The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (7/8)
Well. Hmmm. I just wrote this at work. AT WORK people. All the science stuff and finding the key to fighting the toxic effects of anthrax - that had to be out on the back burner for a while.
:p
So here it is - Part Seven. God, I hope this lives up to the rest. Enjoy - and please comment! I cannot believe I had 91 comments for the last chapter. Crazy - all right, half of them were my own in reply to yours - but STILL. You guys rock.
Title: The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (7/?)
Spoilers: Everything up to and including 2 X 23
Rating: R (if I’m encouraged to go there)
Word Count: 3,220
Disclaimer: Not mine... although I wish I had my own Sheldon *sigh*
X-Posted to Paradox (sheldon_penny):
http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/373671.html#cutid1
PART SEVEN: OF LOVE AND WAR
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Penny”
Penny froze, her mug of spring vegetable soup raised halfway to her lips. Her head swivelled to the door so fast, the soup sloshed over the side of the mug and onto her blouse. Wincing a little at the heat, she quickly put the mug down on the coffee table, her eyes still trained on the door.
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Penny”
She stood, banging her knee on the coffee table as she did so, and her mug of soup fell to the floor with a messy splash. She ignored it and cautiously approached the door. The knocks did not have their usual staccato rhythm. These were softer, more reluctant. Was she hallucinating?
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Penny”
She gulped and blinked rapidly to dispel the tears forming in her eyes. She was such a sap lately. Her hand stayed on the doorknob for a few seconds while she took a deep, fortifying breath. This was fine, she told herself. This was Sheldon. How many times in the past two-and-a-half years had she opened her door to Sheldon? She could do this.
She opened the door.
“Penny.”
“Sheldon.”
They looked at each other. They gazed. They studied. They stared. And Penny tried to catalogue and memorize every aspect of his face.
After all, an entire week had gone by without a peep from him. Granted, she had been pretty busy too, what with wrapping the third and final commercial for Honey Puffs, and the taping of the fifth episode of Black Hole, but still...
No knocks on her door, no meetings at the mailbox, no walking up the stairs together making banal chitchat. She wondered if she could somehow go back in time and actually calculate how long they had spent - just the two of them - doing all those little everyday things together... how many seconds, minutes, hours or days of her life would that add up to?
Not nearly enough it seemed.
It was far worse than when he had been away in the Arctic, having him so close and yet so far away. At least then, they had talked to each other all the time, and when they hadn’t been talking - there had been emails, and there had been the anticipation... the eagerness to hurry home so she could tell him about her day, the impatience to find out what new hell he had put Raj through. The happiness at the prospect of teasing him. The need... just to be with him, even if it was via webcam.
And now that he was back home, she missed him. Terribly. It gnawed away at her and it was frightening. She didn’t understand it, and yet, she did. Obviously, they had developed a closeness while he had been away. Their friendship had flourished... and somehow, when she hadn’t really been paying it much attention, that friendship had blossomed into something else. Something crazy - it was delusional, it was unbelievable, it was extraordinary, it was mind-blowing; it was... love.
Penny looked up at him and noticed his usually bright blue eyes seemed somehow paler than usual. He looked tired and drawn. His hair was still long... she wondered why he hadn’t gotten it cut yet. It seemed so unusual for him not to be perfectly groomed.
And yet, he looked familiar and wonderful and she loved every single inch of his face.
She was in love with Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper. Double PhD, brilliant mind, Lord of the Whack-a-Doodles, Sheldon Cooper.
Holy. Crap. On. A. Freakin’. Cracker.
“I just came over to say,” Sheldon started, then paused, exhaling loudly and darting a frustrated look at her, “I’m sorry for the way I treated you the other night. It was rude and uncalled for and it won’t happen again. May I make it up to you by inviting you to have dinner with us?”
“You’re apologizing?” She asked, finding her voice.
“You sound surprised.” He sounded accusatory.
“I am surprised.”
“You’re the one who called my mother.”
“Your mother? Oh.” Figured he’d only apologize if Mary had somehow been involved. “I didn’t call your mother, Sheldon - well, not this time anyway.”
“What? Then who would have dared...” His surprise morphed into comprehension. “Leonard. That’s strike 2, Leonard, strike 2,” he muttered, more to himself than to her.
