(( your friend that loves you ))
ESSAY NUMBER ONE. T^Td
So. PostSecrets the other day, and this thread (joining the discussion in progress because yeah we kinda spammed that post XD). Basically Tomo had told Sano that she did have one secret that she wasn't going to post, he pressed a little about it, other factors like the slightly porny thread leading UP to that point and a simultaneous conversation with Umeda here came into it and--yeah she came out with that. And it's true, and also something she's known for--maybe two months now, I'm not sure--slightly longer than they've been together, in any case.
When the whole thing started in like April and Sano figured out Tomo liked him, she told Sano that she wasn't in love with him--that he was a good friend of hers that she happened to find attractive and would be interested in fooling around with. At the time, that was true. And it stayed that way for a few months, probably. Of course, the reason she DID find him attractive was because of his personality--physically yeah, he is hot in an objective way, but he actually probably wouldn't ping her that hard if she just saw him around. His looks actually don't hit many of her hot buttons. XD (He has the right kind of hair and he's interesting-looking because of the scar, and "interesting" is one of her biggest things, but!) But Tomo doesn't look at attractive people and want to do them. She looks at people she wants to do and THEN decides they're physically attractive. With Sano she was attracted to his personality as a friend, started thinking of him sexually because of that, and then made the leap to "OMG UR SO HOT. |DDD"
So at first sure, she liked him as a friend, same as all her other friends, and also wanted to have sex with him. These two things never conflicted in her mind. She was fine with being just his friend--not that she didn't DESPERATELY WANT TO WALL HIM, but you know, hormones lol. It actually wasn't a big deal. Friendship was more important. And that friendship was getting a lot closer and more involved and really really important to her and Tomo started getting very attached but IT WAS STILL FINE RLY! They were just. Really good friends, one of whom was attracted to the other. Sure!
Then Sano genderswitched and that's when things got confusing for Tomo. |D To Tomo, it was hilarious and kinda awesome and Sano should be having a good time in a female body! Because he likes girls, and it was hot! But he wasn't having a good time. He was miserable and snippy and pouty, always kinda depressed and desperate, and Tomo couldn't really fix it. And . . . that was sort of when she figured out that she just couldn't deal with Sano feeling bad. It made her feel really HORRIBLE and it made her want to do things to distract him. All kinds of things! Like playing with him and joking around and picking on him and tricking people and, yeah, sexual things to comfort him and get his mind off of it. Or even just cuddling and kissing things because who could frown and be sad during that? :( And Sano shouldn't frown or be sad because it makes me feel really bad and I'm not sure why!
It was significant because it was pretty much the first time Tomo had ever thought "I want to kiss him to make him feel good" instead of "I want to kiss him because I think it would feel good." And that was why she decided she had to DO it. She couldn't do it while Sano was actually genderswitched, because she knew he'd get the wrong idea--she just wanted to touch the female!Sano body, etc. But after she had that feeling towards him of being protective and tender, she . . . wouldn't have said she loved him or anything, but for some reason she felt it was really important to kiss him just once. So she waited until he switched back and then went ahead and did it, knowing it'd freak him out and he didn't like her, but just sort of feeling like she HAD TO OR DIE because it wasn't a physical thing anymore. It was needing to express--something about how she'd felt seeing him upset.
(I always thought it was hilarious that in the thread that same night where Sano tells Roy about what happened, Roy said something like "Well it looks like she's not in love with you anyway, just that she's attracted to you." XD Because yeah. Tomo kissing Sano that time was absolutely not physical in any way; it was an entirely emotional response.)
