wedding of the year.
Though few and far between, there are days when Asher is only too happy that no one he knew from back home has ever shown up on the island. This would be one of those days. He’s still not sure how it is he got sucked up into this insanity, and shutting his eyes and pretending none of this is really happening seems like the best damn course of action that he can think of, short of strangling two of his roommates, of course. So that’s exactly what he’s done.
The only good thing to come out of this mess has been the clothing box cooperating with him; the black pinstripe pants and white dress shirt were to his standards, but the real icing on the NOT-AT-ALL-WEDDING-INSPIRED cake, was the black ivy cap he fished out. As he sits there, under a tree, a safe distance away from the crazy, the hat is pushed down over his eyes; Asher is content to pretend that none of what’s happening is, in fact, happening at all. It was all about repression.
Crossing his legs at the ankles and his arms over his chest, he shuts his eyes. He’ll reopen them when this nightmare goes away.
*
Love is in the air.
As an internet minister of GOD and all that is hot and holy in this world, Joey can feel it. The entire island can. The clothes box had given him his outfit for the ceremony, the jukebox had been unleashing Elton John’s dulcet tones the whole morning for all to hear, making sure the patrons of the rec room and beyond could feeeeel the loooooooove tonight and get them in the mood for the ceremony. And now the time had come.
Joey stands barefoot in the sand, ebony dog and ivory dog before him. Chloe wanders around sniffing at things while Onyx basks in the sun. Just as it should be, he thinks, with a proud little smile, before he begins his speech.
“Ah, we are gathered here today, uh, on this beach and on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Chloe and Onyx share.”
Why fix it if it ain’t broke? Joey can finally use the speech he’d spent hours and hours preparing, one which he had poured his heart and soul into. All it needs is a little tweaking to fit the occasion. The dogs are bound to appreciate it more than the Bings ever did. And if they don’t, well, Yasmine certainly will and Joey is, after all, doing this for her. (And the wedding cake.) She makes the perfect flower girl; a necklace of grass hangs around her tiny neck and she toddles her way towards the shore, her form nearly lost in the colour of the sand.
“It is a love based on sniffing and humping, as well as barking and peeing. And the love that they sniff and hump, is barked and peed on. And through this barking and sniffing and peeing and humping, we too can pee and love and bark…and hump.”
They’re loving it!
He stands a bit straighter, pushing his shoulders back and holding his head up high. He shoots a cursory glance at his chick to make sure she is okay and then--
“And when I think of the love that these two sniffers and humpers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of peeing and loving and sniffing and humping- my CHICK!”
Joey slips in the sand as he scrambles towards the sea, little Yasmine being swept away by the tide. Without a thought to his own safety in two inch high water, he swoops down and closes his hands around the bobbing chick, rescuing her from the sea.
Wide eyed and distraught over nearly losing his Yasmine, he ambles back to his spot with his chick wrapped in the hem of his t-shirt. “Does anyone have a hairdryer??”
Chloe slumps down next to her fiancé.
“Oh, and do you take each other?”
*
Stephen glares daggers at Joey. He knew he never should have allowed the man to officiate. But how was he to know, back when he first asked, that Joey was clearly mentally deranged? How was Stephen to know that the stupid little chicken would try to drown itself?
Thankfully, Chloe and Onyx are relatively well-behaved; no escape attempts were made, and Stephen only had to hiss for Chloe to come towards him, at the head of the makeshift aisle, twice. Also thankfully, there was alcohol.
Now, of course, he has to hiss at Joey to finish the damn ceremony or else he can forget about getting any cake.
The rest of it goes on without any setbacks, though Stephen does wish that Asher cared a little more about being supportive for Onyx. Did Stephen have to do everything around here?
The two dogs seem happy enough with the event (and the attention of the on-lookers). Not that it matters too much to Stephen if they are or not - marriage is not about happiness, for God’s sake. It’s about rules and children and making it to Heaven. So now that the dogs are married, Stephen can relax and move on to the next thing.
Like maybe getting drunk.
(come one, come all! Gathering-style wedding reception post, so tag Asher, Joey, Stephen, anyone else and each other and etc etc! All manner of tags welcome; Joey-mun, especially, will be ST-ing it until the weekend. See the post in slated for a.. cracked out explanation.)
The only good thing to come out of this mess has been the clothing box cooperating with him; the black pinstripe pants and white dress shirt were to his standards, but the real icing on the NOT-AT-ALL-WEDDING-INSPIRED cake, was the black ivy cap he fished out. As he sits there, under a tree, a safe distance away from the crazy, the hat is pushed down over his eyes; Asher is content to pretend that none of what’s happening is, in fact, happening at all. It was all about repression.
Crossing his legs at the ankles and his arms over his chest, he shuts his eyes. He’ll reopen them when this nightmare goes away.
*
Love is in the air.
As an internet minister of GOD and all that is hot and holy in this world, Joey can feel it. The entire island can. The clothes box had given him his outfit for the ceremony, the jukebox had been unleashing Elton John’s dulcet tones the whole morning for all to hear, making sure the patrons of the rec room and beyond could feeeeel the loooooooove tonight and get them in the mood for the ceremony. And now the time had come.
Joey stands barefoot in the sand, ebony dog and ivory dog before him. Chloe wanders around sniffing at things while Onyx basks in the sun. Just as it should be, he thinks, with a proud little smile, before he begins his speech.
“Ah, we are gathered here today, uh, on this beach and on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Chloe and Onyx share.”
Why fix it if it ain’t broke? Joey can finally use the speech he’d spent hours and hours preparing, one which he had poured his heart and soul into. All it needs is a little tweaking to fit the occasion. The dogs are bound to appreciate it more than the Bings ever did. And if they don’t, well, Yasmine certainly will and Joey is, after all, doing this for her. (And the wedding cake.) She makes the perfect flower girl; a necklace of grass hangs around her tiny neck and she toddles her way towards the shore, her form nearly lost in the colour of the sand.
“It is a love based on sniffing and humping, as well as barking and peeing. And the love that they sniff and hump, is barked and peed on. And through this barking and sniffing and peeing and humping, we too can pee and love and bark…and hump.”
They’re loving it!
He stands a bit straighter, pushing his shoulders back and holding his head up high. He shoots a cursory glance at his chick to make sure she is okay and then--
“And when I think of the love that these two sniffers and humpers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of peeing and loving and sniffing and humping- my CHICK!”
Joey slips in the sand as he scrambles towards the sea, little Yasmine being swept away by the tide. Without a thought to his own safety in two inch high water, he swoops down and closes his hands around the bobbing chick, rescuing her from the sea.
Wide eyed and distraught over nearly losing his Yasmine, he ambles back to his spot with his chick wrapped in the hem of his t-shirt. “Does anyone have a hairdryer??”
Chloe slumps down next to her fiancé.
“Oh, and do you take each other?”
*
Stephen glares daggers at Joey. He knew he never should have allowed the man to officiate. But how was he to know, back when he first asked, that Joey was clearly mentally deranged? How was Stephen to know that the stupid little chicken would try to drown itself?
Thankfully, Chloe and Onyx are relatively well-behaved; no escape attempts were made, and Stephen only had to hiss for Chloe to come towards him, at the head of the makeshift aisle, twice. Also thankfully, there was alcohol.
Now, of course, he has to hiss at Joey to finish the damn ceremony or else he can forget about getting any cake.
The rest of it goes on without any setbacks, though Stephen does wish that Asher cared a little more about being supportive for Onyx. Did Stephen have to do everything around here?
The two dogs seem happy enough with the event (and the attention of the on-lookers). Not that it matters too much to Stephen if they are or not - marriage is not about happiness, for God’s sake. It’s about rules and children and making it to Heaven. So now that the dogs are married, Stephen can relax and move on to the next thing.
Like maybe getting drunk.
(come one, come all! Gathering-style wedding reception post, so tag Asher, Joey, Stephen, anyone else and each other and etc etc! All manner of tags welcome; Joey-mun, especially, will be ST-ing it until the weekend. See the post in slated for a.. cracked out explanation.)