“Sweetie? You really need to stop trying to banish the people who love you from your life.”
He darted her a thoughtful look at that, but did not comment further. Instead he asked, “Why do you smell like soup?”
“Oh,” Penny laughed self-consciously, tugging at her still wet blouse. “Your knocking startled me... I spilled my soup all over myself...”
“Were you scalded?” He asked immediately, looking concerned.
“I’m all right - it was just lukewarm,” she gave him a small smile. “Do you still want me to come over for dinner?”
“Yes, I am genuinely apologetic for my behaviour. Towards Ryan - who I suppose, if I were to carefully consider the eye-witness accounts - Leonard’s and Howard’s - seems like a good man. I will reconsider his acceptance into my extended, but not immediate social circle, particularly if he is to become a permanent fixture in your life. He will, of course, still need to sign a contract,” he paused for a moment and studied the ground at his feet before looking her at her again. “But mostly, I’m sorry for my behaviour towards you, Penny,” his tone and the look in his eyes was so pained and sincerely contrite that it was heart-breaking. “It was wholly undeserved when your gesture was genuine and affectionate. Thank you for having the Lotus Blossom so thoroughly investigated. The food really was excellent. I got tonight’s take-out from there. Chef Li says hi.”
“Oh, Sheldon, I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to call you a jerk... although...”
“I was a jerk? Agreed.”
“Well, I kinda was too - so consider us even.” Penny backed into her apartment and called at him over her shoulder. “Give me a couple of minutes while I quickly wash up and change my top.”
“All right.”
Penny ran into her bathroom, yanked her top off, splashed some water over her chest and towelled herself dry in less than a minute. Then she stared at her closest for close to two minutes. Three minutes later, she had tried on and discarded five different tanks and tees, before settling on a light green scoop-necked t-shirt that was the same shade as her eyes.
Going back into the living room, she found that the apparent - and oblivious - love of her life had cleaned up the spilled soup, arranged the strewn clothes on her couch and folded her laundry. At least this time, there was no underwear in there - although it wouldn’t have made much of a difference since Sheldon had already seen most of her collection. And touched most of them. And strung most of them on a telephone wire. She sighed in resignation but couldn’t help feeling a little bit aroused.
God - she was the whack-a-doodle.
“You cleaned up? Sweetie - I would have done it...”
“But only after dinner and that soup would have congealed into a breeding ground for bacteria.”
“What’s your excuse for tidying up? I’m not gonna complain about you folding my sheets, though.”
He looked at the two sweatshirts and one jacket that had been had been haphazardly tossed over the back of the couch and were now in a neatly folded pile on one of the seat cushions. He gave her a look and then carefully unfolding them, he artfully draped them over the couch again.
“There. Better?” Penny couldn’t not touch him anymore. With a laugh, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly. His arms remained impassively at his side, so she reluctantly released him. “We should go.” He said abruptly, and quickly walked out, leaving the door to her apartment standing open.
Penny stared at his departing figure until he got to his apartment door at the same time that Jordan reached the fourth floor landing.
“Hi, Sheldon,” she greeted him, her smile and voice saccharine.
“Hello, Jordan. Glad you could join us.” Sheldon stepped aside to allow Jordan into the apartment just as Penny slammed her apartment door shut. Jordan actually jumped and even Sheldon looked at her, clearly startled. Penny raised an eyebrow.
“Draft.” She said by way of explanation, almost daring them to question it.
“Penny.” Jordan’s tone was cold.
“Jordan.” Penny’s was frigid.
Penny watched as Jordan and Sheldon entered the apartment and walked straight to the kitchen island to serve themselves. She watched as they stood side by side, and as Jordan leaned into Sheldon when she spoke to him. She watched as Jordan put a hand on his forearm, and as that hand lingered there, gently squeezing as Jordan looked up earnestly into his face.
She watched as Sheldon covered that hand with his own, giving a small squeeze in return before letting go. She watched as Sheldon smiled down at her, and then moved away, back towards the couch.
And her heart broke a little.
But then, as Sheldon’s back was turned to her, Jordan briefly darted the smuggest, most self-satisfied glance at Penny before that look of mock concern etched her features again.
