(( POOOOOOOST ))
I mentioned in IRC that I should do a random "How Tomo feels about herself and how that affects her relationships" post because that kind of thing comes up a lot with her in CFUD, and it's sort of hard to explain.
Basically--it's possible to read Tomo-in-canon as having incredibly low self-esteem. But I choose not to play it exactly this way for a few reasons. First of all, it's never explicitly stated, and there's evidence against it too. Second . . . I play Chisame. XD I've played Chisame for 11 months. If I want to play low self-esteem, I know exactly where to go.
But I can't go against canon either, and there are things that ARE explicit. We know she's not comfortable with her cup size AND IF THIS IS NOT ALREADY INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS FROM CAMP, THEN I SUCK. XD Tomo has a tit fixation in a big way. But on the other hand, she's not constantly down on her own body either, unlike Yomi.
Tomo: The only thing I lack is the chest. Everything else is perfect.
Kagura: The only thing you lack . . . for what?
Tomo: To have achieved the ideal woman's body.
Kagura: What kind of body is that?
[brief silence]
Tomo: Fujiko from Lupin III.
Kagura: WHAT?!
In general, she harps on the fact that she's small, both in that region and in general.
Tomo: Aargh, I wanna get taller, too! By at least 6 inches.
Osaka: How tall are you now?
Tomo: About 5 feet. I wouldn't get confused for an elementary school student . . . but I have been mistaken for a junior high student! Geez! I wanna be like Yomi, and get mistaken for a college student! Or a secretary!
Yomi: Shut your trap!
But she starts to get over this after awhile. When she cuts all her hair off in volume 3, she's obviously a little more comfortable with working with what she's GOT.
Tomo: While my long hair did make me quite the sexy beast . . . it occurred to me what I could never be Fujiko Mine . . . once I sat down and thought about it rationally. But I could be the equal of teen idol Ryoko Hirosue! Right?!
Yomi: Chiyo-chan, feel free to get angry any time now.
It's actually camp that threw her back into that "IF ONLY I HAD BIGGER BOOBS" mentality a bit. Meeting Lupin in person was a big part of that--like, whoa, here's her IDOL LUPIN and he's the REAL LUPIN and his girlfriend is this like sexy E-cup beast that Tomo dreamt about for YEARS. Plus she's surrounded by people like Cheri. And Tsunade (who was still here when Tomo arrived). And sexy busty anime girls in general. Tomo's realistically built and so it was kinda like COMPLEX RETURNS IN FULL FORCE.
The other part of this is that . . . Azumanga Daioh is a story about friendship, but amusingly, most of the friendships IN it fall waaaay short of ideal. Tomo's from a canon where nobody ever actually says to her "Your body's fine the way it is." Once. So Tomo's belief is that all guys like that kind of thing. That's what she's seen in the media, and having gone to a high school and hanging out with a bunch of misfit self-conscious female friends for four years. . . . And of course there's the fact that SHE likes boobs, uh. So.
Plus, in camp she generally gets one of two responses to her complaints. The first is something like "You'll grow!" Which isn't true, and she knows it--she's 18, and she's always going to be 5' tall and an A cup (uhhh going by manga appearance here and not the bizarre fluctuating anime and official art). So hearing this just depresses her because it also reinforces the "lol ur a kid" thing.
The second response is "You're cute the way you are!" or "You look fine!" which . . . confuses the hell out of her. Again, because it's not something she's ever HEARD. So she's like "Uh, what? Huh? Okay, thanks . . . I guess . . . thanks!" And it doesn't really sink in. Because it doesn't fit in with her worldview. XD
Tomo's body is the only thing we see her express regret over in canon. Again, you could ARGUE that the way she acts out and needs attention is a sign of how much she dislikes herself. And it'd be a powerful argument. But I don't play it that way, and she doesn't actually get any canon moments of "God, why am I like this? Why am I such an asshole? Why did I DO that?" It's Kagura who gets that moment, and it freaks Tomo the hell out when it happens and leads to extreme worrying/backpedaling and THIS ICON. 8D
So the way I play it, Tomo's just fine with the way she is. She doesn't see anything wrong with her personality. She does realize that other people do, and tends to believe it's their problem and their loss--however, Tomo has respect and acceptance for someone who will smack her down when she goes too far. Yomi beats the crap out of her a few times in canon and Tomo never complains. At one point Yomi socks her in the stomach and all Tomo says, while clutching herself and wheezing with pain, is "Good shot." Because she deserved it, and she KNEW she did. HOWEVER, if someone freaks out at her over something that she doesn't think deserves a freakout? She'll either get pissed at them or laugh in their face. Because there's nothing wrong with the way she acts unless she's trying to be wrong, dammit.
