It's always Summer in this southern state where I'm behind the moon, floating in space.
But, I'm not in hiding, just trying not to be found.
So when I hear my name, I never turn around.

Bittersweet.

Except not really bitter, just sad that something involving so much honest, good-intentioned love couldn't amount to anything concrete.

    Depression is awful beyond words or sounds or images; I would not go through an extended one again. It bleeds relationships through suspicion, lack of confidence and self-respect, the inability to enjoy life, to walk or talk or think normally, the exhaustion, the night terrors, the day terrors. There is nothing good to be said for it except ( Read more... )

Just kidding.

I think.

Seems like my brain was wired for PTSD.
Neurotically replaying past events over and over and over, remembering anniversary after anniversary for things that should be purged from memory and never being able to fully enjoy what I've been given because I'm so fixed in what was.

I simply want to be done with wishing that I was able to go back to four ( Read more... )

Wound up crying in probation yesterday. Cause that never happens. It's just really nice to hear that I'm handling things in a positive way, even if I don't think so. Hopefully, I'll get there in the relative future.

I meet a person I know by the name of Schneider.  Seeing him the thought automatically arises "This man's name is Schneider" or "This is Mr. Schneider."  With it "But why" or "Why because" also resounds in my nerves.
      When humans die God appears and sucks the nerves of of the body to return and be purified.  Sometimes God, who sees all humans ( Read more... )

Got fired from my safety net today. That absolutely sucked. Everyone there supported me through everything and then to just have to get forced out by fucking corporate because of a goddamn customer complaint is just shitty. Debbie started crying when she was telling me and I started crying as soon as I figured out what was happening. Two fucking ( Read more... )

When asked to describe depression, I can rattle off the DSM symptoms easy enough and give people a general overview, but they never seem to fully capture the entire spectrum. Especially the darkest parts which actually don't involve much sadness. Well, they do. But it's mostly just this bitter numbing feeling that seems to come once the crying, ( Read more... )

Stuck in the middle with youuuuuuuuu.

And you.

Oh, balls.