The Holiday Kiss Hypothesis (1/2)
Title: The Holiday Kiss Hypothesis (1/2)
Spoilers: Everything up to and including most of Season 3
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,181
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is not mine... I only stake my claim on the plot and the Sheldon (but just to borrow - I swear I’ll give him back. You know, eventually).
X-Posted to Paradox: community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/868168.html
A/N: So this just came to me over the holidays but I was away somewhere tropical with no access to the internet and then RL got in the way for a bit. But this is just a lil schmoopy present for the best community around. Happy New Year everyone! Hope y’all like it.
The Holiday Kiss Hypothesis - Part One
Penny was bored. Actually, she was B.O.R.E.D.
And a bored Penny was not a fun person to be around, because a bored Penny was capable of doing anything. And when she felt like she did today, anything usually meant ba-aad. Still - she didn’t really feel like wrecking havoc today - she just wanted to be entertained. And where the hell was Leonard when she needed him? What use was a boyfriend if he couldn’t entertain her at her beck and call? All right, not that she really thought that - or expected it - but she was listless, wiped out, bored.
She slumped further down into a sprawl on her couch and checked the clock - she still had an hour to kill before Leonard got back from picking up Raj, Howard and Bernadette; something about Raj’s car being in the shop and Bernadette being afraid of Howard’s scooter. She let out an involuntary giggle: that actually sounded dirty. So Leonard - nice guy that he was (most of the time) - had offered to play chauffer so that they could all have a Christmas/Hanukkah/Diwali/Saturnalia dinner together; a delay Sheldon sure didn’t appreciate since he had gone to the trouble of making the turkey.
Penny suddenly sat up, lethargy gone and a wicked grin forming on her face.
Sheldon.
Duh - why had she not thought of him before? If she wanted entertainment - it was right across the hall in the form a long, tall, beautiful, neurotic mind. Never mind that he had temporarily banished her from the apartment when Leonard left so that he could set the Holiday Table. She grinned as she jumped off the couch and ducked into her room. She had already picked out what to wear: a soft, emerald green halter dress with a flirty, short skirt. Her hair was already done and loose curls framed her face; she gathered them over one shoulder and fastened the side pony-tail with a Poinsettia Penny Blossom. She grinned as she glanced at the clock again - it was under ten minutes - and slipping on her strappy red heels, she grabbed her keys and practically skipped next door.
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Sheldon!”
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Sheldon!”
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Sheldon!”
The door opened to a familiar scornful expression. Penny flashed him as many of her pearly whites as she could, and suppressed a giggle as he huffed and waved her inside. She brushed passed him, knowing the contact would annoy him, but he refrained from comment.
So of course she had to push the envelope - she reached out, grasped his forearm and squeezed.
“Happy Saturnalia, sweetie,” she blinked adoringly up at him. Huh, even in heels, he was taller than her. It was kinda nice.
“Merry Christmas, Penny.” A tiny, tiny smile softened the lines of his mouth, but it only lasted a second.
“Is my banishment over?”
“I have finished the Holiday Table, so I suppose, yes,” he raised his eyebrow disdainfully in response to her warm smile, and then just went to sit down at his desk. Penny’s attention was diverted by the lovely arrangement of the table - borrowed from her apartment, and set up next to the kitchen island - and was barely able to contain her almost childish glee.
“Sheldon - it’s beautiful!”
“Thank you,” he tapped away at his laptop.
“You know, for someone who doesn’t claim to celebrate Christmas - you’re sure showing some healthy Christmas spirit here.”
“It’s Holiday spirit. I’m only indulging in the festivities because I like turkey.”
“Well - your turkey looks beautiful...”
“Well, of course it does, penny. It’s cooked to perfection - as if you could expect any less from me.”
“Of course not, Sheldon - you’re my little Saturnalia miracle.”
“Humph,” he grunted. “Don’t think that I have forgiven you for your transgression.”
“Oh man! Come on, Sheldon - I’ve already apologized for that!”
“Do you recall my acceptance of said apology?”
“Weelll, no, not exactly...”
“That would be because I didn’t give it.”
“Honey,” she began, the remorse actually getting to her now, so much that she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, “I had no idea that me trying to bond with Leonard’s mom would have such... er... catastrophic effects. I couldn’t possibly know beforehand that she would actually kiss you!” Sheldon’s face scrunched up into a grimace. “It was just one little kiss, Sheldon!”