Tomo really, REALLY wants to be liked. But she doesn't want to be liked to the extent that she'll change her personality. I can't exactly say "Tomo doesn't care what people think of her!" because that's very much not true. New people she meets, she wants to make a good impression, she wants friends and adoration. But we never see her alter her behavior to this end. The way she sees it, she is who she is, and if someone doesn't like it, it's her job to MAKE them like it, not to actually be nicer or calm down for them. I think it's Tomo's firm belief that anyone who spends enough time around her will end up liking her. XD So people who dislike her, or who yell at her, she invests a lot more time in bothering them. IF I ANNOY THEM ENOUGH THEY SHALL SEE MY GLORY!
She's egotistical that way--it never occurs to her that hey, maybe Fllay really doesn't want to be bothered. Maybe Rin DOESN'T like having her hair pulled on. Of course they like it. If they don't, they will. BECAUSE I'M AWESOME (except for my tits and my height) AND ANYONE CAN SEE THAT WITH A LITTLE TIME AND EFFORT!
She'd much rather someone hit her or yell at her, like Yomi, than act superior like Fllay or repress their annoyance like Kimimaro or Al. That kind of thing bothers her because she's like "I can tell you're pissed. REACT." Tomo thrives on reactions. All of her favorite (male) people at camp, except for Itachi? Are people who react to her in ways that she finds exciting. Tomo LOVES ED because he'll throw a damn hissy fit at her when she pushes too far. Sano will scowl and yell and push her. Robert will totally lose his composure and be at a loss for words. And oh that's good. It's hot when people totally lose it. I HAVE AN EFFECT ON THEM! I EXIST IN THEIR WORLD! CLEARLY THEY LIKE ME.
Also, it's funny as hell watching them flail. 8D
. . . so I forgot what I was talking about but BASICALLY. Tomo sees herself as someone who's completely amazing and kickass as a person, and who can win anyone over given enough time, but also severely lacking in the chest department. I wouldn't say "looks" department because as I said, she thinks she's good looking otherwise. (She was sort of turned on when Itachi henged into her. 8D She'd do herself, yeah.) She just knows she's flat and short. And so considering all that, this is why she assumes guys don't like her, a fact she's sort of resigned to. Tomo honestly believes that if she had Sakaki's body, guys would fall all over themselves for her. Because then she'd have it all! LOOKS AND PERSONALITY! On the other hand . . . she's never had a guy interested in her before camp and so when it happens, it confuses the hell out of her. Brock asking her out? She had NO IDEA how to react. XD She just. Assumes she's off the radar to all men--unless she consciously tries to win them over in which case obviously they'll fall for her unless they're fixated on her lack of boobs, the pigs. :( (Or unless they're gay. Or Sano. Whut.) Someone she doesn't know well approaching her and hitting on her is so far out of the realm of possibility that it totally throws her off and she tends to react very negatively to it. ACKPBHT LIGHT DON'T KISS ME AGH I DUNNO YOU DDD: She's big on sex and stuff, but. . . . That's another essay, hah.
She does know she has a history of irritating people (deliberately and otherwise), so when people are immediately kind to her and NOT visibly annoyed and take to her right away, that also throws her off. Especially if they're unlike her. Like Norma and Himeko liking her right off, that doesn't weird her out because they're kindred spirits. But Sora saying she was awesome and he'd protect her if she needed it? That confuses her like whoa. XD Not negatively, like with the Light-kiss or Clark hitting on her, but it tends to mess with the her MIND. "Why don't you want to hit me? Why would you care if I was crying?" She doesn't say that stuff because she believes deep down that she deserves to be unliked, but because her EXPERIENCE is that she will be, and because it's consistent with the way she treats HER friends--she cares about them but she expresses it through teasing and sometimes violence. Tomo trying to cheer people up by pushing them around? Totally canon. 8D When people don't understand that, she figures they must not have a great grasp on true expressions of friendship and love!
