something i just realised--

when i get nervous (around people), i complain.

so my hands smell of that awkward yet interesting rubber-glove scent. ryan and i cleaned passages today as our last volunteer effort of the semester. i had her singing variations on 'mandy' by barry manilow so that it was a song about lysol. that girl has quite a talent for singing on the spot about household products and making it sound gooood ( Read more... )

i stare at her picture on my desk, her form in a lavender shirt, short-sleeved, her right palm pointing toward me. i keep telling her how unreal it still feels, and i wonder if she agrees with me ( Read more... )

it really seems unreasonable that my own mother's mother is still alive & prejudice while my mother is dead & was notprejudice, racist, or anything so discriminatory ( Read more... )

i have no life because my life is writing big.long.papers. so far for my contemporary american lit one, i have 5 1/2 pages written just for the kite runner. i still have two more books to write about. my thesis is on deception & buried lies and how they are commonly building relationships in cultures across the globe. next i move onto using 3 ( Read more... )

tell me i'm a beautiful human being but treat me otherwise. some days, i'm just not right. and even if i voice that i think 'right' is sometimes overrated and misunderstood and just way too simple to match up with real life, i still fall apart and soak back up again into a girl rolling around in some type of thrown together value system. sometimes ( Read more... )

lately, graduation, the idea of it, the ceremony, reminds me of my selfishness and all the attention i'm asking for by expecting my family to attend. and usually i don't want attention to myself because, oh all these words, it makes me feel selfish and guilty. maybe it'd be different if it wasn't an 8-10 hour trip for them, here and back home again ( Read more... )

it's one of those days when i have a to-do-list so windy and full of length that i spin in circles in my head and do nothing when i should do something, yet i just don't even know where to begin. and i'm ambivalent, mostly. swollen in the brain, feeling like a chicken wondering why my neck is my body's new stopping point ( Read more... )

it is the most bizarre thing in the world to look at a photograph and to know that the person whose image you are seeing is dead, a clump of body ready for earth again ( Read more... )

the boys downstairs are not so great at playing jerry lee lewis-type tunes, but they try, past midnight, and i'm lame to be so annoyed at their lack of success with the keyboard. besides, i'm not sleeping ( Read more... )