“From my best friend’s mother, Penny!” He whined with a barely suppressed shudder. “As much as I admire the woman - she put her mouth against mine and applied pressure! Good God, woman - can you imagine the bacterial transfer?”
Penny was about to give him her classic eye-roll when a sudden, horrific thought occurred to her. “Oh my God - it wasn’t your first kiss, was it?” Because if that were true, she would totally agree with Sheldon holding it against her for the rest of their natural lives.
Curiousity had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.
“No,” he stated flatly - surprising the hell out of Penny - and then levelled a superior look at her. “And I really had no desire to repeat the experience, and yet you... Leonard’s mother...” This time he did shudder.
“Oh, sweetie...”
“Don’t ‘Oh, sweetie’ me. I am vexed, Penny. Vexed!” Penny ignored him. Partly because she didn’t really know what ‘vexed’ meant, even though she had a pretty good idea, but mostly to piss him off.
“I have something that’ll make it up to you...” she sing-songed with a wide smile as she walked backwards towards the Christmas tree, passing it and going to the window. Sheldon’s blue-eyed gaze followed her the entire time. Then reaching into her hiding place, she pulled out a colourfully wrapped flat box. He blinked in surprise, stood and met her in the middle of the room.
“You did it again.”
“This time I didn’t tell you though. I didn’t need any more bath items - I’m still working on the baskets you gave me last year,” she smirked up at him. He matched it with a smirk of his own, and she was momentarily distracted by the prickling effect it had on her skin.
O-kay. That was new.
She shook her head as if to clear it and handed him the present. He shook it, and then - after a second of calm contemplation - proceeded to rip the wrapping to shreds. Her shook out her gift, and looked at it in something akin to awe.
“It’s a Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock tee!” she gushed, unable to keep silent any longer. “Remember when you explained it to me? I thought it was pretty cool. D’ya like it?” Sparkling blue eyes that matched the t-shirt looked back at her.
“I love it!”
“Not quite Leonard Nimoy’s Napkin, but hey...” Penny blushed and ducked her head in sudden shyness. Weird. She blinked and looked up at him again - as if perhaps he could explain her peculiar behaviour to her. She blinked again when she saw his smile. And there was that damn skin-prickling again.
“Thank you, Penny,” Sheldon said sweetly, and then put his hand in his pocket and drew out a little card - a gift card. “And this is for you.”
Penny couldn’t help the big, happy grin that formed on her face. “Aww, Sheldon! What is it?” Then she looked at the card. Shoes-For-Less. Oh my God, Sheldon bought her shoes for Christmas! She could absolutely not help the squeal that erupted from her either. “You gave me shoes! I love shoes.”
“Yes, I know - I wish I didn’t know, but I know,” he droned with an eye-roll, but a tiny, pleased smile still lingered on his face.
“Sheldon - it’s perfect.”
“Well... enjoy.”
An imp of mischief descended on her. Chalk it down to her current excitement or her earlier boredom - odd as that may seem - but when she had a sudden flash of the awkward hug she had received last year when she had somehow, miraculously, unknowingly, given Sheldon his perfect gift - she knew exactly how to show her appreciation.
Taking their gifts and placing them on the coffee table behind her, she tentatively, gawkily, awkwardly - in almost perfect parody of his hug last year - put her arms around him and squeezed tight, trying valiantly not to laugh.
Sheldon stood rigid in her embrace, arms held stiffly at his sides, for a few seconds before he realized what she was doing.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake - here!” he muttered with a small laugh that rumbled through his chest and resonated within hers. And with that he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his body flush against hers, patting her on the back a few times.
The prickly feelings returned full force. Penny ignored them as Sheldon pulled away with a huff and an eyebrow quirked upwards as if to ask: ‘Happy now?’
“You really suck at hugging, Sheldon,” she told him in mock seriousness. “Maybe I should tutor you like you taught me physics. Human Contact 101!” She giggled at the horrified expression his face. Yanking his chain was, like, her totally favourite pastime.
“That won’t be necessary. I was hugged, I hugged in return - I don’t care to repeat the process.”
“Yeah, yeah - and yet you did it last year and you just did it again.”
“You started it!”
“And you finished it. Whatever. I thought you lived for like the pursuit of knowledge? You were trying to teach yourself Arabic last month.”
