The Play Nice Proviso: Six
I’ve never felt this way
Jared spent the rest of the filming of Season Three having the best damn time of his life.
He and Jensen were finally... not awkward. It had been a hard-fought, uphill battle, but Jared had persevered. And Jensen had capitulated. Not wholly, because Jen was still a bit wary and cautious but sometimes, and those were the best times ever, he forgot his reservations and just went with the flow. There was always something reserved about him, something private, but Jared slowly and surely infiltrated the barriers Jensen had erected. He picked away at the wall Jensen had built around himself; sometimes pebble by pebble, sometimes brick by brick.
Jensen just refused to advertise the friendship part on-set though, although Jared couldn’t figure out why for the life of him. Probably had a lot to do with Jensen being a stubborn jackass. But whatever. He couldn’t care less since, outside of work? They were always together. Together at home and they had even started going out together, grabbing a few drinks at a local bar or going to a nice restaurant once in a while. They even went sight-seeing around the greater Vancouver area! It was awesome.
And their newfound friendship? Was glorious.
Even though they had their differences, they were similar in so many ways. So in tune with one another. That didn’t happen every day, Jared knew. When you found a friend like that, you latch on and keep them around for the rest of your life.
If he happened to sometimes have wayward thoughts about the way his friend’s beautiful green eyes sparkled when he laughed, or the soft timbre of his voice when he was too tired to talk to anyone else but him, well, Jared figured it just came with the territory because Jensen was charming like that. His Momma had raised him right. It was pretty obvious that everyone was a little in love with the guy and Jared was no exception.
It didn’t mean anything.
It couldn’t.
So, he ignored his wayward thoughts and concentrated on the friendship and the show and his family and his dogs and his girl. And before he knew it, it was that time of year again and they bade each other farewell as they headed off to spend their well-earned summer hiatus separately.
And with both of them off doing separate things during the hiatus - including conventions, which were just no fun without Jensen - damned if it wasn’t the loneliest summer of Jared’s recollection.
Season Four started off right.
The boys were back in town and they had their shit so together and in synch that filming was awesome. The friendship had gone from strength to strength. In fact, it was nothing short of brilliant. They just gelled; connecting on so many levels that sometimes he was hard-pressed to say where one of them ended and the other began. They had fun on set, even though Jensen was still the grumpiest fucker ever. The fun they had off set made up for it though and Jared sometimes wished that they had started out this way from the get-go. But that wasn’t right. Although their initial hostility towards each other was not really discussed except in passing, as a joke, all had been forgiven even if not quite forgotten. In a good way though, since Jared truly felt that they both appreciated the friendship even more because it had been borne of enmity and neither of them wanted to go down that road again.
It just made spending three weeks without Jensen over the Christmas hiatus that much harder though. It was, Jared was certain, the longest three weeks of his life. But then they got back to Vancouver and filming resumed again and they fell back into their routines so easily that he wasn’t about to start complaining.
So life was good.
Well, life in Vancouver was good. Life back home in Texas over Christmas had been good.
Life in LA around New Year’s? Not so much.
“Trouble in Paradise?” Jensen asked as he slid into the Impala next to Jared, both of them waiting to do another take on the scene they were filming. Jared had just flipped his cell phone shut and was staring out the windscreen with a scowl on his face. He shook it off.
“Nah, just Sandy wants me to fly down this weekend for her best friend’s wedding.”
“So? We actually have this weekend off for once.”
“I know, but I’m so tired, man. Last thing I wanna do is put on a monkey suit and go to a freaking wedding. Besides, who gets married in January? Jeez.”
“You realize there will be cake there, right?”
And that, right there, is what Jared loved about Jensen. He just got him. In spite of their history, in spite of their differences, in spite of everything - and no matter how hard a certain crabby co-star may try to deny it - they were connected. Jared grinned. “I can get cake here. A whole goddamn cake, all to myself. Be nice to me and I might even share it with you. Hell, you can bake me one, Ace of Cakes.”
“But this would be free cake.”
“But it would only be a slice.”
“Well, then you can flash those dimples at the one of the catering crew and get more. It’s all good.”
“You totally bow down to the power of the dimples, dude.”
“Combined with the puppy-dog eyes, they’re fucking weapons of mass destruction,” Jensen grouched and seriously? Seriously? It was when he said shit like that, that made Jared want to hug him close and never let go. God. “You should go, dude. I’m flying out to LA this weekend too. We could... I dunno... do shit.”
