(Untitled)

[killallfish]

I need you to be as awful as you can, plus tell me where i can cut stuff out, i'm 250 over.

She fills the kettle and sits it on the old white stove. She sets out two of the good china teacups and a plate on the tray and reaches for the tin next to the fridge marked "flour." This was her hiding spot when the boys were little. She would keep the milk

Comments

[god_part_ii]

I think that's really good Claire. It really is. I don't know where you could cut stuff out. Maybe some of the descriptions, cut back a little on them. But other than that, I cant think of anything. I reckon it'll do really well.

[killallfish]

chris! i told you to be awful. i think i am going to cut out conversation with mike but just keep a reference to it. fuck, i hate word limits.

[adyingatheist]

I'm sure this is a little late, but i was a little confused as to who everyone was, and what time frame they were supposed to be in. is the conversation with mike meant to be in the present..? and maybe mike and jim need to be introduced at the same time, as brothers, and lydia should be referred to as aunt lydia? otherwise i really liked the concept of madeleine losing touch, and maybe it should be a little disorientating for the reader as it is for her! those r my comments, good work :p