“It’s the most challenging language I have encountered thus far. And I don’t know if you know, but I love challenges,” he confided seriously.
“Well, learning Arabic will be a cakewalk compared to Human Contact 101.”
“I concede your point. I mean, you may not really have noticed this, but I don’t do well in social situations.”
“Gee - I would never have guessed,” she deadpanned. “Seriously - I cannot even understand how you can’t like kissing. Kisses are like the best thing in the universe!” She suddenly recalled their earlier conversation. “Wait - why don’t you want to repeat the experience, Sheldon?”
“And as I mentioned with the hugs,” he gruffly said, “I have been kissed before so I don’t need to do it again.”
“What about when you get married?”
“When I get...?” He looked at her with a dazed expression. “Listen to yourself!”
“People get married, Sheldon. Happens all the time. People go on dates, they fall in love, they kiss, they have sex, they get married, they make babies and families... it’s the circle of life! And it moves us all! Disney said so!” Penny smirked and Sheldon rolled his eyes.
“I can do all those things, doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“Honey - if you don’t like kissing - then you’re not doing it right! You so need to take my course!” As Sheldon sputtered, Penny actually heard her own words replay in her head. Jeez, if she didn’t know any better, she’d have sworn she was trying to get him to kiss her.
Huh.
“Umm - never mind the kissing part - how about you perfect the hugging instead?”
“I really don’t...”
“Oh, come on Sheldon - it’s not rocket science. You’re a genius - you can do this. Consider it a social experiment.” What kind of social experiment, Penny had no idea, but her babbling somehow just wouldn’t stop. “You know how you look at your whiteboard, sometimes? Like all passionate and intense and stuff? Channel that into a human contact! Hug me like you would hug an unsolvable equation!”
Sheldon blinked. Then he pursed his lips - it was adorable - as if honestly considering the merits of her asinine proposal.
Penny beckoned, quirking her index finger at him mischievously.
“You asked for it,” he said quietly, as if giving her an opportunity to back out.
It momentarily confused her, but then - then - she was swept off her feet... swept off her feet by Sheldon Cooper, for goodness sake - in the most exuberant hug she had had in - years! Laughter bubbled up in her chest and spilled over delightfully as she placed her arms around his neck and looked down at him, awestruck to see him laughing up at her too.
“Sheldon,” she declared breathlessly, her voice cracking in surprise. “You can hug!”
“Penny, I’m Texan,” he said, as if that explained everything. And maybe, just this once - where Sheldon was concerned anyway - it made total sense.
Then she squealed when suddenly he twirled her around. He twirled her! They twirled - in the middle of Sheldon’s living room, both of them laughing - hers a high-pitched giggle and his a deep guffaw - when the apartment was thrown open to reveal their friends, talking and laughing and falling into the room - and then freezing in surprise at the sight before them.
Sheldon and Penny froze too; Sheldon slowly - and awkwardly - released his hold on her and she slid down his lean body.
Damn. That wasn't hot at all. Really. Well, maybe a little.
She blinked up at him, wondering if maybe he felt that delicious friction too. His face was blank - carefully so.
Hmmm.
“Er... you guys wanna catch us up?” Leonard asked after what seemed an eternity.
“We were hugging obviously,” Sheldon intoned before turning to her in consternation. “Maybe you should enrol him in Human Contact 101,” he muttered. Penny couldn’t help it - she burst out laughing.
“Yeah - duh, Leonard! We were having a Holiday Hug.” She smirked at her boyfriend, and then at the room in general. “I’m starving - can we eat now?”
The next couple of hours were spent in enjoying the wonderful holiday meal Sheldon had prepared. Penny was impressed but apparently, scientists are very good at following instructions, whether it’s setting up an experiment or cooking a turkey - at least according to Sheldon. That, and he was Texan; again, as if that explained everything.
“Y’all should just be grateful I didn’t deep-fry the bird,” Sheldon drawled.
Penny ignored the pin-pricks. What was wrong with her today?
They were all gathered around the coffee table exchanging presents, Sheldon walking around and picking up the wrapping paper strewn haphazardly all over the place, when Leonard - who had briefly disappeared into his room - returned with a playful look on his face, his arms behind his back, very obviously hiding something.
He had gotten her a charming silver chain with a small silver heart. It was quite pretty. She liked it. It was better than getting shoes from Sheldon.
It was. Absolutely, it was.
She stifled her strange discontent and looked up at Leonard with a smile. “Whatcha got there, boyfriend?”