Son of a bi-atch.
Oh, it was junior rodeo on.
****
Sheldon meticulously served himself from the takeout containers on the kitchen countertop, before he and Jordan moved towards the couch. Jordan had been talking to him the whole time, but he hadn’t really been paying much attention to her words.
His awareness of Penny was paramount in his mind.
This had to stop, he thought to himself, it was interfering with all the other intricately planned out aspects of his life that he had so carefully honed over the years. He surreptitiously watched Penny while trying to listen to Jordan, and then pretended grave interest in the conversation when Penny approached them.
Penny came to a standstill at the coffee table, and remained absolutely motionless for a long moment. Finally, just when he was about to give into impulse and look up at her, she spoke - her tone clipped and cold.
“Umm, Jordan?” Both Jordan and Sheldon looked up at her, but it was Jordan who bore the brunt of her icy glare. “That’s where I sit.”
Sheldon’s fingers involuntarily jerked and tightened where they gripped his plate, and arousal, swift and sure, shot through him like an arrow from Howard’s crossbow. There was also a vague choking sound coming from Leonard in the armchair but he ignored it, his gaze centred in on Penny, so much so that the rest of the room’s occupants... vanished.
He didn’t even think to spare a thought to the physical improbabilities of this.
“You can sit next to me,” Jordan offered with a somewhat hesitant smile, patting the seat on her right.
“No,” Penny stated in a dangerous tone that brooked no argument. “I sit there.”
“What’s difference does it make?” Jordan asked, looking perplexed. An ominous smile grew on Penny’s face, as she prepared for battle. Her green eyes flashed, and the overhead lights suddenly seemed to set her blonde hair alight into golden flame.
Sheldor the Conqueror recognised that look. It was pure Queen Penelope and it unequivocally said: Now incur my wrath, bitch.
Sheldon had never been so turned on in his life.
“What difference does it make?” Penny repeated, her voice like silken steel. Sheldon shifted uncomfortably, his breath hitching in his chest. Good lord, she was magnificent, he thought.
“In an ever-changing world, Jordan, that is my single point of consistency. Zero. Zero. Zero.”
“Er...,” Sheldon couldn’t help himself, and raised his hand.
“Zero. The time parameter, I know sweetie.” The sassy smile she flashed him, and the fact that she remembered something scientific, spiked his libido from frenzied to manic. But Penny wasn’t done yet, and it was all Sheldon could do to stay still as he watched his warrior queen in battle.
“Not to mention the fact that, in the winter that seat is close enough to Sheldon, that his body heat keeps me warm, but not too close as to make him uncomfortable. In the summer, that cushion is always the perfect temperature against my legs when Sheldon and I are on an online quest, or watching TV. It’s also the perfect angle to talk to whomever’s sitting there, there, and there,” she stated, pointing to the armchair, the chair beside it and the seat on Jordan’s right, without once taking her eyes off Jordan. “I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point. And none of that really matters, because: That’s. Where. I. Sit.” Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Move.” It was clearly not a request, but she added - with much derision, and certainly not out of politeness: “Please.”
The stunned silence in the room was only broken by the opening score of the X-Files rerun they were watching, as Jordan scooted over and Penny claimed her spot.
Sheldon could not tear his eyes from her, and feeling his gaze, she turned to look at him.
And slayed him with a smile.
All the breath left his lungs in a quiet whoosh. He felt that smile with every nerve cell in his body, all of which proceeded to fire erratic, electric impulses to his brain. That smile was sexy: it was defiant, it was victorious and just a little bit... pure evil.
It was his undoing. His brain - overloaded and under immense pressure - sent a singular message to his tongue: God, I love you.
It took a superhuman effort on his part to keep from saying the words out loud.
And then something in his periphery vision distracted him.
His eyes flicked over to the TV screen. It was Penny - and the Honey Puffs commercial he hadn’t yet seen. It was Penny and Ryan. And they were kissing. What kissing had to do with eating cereal, or buying cereal, he had no idea, but it did bring him crashing back to reality.
And he reminded himself, that in reality, Ryan still existed. And, in reality, they probably kissed all the time, and did other things too, things he didn’t want to imagine. And in reality, he - Sheldon - could never compete for Penny.
