Comments | the_disco_fairy: This Is A Hold Up!

the_disco_fairy

This Is A Hold Up!

Jul 05, 2009 22:55

HELLO, CHILDREN. This is a Cinderella post and I am putting on my srs business face. I'm posting my beautiful and lovely city description to tide you over while you wait for the latest (and first) installment. However, that doesn't mean I don't want comments and stuff! So...yeah, I want comments on things you like, things you don't like, things you ( Read more... )

clutteredmagic:development, clutteredmagic, writing

Comments 11

the_aftershock July 6 2009, 04:03:38 UTC

This is me, commenting.

I like it. However, I have no criticism and will make you think that this comment is worth something at first so you know I wasn't just too lazy to type it all out. I'd probably explode if I didn't, you know.

I love you, please don't hurt me, your city is beautiful, I just don't have the brain power to contribute and now you're trying to make me, you evil, evil woman.

Nasty nasty wommie wommie.

the_disco_fairy July 6 2009, 04:04:34 UTC

D8 How dare you distract me with inside jokes! *shakes fist*

the_aftershock July 6 2009, 04:05:09 UTC

I will distract you however I choose! *brandishes fork*

jessofthebugs July 6 2009, 13:49:24 UTC

The third paragraph is a little unclear. Do they go to the school of thaumaturgy and then finish their training at the military base? Also, you say "complete" twice in the same sentence.

I'm a sucker for history and backstory, so I rather like this.

the_disco_fairy July 6 2009, 15:31:13 UTC

Thank you! :p

Much appreciated, ma'am.

the_disco_fairy July 6 2009, 16:09:43 UTC

Oh, and yes, they go to wizard-y school and then go to 'how to kick butt, take names and be in the army' school.

kadollan July 7 2009, 01:13:16 UTC

This is great. I like the History Channel tone to it.

This bit: are what has spurned the burst in wizards, doesn't entirely make sense. Are you sure "spurned" is the word you're after?

the_disco_fairy July 7 2009, 04:05:30 UTC

*ahem* No, no I'm not.

cybermathwitch July 7 2009, 23:06:15 UTC

I should have coherent thoughts, but I think I used them all up responding to your other post about this (by email, as the LJ comment system said that I was being too verbose.)

I need to reread it again when I have more brain power, because I didn't understand a word of it and I'm sure that it's not your fault. ::hugs::

the_disco_fairy July 7 2009, 23:23:05 UTC

Lol, that's fine. :[p <--- moose-tash

(The comment has been removed)

the_disco_fairy September 4 2009, 03:09:55 UTC

Yeah, you're totally right about it making sense.

Maybe I was trying to be suspenseful! Did you think of that? :p