“Mistletoe,” he exclaimed cheerfully, showing it to them with a flourish. Penny grinned and stood.
“Ah, the kissing bough,” Sheldon added his two cents worth. Because, hello - it was Sheldon. Penny just grinned at him and waited for some useless information to spew forth. “Did you know that mistletoe is a hemi-parasitic plant that has been alluded to being a vampiric traits for its ability to probe into trees and suck the life out of them? Well, the nutrients - but saying ‘life’ made it seem more dramatic.”
“Hey - that was actually kinda cool,” Penny blurted in surprise. “Isn’t it funny how we’re meant to kiss under it? It’s like maybe kissing sucks the life outta you.”
“Told you it was bad idea,” Sheldon stated smugly.
“Only ‘cause you’re doing it wrong,” she teased, and then became acutely aware of the others looking back and forth at them.
She turned to Leonard with a huge grin. “So - you gonna kiss me or what?”
“Kiss you - definitely kiss you,” he smiled happily and raised the mistletoe over her head. It got entangled in her hair.
“Maybe I should...” she said with a playful smirk, only her eyes making an inference about his umm... lack of stature.
“Yeah, yeah,” he shrugged good-naturedly and handed the bunch to her. She raised it well above their head and leaned in for a kiss.
No prickling. Damn.
Suddenly, Leonard was shoved aside and Howard stood in his place.
“Tis the season and all that jazz,” he declared with his trademark smarm. She rolled her eyes, but then smiled and kissed him.
Briefly. On the cheek.
Then she motioned Bernadette over and held the mistletoe over her head before Howard could make any comments. He was easily diverted and kissed Bernadette instead. And they kissed. And kissed. And kissed.
Then Penny moved away with the mistletoe. Those two didn’t need any excuse to lock lips, unlike Shel... Oh.
Oh.
Wheels whirring in her mind, Penny turned first to Raj.
“Christmas kiss, Raj?”
He blushed under his tan, she was certain. That, and he ducked his head shyly, but not soon enough to see the flicker of hope in his eyes and that was really way too adorable for words. With a wink at Leonard, she moved forward and gave Raj a nice, long peck on the lips.
He sighed with a dreamy expression on his face and promptly plopped down onto the couch, as if his legs couldn’t hold him up any more.
Penny just grinned - her mind already focused on her real target.
She turned to look at Sheldon, who was standing in the kitchen clearing away things but had stopped to gape at Howard and Bernadette. Who were still kissing.
His gaze collided with hers in something akin to horror.
“No.”
“Oh, yes.”
“Sheldon doesn’t do Christmas kisses, Penny,” Leonard stated flatly, looking at her like she had lost what little was left of her mind.
It didn’t annoy her. Truly. Well, maybe a little.
“Sheldon does now,” Penny directed her teasing tone at Sheldon, choosing to ignore Leonard’s pleading to the contrary. Something about not wanting a lecture in bacterial transfer. Whatever.
She walked right up into Sheldon’s personal space and raised the mistletoe, barely keeping it from brushing against his hair.
“Penny.”
“Sheldon.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“Nope,” she smirked up at him playfully. “Your hypothesis about kissing is totally erroneous and I’m going to disprove it.” Sheldon blinked in surprise.
Yeah - she was an actress. She studied people and could mimic them. It’s called method, people. And that was Sheldon-speak for ‘I double dare ya!’.
“My hypothesis against yours?”
“Yup.”
“Yours is easily invalidated.”
“Is that Sheldon-speak for ‘Kiss me, Penny’?”
“I am not encouraging, merely endorsing.”
“Endorse this, cowboy,” Penny grinned up at him and rising up on her tip-toes - she kissed him.
The prickles were back in earnest. His lips were soft and warm against hers and sparks shot through her body, making sure to invade every cell from her lips to her pinkie toes.
She pulled away and blinked up at Sheldon.
He blinked right back at her, and she had a feeling the gobsmacked look in his eyes was a mirror-image of the look in hers.
Well. That was unexpected.
She cleared her throat. “Told you so,” she whispered, for his ears only. Then she turned away to return to Leonard. You know - her boyfriend.
Sheldon returned to his spot on the couch next to Raj and they all spent the next hour quietly re-watching the Grinch, and trying to ignore Howard and Bernadette still kissing in the corner.
Yeah, so.