Huh. Reality did bite.
He blinked, and then went back to eating in silence.
****
Penny wondered at the shuttered look that suddenly fell over Sheldon’s features, and she glanced at the television just in time to see the last seconds of her Honey Puffs commercial. The one where she and Ryan had kissed.
Huh.
Before the commercial: mesmerized Sheldon.
After the commercial: dejected Sheldon.
Huh.
Could he really be jealous, just like Ryan had said? Ryan had been adamant and unwavering about that, even telling her much the same thing again at their last commercial shoot. And then there was Sheldon’s own behaviour to consider - that first night back - when he spoke of his feelings.
Sheldon and feelings?
Oh. My. God.
Penny would have smacked herself on the forehead if she had been alone at the time. She had been a colossal fool. Of course, Sheldon had been jealous of Ryan... now that she thought of it. Why hadn’t she seen it sooner?
Sheldon not getting it - this indefinable thing between them, made perfect sense - he didn’t do social interactions and he certainly didn’t do love.
Unless he was forced to, of course by familial bonds.
She should have known better. She should have recognised it - in herself first, and in him.
For God’s sake - he changed his work schedules just to chat with her every day. He had solved all the problems that had almost had her heading into a downward spiral of epic proportions - he had saved her from that, and from herself, and given her hope for the future and essentially fixed her life - all in one night.
Sure - they argued all the time, and they rubbed each other the wrong way, and they thrived on outdoing and one-upping each other all the time but... Oh my goodness, Penny thought to herself, her runaway thoughts coming to a standstill.
And right there, sitting in the middle seat of the couch in 4A - her spot - Penny, had an epiphany.
Foreplay.
All their interactions - whether good, like making Penny Blossoms, or bad, like the prelude to panty piñata - all their squabbles, all the crazy, wonderful conversations... it had all been foreplay.
A slow smile started on Penny’s face. She spared Jordan a withering glance out of the corner of her eye. Forget junior rodeo.
It was Age of Conan ON.
Penny leaned backed in her seat and surreptitiously angled her body closer to Sheldon, and casually kept eating her meal.
“Oh,” she started, in a seemingly offhand manner, “just to let you guys know,” she paused to make sure all eyes were on her. “Ryan and I broke up.”
There was a clatter as Sheldon’s fork - it was Thai food after all, no chopsticks required - fell to the floor.
“What? How? Why?” Leonard exclaimed in total surprise.
“I figured out a lot of things this past week, Leonard,” she looked at him as she spoke, fully aware that Sheldon’s gaze was riveted to her face. “One of those things was that no matter how great a guy Ryan is - and he’s terrific - I don’t love him. And beginning right this moment - my life is all about love,” she darted a quick glance at Sheldon, who looked shocked and blinked in surprise, “oh, and war.”
She cast a meaningful glance to her right, and Leonard, who had caught every minute expression on her face, could not possibly doubt her intent.
He leaned back in the armchair as his brain processed all the information at hand. Then, with a big, goofy grin on his face, he stood and walked over to his whiteboard by the door. The others watched, puzzled. He gazed at it wistfully at his board for a few seconds before picking up the eraser and wiping it clean.
“Dude - what’d you do that for? I thought that was your new far out, Nobel prize-winning theory... eep!” Raj squeaked in shock, suddenly realizing that, in his surprise at Leonard’s actions, he had spoken out loud. He leaned over to whisper into Howard’s ear.
“Did somebody spike the pad thai?” Howard asked for him.
“Oh, please, Leonard,” Sheldon huffed arrogantly, unable to contain himself. “When will you realize that your pursuit of the Nobel is not only improbable, but also impossible? In the urban vernacular: get real.”
“That’s why I erased the board, Sheldon,” Leonard told him with a grin. “I really don’t need those calculations any more. All I did was introduce one new variable into the equation and it solved itself.”
“Don’t be absurd, Leonard - an equation cannot solve itself.”
“It can if your hypothesis is irrefutable.”
”Illogical. Where’s the proof?” Four identical looks of disbelief were directed at him by the four other scientists in the room. Only Penny’s look was slightly confused but unconcerned, her mind obviously focused elsewhere. He zeroed in on her face with a smirk.
