he ever tell Jinyoung that he was sleeping with Sunwoo. Jinyoung used everything as a weapon. Everything was used to protect himself, to stop the focus being him, to stop the fact that maybe one day he would have to face his feelings and the mess he made of their relationship.
Shinwoo threw his keys onto the coffee table. “I won’t be needing these” he said, before storming out slamming the door behind him, he was so angry or was it just hurt. He couldn’t believe what the other man had just said. Well he could, it was Jinyoung, he was never changing, always hurting people. Shinwoo passed Gongchan on his way out but the two didn’t acknowledge each other. He looked at his phone, tempted to text Sunwoo again but he knew the other was busy and he also knew he couldn’t rely on the man to be there for him. They weren’t even together.
He left a somewhat desperate voicemail for Sunwoo, that he pretty much immediately regretted. He knew that it was the last thing that Sunwoo wanted, he didn’t want a relationship or any of the baggage that came with it and this was definitely one of the things the man was looking to avoid by not being in a relationship. Shinwoo sat in his car in the parking lot to Jinyoung’s apartment, he happened to look up and see Gongchan running off crying, he sighed and walked up to Jinyoung’s apartment, Jinyoung had this tendency to intentionally flare up his enteritis, it was he guessed a form of self harm, but he never dared to utter those words. When he got up he noticed how badly it had affected Jinyoung and that angered him.
Clearly Gongchan was too young and was unable to cope with the stress of being with Jinyoung, the constant looking after and to make it harder the man often refused to talk about anything his illness, his feelings anything and everything would be shut down and he’d shut everyone out. Shinwoo sighed when he saw so much of his younger self in Gongchan the younger self that had walked out on Jinyoung because he couldn’t cope anymore with him. He sighed and knew that he had to protect Jinyoung from that because he knew that Gongchan was on the verge of walking out like he had those years ago and he knew how much that would hurt Jinyoung, he could see how in love with him the younger was. He had to get Jinyoung to diffuse his love a little before it was too late, before he was more in love with Gongchan and got his heart broken again.
* - * - * - * - *
Shinwoo was on a date with Sunwoo, this was an actual date. It was romantic and Shinwoo really felt like he and Sunwoo would be able to make a real relationship out of this. He felt great with the younger man. The dinner was romantic and so was the film, watching it with Sunwoo resting against his chest, occasionally kiss and sharing a drink and some popcorn, it was perfect, it was the perfect date. Sunwoo invited Shinwoo in when he took him home, this was the first time Shinwoo had ever been to Sunwoo’s house, it was a bit messy but it was nice. Sunwoo pulled Shinwoo into his room and started to kiss him, pressing him against the wall.
It wasn’t long before Shinwoo was slowly thrusting into Sunwoo, kissing him as he rolled his hips, going deep and slow, it was romantic and it was the pace that drove Sunwoo insane. Sunwoo came, before lying back, pulling Shinwoo close to him, allowing Shinwoo to carry on until he came, breathless and panting. Shinwoo lay next to Sunwoo after and they kissed a few times. “I’ve never let anyone come to mine.” Sunwoo said quietly looking over at Shinwoo. Shinwoo’s phone rang and he answered, it was Jinyoung he’d drunk 2 litres of fanta, Shinwoo got up and began dressing himself. Sunwoo sat up and watched him. “Shinwoo…”
“It’s Jinyoung, he’s sick” Shinwoo said, pulling his hair back into a high ponytail. He moved to give Sunwoo a goodbye kiss. Sunwoo turned his head. “Sun-”
“If I ask you to stay will you?” Sunwoo said quietly, “Because I never brought anyone back until you, and you’re just going to leave me after you got what you wanted.” Sunwoo looked at Shinwoo “Any other night than tonight, you could go. But tonight you have to choose me or him.” Shinwoo sighed. “I don’t want to share you, not tonight.”
“Sunwoo” Shinwoo said quietly. “I’ll be back, just give me an hour.” he said pecking Sunwoo’s cheek. “I need to look after him.”
“I love you Shinwoo, does he love you?” Sunwoo said and Shinwoo just sighed. He knew that Jinyoung didn’t love him, not the way Sunwoo did. Not the way Sunwoo was offering. As Shinwoo walked to the door. “If you leave don’t come back.” Sunwoo said watching Shinwoo carefully. “I mean it. I don’t want to see you again if you do this to me.”
“He needs me.”
“I want you.” Sunwoo was standing now “I opened up to you.”
“Sunnie.” Shinwoo sighed, turned and stepping back to pull Sunwoo into a hug. “I love you. But he’s in pain.”
“Leave.” Sunwoo said emotionlessly, pushing Shinwoo away. “If you want to fight for him that much just leave.” Sunwoo got back into the bed and part of Shinwoo told him to get into the bed with him, to hold him and apologize, to promise him he wouldn’t go, to show him that he was number 1. Most of him shouted for him to get back into that bed to kiss the back of Sunwoo’s neck and fall asleep holding him. His phone rang again and he turned and left, hearing Sunwoo sobbing as he reached the door.
* - * - * - * - *
After Shinwoo had looked after Jinyoung he called Sunwoo only for it to go to voicemail over and over again. Shinwoo sighed, he couldn’t drive over at this time, he promised himself he would go and make it up to Sunwoo somehow, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe Jinyoung had listened to him. Jinyoung came out and they talked about feelings and Jinyoung offered a second chance at their relationship.
A week later, Shinwoo couldn’t get through to Sunwoo, nothing was working so he decided to start dating Jinyoung and things were going great, he was being careful of the man’s illness but there was something missing, it was so regular, so normal, so much so that it drove Shinwoo insane, he missed Sunwoo. He missed the way the boy would nuzzle into him like a cat, how the man would just call him out of nowhere to just tell him random things about his day. He missed everything about Sunwoo.
When Jinyoung broke up with him Shinwoo wished he could say that he was heart-broken, but honestly he wasn’t. All he could think about was Sunwoo, he managed to track him down and he grabbed his wrist when Sunwoo tried to walk away. “Sunwoo.” he said softly. “Please take me back.”
“You think I’m that easy? Whenever you want you can come round and have me? Well you can’t” Sunwoo said he was angry. “I don’t want to hear it Shinwoo I’m not going to listen to you lie to me. And if you want sex I hear there are hundreds of men in rent boy institutes go rent one of them.”
“Sunwoo, I’m sorry, please, let me make it up to you.”
“One night Shinwoo, that was all I wanted, you could go look after him any other time than that night.” Sunwoo shook his head. “But you couldn’t just stay with me, All I wanted was for you to hold me, to wake up with me, maybe have breakfast and then you could have done whatever, I’d have even been your boyfriend while you looked after him. I’d have gone round with things a celiac could eat. I’d have helped you if you’d just stayed that night.”
“Sunwoo… please”
“No Shinwoo. I’m not going to let you in ever again. You had your chance and you blew it.”Sunwoo said pulling his wrist away from Shinwoo’s hold. “I’m no one’s second choice.”