I'm not sure what else. I really will have to do "Why Tomo is so sex-obsessed and macks on people and wouldn't say NO to the people she macks on, but was also really upset when Light kissed her and turned down the date with Brock" someday, because that's interesting too, now that I think about it! ♥
Basically--it's possible to read Tomo-in-canon as having incredibly low self-esteem. But I choose not to play it exactly this way for a few reasons. First of all, it's never explicitly stated, and there's evidence against it too. Second . . . I play Chisame. XD I've played Chisame for 11 months. If I want to play low self-esteem, I know exactly where to go.
But I can't go against canon either, and there are things that ARE explicit. We know she's not comfortable with her cup size AND IF THIS IS NOT ALREADY INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS FROM CAMP, THEN I SUCK. XD Tomo has a tit fixation in a big way. But on the other hand, she's not constantly down on her own body either, unlike Yomi.
Tomo: The only thing I lack is the chest. Everything else is perfect.
Kagura: The only thing you lack . . . for what?
Tomo: To have achieved the ideal woman's body.
Kagura: What kind of body is that?
[brief silence]
Tomo: Fujiko from Lupin III.
Kagura: WHAT?!
In general, she harps on the fact that she's small, both in that region and in general.
Tomo: Aargh, I wanna get taller, too! By at least 6 inches.
Osaka: How tall are you now?
Tomo: About 5 feet. I wouldn't get confused for an elementary school student . . . but I have been mistaken for a junior high student! Geez! I wanna be like Yomi, and get mistaken for a college student! Or a secretary!
Yomi: Shut your trap!
But she starts to get over this after awhile. When she cuts all her hair off in volume 3, she's obviously a little more comfortable with working with what she's GOT.
Tomo: While my long hair did make me quite the sexy beast . . . it occurred to me what I could never be Fujiko Mine . . . once I sat down and thought about it rationally. But I could be the equal of teen idol Ryoko Hirosue! Right?!
Yomi: Chiyo-chan, feel free to get angry any time now.
It's actually camp that threw her back into that "IF ONLY I HAD BIGGER BOOBS" mentality a bit. Meeting Lupin in person was a big part of that--like, whoa, here's her IDOL LUPIN and he's the REAL LUPIN and his girlfriend is this like sexy E-cup beast that Tomo dreamt about for YEARS. Plus she's surrounded by people like Cheri. And Tsunade (who was still here when Tomo arrived). And sexy busty anime girls in general. Tomo's realistically built and so it was kinda like COMPLEX RETURNS IN FULL FORCE.
The other part of this is that . . . Azumanga Daioh is a story about friendship, but amusingly, most of the friendships IN it fall waaaay short of ideal. Tomo's from a canon where nobody ever actually says to her "Your body's fine the way it is." Once. So Tomo's belief is that all guys like that kind of thing. That's what she's seen in the media, and having gone to a high school and hanging out with a bunch of misfit self-conscious female friends for four years. . . . And of course there's the fact that SHE likes boobs, uh. So.
Plus, in camp she generally gets one of two responses to her complaints. The first is something like "You'll grow!" Which isn't true, and she knows it--she's 18, and she's always going to be 5' tall and an A cup (uhhh going by manga appearance here and not the bizarre fluctuating anime and official art). So hearing this just depresses her because it also reinforces the "lol ur a kid" thing.
The second response is "You're cute the way you are!" or "You look fine!" which . . . confuses the hell out of her. Again, because it's not something she's ever HEARD. So she's like "Uh, what? Huh? Okay, thanks . . . I guess . . . thanks!" And it doesn't really sink in. Because it doesn't fit in with her worldview. XD
Tomo's body is the only thing we see her express regret over in canon. Again, you could ARGUE that the way she acts out and needs attention is a sign of how much she dislikes herself. And it'd be a powerful argument. But I don't play it that way, and she doesn't actually get any canon moments of "God, why am I like this? Why am I such an asshole? Why did I DO that?" It's Kagura who gets that moment, and it freaks Tomo the hell out when it happens and leads to extreme worrying/backpedaling and THIS ICON. 8D
So the way I play it, Tomo's just fine with the way she is. She doesn't see anything wrong with her personality. She does realize that other people do, and tends to believe it's their problem and their loss--however, Tomo has respect and acceptance for someone who will smack her down when she goes too far. Yomi beats the crap out of her a few times in canon and Tomo never complains. At one point Yomi socks her in the stomach and all Tomo says, while clutching herself and wheezing with pain, is "Good shot." Because she deserved it, and she KNEW she did. HOWEVER, if someone freaks out at her over something that she doesn't think deserves a freakout? She'll either get pissed at them or laugh in their face. Because there's nothing wrong with the way she acts unless she's trying to be wrong, dammit.
