Documenting....
Saturday mornings are my new favorite times of the weekend. It's HB's day off, and the day that JJ doesn't leave to go to his Aunts house. We three get to sleep in, watch Saturday morning cartoons and enjoy breakfast together. I do work Saturdays, but having mornings like this, make the rest of the day that much more enjoyable.
I couldn't think of anything that could replace this feeling. I strongly wished to have everyday spent exactly like this. I know I have my selfish want's....but this isn't... or at least I don't think it's selfish. Pictures and video could only preserve the moment. Or at least help me remember these days.....
I'm rambling.... There is a point to this blog, I guess my point for posting this is: "why would anyone want to replace memories of thier kids with something selfish?". Back before JJ was born, I didn't know how a father or what a father was supposed to feel for their children. But what I did know is that a parent (and I say this in a general sense, in which later I learn that that's in fact what I'm supposed to feel) that your world does infact revolve around your child. Not saying that you cease to exist, but a good parent would shelf personal ambitions to ensure the proper development of your children. With that said, it triggered a memory of a time about 2 years ago and to this very day still left me puzzeled.
I was moving out of an ex's apartment, and somehow accedently packed one of her videos. When I unpacked, I found the video among my belongings. Not knowing what it was, I popped it in my VCR, and saw 3 children at play. Waving to the camera, saying "hi daddy" or something along those lines.... I thought it was a cute film..... until 2 minutes into it cut off quickly... as if something was taped over what I was watching.....
I remember seeing this scruffy chubby looking guy playing a bass..... horribly. I think he was playing something that I guess resembled punk music. For like 4 hours or so....(hey, my curiosity got the better of me, what can I say?). I thought to myself "who in their right mind would tape over thier own kids". And all that time from then on, I couldn't figuer out why someone would do that. Being a father now, I still can't understand. Every moment I have spent with my son has been precious and wonderful. Watching him grow and learn, realizing that he doens't know the evils of the world or the weight of the burdens that go along with them. I never want these days to end. I never want him to loose his innocents. But these things do pass, and when they do, I want to make sure he's not alone.
I know one day he will grow up and move on to find himself in the world. But until that day comes.... I hold on just a little tighter everyday.....
Going back to the video thing... Look, I don't know the guy... For all I know is that this is common place for him... or hell, it could have been an accident. But what documentation I have collected over the past year (meaning everything from ultrasounds to Jpegs) I've taken care of. I'm documenting history, his history. And I guess it's all I could do to honor him.....
...that and be a good parent of course.
I couldn't think of anything that could replace this feeling. I strongly wished to have everyday spent exactly like this. I know I have my selfish want's....but this isn't... or at least I don't think it's selfish. Pictures and video could only preserve the moment. Or at least help me remember these days.....
I'm rambling.... There is a point to this blog, I guess my point for posting this is: "why would anyone want to replace memories of thier kids with something selfish?". Back before JJ was born, I didn't know how a father or what a father was supposed to feel for their children. But what I did know is that a parent (and I say this in a general sense, in which later I learn that that's in fact what I'm supposed to feel) that your world does infact revolve around your child. Not saying that you cease to exist, but a good parent would shelf personal ambitions to ensure the proper development of your children. With that said, it triggered a memory of a time about 2 years ago and to this very day still left me puzzeled.
I was moving out of an ex's apartment, and somehow accedently packed one of her videos. When I unpacked, I found the video among my belongings. Not knowing what it was, I popped it in my VCR, and saw 3 children at play. Waving to the camera, saying "hi daddy" or something along those lines.... I thought it was a cute film..... until 2 minutes into it cut off quickly... as if something was taped over what I was watching.....
I remember seeing this scruffy chubby looking guy playing a bass..... horribly. I think he was playing something that I guess resembled punk music. For like 4 hours or so....(hey, my curiosity got the better of me, what can I say?). I thought to myself "who in their right mind would tape over thier own kids". And all that time from then on, I couldn't figuer out why someone would do that. Being a father now, I still can't understand. Every moment I have spent with my son has been precious and wonderful. Watching him grow and learn, realizing that he doens't know the evils of the world or the weight of the burdens that go along with them. I never want these days to end. I never want him to loose his innocents. But these things do pass, and when they do, I want to make sure he's not alone.
I know one day he will grow up and move on to find himself in the world. But until that day comes.... I hold on just a little tighter everyday.....
Going back to the video thing... Look, I don't know the guy... For all I know is that this is common place for him... or hell, it could have been an accident. But what documentation I have collected over the past year (meaning everything from ultrasounds to Jpegs) I've taken care of. I'm documenting history, his history. And I guess it's all I could do to honor him.....
...that and be a good parent of course.