Bad things tended to happen when Penny was bored.
***
Spoilers: Everything up to and including most of Season 3
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,181
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is not mine... I only stake my claim on the plot and the Sheldon (but just to borrow - I swear I’ll give him back. You know, eventually).
X-Posted to Paradox: community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/868168.html
A/N: So this just came to me over the holidays but I was away somewhere tropical with no access to the internet and then RL got in the way for a bit. But this is just a lil schmoopy present for the best community around. Happy New Year everyone! Hope y’all like it.
The Holiday Kiss Hypothesis - Part One
Penny was bored. Actually, she was B.O.R.E.D.
And a bored Penny was not a fun person to be around, because a bored Penny was capable of doing anything. And when she felt like she did today, anything usually meant ba-aad. Still - she didn’t really feel like wrecking havoc today - she just wanted to be entertained. And where the hell was Leonard when she needed him? What use was a boyfriend if he couldn’t entertain her at her beck and call? All right, not that she really thought that - or expected it - but she was listless, wiped out, bored.
She slumped further down into a sprawl on her couch and checked the clock - she still had an hour to kill before Leonard got back from picking up Raj, Howard and Bernadette; something about Raj’s car being in the shop and Bernadette being afraid of Howard’s scooter. She let out an involuntary giggle: that actually sounded dirty. So Leonard - nice guy that he was (most of the time) - had offered to play chauffer so that they could all have a Christmas/Hanukkah/Diwali/Saturnalia dinner together; a delay Sheldon sure didn’t appreciate since he had gone to the trouble of making the turkey.
Penny suddenly sat up, lethargy gone and a wicked grin forming on her face.
Sheldon.
Duh - why had she not thought of him before? If she wanted entertainment - it was right across the hall in the form a long, tall, beautiful, neurotic mind. Never mind that he had temporarily banished her from the apartment when Leonard left so that he could set the Holiday Table. She grinned as she jumped off the couch and ducked into her room. She had already picked out what to wear: a soft, emerald green halter dress with a flirty, short skirt. Her hair was already done and loose curls framed her face; she gathered them over one shoulder and fastened the side pony-tail with a Poinsettia Penny Blossom. She grinned as she glanced at the clock again - it was under ten minutes - and slipping on her strappy red heels, she grabbed her keys and practically skipped next door.
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Sheldon!”
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Sheldon!”
Knock. Knock. Knock. “Sheldon!”
The door opened to a familiar scornful expression. Penny flashed him as many of her pearly whites as she could, and suppressed a giggle as he huffed and waved her inside. She brushed passed him, knowing the contact would annoy him, but he refrained from comment.
So of course she had to push the envelope - she reached out, grasped his forearm and squeezed.
“Happy Saturnalia, sweetie,” she blinked adoringly up at him. Huh, even in heels, he was taller than her. It was kinda nice.
“Merry Christmas, Penny.” A tiny, tiny smile softened the lines of his mouth, but it only lasted a second.
“Is my banishment over?”
“I have finished the Holiday Table, so I suppose, yes,” he raised his eyebrow disdainfully in response to her warm smile, and then just went to sit down at his desk. Penny’s attention was diverted by the lovely arrangement of the table - borrowed from her apartment, and set up next to the kitchen island - and was barely able to contain her almost childish glee.
“Sheldon - it’s beautiful!”
“Thank you,” he tapped away at his laptop.
“You know, for someone who doesn’t claim to celebrate Christmas - you’re sure showing some healthy Christmas spirit here.”
“It’s Holiday spirit. I’m only indulging in the festivities because I like turkey.”
“Well - your turkey looks beautiful...”
“Well, of course it does, penny. It’s cooked to perfection - as if you could expect any less from me.”
“Of course not, Sheldon - you’re my little Saturnalia miracle.”
“Humph,” he grunted. “Don’t think that I have forgiven you for your transgression.”
“Oh man! Come on, Sheldon - I’ve already apologized for that!”
“Do you recall my acceptance of said apology?”
“Weelll, no, not exactly...”
“That would be because I didn’t give it.”
“Honey,” she began, the remorse actually getting to her now, so much that she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, “I had no idea that me trying to bond with Leonard’s mom would have such... er... catastrophic effects. I couldn’t possibly know beforehand that she would actually kiss you!” Sheldon’s face scrunched up into a grimace. “It was just one little kiss, Sheldon!”