Afterwards she had a conversation with Roy in which Roy advised her to give up on Sano and go after Ed, because she'd likely get a more favorable response. This was the second really confusing moment for Tomo, because Ed was someone she loved DEARLY and was VERY attracted to physically and loved touching and she'd been badly wanting to fool around with him for a long time. But when Roy said that, her response was . . . meh. For one thing she wasn't convinced Ed wouldn't kill her, but more importantly, the idea of giving up on Sano completely--once it had been brought up, Tomo realized that she couldn't even imagine it. She didn't WANT to stop pursuing Sano, even if he had a girlfriend at home or whatever, because that tiny kiss and that feeling of wanting to be around him and make him happy all the time had really gotten under her skin. And having another boyfriend or something would mean having to stop touching Sano and sleeping with him and stuff and wow did she ever not want that. XD
Around this time, a few other things were going on. Ling was in camp and had, uh, made it REALLY CLEAR that he'd like to mess around with her some. And Speed came to camp and pretty much made the same offer. Ling was hot, but he was evil and Ed hated him and blah blah yeah there were reasons to say no. With Speed--he's an awesome buddy, he's hilarious, hot as HELL, obviously interested, they have fun together, not evil, and he has superspeed which happens to be a kink of Tomo's lol. She was physically turned on after bantering with him and getting him to carry her super-fast around camp. And after getting Speed's cabin number, she realized that she had two choices: go get her rocks off with a REALLY HOT GUY she was attracted to and had fun with, or uh dick around retardedly and completely platonically with Sano. And for SOME WEIRD REASON the second one just sounded. Better. Wonderful, even.
That kind of threw a wrench in her whole "I just like you as a friend but also want to get laid by a hot guy!" thing.
SO LET'S REVIEW: Tomo decided that she'd rather cuddle non-sexually with Sano than actually get anywhere with anyone else. Also that even a guy like Ed who's pretty much her ideal of men wasn't quiiiiite as good, and that it was really important that Sano be smiling and happy and MAN she really wanted to kiss him again so much that it was kinda eating her up inside. . . . Yeah at that point Tomo was pretty much screwed, and starting to realize it. XD;
She asked around a little about what love felt like--actually she'd already done a little of this, because she'd also been wondering whether she loved ED--and got some responses that made her scoff and laugh, because Tomo's not one for metaphor or sap. She heard what people had to say about it, people like Cher and Chizuru, and was like GOD WHAT LOL NO. So she figured she was in the clear until she talked to Wolfram about Yuuri, and asked HIM, and was like ohhhhhh shit when Wolfram said that it felt like . . . wanting to be with that person and make them happy and see them smile all the time, and feeling like if they'd just smile at you always then everything would be fine. ._. o-oops
The idea of that kinda terrified her because the whole thing with Sano was based on the fact that she DIDN'T want anything to change between them, and she knew he didn't love her or anything or even LIKE her that way. Repreeeeeess repress! And then they got together and yeaaaah. It got worse fast. Because oh man being his girlfriend was really awesome and then he went through another bout of emo when Ueki left, which made Tomo feel a lot like she did during the original genderswitch incident--miserable. But he's bouncing back and having fun with her and there's touching sometimes! and all of that makes her so happy that yeah, she's officially of the Fallen. XD And while she likes the FEELING, the IMPLICATION kinda freaks her out because while Sano didn't flip or get too weird, she has no idea what he actually thought of it. She's sure he doesn't love her BACK, but she doesn't know the extent of that . . . whether it's like "Well this is really soon and I don't feel that strongly yet, let's see what happens" or whether it's more like "I got together with you planning on this being totally casual and not emotional, and I can/will never feel that way in return and I wish you didn't." And she's not going to ask, because she's not the kind of person who asks.
And as angsty as that SOUNDS, because Tomo's mind works in special ways, it's really--not killing her inside or anything. XD Now that she's said it, she feels better, and Sano didn't want to kill her for it so everything's pretty much fine in her book. She'll just go with it and see what happens and SEDUCE HIM INTO LOVING HER. Yeah, she's still kinda freaked out by the very idea and the potential consequences, but it also feels good and she really can't help it. She's okay with just going with it for now and maybe also repressing it a little because they're both retards who rule at avoiding the issue. :Dd
TELL ME WHAT I FORGOT TO ADDRESS. D:
So. PostSecrets the other day, and this thread (joining the discussion in progress because yeah we kinda spammed that post XD). Basically Tomo had told Sano that she did have one secret that she wasn't going to post, he pressed a little about it, other factors like the slightly porny thread leading UP to that point and a simultaneous conversation with Umeda here came into it and--yeah she came out with that. And it's true, and also something she's known for--maybe two months now, I'm not sure--slightly longer than they've been together, in any case.