“I... Wait. What?” Jared froze, not certain if he heard right. Did Jensen just ask him to do ‘shit’ with him? He was initiating a hanging out session? He never did that! It was always Jared coming up with one lame idea after another and Jensen petulantly tagging along. He had to admit though, lame or not, they always ended up having an amazing time.
“You heard me.”
“Oh,” Jared stifled a grin at the gruff remark. It was just so Jensen. “Okay. I’ll go to the damn wedding. But only ‘cause of the cake.”
“Yeah. ‘Cause wedding cake is different. It just tastes better.”
“It totally does.”
It became quickly apparent that Sandy didn’t understand why he wanted to hang out with Jensen in LA when he got to see him all the time in Vancouver.
Jared didn’t mention that he didn’t quite get it either.
Somehow, when Jared hadn’t been paying attention, Sandy had gone from being his girl to being his... heck, he didn’t quite know what box to put her in. Sure, she was his friend and yet she knew him so well and for so long, that she was practically a part of his family. And sure, they were engaged but truth be told, Jared’s heart was no longer in it.
He didn’t quite know why. He couldn’t see what had changed between them that had made him… not love her the same way anymore. He didn’t get it. Or maybe he chose not to get it.
It didn’t help that even Jensen had officially hooked up with his long-time friend Danneel Harris over the summer, in fact, she was the reason he was in LA this weekend. If there was any truth to the rumors, they were practically engaged too, although Jensen hadn’t said anything to that effect yet. He figured, if Jensen could bite the bullet, then so could he, goddamn it.
It just... didn’t feel right.
And then Sandy had left him, all by his lonesome, at this big empty table halfway into the reception and all Jared could do was stare at the slice of uneaten cake in front of him as he tried not to think of his co-star and what he was doing at that very moment.
His cell phone vibrated in his pocket - staccato short, indicating a text message - and he pulled it out, a wide grin splitting his face as he read it, his fingers flying over the keypad as he responded.
Chocolate or vanilla?
Dude. Chocolate AND vanilla.
Awesome. Gonna bring me back a slice?
Flashing dimples at waitress now.
And the verdict?
Mission accomplished. Got a take-out container. Put a pink flower in it. Only the best 4 my baby.
1st thing I do when I see u is kick ur ass, Padalecki.
Jennybean, how many times I gotta tell u not to call me that? It reminds me of the time u didn’t love me as much as u do now.
Bitch.
Jerk.
What time u picking me up 2moro?
7ish? Food first?
K. Howz the wedding?
Bor-ring. Just sitting here by myself. Shoot me.
WTF? Call me, moron.
Jared’s grin got impossibly wider as he hit the call button.
“You’re an idiot,” Jensen’s voice sounded in his ear. “I could have been talking to you all this time instead of taxing my fingers trying to type messages on this tiny, tiny keypad.”
“I miss you too, Jen,” Jared chuckled quietly, placing a large hand over his mouth so his voice could be heard over the general din in the large ballroom.
“Whatthefuckever.”
“Hey! You texted me first.”
“So?”
“So? That means you were thinking ‘bout me.”
“Was not.”
“Was too.”
“I was thinking about the cake. I just felt like some cake.”
“Don’t worry, sugar, I’ve got what you need right here,” Jared’s voice dipped to a lower register of its own accord. He heard Jensen clear his throat on the other side of the line.
“One of these days, dipshit, your mock-flirting is gonna get you in trouble,” Jensen growled. Jared actually shivered. That’s when he realized that this was the first time they had ever talked on the phone in the entire time they had known each other. Sure they texted a lot - a whole heckuva lot - and there was a lot to be said about their constant back-and-forth banter even via text, but it took on a whole new meaning over the phone.
“Do you know this is the first time we’ve spoken on the phone?”
“That can’t be true,” Jensen argued.
“It is true and you know it. Besides which, you have a totally sexy phone voice. That’s not something I would forget.”
“Yeah?” Jensen sounded momentarily intrigued by that little tidbit of information, and his voice deepened almost imperceptibly. “You know, if you were a girl, Jared, I would totally think you had a crush as big as Texas on me.”
Jared choked on air, coughing and sputtering until he could reach for his glass of water and take a calming sip. “Jesus, Jen!”
The jerk laughed at him, and God help him, he loved that sound.
“Jen?”
“You know, I don’t recall ever giving you permission to call me that.”
“Whatever. Jen?”
Jensen sighed long-sufferingly. “Hmm?”