“Ask me again in a couple of days, Sheldon,” Leonard chuckled. “Ask me again in couple of days!”
:p
So here it is - Part Seven. God, I hope this lives up to the rest. Enjoy - and please comment! I cannot believe I had 91 comments for the last chapter. Crazy - all right, half of them were my own in reply to yours - but STILL. You guys rock.
Title: The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (7/?)
Spoilers: Everything up to and including 2 X 23
Rating: R (if I’m encouraged to go there)
Word Count: 3,220
Disclaimer: Not mine... although I wish I had my own Sheldon *sigh*
X-Posted to Paradox (sheldon_penny):
http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/373671.html#cutid1
PART SEVEN: OF LOVE AND WAR
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Penny”
Penny froze, her mug of spring vegetable soup raised halfway to her lips. Her head swivelled to the door so fast, the soup sloshed over the side of the mug and onto her blouse. Wincing a little at the heat, she quickly put the mug down on the coffee table, her eyes still trained on the door.
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Penny”
She stood, banging her knee on the coffee table as she did so, and her mug of soup fell to the floor with a messy splash. She ignored it and cautiously approached the door. The knocks did not have their usual staccato rhythm. These were softer, more reluctant. Was she hallucinating?
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Penny”
She gulped and blinked rapidly to dispel the tears forming in her eyes. She was such a sap lately. Her hand stayed on the doorknob for a few seconds while she took a deep, fortifying breath. This was fine, she told herself. This was Sheldon. How many times in the past two-and-a-half years had she opened her door to Sheldon? She could do this.
She opened the door.
“Penny.”
“Sheldon.”
They looked at each other. They gazed. They studied. They stared. And Penny tried to catalogue and memorize every aspect of his face.
After all, an entire week had gone by without a peep from him. Granted, she had been pretty busy too, what with wrapping the third and final commercial for Honey Puffs, and the taping of the fifth episode of Black Hole, but still...
No knocks on her door, no meetings at the mailbox, no walking up the stairs together making banal chitchat. She wondered if she could somehow go back in time and actually calculate how long they had spent - just the two of them - doing all those little everyday things together... how many seconds, minutes, hours or days of her life would that add up to?
Not nearly enough it seemed.
It was far worse than when he had been away in the Arctic, having him so close and yet so far away. At least then, they had talked to each other all the time, and when they hadn’t been talking - there had been emails, and there had been the anticipation... the eagerness to hurry home so she could tell him about her day, the impatience to find out what new hell he had put Raj through. The happiness at the prospect of teasing him. The need... just to be with him, even if it was via webcam.
And now that he was back home, she missed him. Terribly. It gnawed away at her and it was frightening. She didn’t understand it, and yet, she did. Obviously, they had developed a closeness while he had been away. Their friendship had flourished... and somehow, when she hadn’t really been paying it much attention, that friendship had blossomed into something else. Something crazy - it was delusional, it was unbelievable, it was extraordinary, it was mind-blowing; it was... love.
Penny looked up at him and noticed his usually bright blue eyes seemed somehow paler than usual. He looked tired and drawn. His hair was still long... she wondered why he hadn’t gotten it cut yet. It seemed so unusual for him not to be perfectly groomed.
And yet, he looked familiar and wonderful and she loved every single inch of his face.
She was in love with Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper. Double PhD, brilliant mind, Lord of the Whack-a-Doodles, Sheldon Cooper.
Holy. Crap. On. A. Freakin’. Cracker.
“I just came over to say,” Sheldon started, then paused, exhaling loudly and darting a frustrated look at her, “I’m sorry for the way I treated you the other night. It was rude and uncalled for and it won’t happen again. May I make it up to you by inviting you to have dinner with us?”
“You’re apologizing?” She asked, finding her voice.
“You sound surprised.” He sounded accusatory.
“I am surprised.”
“You’re the one who called my mother.”
“Your mother? Oh.” Figured he’d only apologize if Mary had somehow been involved. “I didn’t call your mother, Sheldon - well, not this time anyway.”
“What? Then who would have dared...” His surprise morphed into comprehension. “Leonard. That’s strike 2, Leonard, strike 2,” he muttered, more to himself than to her.
“Sweetie? You really need to stop trying to banish the people who love you from your life.”