When the whole thing started in like April and Sano figured out Tomo liked him, she told Sano that she wasn't in love with him--that he was a good friend of hers that she happened to find attractive and would be interested in fooling around with. At the time, that was true. And it stayed that way for a few months, probably. Of course, the reason she DID find him attractive was because of his personality--physically yeah, he is hot in an objective way, but he actually probably wouldn't ping her that hard if she just saw him around. His looks actually don't hit many of her hot buttons. XD (He has the right kind of hair and he's interesting-looking because of the scar, and "interesting" is one of her biggest things, but!) But Tomo doesn't look at attractive people and want to do them. She looks at people she wants to do and THEN decides they're physically attractive. With Sano she was attracted to his personality as a friend, started thinking of him sexually because of that, and then made the leap to "OMG UR SO HOT. |DDD"
So at first sure, she liked him as a friend, same as all her other friends, and also wanted to have sex with him. These two things never conflicted in her mind. She was fine with being just his friend--not that she didn't DESPERATELY WANT TO WALL HIM, but you know, hormones lol. It actually wasn't a big deal. Friendship was more important. And that friendship was getting a lot closer and more involved and really really important to her and Tomo started getting very attached but IT WAS STILL FINE RLY! They were just. Really good friends, one of whom was attracted to the other. Sure!
Then Sano genderswitched and that's when things got confusing for Tomo. |D To Tomo, it was hilarious and kinda awesome and Sano should be having a good time in a female body! Because he likes girls, and it was hot! But he wasn't having a good time. He was miserable and snippy and pouty, always kinda depressed and desperate, and Tomo couldn't really fix it. And . . . that was sort of when she figured out that she just couldn't deal with Sano feeling bad. It made her feel really HORRIBLE and it made her want to do things to distract him. All kinds of things! Like playing with him and joking around and picking on him and tricking people and, yeah, sexual things to comfort him and get his mind off of it. Or even just cuddling and kissing things because who could frown and be sad during that? :( And Sano shouldn't frown or be sad because it makes me feel really bad and I'm not sure why!
It was significant because it was pretty much the first time Tomo had ever thought "I want to kiss him to make him feel good" instead of "I want to kiss him because I think it would feel good." And that was why she decided she had to DO it. She couldn't do it while Sano was actually genderswitched, because she knew he'd get the wrong idea--she just wanted to touch the female!Sano body, etc. But after she had that feeling towards him of being protective and tender, she . . . wouldn't have said she loved him or anything, but for some reason she felt it was really important to kiss him just once. So she waited until he switched back and then went ahead and did it, knowing it'd freak him out and he didn't like her, but just sort of feeling like she HAD TO OR DIE because it wasn't a physical thing anymore. It was needing to express--something about how she'd felt seeing him upset.
(I always thought it was hilarious that in the thread that same night where Sano tells Roy about what happened, Roy said something like "Well it looks like she's not in love with you anyway, just that she's attracted to you." XD Because yeah. Tomo kissing Sano that time was absolutely not physical in any way; it was an entirely emotional response.)