“Do you think this is...? What I mean is, do you think it’s weird that we’re so... I dunno, good together? Like this friendship - like it’s too easy, you know? Considering what we had before, I mean?” Jared had no idea where that came from; the questions just blindsided him from somewhere deep within his subconscious. Jensen was silent for so long that it made Jared squirm in his seat, anxiety rising with every second that ticked by. It wasn’t a good thing, because when he got nervous, the filter between his brain and mouth disappeared. “Like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I dunno, I feel that maybe it’s so easy that we’re heading into disaster and Jesus, Jen, I don’t think I can lose you right now.” Jared took a deep breath as his words echoed in his head. Oh crap. “I mean, as a friend. I don’t wanna lose you as a friend. Aw, shit.”
“I hear ya, man,” Jensen’s voice trickled softly over the phone. “I kinda felt the same way. But then I realized this thing between us just seems so easy because what we had before was so hard, you know?”
“It was?”
“Wasn’t it? It was hard for me, Jay,” Jensen mumbled, and Jared could almost picture him squirming too, rubbing the back of neck and going red in the face. It was an endearing image and Jared smiled. “I... we... I dunno. I guess, for whatever weird reason we just... are. Not to mention that it’s really fucking hard to hate someone like you, you giant goofball.”
“You’re totally crushing on me too.”
“Shut up.”
“Hey! You... you called me ‘Jay’ again.” Jared could almost feel Jen bristled over the phone.
“Again? So?”
“So? No one’s ever called me that before. Jared. Jare. J-Pad - although that’s just fuckin’ Chad. My family calls me JT. You called me ‘Jay’ before too - when you took me to the hospital that night. And sat by my bed all night long, ‘cause you were worried, ‘cause you loved me so much, even then.”
“I didn’t sit ‘by your bed’, douchebag, you must have been hallucinating. You were pretty drugged up. And I could call you Tristan, if you like. Hey, Tristan.” Jensen’s voice dipped into Dean’s lower register and Jared had to work to suppress the full-body shudder it incited.
“Shut the fuck up. What I meant was... no one calls me Jay.”
“I’ll stop...”
“I wasn’t complainin’,” Jared’s Texas drawl suddenly decided to come out and play. There was a moment of silence before Jensen’s voice huffed out again.
“Jare, huh? That’s sounds stupid. Oh, unless it was followed by bear. Oh. Man. Jarebear,” Jensen all out cackled. “Jarebear. It’s fucking perfect. Every time you call me Jennybean, I’ll know what to call you.”
“Aww, baby, you love me so much you gave me a cute nickname. Careful, Jen, that’s a sure-fire way to get your heart broken. I’m practically a married man.”
“The operative word there being man, Jarebear. Also? I hate you.”
“Don’t worry, Jennybean, I’m gonna love you enough for the both of us.”
“What’s going on with you, Jared?” Sandy asked as soon as they walked into her apartment. The ride home from the wedding had been short but any attempt Jared had made at initiating a conversation had been met with stony silence.
“So now you decide to talk to me?”
“I didn’t want to get into this while you were behind the wheel.”
Jared squeezed his eyes shut. “Yeah? Well, I don’t want to get into this now.”
“I can’t believe you, Jared! I get that we saw each other over New Year’s but you were moody and miserable even then. And before that, we hadn’t seen each other since the summer, and all I did - wrongly apparently - was ask you to come down for Britney’s wedding. I mean I’ve been telling you about the wedding for months, and I swear to God, I think the only reason you came is because Jensen flew down too. And the two of you are going out tomorrow. I mean, come on, Jared! You see him every damn day, 24/7! Is it too much to ask that you actually look a little happy at the prospect of being with me?”
“Sandy, for God’s sake, I’m tired. I’m exhausted. We’ve been filming non-stop and honest to God, I just wanted to sleep this weekend. But you asked and I came, you don’t get to dictate whether or not I’m happy about it.” He sighed. He was being an asshole, but damn if he could help it right now. “I’m sorry. I’m trying. I’m just... I don’t even know what.”
“You seemed plenty happy talking on the phone before.”
Jared’s heart actually stopped beating for a split second. He tried to keep the guilt from showing on his face. When he finally spoke, his tone was careful, neutral. “What?”
“I felt bad leaving you alone, so I came back. And you were laughing and flirting on the phone. I know you, Jared. I know you so well. That’s how you were with me when we first got together. Your talk gets all honey sweet and your accent gets stronger, your voice goes all deep and smoky. I haven’t heard that voice in forever. Our conversations just don’t have that spark anymore,” Sandy paused to take in a shuddering deep breath. “Who is she, Jared?”
“I was talking to Jensen!”
“Don’t give me that! Don’t fucking lie to me!”