“From my best friend’s mother, Penny!” He whined with a barely suppressed shudder. “As much as I admire the woman - she put her mouth against mine and applied pressure! Good God, woman - can you imagine the bacterial transfer?”
Penny was about to give him her classic eye-roll when a sudden, horrific thought occurred to her. “Oh my God - it wasn’t your first kiss, was it?” Because if that were true, she would totally agree with Sheldon holding it against her for the rest of their natural lives.
Curiousity had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.
“No,” he stated flatly - surprising the hell out of Penny - and then levelled a superior look at her. “And I really had no desire to repeat the experience, and yet you... Leonard’s mother...” This time he did shudder.
“Oh, sweetie...”
“Don’t ‘Oh, sweetie’ me. I am vexed, Penny. Vexed!” Penny ignored him. Partly because she didn’t really know what ‘vexed’ meant, even though she had a pretty good idea, but mostly to piss him off.
“I have something that’ll make it up to you...” she sing-songed with a wide smile as she walked backwards towards the Christmas tree, passing it and going to the window. Sheldon’s blue-eyed gaze followed her the entire time. Then reaching into her hiding place, she pulled out a colourfully wrapped flat box. He blinked in surprise, stood and met her in the middle of the room.
“You did it again.”
“This time I didn’t tell you though. I didn’t need any more bath items - I’m still working on the baskets you gave me last year,” she smirked up at him. He matched it with a smirk of his own, and she was momentarily distracted by the prickling effect it had on her skin.
O-kay. That was new.
She shook her head as if to clear it and handed him the present. He shook it, and then - after a second of calm contemplation - proceeded to rip the wrapping to shreds. Her shook out her gift, and looked at it in something akin to awe.
“It’s a Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock tee!” she gushed, unable to keep silent any longer. “Remember when you explained it to me? I thought it was pretty cool. D’ya like it?” Sparkling blue eyes that matched the t-shirt looked back at her.
“I love it!”
“Not quite Leonard Nimoy’s Napkin, but hey...” Penny blushed and ducked her head in sudden shyness. Weird. She blinked and looked up at him again - as if perhaps he could explain her peculiar behaviour to her. She blinked again when she saw his smile. And there was that damn skin-prickling again.
“Thank you, Penny,” Sheldon said sweetly, and then put his hand in his pocket and drew out a little card - a gift card. “And this is for you.”
Penny couldn’t help the big, happy grin that formed on her face. “Aww, Sheldon! What is it?” Then she looked at the card. Shoes-For-Less. Oh my God, Sheldon bought her shoes for Christmas! She could absolutely not help the squeal that erupted from her either. “You gave me shoes! I love shoes.”
“Yes, I know - I wish I didn’t know, but I know,” he droned with an eye-roll, but a tiny, pleased smile still lingered on his face.
“Sheldon - it’s perfect.”
“Well... enjoy.”
An imp of mischief descended on her. Chalk it down to her current excitement or her earlier boredom - odd as that may seem - but when she had a sudden flash of the awkward hug she had received last year when she had somehow, miraculously, unknowingly, given Sheldon his perfect gift - she knew exactly how to show her appreciation.
Taking their gifts and placing them on the coffee table behind her, she tentatively, gawkily, awkwardly - in almost perfect parody of his hug last year - put her arms around him and squeezed tight, trying valiantly not to laugh.
Sheldon stood rigid in her embrace, arms held stiffly at his sides, for a few seconds before he realized what she was doing.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake - here!” he muttered with a small laugh that rumbled through his chest and resonated within hers. And with that he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his body flush against hers, patting her on the back a few times.
The prickly feelings returned full force. Penny ignored them as Sheldon pulled away with a huff and an eyebrow quirked upwards as if to ask: ‘Happy now?’
“You really suck at hugging, Sheldon,” she told him in mock seriousness. “Maybe I should tutor you like you taught me physics. Human Contact 101!” She giggled at the horrified expression his face. Yanking his chain was, like, her totally favourite pastime.
“That won’t be necessary. I was hugged, I hugged in return - I don’t care to repeat the process.”
“Yeah, yeah - and yet you did it last year and you just did it again.”
“You started it!”
“And you finished it. Whatever. I thought you lived for like the pursuit of knowledge? You were trying to teach yourself Arabic last month.”
“It’s the most challenging language I have encountered thus far. And I don’t know if you know, but I love challenges,” he confided seriously.
