Cause I need a good long rant.
I feel so like, numb right now and i kind of really hate it. I just want to...to...ugh.
My boyfriend broke up with me. Whatever, i don't really care. I was probably going to break up with him soon enough, anyways.
But its the things he told my friends when I wasn't around. It's my so called "sister" treating me like this is the biggest mistake of my life when I'm barely fifteen years old. It's the biggest gossip of the freshman class knowing we broke up because he told her so, when all she's ever done is be an ass to him--because yes, i still consider him a friend. It's him telling my friends we'd broken up before I even got a chance to tell them. It's him telling them things that we'd never discussed, things I'd never said. Its my stupid reaction to yell at my friends for calling him a dickweed. It's him telling me we didn't have a "real relationship".
It's me not having enough guts to fix it. It's me not wanting to.
And its the friends that aren't there for me right now. The ones I wanted most. It's the feeling I'm losing them. It's the feelin I won't have them anymore.
But at the same time, it's the friends I do have. The ones who hugged me and told me it was okay. The ones who are helping me clear out his gifts. The ones who helped me squish and sculpt them into a giant, retarded looking dog-thing we plan to throw out the window on our latin fieldtrip tomorrow. It's the friends who supported me. It's the friends who saw my side of the story. It's the friends who tried to fix things for me. It's the friends who were there to understand afterwards. It's the friends who make me smile. It's the cute nicknames, it's the homing signal. It's the friends I made because of him that I thought I'd lose now that he's gone--the same friends I find myself feeling closer than ever to. It's the things I learned about myself. About life. About relationships.
And most importantly...
Its everything that made me happy about it. I feel bitter now but I know I won't look ack on this with bitterness.
I just...feel hollow right now.
But I think I feel a little better after that.
Best friends--I miss you. But I don't think I need you as much anymore. But right now? I need you. So, it's not eleven eleven. It's ninefortyone.
But I'm wishing for you.
Love,
Demi
EDIT: (the resurface of anger)
AHAHAHAHA FAIL EXBOYFRIEND WHO SAID THAT YOU WANT TO "BE FRIENDS". OICWYDT, SIGNING OUT RIGHT WHEN I GET ON AIM. JUST LIKE RUNNING AHEAD OF ME AFTER BIOLOGY LIKE YOUR ASS WAS ON FIRE. OHO! FRIENDS MY PRETTY LIL BEHIND.
AT LEAST I KNOW OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIKE MY BEHIND.
D<
/anger
EDIT AGAIN:
OIC YOU SIGNING BACK IN. OIC US TALKING LIKE CIVIL PEOPLE.
...and somehow im disappointed. oh well.