He darted her a thoughtful look at that, but did not comment further. Instead he asked, “Why do you smell like soup?”
“Oh,” Penny laughed self-consciously, tugging at her still wet blouse. “Your knocking startled me... I spilled my soup all over myself...”
“Were you scalded?” He asked immediately, looking concerned.
“I’m all right - it was just lukewarm,” she gave him a small smile. “Do you still want me to come over for dinner?”
“Yes, I am genuinely apologetic for my behaviour. Towards Ryan - who I suppose, if I were to carefully consider the eye-witness accounts - Leonard’s and Howard’s - seems like a good man. I will reconsider his acceptance into my extended, but not immediate social circle, particularly if he is to become a permanent fixture in your life. He will, of course, still need to sign a contract,” he paused for a moment and studied the ground at his feet before looking her at her again. “But mostly, I’m sorry for my behaviour towards you, Penny,” his tone and the look in his eyes was so pained and sincerely contrite that it was heart-breaking. “It was wholly undeserved when your gesture was genuine and affectionate. Thank you for having the Lotus Blossom so thoroughly investigated. The food really was excellent. I got tonight’s take-out from there. Chef Li says hi.”
“Oh, Sheldon, I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to call you a jerk... although...”
“I was a jerk? Agreed.”
“Well, I kinda was too - so consider us even.” Penny backed into her apartment and called at him over her shoulder. “Give me a couple of minutes while I quickly wash up and change my top.”
“All right.”
Penny ran into her bathroom, yanked her top off, splashed some water over her chest and towelled herself dry in less than a minute. Then she stared at her closest for close to two minutes. Three minutes later, she had tried on and discarded five different tanks and tees, before settling on a light green scoop-necked t-shirt that was the same shade as her eyes.
Going back into the living room, she found that the apparent - and oblivious - love of her life had cleaned up the spilled soup, arranged the strewn clothes on her couch and folded her laundry. At least this time, there was no underwear in there - although it wouldn’t have made much of a difference since Sheldon had already seen most of her collection. And touched most of them. And strung most of them on a telephone wire. She sighed in resignation but couldn’t help feeling a little bit aroused.
God - she was the whack-a-doodle.
“You cleaned up? Sweetie - I would have done it...”
“But only after dinner and that soup would have congealed into a breeding ground for bacteria.”
“What’s your excuse for tidying up? I’m not gonna complain about you folding my sheets, though.”
He looked at the two sweatshirts and one jacket that had been had been haphazardly tossed over the back of the couch and were now in a neatly folded pile on one of the seat cushions. He gave her a look and then carefully unfolding them, he artfully draped them over the couch again.
“There. Better?” Penny couldn’t not touch him anymore. With a laugh, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly. His arms remained impassively at his side, so she reluctantly released him. “We should go.” He said abruptly, and quickly walked out, leaving the door to her apartment standing open.
Penny stared at his departing figure until he got to his apartment door at the same time that Jordan reached the fourth floor landing.
“Hi, Sheldon,” she greeted him, her smile and voice saccharine.
“Hello, Jordan. Glad you could join us.” Sheldon stepped aside to allow Jordan into the apartment just as Penny slammed her apartment door shut. Jordan actually jumped and even Sheldon looked at her, clearly startled. Penny raised an eyebrow.
“Draft.” She said by way of explanation, almost daring them to question it.
“Penny.” Jordan’s tone was cold.
“Jordan.” Penny’s was frigid.
Penny watched as Jordan and Sheldon entered the apartment and walked straight to the kitchen island to serve themselves. She watched as they stood side by side, and as Jordan leaned into Sheldon when she spoke to him. She watched as Jordan put a hand on his forearm, and as that hand lingered there, gently squeezing as Jordan looked up earnestly into his face.
She watched as Sheldon covered that hand with his own, giving a small squeeze in return before letting go. She watched as Sheldon smiled down at her, and then moved away, back towards the couch.
And her heart broke a little.
But then, as Sheldon’s back was turned to her, Jordan briefly darted the smuggest, most self-satisfied glance at Penny before that look of mock concern etched her features again.
Son of a bi-atch.
Oh, it was junior rodeo on.