Tomo really, REALLY wants to be liked. But she doesn't want to be liked to the extent that she'll change her personality. I can't exactly say "Tomo doesn't care what people think of her!" because that's very much not true. New people she meets, she wants to make a good impression, she wants friends and adoration. But we never see her alter her behavior to this end. The way she sees it, she is who she is, and if someone doesn't like it, it's her job to MAKE them like it, not to actually be nicer or calm down for them. I think it's Tomo's firm belief that anyone who spends enough time around her will end up liking her. XD So people who dislike her, or who yell at her, she invests a lot more time in bothering them. IF I ANNOY THEM ENOUGH THEY SHALL SEE MY GLORY!
She's egotistical that way--it never occurs to her that hey, maybe Fllay really doesn't want to be bothered. Maybe Rin DOESN'T like having her hair pulled on. Of course they like it. If they don't, they will. BECAUSE I'M AWESOME (except for my tits and my height) AND ANYONE CAN SEE THAT WITH A LITTLE TIME AND EFFORT!
She'd much rather someone hit her or yell at her, like Yomi, than act superior like Fllay or repress their annoyance like Kimimaro or Al. That kind of thing bothers her because she's like "I can tell you're pissed. REACT." Tomo thrives on reactions. All of her favorite (male) people at camp, except for Itachi? Are people who react to her in ways that she finds exciting. Tomo LOVES ED because he'll throw a damn hissy fit at her when she pushes too far. Sano will scowl and yell and push her. Robert will totally lose his composure and be at a loss for words. And oh that's good. It's hot when people totally lose it. I HAVE AN EFFECT ON THEM! I EXIST IN THEIR WORLD! CLEARLY THEY LIKE ME.
Also, it's funny as hell watching them flail. 8D
. . . so I forgot what I was talking about but BASICALLY. Tomo sees herself as someone who's completely amazing and kickass as a person, and who can win anyone over given enough time, but also severely lacking in the chest department. I wouldn't say "looks" department because as I said, she thinks she's good looking otherwise. (She was sort of turned on when Itachi henged into her. 8D She'd do herself, yeah.) She just knows she's flat and short. And so considering all that, this is why she assumes guys don't like her, a fact she's sort of resigned to. Tomo honestly believes that if she had Sakaki's body, guys would fall all over themselves for her. Because then she'd have it all! LOOKS AND PERSONALITY! On the other hand . . . she's never had a guy interested in her before camp and so when it happens, it confuses the hell out of her. Brock asking her out? She had NO IDEA how to react. XD She just. Assumes she's off the radar to all men--unless she consciously tries to win them over in which case obviously they'll fall for her unless they're fixated on her lack of boobs, the pigs. :( (Or unless they're gay. Or Sano. Whut.) Someone she doesn't know well approaching her and hitting on her is so far out of the realm of possibility that it totally throws her off and she tends to react very negatively to it. ACKPBHT LIGHT DON'T KISS ME AGH I DUNNO YOU DDD: She's big on sex and stuff, but. . . . That's another essay, hah.
She does know she has a history of irritating people (deliberately and otherwise), so when people are immediately kind to her and NOT visibly annoyed and take to her right away, that also throws her off. Especially if they're unlike her. Like Norma and Himeko liking her right off, that doesn't weird her out because they're kindred spirits. But Sora saying she was awesome and he'd protect her if she needed it? That confuses her like whoa. XD Not negatively, like with the Light-kiss or Clark hitting on her, but it tends to mess with the her MIND. "Why don't you want to hit me? Why would you care if I was crying?" She doesn't say that stuff because she believes deep down that she deserves to be unliked, but because her EXPERIENCE is that she will be, and because it's consistent with the way she treats HER friends--she cares about them but she expresses it through teasing and sometimes violence. Tomo trying to cheer people up by pushing them around? Totally canon. 8D When people don't understand that, she figures they must not have a great grasp on true expressions of friendship and love!
I'm not sure what else. I really will have to do "Why Tomo is so sex-obsessed and macks on people and wouldn't say NO to the people she macks on, but was also really upset when Light kissed her and turned down the date with Brock" someday, because that's interesting too, now that I think about it! ♥