“I’m... fuck, Sandy, I’m not lying. You can call and ask him if you don’t believe me!”
“We both know Jensen would back you up. Oh my God! Does he know? About her? Is that why you’re so quick to go right to him?”
“You’re out of your mind, Sandy, don’t do this.”
“You don’t do this! We’re supposed to be getting married! Married, Jared. And you’re dicking around with some chick. Who the fuck is she? Just tell me.”
“Sandy, you’re really starting to piss me off! There is no other woman.”
“Then who were you on the phone with?”
“Jensen!”
“Oh my God - Jen. You said ‘Jen’ on the phone...”
“Yeah,” Jared breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe now this stupid argument can end and he can go crawl into bed. Jesus. “As in, short for Jensen.”
But Sandy continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “I thought it was Jen... with a ‘J’. But it wasn’t, was it? That’s why Jensen is such a good cover. It’s not J-e-n. - it’s G-e-n. It’s Genevieve Cortese.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jared roared angrily, so much so that Sandy actually shrank back from him, but he was too livid to care. “I barely know the woman! She just joined the supporting cast!”
“She is beautiful...”
“Sandy, for fuck’s sake!”
“And she’s sexy.”
“I’m not cheating on you! I don’t have feelings for her.”
“If you’re not cheating on me, Jared, then why did you look so guilty before?” She looked at him shrewdly. “Not her? Then whom?” But Jared had reached the limit of his patience. He needed to get out before he did or said something that he would sorely regret later.
“I’m not doing this, Sandy. Not tonight. Not when I have to get back on a flight the day after tomorrow and go back to Canada. I do not need any more stress,” he grabbed his discarded jacket and pocketed his wallet and keys. “I’m spending the night at a hotel. You need to think about this. I am not cheating on you. I never have. That’s not the kind of man I am. You’re supposed to know that about me, and it hurts that
you don’t.”
“Maybe you haven’t done anything yet,” her soft voice followed him out into the hallway. “But for the first time in our relationship, Jared, you want to. And that’s what hurts the most.”
Jared had ended up canceling on Jensen, out of some misguided sense of guilt. He did still, however, have the piece of wedding cake delivered to him. Because... well, because... it was for Jensen.
Maybe Sandy had had a point. He was so wrapped up in thoughts of Jensen that he couldn’t refocus his thoughts elsewhere unless he absolutely had to. He didn’t even want to try.
So he called Eric and asked for a couple of extra days off. Not so much to try and sort things out with Sandy, but to try and sort things out in his own head, because if there was at least one thing he knew for sure, it was that he and Sandy were over. Sure, she had been harboring misconceptions and she wasn’t ready to see him or even talk to him but he felt he owed her to tell her in person. Even though the urge to return to Vancouver and officially break things off with her over the phone was tempting, he knew she deserved better.
He hadn’t expected her to look so shocked and shaken at his decision. It hurt him to hurt her in that way but it was for the better; in the long run, there was no longer any future for them in his mind. Things, feelings, were so convoluted in his head that he just needed to be alone. Or back with Jensen. Who should have perhaps been the last person he needed to see, but while his mind maybe understood that logically, it still sided with his heart.
And his heart and mind both gave a happy leap for joy when Jensen was the first person he saw when he arrived on set straight from the airport. The consequences of that scared Jared. Terrified him, actually. First off, he had never really felt this way about another human being in his life, ever; this all-encompassing need to be with Jensen all the time, to know him, to touch him. Terrifying. And secondly, obviously, Jensen was a man. And so was Jared. And. Yeah. Terrifying.
Never mind what that meant for him; because he didn’t want to label his feelings, his inclinations: but what did it mean for Jensen? Jensen was with Danneel. Very much so. Not to mention the fact that Jensen was straight. Not that Jared wasn’t of course, but... no labels. He was just confusing their friendship, this weird bond they had forged, the stupid teasing and taunting that had been going on during their feud, all of that: he was confusing it with something else. And he couldn’t do that. He shouldn’t. Because Jensen didn’t want him like that; not that Jared wanted Jensen like that per se, but... he couldn’t afford to dwell on it. That road led to certain heartache, best to detour around it. Because somehow he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if he let himself go down that road, he would never return. Never recover.
Maybe he needed some sort of sensory deprivation. Cut himself off from all-things-Jensen for a while. Maybe then his life would get back to normal. Maybe he had to remember that he had other friends, some of whom actually lived in Vancouver too. But, none of them compared to Jensen, none of them meant as much to him. Crap. Nothing in his life made any sense anymore.
Unless... Jensen was in it.