****
Sheldon meticulously served himself from the takeout containers on the kitchen countertop, before he and Jordan moved towards the couch. Jordan had been talking to him the whole time, but he hadn’t really been paying much attention to her words.
His awareness of Penny was paramount in his mind.
This had to stop, he thought to himself, it was interfering with all the other intricately planned out aspects of his life that he had so carefully honed over the years. He surreptitiously watched Penny while trying to listen to Jordan, and then pretended grave interest in the conversation when Penny approached them.
Penny came to a standstill at the coffee table, and remained absolutely motionless for a long moment. Finally, just when he was about to give into impulse and look up at her, she spoke - her tone clipped and cold.
“Umm, Jordan?” Both Jordan and Sheldon looked up at her, but it was Jordan who bore the brunt of her icy glare. “That’s where I sit.”
Sheldon’s fingers involuntarily jerked and tightened where they gripped his plate, and arousal, swift and sure, shot through him like an arrow from Howard’s crossbow. There was also a vague choking sound coming from Leonard in the armchair but he ignored it, his gaze centred in on Penny, so much so that the rest of the room’s occupants... vanished.
He didn’t even think to spare a thought to the physical improbabilities of this.
“You can sit next to me,” Jordan offered with a somewhat hesitant smile, patting the seat on her right.
“No,” Penny stated in a dangerous tone that brooked no argument. “I sit there.”
“What’s difference does it make?” Jordan asked, looking perplexed. An ominous smile grew on Penny’s face, as she prepared for battle. Her green eyes flashed, and the overhead lights suddenly seemed to set her blonde hair alight into golden flame.
Sheldor the Conqueror recognised that look. It was pure Queen Penelope and it unequivocally said: Now incur my wrath, bitch.
Sheldon had never been so turned on in his life.
“What difference does it make?” Penny repeated, her voice like silken steel. Sheldon shifted uncomfortably, his breath hitching in his chest. Good lord, she was magnificent, he thought.
“In an ever-changing world, Jordan, that is my single point of consistency. Zero. Zero. Zero.”
“Er...,” Sheldon couldn’t help himself, and raised his hand.
“Zero. The time parameter, I know sweetie.” The sassy smile she flashed him, and the fact that she remembered something scientific, spiked his libido from frenzied to manic. But Penny wasn’t done yet, and it was all Sheldon could do to stay still as he watched his warrior queen in battle.
“Not to mention the fact that, in the winter that seat is close enough to Sheldon, that his body heat keeps me warm, but not too close as to make him uncomfortable. In the summer, that cushion is always the perfect temperature against my legs when Sheldon and I are on an online quest, or watching TV. It’s also the perfect angle to talk to whomever’s sitting there, there, and there,” she stated, pointing to the armchair, the chair beside it and the seat on Jordan’s right, without once taking her eyes off Jordan. “I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point. And none of that really matters, because: That’s. Where. I. Sit.” Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Move.” It was clearly not a request, but she added - with much derision, and certainly not out of politeness: “Please.”
The stunned silence in the room was only broken by the opening score of the X-Files rerun they were watching, as Jordan scooted over and Penny claimed her spot.
Sheldon could not tear his eyes from her, and feeling his gaze, she turned to look at him.
And slayed him with a smile.
All the breath left his lungs in a quiet whoosh. He felt that smile with every nerve cell in his body, all of which proceeded to fire erratic, electric impulses to his brain. That smile was sexy: it was defiant, it was victorious and just a little bit... pure evil.
It was his undoing. His brain - overloaded and under immense pressure - sent a singular message to his tongue: God, I love you.
It took a superhuman effort on his part to keep from saying the words out loud.
And then something in his periphery vision distracted him.
His eyes flicked over to the TV screen. It was Penny - and the Honey Puffs commercial he hadn’t yet seen. It was Penny and Ryan. And they were kissing. What kissing had to do with eating cereal, or buying cereal, he had no idea, but it did bring him crashing back to reality.
And he reminded himself, that in reality, Ryan still existed. And, in reality, they probably kissed all the time, and did other things too, things he didn’t want to imagine. And in reality, he - Sheldon - could never compete for Penny.
Huh. Reality did bite.
He blinked, and then went back to eating in silence.