Afterwards she had a conversation with Roy in which Roy advised her to give up on Sano and go after Ed, because she'd likely get a more favorable response. This was the second really confusing moment for Tomo, because Ed was someone she loved DEARLY and was VERY attracted to physically and loved touching and she'd been badly wanting to fool around with him for a long time. But when Roy said that, her response was . . . meh. For one thing she wasn't convinced Ed wouldn't kill her, but more importantly, the idea of giving up on Sano completely--once it had been brought up, Tomo realized that she couldn't even imagine it. She didn't WANT to stop pursuing Sano, even if he had a girlfriend at home or whatever, because that tiny kiss and that feeling of wanting to be around him and make him happy all the time had really gotten under her skin. And having another boyfriend or something would mean having to stop touching Sano and sleeping with him and stuff and wow did she ever not want that. XD
Around this time, a few other things were going on. Ling was in camp and had, uh, made it REALLY CLEAR that he'd like to mess around with her some. And Speed came to camp and pretty much made the same offer. Ling was hot, but he was evil and Ed hated him and blah blah yeah there were reasons to say no. With Speed--he's an awesome buddy, he's hilarious, hot as HELL, obviously interested, they have fun together, not evil, and he has superspeed which happens to be a kink of Tomo's lol. She was physically turned on after bantering with him and getting him to carry her super-fast around camp. And after getting Speed's cabin number, she realized that she had two choices: go get her rocks off with a REALLY HOT GUY she was attracted to and had fun with, or uh dick around retardedly and completely platonically with Sano. And for SOME WEIRD REASON the second one just sounded. Better. Wonderful, even.
That kind of threw a wrench in her whole "I just like you as a friend but also want to get laid by a hot guy!" thing.
SO LET'S REVIEW: Tomo decided that she'd rather cuddle non-sexually with Sano than actually get anywhere with anyone else. Also that even a guy like Ed who's pretty much her ideal of men wasn't quiiiiite as good, and that it was really important that Sano be smiling and happy and MAN she really wanted to kiss him again so much that it was kinda eating her up inside. . . . Yeah at that point Tomo was pretty much screwed, and starting to realize it. XD;
She asked around a little about what love felt like--actually she'd already done a little of this, because she'd also been wondering whether she loved ED--and got some responses that made her scoff and laugh, because Tomo's not one for metaphor or sap. She heard what people had to say about it, people like Cher and Chizuru, and was like GOD WHAT LOL NO. So she figured she was in the clear until she talked to Wolfram about Yuuri, and asked HIM, and was like ohhhhhh shit when Wolfram said that it felt like . . . wanting to be with that person and make them happy and see them smile all the time, and feeling like if they'd just smile at you always then everything would be fine. ._. o-oops
The idea of that kinda terrified her because the whole thing with Sano was based on the fact that she DIDN'T want anything to change between them, and she knew he didn't love her or anything or even LIKE her that way. Repreeeeeess repress! And then they got together and yeaaaah. It got worse fast. Because oh man being his girlfriend was really awesome and then he went through another bout of emo when Ueki left, which made Tomo feel a lot like she did during the original genderswitch incident--miserable. But he's bouncing back and having fun with her and there's touching sometimes! and all of that makes her so happy that yeah, she's officially of the Fallen. XD And while she likes the FEELING, the IMPLICATION kinda freaks her out because while Sano didn't flip or get too weird, she has no idea what he actually thought of it. She's sure he doesn't love her BACK, but she doesn't know the extent of that . . . whether it's like "Well this is really soon and I don't feel that strongly yet, let's see what happens" or whether it's more like "I got together with you planning on this being totally casual and not emotional, and I can/will never feel that way in return and I wish you didn't." And she's not going to ask, because she's not the kind of person who asks.
And as angsty as that SOUNDS, because Tomo's mind works in special ways, it's really--not killing her inside or anything. XD Now that she's said it, she feels better, and Sano didn't want to kill her for it so everything's pretty much fine in her book. She'll just go with it and see what happens and SEDUCE HIM INTO LOVING HER. Yeah, she's still kinda freaked out by the very idea and the potential consequences, but it also feels good and she really can't help it. She's okay with just going with it for now and maybe also repressing it a little because they're both retards who rule at avoiding the issue. :Dd
TELL ME WHAT I FORGOT TO ADDRESS. D: