Okay... I feel a little better now.
One of the bad things about getting older for me has been constantly holding back my feelings or opinions. I've learned that to keep the job, or sometimes friends, I have to reign it in.
Today, I got to let a lot of it out.
I have been drumming in a band for the past year, and have held in a lot of my worries because 1. The music was good, and 2. I didn't want to let my emotions screw up a possible creative outlet.
The tipping point happened when the easy going bass player quit because of "scheduling".
BTW, we were a trio.
The leader has always had a bad habit of unleashing a deluge of mystical philosophy with undercurrents of controlling statements, but always kept it non directional so that if I called him on it, he would respond that he wasn't talking about me when he said "you" just in a universal sense.
Sunday, he came to rehearsal on time (for the first time) and let me know of the bassist's departure, then went on a TWO HOUR tirade. I wanted to wait to talk to said ex-member before coming to a decision, but the leader basically bullied me into committing. But, after we did a 45 minute half hearted "rehearsal" he asked to borrow my phone and then stood outside and called the bassist and harangued him for another 45 minutes. I had no knowledge of this until the leader came back in to pack up.
That was not cool in my book. If someone drops out, you say, "That sucks" and you make plans to cover and work towards a change.
After the leader left, I let EK know what was going on, and we spent about 15 minutes in the kitchen talking about it. I did get frustrated in telling how I felt, because the leader never gave me a chance to voice my thoughts. Okay... that steam was let out... time to play some Dragon Age.
10 minutes later? Knock on my door. It's the leader again. He reminds me about something and then says, "You know, your voice carries and I heard what you said. Why don't you be a man and tell me to my face?"
.
.
Interesting.... since everything I told her was recounting what I said to him.
This guy sat outside my door and listened in on a private conversation.
It took a day for me to process this.
Working in information technology and even entertainment, you have to keep your ego and emotions in check so that you can keep your job.
By the end of the day yesterday... it all caught up to me. I was done.
So at lunch, having packed up all of his stuff in the Jeep this morning, I took his stuff over to his house and unpacked it to his porch.
It was not pretty.
I told him that I was done, and tried to just end it and leave.
He wouldn't let me.
He accused me of being dishonest and of wasting his time.
I agreed.
He wanted to lecture me.
I stopped him. I would not allow him to do that to me anymore.
He asked what the "real reasons" were.
I told him of his inflexibility, lack of stage presence, lack of interesting soloing, and lack of enjoyment I was having playing with him.
He did not accept that.
He still hadn't gotten the last piece of equipment out of my Jeep, so I reached for it to get this situation done.
He stepped to me and bumped chests with me.
Just about everyone here knows me. Can you imagine the look I gave him? Yeah... that's the one.
"Really? You are going to do this?" I said.
"You're being immature." He said.
"You are going to bump chests with me and call me 'Immature'????" I said.
He rambles on with more mysticism and I cut him off again.
"This is what is happening right now. You are going to take the last of your equipment out of my car, I am going to get in my jeep and drive away, and we are NEVER going to play together ever again. Do you understand?"
He continued to try to manipulated me, but once he got his stuff out, I said, "I am going back to work"
"is that a lie too?" said he.
"It is true... but does it actually matter?"
"You think this is a joke?"
"Yes... I do."
"You know Brett, you are not that funny. In fact, I am funnier than you."
"Uh.... okay."
I started the car and backed out and he yelled at me, "You are going to burn in hell for this, while I will be with God!"
My parting shot? "That's very Godly of you, dude."
And he continued to rant at me in my rear view mirror as I drove away.
I called EK to let her know... and then I called my mom, because that is what you do.
Is it weird to feel like I got a piece of the real me back?