****
Penny wondered at the shuttered look that suddenly fell over Sheldon’s features, and she glanced at the television just in time to see the last seconds of her Honey Puffs commercial. The one where she and Ryan had kissed.
Huh.
Before the commercial: mesmerized Sheldon.
After the commercial: dejected Sheldon.
Huh.
Could he really be jealous, just like Ryan had said? Ryan had been adamant and unwavering about that, even telling her much the same thing again at their last commercial shoot. And then there was Sheldon’s own behaviour to consider - that first night back - when he spoke of his feelings.
Sheldon and feelings?
Oh. My. God.
Penny would have smacked herself on the forehead if she had been alone at the time. She had been a colossal fool. Of course, Sheldon had been jealous of Ryan... now that she thought of it. Why hadn’t she seen it sooner?
Sheldon not getting it - this indefinable thing between them, made perfect sense - he didn’t do social interactions and he certainly didn’t do love.
Unless he was forced to, of course by familial bonds.
She should have known better. She should have recognised it - in herself first, and in him.
For God’s sake - he changed his work schedules just to chat with her every day. He had solved all the problems that had almost had her heading into a downward spiral of epic proportions - he had saved her from that, and from herself, and given her hope for the future and essentially fixed her life - all in one night.
Sure - they argued all the time, and they rubbed each other the wrong way, and they thrived on outdoing and one-upping each other all the time but... Oh my goodness, Penny thought to herself, her runaway thoughts coming to a standstill.
And right there, sitting in the middle seat of the couch in 4A - her spot - Penny, had an epiphany.
Foreplay.
All their interactions - whether good, like making Penny Blossoms, or bad, like the prelude to panty piñata - all their squabbles, all the crazy, wonderful conversations... it had all been foreplay.
A slow smile started on Penny’s face. She spared Jordan a withering glance out of the corner of her eye. Forget junior rodeo.
It was Age of Conan ON.
Penny leaned backed in her seat and surreptitiously angled her body closer to Sheldon, and casually kept eating her meal.
“Oh,” she started, in a seemingly offhand manner, “just to let you guys know,” she paused to make sure all eyes were on her. “Ryan and I broke up.”
There was a clatter as Sheldon’s fork - it was Thai food after all, no chopsticks required - fell to the floor.
“What? How? Why?” Leonard exclaimed in total surprise.
“I figured out a lot of things this past week, Leonard,” she looked at him as she spoke, fully aware that Sheldon’s gaze was riveted to her face. “One of those things was that no matter how great a guy Ryan is - and he’s terrific - I don’t love him. And beginning right this moment - my life is all about love,” she darted a quick glance at Sheldon, who looked shocked and blinked in surprise, “oh, and war.”
She cast a meaningful glance to her right, and Leonard, who had caught every minute expression on her face, could not possibly doubt her intent.
He leaned back in the armchair as his brain processed all the information at hand. Then, with a big, goofy grin on his face, he stood and walked over to his whiteboard by the door. The others watched, puzzled. He gazed at it wistfully at his board for a few seconds before picking up the eraser and wiping it clean.
“Dude - what’d you do that for? I thought that was your new far out, Nobel prize-winning theory... eep!” Raj squeaked in shock, suddenly realizing that, in his surprise at Leonard’s actions, he had spoken out loud. He leaned over to whisper into Howard’s ear.
“Did somebody spike the pad thai?” Howard asked for him.
“Oh, please, Leonard,” Sheldon huffed arrogantly, unable to contain himself. “When will you realize that your pursuit of the Nobel is not only improbable, but also impossible? In the urban vernacular: get real.”
“That’s why I erased the board, Sheldon,” Leonard told him with a grin. “I really don’t need those calculations any more. All I did was introduce one new variable into the equation and it solved itself.”
“Don’t be absurd, Leonard - an equation cannot solve itself.”
“It can if your hypothesis is irrefutable.”
”Illogical. Where’s the proof?” Four identical looks of disbelief were directed at him by the four other scientists in the room. Only Penny’s look was slightly confused but unconcerned, her mind obviously focused elsewhere. He zeroed in on her face with a smirk.
“Ask me again in a couple of days, Sheldon,” Leonard chuckled. “Ask me again in couple of days!”