“Well, learning Arabic will be a cakewalk compared to Human Contact 101.”
“I concede your point. I mean, you may not really have noticed this, but I don’t do well in social situations.”
“Gee - I would never have guessed,” she deadpanned. “Seriously - I cannot even understand how you can’t like kissing. Kisses are like the best thing in the universe!” She suddenly recalled their earlier conversation. “Wait - why don’t you want to repeat the experience, Sheldon?”
“And as I mentioned with the hugs,” he gruffly said, “I have been kissed before so I don’t need to do it again.”
“What about when you get married?”
“When I get...?” He looked at her with a dazed expression. “Listen to yourself!”
“People get married, Sheldon. Happens all the time. People go on dates, they fall in love, they kiss, they have sex, they get married, they make babies and families... it’s the circle of life! And it moves us all! Disney said so!” Penny smirked and Sheldon rolled his eyes.
“I can do all those things, doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“Honey - if you don’t like kissing - then you’re not doing it right! You so need to take my course!” As Sheldon sputtered, Penny actually heard her own words replay in her head. Jeez, if she didn’t know any better, she’d have sworn she was trying to get him to kiss her.
Huh.
“Umm - never mind the kissing part - how about you perfect the hugging instead?”
“I really don’t...”
“Oh, come on Sheldon - it’s not rocket science. You’re a genius - you can do this. Consider it a social experiment.” What kind of social experiment, Penny had no idea, but her babbling somehow just wouldn’t stop. “You know how you look at your whiteboard, sometimes? Like all passionate and intense and stuff? Channel that into a human contact! Hug me like you would hug an unsolvable equation!”
Sheldon blinked. Then he pursed his lips - it was adorable - as if honestly considering the merits of her asinine proposal.
Penny beckoned, quirking her index finger at him mischievously.
“You asked for it,” he said quietly, as if giving her an opportunity to back out.
It momentarily confused her, but then - then - she was swept off her feet... swept off her feet by Sheldon Cooper, for goodness sake - in the most exuberant hug she had had in - years! Laughter bubbled up in her chest and spilled over delightfully as she placed her arms around his neck and looked down at him, awestruck to see him laughing up at her too.
“Sheldon,” she declared breathlessly, her voice cracking in surprise. “You can hug!”
“Penny, I’m Texan,” he said, as if that explained everything. And maybe, just this once - where Sheldon was concerned anyway - it made total sense.
Then she squealed when suddenly he twirled her around. He twirled her! They twirled - in the middle of Sheldon’s living room, both of them laughing - hers a high-pitched giggle and his a deep guffaw - when the apartment was thrown open to reveal their friends, talking and laughing and falling into the room - and then freezing in surprise at the sight before them.
Sheldon and Penny froze too; Sheldon slowly - and awkwardly - released his hold on her and she slid down his lean body.
Damn. That wasn't hot at all. Really. Well, maybe a little.
She blinked up at him, wondering if maybe he felt that delicious friction too. His face was blank - carefully so.
Hmmm.
“Er... you guys wanna catch us up?” Leonard asked after what seemed an eternity.
“We were hugging obviously,” Sheldon intoned before turning to her in consternation. “Maybe you should enrol him in Human Contact 101,” he muttered. Penny couldn’t help it - she burst out laughing.
“Yeah - duh, Leonard! We were having a Holiday Hug.” She smirked at her boyfriend, and then at the room in general. “I’m starving - can we eat now?”
The next couple of hours were spent in enjoying the wonderful holiday meal Sheldon had prepared. Penny was impressed but apparently, scientists are very good at following instructions, whether it’s setting up an experiment or cooking a turkey - at least according to Sheldon. That, and he was Texan; again, as if that explained everything.
“Y’all should just be grateful I didn’t deep-fry the bird,” Sheldon drawled.
Penny ignored the pin-pricks. What was wrong with her today?
They were all gathered around the coffee table exchanging presents, Sheldon walking around and picking up the wrapping paper strewn haphazardly all over the place, when Leonard - who had briefly disappeared into his room - returned with a playful look on his face, his arms behind his back, very obviously hiding something.
He had gotten her a charming silver chain with a small silver heart. It was quite pretty. She liked it. It was better than getting shoes from Sheldon.
It was. Absolutely, it was.
She stifled her strange discontent and looked up at Leonard with a smile. “Whatcha got there, boyfriend?”
“Mistletoe,” he exclaimed cheerfully, showing it to them with a flourish. Penny grinned and stood.
“Ah, the kissing bough,” Sheldon added his two cents worth. Because, hello - it was Sheldon. Penny just grinned at him and waited for some useless information to spew forth. “Did you know that mistletoe is a hemi-parasitic plant that has been alluded to being a vampiric traits for its ability to probe into trees and suck the life out of them? Well, the nutrients - but saying ‘life’ made it seem more dramatic.”
“Hey - that was actually kinda cool,” Penny blurted in surprise. “Isn’t it funny how we’re meant to kiss under it? It’s like maybe kissing sucks the life outta you.”
“Told you it was bad idea,” Sheldon stated smugly.
“Only ‘cause you’re doing it wrong,” she teased, and then became acutely aware of the others looking back and forth at them.
She turned to Leonard with a huge grin. “So - you gonna kiss me or what?”
“Kiss you - definitely kiss you,” he smiled happily and raised the mistletoe over her head. It got entangled in her hair.
“Maybe I should...” she said with a playful smirk, only her eyes making an inference about his umm... lack of stature.
“Yeah, yeah,” he shrugged good-naturedly and handed the bunch to her. She raised it well above their head and leaned in for a kiss.
No prickling. Damn.
Suddenly, Leonard was shoved aside and Howard stood in his place.
“Tis the season and all that jazz,” he declared with his trademark smarm. She rolled her eyes, but then smiled and kissed him.
Briefly. On the cheek.
Then she motioned Bernadette over and held the mistletoe over her head before Howard could make any comments. He was easily diverted and kissed Bernadette instead. And they kissed. And kissed. And kissed.
Then Penny moved away with the mistletoe. Those two didn’t need any excuse to lock lips, unlike Shel... Oh.
Oh.
Wheels whirring in her mind, Penny turned first to Raj.
“Christmas kiss, Raj?”
He blushed under his tan, she was certain. That, and he ducked his head shyly, but not soon enough to see the flicker of hope in his eyes and that was really way too adorable for words. With a wink at Leonard, she moved forward and gave Raj a nice, long peck on the lips.
He sighed with a dreamy expression on his face and promptly plopped down onto the couch, as if his legs couldn’t hold him up any more.
Penny just grinned - her mind already focused on her real target.
She turned to look at Sheldon, who was standing in the kitchen clearing away things but had stopped to gape at Howard and Bernadette. Who were still kissing.
His gaze collided with hers in something akin to horror.
“No.”
“Oh, yes.”
“Sheldon doesn’t do Christmas kisses, Penny,” Leonard stated flatly, looking at her like she had lost what little was left of her mind.
It didn’t annoy her. Truly. Well, maybe a little.
“Sheldon does now,” Penny directed her teasing tone at Sheldon, choosing to ignore Leonard’s pleading to the contrary. Something about not wanting a lecture in bacterial transfer. Whatever.
She walked right up into Sheldon’s personal space and raised the mistletoe, barely keeping it from brushing against his hair.
“Penny.”
“Sheldon.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“Nope,” she smirked up at him playfully. “Your hypothesis about kissing is totally erroneous and I’m going to disprove it.” Sheldon blinked in surprise.
Yeah - she was an actress. She studied people and could mimic them. It’s called method, people. And that was Sheldon-speak for ‘I double dare ya!’.
“My hypothesis against yours?”
“Yup.”
“Yours is easily invalidated.”
“Is that Sheldon-speak for ‘Kiss me, Penny’?”
“I am not encouraging, merely endorsing.”
“Endorse this, cowboy,” Penny grinned up at him and rising up on her tip-toes - she kissed him.
The prickles were back in earnest. His lips were soft and warm against hers and sparks shot through her body, making sure to invade every cell from her lips to her pinkie toes.
She pulled away and blinked up at Sheldon.
He blinked right back at her, and she had a feeling the gobsmacked look in his eyes was a mirror-image of the look in hers.
Well. That was unexpected.
She cleared her throat. “Told you so,” she whispered, for his ears only. Then she turned away to return to Leonard. You know - her boyfriend.
Sheldon returned to his spot on the couch next to Raj and they all spent the next hour quietly re-watching the Grinch, and trying to ignore Howard and Bernadette still kissing in the corner.
Yeah, so.
Bad things tended to happen when Penny was bored.
***